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Bad news all around

They say if you love them, let them go. And like most things, it’s easier said than done.

My boyfriend broke up with me today. Completely out of the blue. I had seen him yesterday and everything was going great, we had even made plans for another date. And then he sends a long message today which the TLDR of was that he wanted to break up.

The best part was this paragraph was sent after I had just had my hearing test and was told I had hearing loss. I told him that news and an hour later he breaks up with me.

The rest of the day has just consisted of breakdown after breakdown. Now I’m just drained of energy, both physically and emotionally.

I was already thinking about getting therapy when I move. I think I might have to get it sooner.

#breakup #HearingLoss #Breakdowns #breakdown #EmotionallyExhausted #exhausted #BadNews #done


Why is this so difficult?

I wrote about my eating disorder here. My friends want so bad that I recover, but I don't see the point in it. I need one point of control in my life and the only one I have is my weight. Nobody gives me a logical reason to let this control go. But everyone expect from me that I just eat more and drink more just because it's better for me. But the more I eat the more I wanna throw up. The more I throw up the more I fuck up my body. How do you get this mindset, everyone seems to have, that you have to eat? That it's absolutely necessary and that you just have the control when you eat? Why does everyone think they have the right to tell me that I have to let go of the only thing I have control about? How much I have to eat? On one side, I know I am not healthy but on the other side I don't get it.

It's normal for me to black out for a moment. It's normal for me to have a headache and to feel sick. I don't know. I just don't know how to change my mindset. I don't get why I have to change it. I don't get how I get in this mess of depression and ed and I just wanna know how people in recovery deal with this, this doubt. This fear of getting further but in the same moment the fear of letting go of this imaginative control. Everyone keeps saying I don't have the control when I don't eat, but when this is no control, what IS control? And how do I get it?
I know I need a therapist. I'm seeking for one, so don't worry. I am seeking for professional help.
I just don't understand my feelings about everything espacially food and stuff with my depression and it's so incredibly difficult to explain. I have a breakdown rn cause I'm asking these questions to me and I don't find any answer...
I am so sorry for bothering you with stupid stuff like that...
I ate breakfast btw... it's evening and I haven't allowed myself to eat dinner but I ate breakfast and a bit pudding. I I drank 500 ml...

#EatingDisorders #Depression #Breakdowns

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Something good #Highly Sensitive Person or HSP #Breakdowns

After 7 long month of waiting I got a therapist appointment. In my area we have to wait months to have a new therapist.
These weeks of wainting I read a lot about HSP, meditation.
Everytime sth was triggering me I got out to walk for a while.
Everytime I felt the waves of another breakdown, I took time for me and went to a calm place.
I got better.
Last monday I went to my new therapist.
And what did she say? I cannot help you, you are not the problem. The circumstances you have to struggle with...not even a "normal" person could handle it.
It would have been nice to have some neutral input, when it comes to new break downs, new struggeling...
But it's good to hear that, too.


Packing anxiety

I’m having a breakdown because I have to move in a little over a week and I’m not even close to ready. Packing causes me so much anxiety and takes me so long and takes so much energy. And I still have to work through Tuesday. I don’t know what to do! #Anxiety #struggling #Breakdowns


Mental Breaks - They are getting worse and I’m beginning to lose memory during the break #Breakdowns

I am not new to having mental breakdowns. I know mental breakdowns can look different for everybody. But let me give you a little insight on what mine look like. Usually they come on due to a Trumatic event that just took place in my life such as losing a loved one. And these breakdowns I would actually prefer because I know they’re coming. I will sleep for 24 To 48 hours straight depending on the intensity of the mental break. The last one Prior to this one had sent me to behavior clinic which I found to just be useless because all we did was just sleep there.

My most recent breakdown was on Monday this time it felt different. I have been fine during this whole quarantine epidemic that’s going on Pretty much just riding it out. But somehow and I don’t know if it is this virus thing that got me but it got to me on Monday during midday, while I was at work. All I remember was the guys that I work with bickering about who’s right who’s not right and then I remember being attacked for being that type a girl that believes everything she hears on the news. And then I don’t know anything after that...

