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Birthday thoughts #survive #Cancer #feelings #Depression

Yesterday was my birthday. I desperately wanted a birthday cake, not because I can’t buy a cake if I want. But I wanted recognition so badly I could taste it. I wanted my family to say we are so glad you are around. But unsurprisingly nothing

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Sʜᴏᴜᴛ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ Wᴀʀʀɪᴏʀs

Tʀᴜᴇ Sᴛᴏʀʏ....

“ I ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴍᴏᴛɪᴠᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴇᴀᴄʜ ᴅᴀʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʀʏ ᴍʏ ʙᴇsᴛ, ʙᴜᴛ ɪ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴀᴋᴇɴ ʀᴀɪɴ ᴄʜᴇᴄᴋs ᴀɴᴅ ᴅɪsᴇɴɢᴀɢᴇᴅ ᴡʜɪᴄʜ ɪs ᴇxᴛʀᴇᴍᴇʟʏ ʜᴀʀᴍғᴜʟ ғᴏʀ ᴍʏ ᴏᴠᴇʀᴀʟʟ ᴡᴇʟʟʙᴇɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ᴍʏ ᴘʜʏsɪᴄᴀʟ, ᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴs, ᴍɪɴᴅғᴜʟɴᴇss, ᴀɴᴅ sᴇʟғ-ᴇsᴛᴇᴇᴍ. Iᴛ ᴀʟʟ ʙᴇᴄᴏᴍᴇs ᴜɴʙᴇᴀʀᴀʙʟᴇ.

“I ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ɪ ɴᴇᴡ ʙᴇsᴛ, ᴛʜɪɴᴋɪɴɢ ɪ ᴅɪᴅɴᴛ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴀɴᴛɪ ᴅᴇᴘʀᴇssᴀɴᴛs, ɢᴇɴᴜɪʟᴇʏ ʙᴇʟɪᴇᴠᴇᴅ ɪ ᴡᴀs ʙᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ ᴏғғ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴏɴɢ ʀᴜɴ ᴛʀʏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ʟɪᴠᴇ ᴍʏ ʟɪғᴇ ʙᴜɪʟᴅɪɴɢ ᴍʏ ᴏᴡɴ ʀᴇsɪʟɪᴇɴᴄᴇ.

ɪᴛ ᴄᴀɴ ʙᴇ ᴅʀᴀɪɴɪɴɢ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ɪᴍ ᴛʀʏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ʟᴇᴀʀɴ ᴛᴏ ᴏʙsᴇʀᴠᴇ ɪɴsᴛᴇᴀᴅ ᴏғ ᴏʙsᴏʀʙ.

ɪᴍ ɴᴏᴡ ᴏʟᴅᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡɪsᴇʀ ᴛᴏ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪᴛs ᴛᴀᴋᴇs sᴛʀᴇɴɢᴛʜ ᴀɴᴅ ɢɪʟᴇ ᴛᴏ sᴛᴀɴᴅ ᴜᴘ ᴀɴᴅ sᴀʏ “Aᴄᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ ɪ ᴅᴏ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴀɴᴛɪᴅᴇᴘʀᴇssᴀɴᴛs ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ᴛʜᴇʏ ʜᴇʟᴘ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡᴏʀᴋ ғᴏʀ ᴍᴇ.“

#Selfcheck #priortize
#dva #quitingisntanoption #AntidepressantDiscontinuationSyndrome #ChronicFatigue

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#Goodmorning #musicalsaturday #feelings #stillanxiousthoughblah

Saturdays vibes for me guys, how about you, what are your plans today?

I don’t intend on leaving the house at all today, the walls are too comforting and besides that, my anxiety isn’t playing well i’m liable to get myself into trouble ☀️👿😜

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Healer Pains

Healer Pains

Full of Anger and rage
Feeling like I’m a animal locked in a cage
My nature is so misunderstood
Perhaps it’s time to move on from the hood
But I Love my independent city
Even though the committee ain’t take no pity

Isolated and assets frozen
Although they don’t yet know I’m part of God’s chosen
Treated like a hardcore criminal
My poem are definitely subliminal
If you know me, you’ll get it
Ain’t the usual one to quit

I walked away for self protection
So, wouldn’t be forced into flexion
Straight forward as it can be
Though I did flee, At least I’m free
Self love is a priority
Even if I ain’t in the majority

That don’t stop us from doing as we please
Perhaps, why I’m a narcissist that is to be put in a freeze
From trauma and vulnerabilities we came up,
Banged up, beat up - yet we still worked hard and built up
So, why the hate?
And all the jealousy mate?
Took you for free spins and fed you during your worst

