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    BPD and physical sensations.

    Earlier, I wrote about the argument between me and my husband and the fact that he had no contact with me after that, which was last Thursday. My husband is on business trips abroad. Today he sent a message and as BPD goes, my emotions boiled over and I was overjoyed, I cried and laughed and threw up. When I didn't get in touch with him for 4 days, I was completely sure that he left me, I got terrible physical symptoms. I cried several times a day, had panic attacks, heart palpitations, threw up and had a headache. Are these symptoms normal in BPD people? that emotions cause physical problems? And I also found out why I couldn't get in touch with my husband, he had a bad internet connection. #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Emotion #relationship #feelings #PanicAttack

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    BPD and Overwhelming emotions

    Sorry for my spelling mistakes, I'm from Finland and sometimes I have to use a translator. I have the most wonderful, sweet and understanding man in the world. we have been together for half a year and I have told him about BPD. Sometimes it just feels like my emotions are boiling over, or actually always, both good and bad. A few days ago he told me that I am the problem. And literally he said "You take things too granted and you easily believe your crazy Illusions and ideas in your head you know and you choose you whim and keep whamming", I of course took that to heart and exploded because I don't know what crazy ideas or illusions my head is done. He has been avoiding me for a few days now and yesterday he was not in any contact, did not even read messages. I'm afraid that I lost him, that I was too much and his love couldn't take me. My feelings are overwhelming because I'm afraid, I doubt, and I don't trust. in our whole relationship I have doubted him, his love and his words, but I would like to believe and trust, but I am afraid that he will hurt me and it is easier not to trust, it won't hurt so much if he leaves me. And I don't know how to fix things. I'm so tired of these emotions and fluctuations. Can anyone help what should I do? #BPD #overwhelmingemotions #feelings #relationship

    7 reactions 2 comments

    Easier Felt Than Done

    whichever they may be,
    are meant to be felt,

    but not
    to be acted upon
    impulsively. No!

    Take time,
    first, to name the feeling,
    let it run it's course,

    but pause
    long enough to reflect,
    then weigh your options.

    The fruit
    of your actions-not your
    reactions-will heal.

    #feelings #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #CPTSD

    1 reaction


    I wish I could just be ok and at peace with the horrible feelings instead of wallowing in them. I wish I could just accept them as my normal. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Emotions #feelings

    10 reactions 1 comment

    Intrusive thoughts which infect the mind

    I have a intrusive thoughts which infect my mind and make it difficult to concentrate. They start the minute I wake up and do not cease until I go back to sleep. I have many hobbies and try to keep my mind occupied but the evil thoughts replay over and over.

    When I was physically assaulted over ten years ago I never thought that I would continue to experience flashbacks and trauma from the incident. I have been in fights before and thought it would become another distant memory of something unfortunate. My experience has been completely different and I am stuck in a never ending loop of sorrow and pity.

    The attack causes me major mental health issues that I can't move on from. I am stuck in a negative cycle of pain and suffering. The image of the attack repeats in my mind. I see the faceless images of multiple attackers and the fear of reliving the incident is ever present. I am afraid of what's in store for me as I battle to focus on what's important.

    It is difficult to describe the incident as it involves anger, betrayal and resentment. The only thing I know for sure is that it leaves me empty and insecure. These people purposefully sought to hurt me and they were successful.

    I hate to say it but my mental health has deteriorated to the point where I am miserable. I hate my life and I am aware of the holes I keep digging are damaging me further. I blame my mother and father for a lot of my problems whether it is their fault or not. They did their best but had unrealistic expectations and when I was unable to achieve the impossible goals they had set for me I spiralled in to a deep depression.

    This depression has followed me for years and the more I let it control my life - the more pain it causes me. I have never dealt with any of the negative emotions that fill my mind. I bottled everything up and pretended I was fine. I am at the point where I don't see anything improving and I want to hurt the few people I have left.

    I really wish I could end on something positive but my life has become a merry go round of pain, sorrow and regret. I hate myself in more ways than one and I need help but the road to recovery is fraught with feelings of guilt and resentment.

    EDIT: I am fully aware that my posts are very much a pity party. I am hurting inside and just desperately want to feel better.

    #Depression #Misery #Sadness #hurt #Pain #TheMighty #MightyTogether #MentalHealth #feelings #unhappy #Relationships #Friendship #Love #Trauma #PTSD #challenges #Life #Death #advertisy #friend #peace #Emotion #flasback #Lettinggo #scar #regret #compassion #Thoughts #Mindfulness #Anxiety #reserved #Respect #peace

    10 reactions 6 comments

    Life blows, when you’re not having fun..

