Alcoholism

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    Today Feels Like A Mixed Bag

    This morning was my disability hearing. I've been a nervous wreck for the two weeks coming to it; my poor caregivers have been dealing with the emotional bleed-over as I tried to keep control of it, and failed.

    I think it went well? My hearing judge was jovial, friendly, and understanding. My vocational expert said "No" a lot when she was asked if I could do the jobs that had been previously suggested. My attorney was smart and friendly, and asked good questions that let me talk about the difficulties I'm facing. I'm not going to get my hopes up, but it definitely could have gone much worse.

    And then I heard from my mother. Last week, my dad was picked up for his second DUI. They went to court Monday and read a much more minor charge, and he walked out expecting it to not have much of a socioeconomic impact for himself or my family. Today, his attorney notified him that he'd had his charge bumped to a felony, that he'd had more charges added, and that his attorney will be meeting with his supervisors this afternoon to discuss the situation.

    Dad -is- going to lose his job for this, and face several public ramifications, including losing his place on the fire department 4 months before his pension is secure, and his place with several volunteer agencies he works with.

    I don't want my mom to suffer the fallout from this. She doesn't deserve it. It will impact her financially and embarrass her publicly.

    But dad deserves it. His alcoholism has been impacting us all, and he did EXACTLY what she's charging him with, and he deserves everything that's going to happen for it. I hate saying that; I feel like a bad person, like I'm wishing ill on someone, and that's a terrible feeling. But he did this to himself, and I'm not sorry for him.

    #FunctionalNeurologicalDisorder #Anxiety #Alcoholism #Stress

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    One is one too many and 100 is never enough!

    How are you doing on your recovery journey? I still go to online meetings occasionally just to keep the monkey off my back! Stay strong and know that there is a life without substances out there just waiting for you! #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Anxiety #CPTSD #EatingDisorders #TraumaticBrainInjury #Alcoholism #MightyTogether #LGBTQIA #KetamineTreatment

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    How to stop drinking

    I don’t know how to stop drinking. Any recomendations ? 🥺😔 #Alcoholism #Anxiety #ADHD #ASD

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    Fighting Alcoholism having Borderline Personality Disorder

    Part 1 of 2 What I know today, above anything, is that I am that real alcoholic that’s outlined in the big book, fighting with BPD. The consumption of alcohol is just a symptom of what’s wrong with me & my main problem centers right in my mind. And if I don’t treat what is going on there, if I don’t treat alcoholism as a whole, if I walk through this program, thinking it is just abstinence from alcohol, what happens to me is that my sobriety becomes so painful that it suddenly becomes unbearable. And when my sobriety becomes unbearable, I will drink again or I will take my life. There is no other middle of the road solution for me.

    When I first started drinking, I was finally able to cope with my internal demons and discovered a detachment from who I was. It was a power that I didn’t know existed. In my first drunk at 18, I immediately gave my power over to alcohol and for the first time ever, that hollowed out ugliness I felt inside was not quite as ugly anymore. I had this huge giant hole of darkness in my soul that suddenly alcohol had a way of making it not quite so deep.

    But somewhere along the path of my life, I got this idea that if you knew how dark and how black and how broken I was inside of me, you’d recoil in horror and you’d run right out the door. And there was only one thing worse than being around people who were thinking about me, that’s being alone in a room with only me and what I’m thinking about me. Because you see what you might be thinking about me might be mean, but what I think about me is deadly. Because that was exactly what I would drink at, I would go and run at, gonna do things to hurt myself and those around me who do love me. I had found a higher power in alcohol that I didn’t even know I was looking for. I would leave claw marks in everything and everybody and in myself as I slid away from it.

    The only thing I ever had a problem with in my alcoholism was that it wore off. Because when it wore off, all that madness in my head started again. And then the fear and the terror takes over because I know I may run out and I’m immediately planning how to get enough for the day.

    Alcoholism is not a disease of denial. It’s not like we have it and ignore it. It is a disease of illusion. Where I can’t tell the truth from the false. 35 or 20 or 10 or even 1 year ago, if you had asked me if I was an alcoholic, I would have said no and I would have believed my own lie. But I had only one tool in the tool-kit and it was in the bottom of a hidden bottle of alcohol.

    My husband and I met in high school, dated a few times and totally lost contact with each other. We found each other 9 years later. And then I viewed him as my knight riding in on a HUGE white horse to rescue me. I had a lousy childhood with sexual abuse and violent abuse where blood was splattered on walls and casts worn to hide broken bones and broken two by fours as they were used to hit me and stabbings and a gun held to my head and just a lot of blood and bruises and terror in general. I viewed grace as being conditional or non-existent. If you hurt me, I’ll hurt you more was my dad’s motto. I was really messed up. So, when I discovered alcohol at 18, I was off to the horse races. And I hid alcohol from anybody and everybody in my life because I did NOT want anybody to know how much I drank. I was hiding it when I got married at 27 years old.

