Jesus

“Hi Sandra,
Your brain MRI is negative for any metastatic disease. Continue to follow up with ENT for your neck scan next week.
Thanks,
Kate RN”

No other words necessary! 💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽

Tonight, I realized that the music that I was playing had been played many nights where I was crying my eyes out. The higher tones, mixed with a low tones... Binaeural beats and Isochronic tones.

youtu.be/jNUHb5ZzqLQ

The soothing sound used to help me to find something to breathe to when I was feeling so #anxious about #Death . I thought about how my mother, father, brother, husband, relatives, etc would all die. I used to cry so hard. I cried for years endlessly, just hyperfocused as soon as my head hit the pillow. Sometimes, I still do. I often get myself so tired now, that I fall asleep before those thoughts can come attack me.

I drink #tea to help me #sleepwell . I do not know what I would do if I did not have tea or have the melatonin, and on really bad nights, Ambien or Klonopin depending on the level of anxiety I'd either take one or the other. (NEVER both at the same time, in case you were wondering.)

I have to think about how #strong I am and how hard I have worked to become the person I am in this life. Things are not easy, they are not easy at all... but that is no excuse for me to not ever keep trying to do the best that I can do, even if I do not feel my best. #MentalHealth is important, just as much as physical health. I have a long ways to go, but I do not think that I will ever be a finished product. I know that #god has a plan for me, and #Jesus loves me endlessly.

As I take a moment tonight and listen to this music.. I cannot help but feel sympathetic towards my past struggles and the girl I know. I am here in the future to support 'her' in the past to let 'her' know that she is not alone and that I am right here, still strong.

Sweet Dreams. #sleepwell

Sorry for the long post! To preface i’m not christian, but I really want to understand what I saw. 3 years ago I was sitting upright in my bed, middle of the day and on my phone (this was not a dream). I started to feel my whole body vibrating all over and had this very powerful feeling of peacefulness, nothing like i’ve EVER felt before. i’m guessing it was maybe a seizure but i’m not entirely sure. next thing i know i was outside (not physically just in my hallucination i guess) and it was nighttime. there was fire burning everywhere and there was bad people (who i was friends with at the time) burning in it. i look up in the sky and all the stars in the sky come together to form mother mary, i know she’s talking to me but i’m not sure what she’s saying and i see a bright white light. i’m crying and begging to keep living and the next thing i know i’m back in my bed. one of the most traumatizing things that has ever happened to me in my life. i feel like this kindof sounds fake but i will swear on ANYTHING my mom, my dog, anything i love that this happened. i just don’t understand why it happened, if it was just some weird seizure hallucination? i don’t know. i really want a christians perspective, was i about to die? #god #Jesus