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Why Mother's Day is Bittersweet

#CPTSD #Abuse #DBT #Relationships #Healing (TW:SI&Abuse)

Mother's Day is a bittersweet day for me. I am the luckiest mom in the world to the most incredible human. I'm amazed that this tiny person has blossomed into a young lady challenging the world. It's like looking in a mirror, and it makes my heart happy to her creativity, thoughtfulness and loving and caring soul. You'd be proud. The reason she's turning into that person a for very different reasons than I did. Here are the things I am willing to thank you for in teaching me how to parent, but for what most adults would.

I swore I was never getting married or having children. I never wanted to end up with a broken life, and a child from a broken home. Fast forward to that's where I am since you've passed. The 5 month period of death of the step-monster, grandmother, then you and the falling apart of the family left me holding a big bag of grief that my partner didn't want to be a part of.

There were some happy memories, overshadowed by the abuse I had to learn to live my life around. To keep safe. There's many years still blocked out, but the layers uncovered are the most painful.

I was just like you, despite how many times you told me you hated me because I was exactly like my father. You brainwashed all 3 of us children about what an evil man he was. I swore to never speak ill of my child's father, and I stand by that despite how difficult it can be. I've now lived in your shoes, struggled without child support and making ends meet due to co-parent's bad choices.

When my daughter was the age I was when the sexual abuse was happening right in front of you, and you did nothing. You blamed me for the rest of your life up until the end that I was the cause of all your misery. Shipping me off to live with my grandparents for that short time was the only good memories from childhood. Until cancer took them both and I had no choice but to return to you.

How you instilled hatred of me to my siblings was something that looking back on it now, they knew not what they did. When I came to you for help when Grandpa was terminal, I was so scared losing the only person I had in my life to protect me from you. He was the only one who would stop the beatings once we were living with him after Grandma passed.

When you encouraged me me to suicide because it would make your life easier, that was something that will forever be with me. You beat me so often because of your undiagnosed mental illness that the coping mechanisms I had to learn early, I've had to unlearn as an adult.

The bruises healed, the bloody injuries gone, but I'm still trying to unwrap my sense of worth because of your venom. Seeing friends Mother's Day posts on social media is too much as I didn't have the same experiences that most do.

What you did teach me are all the things NOT to do in raising my little Mini Me. Her feelings matter, her opinions matter and I'll always take the time to listen.

She's the only thing I'm able to invest myself in outside of my job. I can't keep relationships, despite my stabs at therapy because there are a lot of broken people out there. Because of the Generational Trauma that stopped with me I can give her tools for her toolkit vs bruises and excuses.

Your son is just like you, and I hope that you can see the mess his family is. Multiple charges of domestic abuse, children he isn't allowed to see, and a wife living in a shelter. Both beautiful granddaughters of yours living in a group home because I was unable to take them in. That broke my heart dealing with CAS retelling stories of what the abuse looked like, so they could understand how to deal with him and reluctance to change. Or seek help that isn't alcoholism.

Everything fell apart when my sister passed. You being sick the same time was devastating to me. But you were more concerned about yourself. She was terminal, but you were struggling with your disease progression, so I understand now the way you acted crazy. Your nephew turned out amazing despite his rough start losing his mom as a toddler. That's the other reason this day hurts because the day she passed was the day before your birthday. And a week before Mother's Day.

You've taught me the mother not to be, so I thank you for that. You apologized the best way a narcissist knows how near the end so I've had to interpret it the best I can through therapy.

My daughter is awesome, you'd be proud someone broke the cycle. Happy Mother's Day to any readers who also struggle this day. This Mama tries her best to remember that I'm a great mom, even on days when I feel I'm not. We don't have to repeat what was taught to us. The day you passed was the first day I finally felt healing begin, though it's been a decade I've still got a way to go.

But I forgive you. I'm a survivor.

(edited)
4 reactions 4 comments
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I’m new here!

Hi, my name is jjefferson13. Been dealing with a lot of my issues for the majority of my life but recently been given an official diagnosis for BPD. I’m not having to difficult of a time accepting the diagnosis as acceptance is not something I generally struggle with any longer; however I do feel like my life is falling apart because of the things I’ve done and how I have treated others. I’m trying really hard to practice the DBT skills I’ve been reading about but I feel like I’m currently doing this on my own as my wife seems to be abandoning me (and rightfully so after all I have put her through) and my new therapist hasn’t had a chance to meet with me yet. I guess at this moment I’m just looking for some connections. Someone who can relate. Thanks.

