Alcoholism

Sometimes this question crosses my mind. I know I have to accept and love myself as I am, and most days I manage to do that, but there are days when I think about how much simpler everything could be. On those days, I remember what I was like at 6 years old, back when I was blissfully unaware and happy. That little girl was full of life, hope, dreams, and possibilities.

When I was 8, everything started to fall apart. I began to understand the world around me that my mom wasn't tired, she was drunk that my dad wasn't a good person, and certainly not a good father and that I would never have a normal family. I feel like my opportunities were stolen from me. They stole the person I could have been if I had been born to good parents.

Because of the constant stress, I don't remember years of my childhood. But I vividly remember my father's aggression, my mother's drunk self who could never be counted on. I remember her drunkenly telling me she hated me, and I remember my father saying he didn't love me. I remember being 12 years old and having to drive us home because she was too drunk. And I could go on.

My mom was a complicated person if she had gotten the right help, she would still be alive and would be a wonderful person. The most painful part of her alcoholism was watching a special person slowly fade away. My dad is a different story. I never saw that much value in his personality. He never offered emotional support, and he has no idea what parental responsibilities mean. He's selfish, and I never felt safe with him.

Because of them, I became interested in psychology as a child so that I wouldn't repeat their mistakes. I know my negative experiences have also given me a lot of knowledge, but I still often think about that little girl I once was, and now she feels like a stranger.

#MentalHealth #Depression #Alcoholism

Hi, my name is Pitmem2. I'm here because

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #Migraine and alcoholism

Hi, my name is ZigZac. I'm here because

#MightyTogether #Addiction #Alcoholism #PTSD #Depression #Anxiety #AtaxiaTelangiectasia #ADHD

So, I already knew I was an alcoholic. I didn't think I was in denial. But I also didn't really think I was bad enough that I needed to stop... not yet. I was thinking I could wait a little longer, and just cut back. I had, in fact, been doing this with moderate success. I figured, I can take it at my own pace and there's no rush.

I was totally wrong. Last week, I started vomiting uncontrollably and forcefully. Soon, I began to see blood in it. I couldn't stop. I had to stay lying on my side, with a bucket next to the bed so I could lean over and throw up in it. Even a sip of water would come right back up. I didn't even understand where it was all coming from, since I figured there couldn't be anything left in my stomach.

It turned out I had torn my esophagus, and was bleeding into my stomach. This was what continued to come up.

I went to the ER and was then admitted to the hospital, where I was hooked up to two IVs, through which I was given many bags of fluids and several medications for nausea and withdrawal. Once my physical health was stabilized, I was discharged with appointments at a clinic for addiction and mental health treatment.

My last drink was the day before I entered the hospital. I am a severe alcoholic and I absolutely cannot drink ever again, because it might kill me.

I'm sorry to be so graphic, but it's important to me to be honest about this. I assume it will be censored if any staff here feel that it's too much.

#Addiction #Alcoholism

I lost them to "God".

I lost them to alcoholism. And then I lost them to the grift that is AA and Alanon.

I lost them to "The Secret", manifesting emptiness and more grifting.

I lost them to crystals, outdated planetary positions, forgotten signs in favor of trends, and "healing light".

I lost them to sickness and death because they didn't believe in science.

I lost them to racism.

I lost them to MAGA

I lost them to Capitalism, Patriarchy and the status quo.

I lost them to Zionism.

Sickness and Death are normal and as humans we learn to cope with the natural losses life brings.

Losing someone to harmful propaganda is like being surrounded by zombies capable of making one choice: to sacrifice their empathy and critical thinking just so they, as an individual living in a human society, can FEEL good regardless (and in some cases in spite of) of how it affects others.

I'm so tired of grieving the loss of other people's empathy, the demise of critical thinking and basic humanity around me.

#Loss #CPTSD #Grief #emotionalprose #Reflections

Hi, my name is WorthWonderWellness. I'm here to share my recovery from Bi Polar 1 in the 80s. I had my first life changing episode in 1983, was diagnosed in 1984 and spent the next 4 years trying and learning all I could to restore my balance. I had 3 scary hospitalizations on the psyche ward and a number of jarring mixed episodes that could have qualified for hospitalization. However by 1989 I healed from my bipolar symptoms and behaviors. I took medication until 1987 but there wasn't nearly as much available back then and my side effects were severe. Thankfully even though there were some setbacks back then, I was able to replace medication and dozens of bad habits, with good sleep routines, exercise, eating well, journaling, counseling support, 12 step Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families support groups, and rebuilding my faith life. I had been a text book case in the 80s: Age of onset - 19, family history of alcoholism and mental illness, high achiever - but I believe more than having a "genetic time bomb in my brain set to go off at age 19" as my first psychiatrist explained, I had inherited chaotic life circumstances, anxiety, depression and unhealthy coping skills from my parents that needed to be unlearned and replaced with dozens of positive healthy routines. I don't blame my parents at all. They were loving, caring and gave me much more in childhood than they had received in their traumatic upbringings. But their divorce, remarriages, custody battles and alcohol abuse made my teen years chaotic and confusing. Still they were supportive as they had the capacity to be and we stayed close until they each passed away. I didn't know addressing the hurts of my painful past and making all those lifestyle changes would heal me, I was just trying to find peace, balance and happiness. What I found was that as I overhauled my lifestyle and thought life, I was no longer called to the fuzzy wonderland of mania when i was under stress, nor did I land in the murky bleakness of depression when life was being difficult. Positive daily habits keep my stress levels in check so that my unique bipolar chemistry does not get activated. Now that I am getting close to retirement age, I'd really like to help others with the stories, lessons, experiences and techniques that keep me well. I've got a full and wonderful life, happily married for 35 years with four awesome sons, three lovely daughters-in-law, a new grandbaby, successful business and many great friends. During my 20s I often doubted any of that was possible. Thanks for listening!
#MightyTogether #BipolarDisorder