Glory be to GOD
Truly IT is not Us IT is the Father in us we can’t do what we are not inpowered to do.
God’s Plan ~ Gods Story = Gods Glory
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Sometimes, miracles are just good people with VERY kind hearts, that God has sent you. I'm starting think God has a sense of humor when it comes to days not so well like today. He sends us these humans who are filled with the Holyspirt in them and they come right in and everything around you starts to feel, smell, taste, and u most certainly think so differently than you did before & then God also steps in and says "I see you, I also heard you, be still My daughter and let me take control" its comical cause he did just that on the day he sent me a blessing in Human form yet I secretly think he is hiding his wings just to be an Angel in disguise in this world showing those who need it, some of his Light and the darkness truly fades away. God is so funny! This new experience is starting to feel like God is telling me about the prayers I've prayed lately and he is saying "child you did what I asked and now you shall receive" I just wasn't expecting to get such blessings in two consecutive days. They may be only a small gesture of kindness but that is what most would think, but NOT ME. It was a BIG gesture and it was on a day like today and I mean today was truly very tough and sad day for me. I feel as if some birden was lifted and this is a sign from God telling me there are’people like myself who want you to be happy and healthy #stevenfurticksermons #whenyoufeelweak #Amen #TheMightyismorelike -> #TheAllMighty #Digginthisafterall
I tried to sleep last night & after my breakdown I cried all night and I’m pretty sure I slept with my eyes open, the constant pain and worrying I do, I just wanna be better. And mostly I want to live. I want to survive. I woke up saying this today. I want to make it over this 10 year battle. I’ve gone to counseling, I’ve done the medicine.
I felt so down yesterday that I was willingly to go join my grandma. Maybe because she’s probably the only one in my family that actually loved me through all the ugly I had and always thought I was perfect. She knew when I was hiding my cuts. And being destroyed, she never turned me away.
And the worst thing ? I never got to say goodbye to her, she had kidney cancer & she fought beautifully, she gave me the best memories. And call me crazy , maybe it’s how I’m dealing with my grief , but I’ve been seeing her. Smelling her lotion & smelling apples because she was crazy about apples.
I don’t think anyone knows how much they love someone until their gone. She always had faith in my for whatever I wanted to be.
I miss her. And I hate my depression, my anger & my will to live sometimes.
But I want to survive today. I want to make it. And look back and say “I fucking did it “
Sometimes God gives us all we need. We just don't see it. #Amen