#MightyTogether #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Migraine #ADHD #OCD #Dysthymia #SocialAnxiety #Anxiety #Osteoarthritis #Alcoholism

11 reactions 5 comments
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Going through some things

Oh boy where do I begin, well I guess I can start of by saying hi my name is Amy and I have Bipolar, GAD, BPD, and PTSD, I can go on with the list of disorders I have, but for now this is what I am dealing with from day-to-day basis. I have been struggling with all of this since I was a little girl on top of getting molested and also raped at young age. I read somewhere that bipolar could be genetic as well which I believe is true because my father is schizophrenic, my nephew is also bipolar, and my oldest son is schizophrenic too. Not too sure if my mom has any mental disorders on her side of the family, but I do know one thing on both sides of the family have alcoholism and drug abuse. I finally found a doc who actually cares what I am going through and wants to help me. Every day I feel alone, scared, worthless, unloved, unwanted, empty, and lost. I know that my kids love me and need me, but that is a different kind of love and feeling. I am so tired of trying my hardest for people to like me and to change who I am for a man who doesn't appreciate the woman I am. I have lost myself somehow through all these years, so when I look in the mirror, I don't even know who I am staring at anymore. I cannot keep a job for the heck of it, I will love it for a couple of months, few weeks, or maybe a few days until I feel like everyone is out to get me. I get so scared and feel like everyone is talking about me or going to try to hurt me, and then my anxiety goes up the roof where I do not even want to leave my house. i have two freaking degrees and cannot even get a job because I am scared that I will fail and then get fired or something else negative will just pop up in my head and make me feel like I cannot do anything. Then I go downhill from there, I will not lie I have turn to drugs and alcohol a few times and I hate myself for it, especially recently I have been doing so great being clean and finally got a place of my own since August 2023 with my kids. Then stupid depression kicks in and then I get a random text out of the blue and what do you know I was stupid. I am trying hard to get back to be clean one because I love my kids and do not want to lose them, two it doesn't get rid of my issues it just makes them worse. I could go on and on, but I do want to thank you for letting me share some of what I am going through.

25 reactions 12 comments
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I’m new here!

Hi, my name is DiagnosingDazzle. I've been diagnosed with EDS, POTS, chronic Migraines, Fibromyalgia, Hypothyroidism, Arthritis, Cystic Acne, Hidradenitis Suppurativa, ADHD predominantly inattentive, Bipolar I with psychotic features, BPD, HPD, Complex PTSD, and Alcoholism and Substance Use Disorder in Early Remission. I'm here to learn more about my diagnoses, share my experiences and connect with others I can relate to, and exchange support.

#MightyTogether #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Migraine #Fibromyalgia #PTSD #ADHD #intro

11 reactions 5 comments
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Last photo

This is my precious daughter posing with Dr. Now (600 pound life) at a Buckees on the road from Austin (Texas).
It's the last photo of my daughter.
She passed away 3 years ago today, from heart failure, due to chronic alcoholism.
Mightys, if you have someone in your life, who is struggling with addiction, remember that your love won't save that person.
Melinda was loved by friends and family, however, it wasn't enough. Because she felt undeserving of our love. She had a wonderful husband, however she'd say that she didn't deserve his love either.
She was a pet groomer.
I like to think that she's in Heaven, surrounded by the animals she loved. And finally happy.
I miss you, my precious child. I remember giving birth to you, a healthy eleven pound baby.
I had to send your father home to get bigger tee shirts for you, because you couldn't fit into newborns.
I used to sing "you are my sunshine, my only sunshine" as I rocked you to sleep. You and I sang duets and you sang Patsy Cline songs. We (snow) skied together. I took you to CATS on your 16th birthday.
You grew into a lovely young woman.
But alcohol was already tightening its grip on you. And we were powerless. We celebrated your victories and were there for your defeats. We never gave up.
Melinda dear, I believe that you are finally happy, however I'll never stop loving and missing you. I don't need a 'sign' to know that you're finally happy. Because I know you are.
Peace out.

9 reactions 4 comments
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Overcoming regret and shame?

Does anyone else feel like they've wasted years of their life? (Whatever that means to you: whether it was an addiction, or feeling stuck in a situation or relationship, or just not moving forward in your goals. )

Do you ever stop mourning the years you've lost? What are practical ways that you can learn to forgive yourself and move forward?

#Depression #DepressiveDisorders  #Anxiety  #Addiction  #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #MentalHealth #Alcoholism #AlcoholAbuse

(edited)
22 reactions 7 comments
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Today's trauma

I am an adult child of dysfunction and alcoholism. I have move almost 600 miles away from my family to a different state in order to preserve my sanity. It was a smart decision to leave my hometown.
My daughter is an only child of a mentally ill mother and an addict for her father. Her dad and I split 10 years ago.
I am asking for prayers and good vibes... she is struggling to find her voice. She is a great kid. I'm blessed to get to be her mom.

3 reactions
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I'm new here!

Hi, my name is Kerinasn. I'm here because

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #BipolarDisorder #PTSD #ADHD #Addiction #Alcoholism

I'm hoping to be able to share my experiences and learn from others so that we can break the stigmas and grow stronger together

1 reaction
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Endless trying

I saw this shirt and I thought it was funny because many people with mental health issues go through this… and so do I. Its endless trying things, new pills, changing therapist, groups…. I continue to struggle with depression, anxiety, and alcoholism…. Its been over 10 years…. #AlcoholDependence #Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth

26 reactions 9 comments