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I Lived 27 Years in Confusion Before Learning I Had Complex Partial Seizures
For years, I thought I was just “too sensitive.”
I blamed myself for struggling to focus, for my poor memory, and for the anxiety that seemed to follow me everywhere.
At 18, during college, I had what I thought was a heart attack.
Sudden dizziness.
Panic.
A deep fear that I was dying.
But the hospital said everything was normal.
Blood tests, ECG — all clear.
I was told:
“You're just stressed.”
I wanted to believe them.
But something inside me knew… it wasn’t just stress.
Childhood: My Silent Beginning
I grew up in a home filled with emotional tension, financial problems, and arguments. As a child, I didn’t understand what trauma meant — but I was living in it. My mind stored every fear, every scream, every moment of shame.
In school, I faced judgment, discouragement, and emotional isolation. I commuted in overcrowded buses, studied while facing constant comparison and shame, and heard discouraging words from many directions.
No one saw what was happening inside me.
I didn’t even understand it myself.
Age 18 to 27: A Decade of Silent Suffering
After that first panic attack, the symptoms kept coming — but in strange ways that didn’t always make sense:
I would feel like I was watching myself from outside.
My awareness would “slip” for a few seconds or minutes.
I’d have sudden episodes of fear, dizziness, or numbness.
My memory was getting worse.
Learning anything new took so much effort.
My body would feel different — like I wasn’t fully in control.
I had shame I couldn’t explain. Guilt I didn’t deserve.
I asked myself questions like:
“Why is my brain like this?”
“Why can’t I think clearly like others?”
“What’s wrong with me?”
No one had answers.
Even I didn’t.
Looking Back Hurts
Now, I’m 27. And sometimes it hurts to think:
“What if someone noticed earlier?”
“What if I got the right help when I was a child?”
“Could my life have been easier?”
Maybe I wouldn’t have blamed myself so much.
Maybe I would’ve believed in my abilities.
Maybe I would’ve stopped hiding my struggles.
The Diagnosis That Changed My Life
After another overwhelming episode, I finally got an EEG and an MRI.
And that’s when I got the diagnosis:
Mesial Temporal Sclerosis (MTS)
A structural brain condition where part of the hippocampus (mine was on the right side) is damaged or smaller. It affects memory, emotion, and behavior.
Complex Partial Seizures
Neurological episodes that don’t look like the typical “seizure” you see on TV. Mine would come as dream-like disconnections, unusual physical sensations, confusion — and for years, they were invisible to others.
I wasn’t “too sensitive.”
I wasn’t weak.
I was living with a neurological condition no one could see.
💪 I Survived What I Didn’t Understand
In those 10 years of silent suffering, I still:
🎓 Completed my Undergrad
🎓 Finished my MCA
💻 Became a Mobile App Developer in the IT field
I worked hard — harder than most, because my brain was fighting a silent battle every day.
And yet… I made it this far.
💬 A Letter to the Person I Was (and Maybe Someone Reading This)
Dear Me,
You’re not broken.
You never were.
You were simply surviving something you didn’t yet understand.
You lived with invisible trauma, silent seizures, and misunderstood emotions.
And still — you kept going.
Now that you finally know the truth…
Now, real healing can begin.
You are brave.
You are not alone.
And if someone else out there feels the same way:
Please don’t give up. Keep searching for answers.
You deserve to be heard. You deserve peace.
— Me, Age 27
🧠 Final Thought
To anyone living with anxiety, strange mental experiences, confusion, or emotional overwhelm — especially when tests come back “normal” — don’t give up.
Sometimes the problem isn’t just emotional. Sometimes it’s neurological.
You are not imagining it.
You are not weak.
You are just waiting to be understood.
You’re not alone.
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