    I’m just very sad; I’m on a cruise to the Mexican Rivera and I’m feeling lost and out of place. I’m with 6 other people, including my husband and my younger daughter and her boyfriend. I’m glad to meet him for the first time. We all agreed that it’s better to meet now than at my older daughter’s future passing. She (my oldest daughter,) has metastatic stage 4 breast cancer. She continues to act as though us, her parents are dead. For reasons known to us, she’s walled us off and out of her life.
    Last night my younger daughter said she didn’t know if we’d ever meet in Columbus OH, where both our daughters now live. I simply said, “If I want to go to Columbus to see you, and him, I will!” She didn’t understand how that would be possible for me, knowing that my older child also resides in that city. She said that she imagined that would be really painful, like having ones heart ripped out not to be able/free to see my oldest child. What damn difference does it make? The older one won’t communicate with us now, anyway. I had a shitty nights sleep thinking about how nasty and spiteful that the older one is playing this game..She’s holding people hostage by her illness! My older sister is also enjoying torturing us, by being in either buddy,buddy league, or substitute Mom status, with my older daughter. -Never mind that they hadn’t spoken or communicated for at least 15 or 16 years! Now she’s my daughter’s favorite aunt! What the hell did I do to deserve such outright disrespect and lousy treatment, from those I Love and care about? It’s just all really nasty and crappy..My husband doesn’t feel this way. He thinks it’s ok that our daughter has shunned us, since she’s always been difficult and problematic. He thinks my sister, who I see as opportunistic and definitely having narcissistic tendencies, might be helping our cause? My thought is that with my sister’s recent post card from Columbus, that she visited my daughter there, is outright mean. The post card didn’t say this, but it felt like this: I’m in Columbus because your daughter flew me here to see her! I have your daughter’s Love and affection and you don’t!
    I’m thinking I should write my sister a postcard from a destination where my sister and I had talked about going to. I should write..”Having a lovely time, glad you’re not with us!” I know it’s petty, but she’s beyond annoying to me.
    I’m just writing all this while we’re at sea. Trying to rid myself of some of emotions and thoughts I can’t outwardly express. Life sucks. #depressed #PerfectlyHiddenDepressedPerson #PTSD #feelings #painful #Emotion #Cancer #Family #heartstab over and over again..I’m in counseling to help process some of my feelings. But the hurt runs deep.

    5 reactions 1 comment
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    Don't let otheers define who you are

    Never, ever let anyone define who you are. Donxt let them judge you and tell you how you should or shouldn't feel. Your feelings are no one else's but your own, and you and only you are in control of your feelings. Never let others push you around and make you feel bad about yourself because you are perfect. #feelings #Anxiety #deppression #TheMighty

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    Do you find it easy or hard to cry?

    Crying is an enigma. We are literally born with the capacity to cry as it's our only way of getting our needs met. And yet...at some point we begin to be socialized to not cry because it makes others uncomfortable.

    But somehow some people manage to maintain the capacity to cry, both when they are happy and when they are sad or mad. While others, like myself, will avoid crying at all cost. I absolutely hate crying.

    True story: This weekend we were supposed to have a big event occur. Someone was put out by our asking them to accommodate us for 30 minutes. Before long I could feel a lump in my throat because this was really important to our future and I felt like I was stuck between making this person happy and doing what was right for myself. As per usual I swallowed my tears away and put that person's needs ahead of mine.

    Moral of the story is...I will always squash mySELF to accommodate others or hide how I really feel, especially if I'm sad or mad.

    Do you cry easily or do you also have trouble allowing yourself to cry? Share below.

    #Trauma #PTSD #CPTSD #Crying #feelings #Emotions

    8 reactions 20 comments
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    Have you ever used a feelings wheel?

    Have you ever used a feelings wheel to help you identify your emotions? There are several different permutations of this idea floating around that are really helpful when you have grown up shutting down or numbing your feelings, like I did.

    When I first started therapy I'd sit there for an hour frustrated because my therapist would ask me what I'm feeling and I couldn't tell her. A tool like this might have been helpful for me to be able to tease out what was going on.

    Do you have trouble identifying your feelings? Would a chart like this one help you? Share below.

    #Trauma #PTSD #CPTSD #feelings #Chart #Emotions

    2 reactions 11 comments