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Trying to Find the Peace Inside

I’m trying to set some goals, be it small, but they are goals. The first is getting through Monday without crying (or not crying on any given morning of next week). I feel like I have to start over emotionally ever because I keep having to reassess everything that lead up to my early morning breakdowns. I seem to go through the same cycle the next couple of days after the fact. First being: intense sadness to emptiness, somber to anger, I’ll purposely isolate myself, I’ll give up on everything and everyone, then I’ll have a little bit of a reprieve, back to sadness, and after going through a period of not wanted to rely/trust anyone, it all pretty much dies down at the end of the week. It feels like I’m constantly having a tug of war with myself, especially with people that I have connections with and those whom I care about. All is fine until for some odd reason their gone for a period of time without an explanation, then I want to shut them out. I’ll go from wanting to be around them to being done with them in a short period of time. Stuff like that didn’t use to bother me as much as it does now which is strange. I feel like I have to strong arm my way through things because I feel that I can’t rely on anyone fully. I know that not everyone is bad, that there is always a bigger picture to things, and an explanation for this and that, but I really wish I could go on for a time where I’m not losing my mind and sense of self. #CheckInWithMe #Depression #DepressionAndMentalHealth #MentalHealth #feelings #Allovertheplace #Sadness #Breakdowns #goals #trustissues #EmotionalHealth #Emotions

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My thoughts. #IntrusiveThoughts

I was doing crosswords at work in between calls and this was frowned upon, so I started doodling. I found this to be an accurate description of my thoughts. #Allovertheplace