    I started having children when I was 30, thinking they could fix that big gaping wound in my gut that I didn’t know was a big giant hole in my soul. I wanted those babies more than anything, I had wanted to be a mom for so long. I had this thing where I wanted other humans to love me. And I also wanted something to love, because somewhere along the path of living, something inside of me had become unable and incapable to accept that I’m loved.

    I became pregnant, and never touched a bottle the whole 4 pregnancies (yes, I’m a mom of 4 boys) and the year that followed while breastfeeding. So, for a total of 8 years in amongst my alcoholism, I had the wherewithal and presence of mind to not drink. Because I viewed those humans growing inside my body as being more valuable than my body.

    Alcohol was never my problem, it was always my solution. I am that woman who was beyond recall. You see, after my boys came into my life, I put alcohol back into my system again thinking I would get that same bliss I had experienced at 18. But what I didn’t know about the illness is that it continues to grow when left untreated, whether I’m drinking or not. And it was as if somebody threw a match in a puddle of gasoline, and instead of relief, I got a level of unmanageability such as I’ve never known.

    In 2017, 18 years after having my first baby boy, I found myself in a psych ward on suicidal watch, saying I was a threat to myself

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    God will carry you through any storm.

    Optimism is the faith that leads to success.
    Nothing can be accomplished unless there is hope and self belief.I pray that this special day brings us nothing but joy and happiness, that each of us achieves whatever we set out to do on this special day, and that the universe fills our hearts with love and peace.

    #ChronicHeadaches #Depression #Anxiety #OccipitalNeuralgia #Migraines #Alcoholism #Selflove #TheMighty

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    Get well soon

    I meditated this morning, did cardio for 30 minutes, drank 2 liters of water, and now I am trying to take a nap before I can take part in anything else. What are you doing to get well soon?
    #ChronicHeadaches #Depression #Anxiety #OccipitalNeuralgia #Migraines #Alcoholism #Exercise #Meditation #TheMighty

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    Greetings to everyone on the mighty team.

    Greetings to everyone on the mighty team. I hope you guys are doing well? I am confident that with your assistance, I will win this battle.just wanted to check in on you to see how you guys are doing. #ChronicHeadaches #Depression #Anxiety #OccipitalNeuralgia #Migraines #Alcoholism

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    I have been suffering from the following condition for years.

    #ChronicHeadaches #Depression #Anxiety #OccipitalNeuralgia #Migraines #Alcoholism

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    I’m new here!

    Hi, my name is trudy935. I'm here because I have severe PTSD and suicidal thoughts at times. both parents committed suicide

    #MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD #Alcoholism

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    Quotes from recovering alcoholics and addicts.

    Hello.

    I am in recovery from alcoholism and drug addiction and have been clean and sober since December 3, 2016. My introduction to recovery began in 2003 during my first of numerous inpatient treatment center admissions. I had an idea when I was first introduced to the rooms of AA and NA to write down the profound, helpful quotes I heard from recovering addicts and alcoholics and put them in a book someday. A few years ago during the pandemic I took all the papers I had saved over the years and completed this goal of mine.

    The book is titled Thanks for Letting Me Share. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09BCG67JK/ I take the proceeds I have made from this book, purchase more books and ship them out to rehabs all over the country. This is a way I give back what was so freely given to me. It is a way I can share some of the things that I heard that have and continue to help me. This book contains 368 quotes that I have heard from recovering addicts and alcoholics. They are profound, funny, cringe-worthy, memorable, and powerful. They will allow you to reflect, remember and reassess your recovery. This book is broken up into just three parts: Getting Here, Staying Here, and Higher Power.

    This book is in a paperback, Kindle and audiobook format. It is available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Kobo, iTunes, Audible.com and numerous other sites. Everyone in recovery that has read this book has enjoyed it. I have marketed it because I feel what is in this book is important and helpful to those who are recovery curious, in early recovery and those with multiple years of sobriety under their belt. The book is simple, just like most solutions usually are. I am currently putting together a part II. Being a published author was on my bucket list since I was a little boy. I am so happy I completed this first book and can scratch this off my bucket list. The more exposure this book has the more beneficial it is to those who will utilize it.  Overdoses have been skyrocketing and anything that may get people to choose recovery over active addiction and alcoholism is a life saver. Thank you for considering a way I can give this book more exposure.