You were injured and I was the one to bring you back to health and nursed
And now I’m cursed?
Don’t bite the hand that feeds you
One day, you gotta regret it my boo
True love, acceptance and understanding- heck, gave even my soul
Now, all this hurt masking as anger and making feel like a burning coal

Quite the toll, though I thought your love was free
Then, why the hefty fee?
Anger and rage on the front
Amidst a manhunt
Hurt and grief under the front
Perhaps, nows the time to get blunt

Yes, I am fucked up
And the only one who saved me is my pup
You were right, I was stupid
The only mistake I made was chasing Cupid
Don’t know my story yet think they know all
Destroying me so I forget to walk and can barely even crawl

Malicious prosecution and defamation
Think it’s a game of persuasion
It’s nothing more than a crime
To prevent me from the social and corporate climb
You think I forgot, that’s cute
I never forget a learned friend dispute

You know I’m better than you
And that’s a strong fact that’s more than just true
Don’t let simple nature and humble attitude fool you into arrogance
You caused me to lose my soul and become spiritless
The student is now the master
Now that deserves a round of applause and laughter

Karma is a mogul’s game
And though I don’t care for the fame, it ain’t gonna stop me from bringing the claim
Justice is overdue, stayed quiet for too long
Have come closer to being proven wrong
My only regret, had I spoken earlier
I would be worthier

Money is important but my people are my assets
They are the ones to get my out of bad debts
Got my back because we init for ride or die
They ain’t no supply, they real niggas on which we can rely
Now that’s a fact you cannot deny
My team here for the full and permanent long haul

And although right now, I’m back at the stage of crawl
I got the mindset and approach to stay resilient
Cuz I found out way too late that I’m more than just brilliant
Genius and gifted talent, that’s God’s chosen
So, let me give you a glimpse of my life in slow-motion
Watch out cuz this girl’s a tornado, not to be tamed

She won’t remain for much longer chained
It’s time to break free
And I think that’s something y’all agree #heartbreak #Love #Pain #growth #soulpain #selfhelp #SelfHealing #writings #Journaling #feelings #Emotions #validation #hurt #Grief #Loss #Rejection #abandonment #social isolation #punishment #Karma #sins #good #bad

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At a crossroads in life and feeling lost, allowing myself time to recover from recent life changes and maintaining the faith that the universe will provide what I need and where my life goes next, but for now, feeling the feelings..... xXx

Thank you for the affirmation #Gratitude #feelings #Justbe

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BPD and physical sensations.

Earlier, I wrote about the argument between me and my husband and the fact that he had no contact with me after that, which was last Thursday. My husband is on business trips abroad. Today he sent a message and as BPD goes, my emotions boiled over and I was overjoyed, I cried and laughed and threw up. When I didn't get in touch with him for 4 days, I was completely sure that he left me, I got terrible physical symptoms. I cried several times a day, had panic attacks, heart palpitations, threw up and had a headache. Are these symptoms normal in BPD people? that emotions cause physical problems? And I also found out why I couldn't get in touch with my husband, he had a bad internet connection. #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Emotion #relationship #feelings #PanicAttack

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BPD and Overwhelming emotions

Sorry for my spelling mistakes, I'm from Finland and sometimes I have to use a translator. I have the most wonderful, sweet and understanding man in the world. we have been together for half a year and I have told him about BPD. Sometimes it just feels like my emotions are boiling over, or actually always, both good and bad. A few days ago he told me that I am the problem. And literally he said "You take things too granted and you easily believe your crazy Illusions and ideas in your head you know and you choose you whim and keep whamming", I of course took that to heart and exploded because I don't know what crazy ideas or illusions my head is done. He has been avoiding me for a few days now and yesterday he was not in any contact, did not even read messages. I'm afraid that I lost him, that I was too much and his love couldn't take me. My feelings are overwhelming because I'm afraid, I doubt, and I don't trust. in our whole relationship I have doubted him, his love and his words, but I would like to believe and trust, but I am afraid that he will hurt me and it is easier not to trust, it won't hurt so much if he leaves me. And I don't know how to fix things. I'm so tired of these emotions and fluctuations. Can anyone help what should I do? #BPD #overwhelmingemotions #feelings #relationship

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Easier Felt Than Done

whichever they may be,
are meant to be felt,

but not
to be acted upon
impulsively. No!

Take time,
first, to name the feeling,
let it run it's course,

but pause
long enough to reflect,
then weigh your options.

The fruit
of your actions-not your
reactions-will heal.

#feelings #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #CPTSD

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