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    Life blows, when you’re not having fun..

    I’m just very sad; I’m on a cruise to the Mexican Rivera and I’m feeling lost and out of place. I’m with 6 other people, including my husband and my younger daughter and her boyfriend. I’m glad to meet him for the first time. We all agreed that it’s better to meet now than at my older daughter’s future passing. She (my oldest daughter,) has metastatic stage 4 breast cancer. She continues to act as though us, her parents are dead. For reasons known to us, she’s walled us off and out of her life.
    Last night my younger daughter said she didn’t know if we’d ever meet in Columbus OH, where both our daughters now live. I simply said, “If I want to go to Columbus to see you, and him, I will!” She didn’t understand how that would be possible for me, knowing that my older child also resides in that city. She said that she imagined that would be really painful, like having ones heart ripped out not to be able/free to see my oldest child. What damn difference does it make? The older one won’t communicate with us now, anyway. I had a shitty nights sleep thinking about how nasty and spiteful that the older one is playing this game..She’s holding people hostage by her illness! My older sister is also enjoying torturing us, by being in either buddy,buddy league, or substitute Mom status, with my older daughter. -Never mind that they hadn’t spoken or communicated for at least 15 or 16 years! Now she’s my daughter’s favorite aunt! What the hell did I do to deserve such outright disrespect and lousy treatment, from those I Love and care about? It’s just all really nasty and crappy..My husband doesn’t feel this way. He thinks it’s ok that our daughter has shunned us, since she’s always been difficult and problematic. He thinks my sister, who I see as opportunistic and definitely having narcissistic tendencies, might be helping our cause? My thought is that with my sister’s recent post card from Columbus, that she visited my daughter there, is outright mean. The post card didn’t say this, but it felt like this: I’m in Columbus because your daughter flew me here to see her! I have your daughter’s Love and affection and you don’t!
    I’m thinking I should write my sister a postcard from a destination where my sister and I had talked about going to. I should write..”Having a lovely time, glad you’re not with us!” I know it’s petty, but she’s beyond annoying to me.
    I’m just writing all this while we’re at sea. Trying to rid myself of some of emotions and thoughts I can’t outwardly express. Life sucks. #depressed #PerfectlyHiddenDepressedPerson #PTSD #feelings #painful #Emotion #Cancer #Family #heartstab over and over again..I’m in counseling to help process some of my feelings. But the hurt runs deep.

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    Don't let otheers define who you are

    Never, ever let anyone define who you are. Donxt let them judge you and tell you how you should or shouldn't feel. Your feelings are no one else's but your own, and you and only you are in control of your feelings. Never let others push you around and make you feel bad about yourself because you are perfect. #feelings #Anxiety #deppression #TheMighty

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    Do you find it easy or hard to cry?

    Crying is an enigma. We are literally born with the capacity to cry as it's our only way of getting our needs met. And yet...at some point we begin to be socialized to not cry because it makes others uncomfortable.

    But somehow some people manage to maintain the capacity to cry, both when they are happy and when they are sad or mad. While others, like myself, will avoid crying at all cost. I absolutely hate crying.

    True story: This weekend we were supposed to have a big event occur. Someone was put out by our asking them to accommodate us for 30 minutes. Before long I could feel a lump in my throat because this was really important to our future and I felt like I was stuck between making this person happy and doing what was right for myself. As per usual I swallowed my tears away and put that person's needs ahead of mine.

    Moral of the story is...I will always squash mySELF to accommodate others or hide how I really feel, especially if I'm sad or mad.

    Do you cry easily or do you also have trouble allowing yourself to cry? Share below.

    #Trauma #PTSD #CPTSD #Crying #feelings #Emotions

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    Have you ever used a feelings wheel?

    Have you ever used a feelings wheel to help you identify your emotions? There are several different permutations of this idea floating around that are really helpful when you have grown up shutting down or numbing your feelings, like I did.

    When I first started therapy I'd sit there for an hour frustrated because my therapist would ask me what I'm feeling and I couldn't tell her. A tool like this might have been helpful for me to be able to tease out what was going on.

    Do you have trouble identifying your feelings? Would a chart like this one help you? Share below.

    #Trauma #PTSD #CPTSD #feelings #Chart #Emotions

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    Your feelings are valid

    These are some feelings you may experience when you lose your precious pet. All of your feelings are normal and valid.

    #petloss #petgrief #petlossandgrief #griefandloss #petgriefandloss #feelings

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    Are you quick to anger?

    Anger is an emotion that we have often been taught to avoid, that it is toxic in some way. But what if anger is actually an adaptive response to injustice?

    Alexander takes a deep dive into this topic in his great article:

    As a Survivor of Emotional Abuse, Is My Anger at Injustice T...

    It took me a long time to become comfortable with feeling and expressing my anger in a productive way. I was afraid I'd hurt someone or myself, but really, I was already hurting myself by keeping it in. When you have experienced abuse, a healthy dose of anger toward your abusers is warranted.

    How do you feel about anger? Are you able to feel it and accept it as a healthy aspect of your human emotions? Share below.

    #Trauma #PTSD #CPTSD #anger #feelings

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    What is Anhedonia?

    What is Anhedonia? Anhedonia is the inability to feel pleasure. A kind of numbness to things that used to bring you joy. It's a common symptom of depression, but it can also accompany trauma. For me, it tends to happen when I've hit a state of overwhelm associated with being triggered that I start to dissociate. I just get to a point where I don't have the capacity to deal with or focus on anything, even if it's something I typically enjoy.

    Lately I've been feeling that way and it's something I'm trying to reel in.

    When Mental Illness Causes You to Experience Anhedonia

    Do you experience Anhedonia? If so, how do you combat it?

    #Trauma #feelings #PTSD #CPTSD #anhedonia #numb

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    Paranoid thoughts #Paranoia #MentalHealth #IntrusiveThoughts

    No need to panic but I experience suicidal thoughts every day js... #feelings I'm not life threatening side note


    #feelings are Real

    Hey Everyone.
    Today I looked at myself in the mirror and I about screamed. I feel bloated, feel fat, feel disgusted, and for some reason just plain emotional. It has not been a good experience today for me... even if all I did was just go grocery shopping with a little bit of cleaning. I did have a #Therapy appointment today, which was helpful. I do not think of myself as a person who has a weight problem. However, it has been a problem for me since I had been on psyche medicines, and my body changed. I am not 25 years old anymore. The past 10 years have been difficult for me as I have seen myself slowly gain weight! I am on new #medications that do not have studies showing that there is significant weight gains. However, I still feel struggling when it comes to body image.

    For those of you who take #psychemedicines - how do you feel?
    What do you do to handle this?
    Any advice will be greatly welcomed. Please respond.