Anothersleeplessnight

Here I am yet again... another sleepless night cause my head is like a race track that's currently open for laps. This makes it night 2 without any sleep whatsoever. I am having all kinds of mixed thoughts cause my lovely wife, who took it upon herself to start a whole bunch of shit with me before she went to sleep as per usual, and btw thinks this is perfectly OK and yet just one of the small reasons she is one of my biggest triggers...will soon be waking and it will begin all over again... WHAT JOY FOR ME, IT'S THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING! On top of that her mother lives with us and she bitches 10x the amount my wife does...I've been with my wife for almost 11yrs, but I'm about to the point that I'm starting to physically worry about my own wellbeing... but yet she accuses me of not trying to not make this marriage work. I go to counciling... she doesn't... and she's not supportive or compassionate in the least bit. She constantly tries to use my borderline against me too...I'll admit sometimes it might be me, but a majority of it is her just acting like an ass! Like how dare she use my illness against me!! That is a totally dirty and grimmy!!! She is a control freak and has huge and I mean HUGE double standards for everything! I honestly think I am slowly losing my mind! I really feel that is her goal! I'm gonna have to walk away soon or something bad is bound to happen! #Anothersleeplessnight #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #bpdnightmare #Bpdisexhausting #BPDStigma #bpdaintforme # insomnia #ToxicMarriage #mentalabuse #verbalabuse #fedup #sickandtired #AbusiveRelationship #shitstorm

I don’t know but I can stay awake all night , constantly keep thinking , things I did wrong or things I need to do. My mind won’t stop thinking , makes my heart pound out of my chest. #Anothersleeplessnight

Another day or barely moving. Tears continuing, they never seem to stop. I can’t get a handle of myself and now I’m scared that this may lead me to do something. I’m tired of having zero confidence and pain. I overthink again and again - what did I do to end up like this. Was I a terrible friend ? A bad person. Why does everyone leave me and why doesn’t anyone want to care. I should have gone home for the holidays. Instead I am here alone - praying the pain will stop

Haven’t slept for the last two nights. Anxiety is in full swing. #fightorflight mode