Here is where things get blurry for me I remember it coming on because the first thing I always do is start to cry uncontrollably and then I blacked out. When I woke up I was in bed. So I don’t know what happened at work , such as if I was causing a commotion , if I was screaming, if I was crying if I walked out. But once I was in bed that was it for me that was the longest time I spent in bed without getting out up to shower eat or go to the bathroom... I was in bed for 72 hours. All of which my memory is so so blurry. Me and my boyfriend even broke up and I don’t even remember it. My heart aches so bad. But how do I reach out to somebody when I don’t even remember what I said or did but I know it had to be something bad.

I’m afraid I may have developed another mental health disorder whether it’s bipolar or maybe I’m starting onset of Alzheimer’s I don’t know. I just want to know if anyone out there who goes through similar mental breakdowns like this have a tendency to forget a lot of it. Anyone any thoughts supportive thoughts anything I can help right about now because I don’t know what to do..😞

Also looking for ways to access these memories..maybe hypnosis.

Thanks in advance everyone. All suggestions are welcomed #Mentalbreakdown #MemoryLoss


Trying to Find the Peace Inside

I’m trying to set some goals, be it small, but they are goals. The first is getting through Monday without crying (or not crying on any given morning of next week). I feel like I have to start over emotionally ever because I keep having to reassess everything that lead up to my early morning breakdowns. I seem to go through the same cycle the next couple of days after the fact. First being: intense sadness to emptiness, somber to anger, I’ll purposely isolate myself, I’ll give up on everything and everyone, then I’ll have a little bit of a reprieve, back to sadness, and after going through a period of not wanted to rely/trust anyone, it all pretty much dies down at the end of the week. It feels like I’m constantly having a tug of war with myself, especially with people that I have connections with and those whom I care about. All is fine until for some odd reason their gone for a period of time without an explanation, then I want to shut them out. I’ll go from wanting to be around them to being done with them in a short period of time. Stuff like that didn’t use to bother me as much as it does now which is strange. I feel like I have to strong arm my way through things because I feel that I can’t rely on anyone fully. I know that not everyone is bad, that there is always a bigger picture to things, and an explanation for this and that, but I really wish I could go on for a time where I’m not losing my mind and sense of self. #CheckInWithMe #Depression #DepressionAndMentalHealth #MentalHealth #feelings #Allovertheplace #Sadness #Breakdowns #goals #trustissues #EmotionalHealth #Emotions

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3 Christmas’s now without my kids #Depression #missmykids

Was with a narcissist for 19 years and to loose him meant I had to to also loose my kids who I was very close to. Now they see me as the evil mother who walked out on them and on her responsibilities and who should have sacrificed her life for them. they have learnt a lot of hurtful words and come backs. I have 2 boys aged now 20 and 15 and a 19 year old daughter.
I miss them each and every day and cry at least 2 times a week but mood is always down. I don’t know how my husband of now 4 months puts up with me. #sickofmylife #hatemyex #Anxiety #stomachissues #hospitalised #Breakdowns
people don’t see what happens behind #closeddoors. they see a beautiful picture and assume all is well in the world.
don’t judge me till you have walked in my shoes. I can’t believe that some people have kids and treat them horribly while others are dying to see their kids with no hope of a chance. I miss you Niki, Bella , Gabby. very much!!!


#Depression #Anxiety #Breakdowns

So I applied to uni through clearing and got in, yay! But now I’m having breakdowns and panic attacks and all I want to do is go home, when I’ve literally just come back to uni after being home over the weekend. I’m also sick which doesn’t help.... any suggestions on what to do? Also I can’t go to the doctors as mine is ages away and I can’t drive back home, because I can’t drive 🤦🏼‍♀️ and I’m not registered in one near my uni.


#Depression #Anxiety #Breakdowns #CheckInWithMe

I have no friends! I hate getting stabbed in the back! I’m really lonely and it’s hard to enjoy life like this😩