toxic marriage

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    Is it Dissociation? #MentalHealth #DissociationDisorders #ChronicDepression #Anxiety #Marriage #ToxicMarriage

    My partner and I have been married for nearly two years. Have been together for longer than that. Any time I try to “fix” what I think is wrong, I always end up the bad guy. We had someone sit in for our family meeting to see if there were any things that needed mediation in case our communication was off or toxic. Turns out, I don’t understand a thing my partner is saying to me and I make the conversation go in circles. By the third explanation through, my brain shuts off but I still contribute to the conversation. I will only cry and “shut down” when certain words or situations are brought up that I don’t understand. Is this dissociation? Or Do I just not understand what is being asked of me? Normal and reasonable are words used quite often to describe the things needed of me, but I don’t understand the definitions of those in terms of relationships. I am told that I am adult who needs to come to my own conclusions and that I shouldn’t have to be coddled like a child. I don’t think I need to be, but I do need clarification. But once we get there, it’s like my words are no longer my own and I have ZERO control of what I say or do. It’s like I’m on Autopilot and watching myself through my own eyes. I have no choice in what comes out of my mouth or my actions after a certain point. I’m in therapy but I don’t know if this is something I need help with or if I’m just in the wrong and need to grow up. I’m nearly 28 years old.

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    Your parent's relationship with each other can affect your mental health

    Today's podcast guest, speaks with me about how living in a chaotic, dysfunctional household impacted her mental health and how she began to heal in her adult years.

    Listen to today's episode to hear about Erika's journey with her physical and mental health and her relationship with her parents. I'm sure a lot of people will relate to this.

    accordingtodes.com/94-2

    #dysfunctional #dysfunctionalhousehold #ToxicMarriage #Toxic #ChildhoodAbuse #podcastepisode

    Question

    What to do in Bipolar relationship?

    My husband is undiagnosed bipolar. He is hypomanic with jealous delusions, fits of anger, and long history of abuse since childhood. At the beginning everything was great, lately the manic episodes are so frequent we are fighting constantly. He accuses me of things I would never do, but the paranoia is starting to set in too. I am not sure how to help anymore. I have been trying to keep my own sanity together, but he just won’t seek help or stop the verbal assaults. Underneath all his words is his illness, but they hurt none the less. How do I help someone whom I love deeply who won’t help themselves?

    #ToxicMarriage

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    Don’t know what to do anymore

    I’ve struggled with anxiety my entire life from a very young age and now I’m married and struggling harder than ever in my marriage. My husband is a porn addict and recovering, however we’ve been married two year together three and not only had he watched porn religiously but also talked to other women on the internet asked for and sent photos, reached out to his exes and let it ruin our marriage. We separated briefly in February 2021 because he wouldn’t come to terms with his issues and the fact that he and his mother were manipulating me and controlling me (couldn’t talk to my family and she told me what he was doing wasn’t cheating and to grow up and get over it) after four months of separation having to start my life over and a divorce in progress we reconciled. But ever since we got back together and realized his addiction among other things had caused our hardship, he’s been suicidal and extremely depressed. He being suicidal has caused my anxiety to skyrocket. He’s held a gun to his head and knife to his throat so far. He’s seeing a therapist but I feel like this is never going to end. #needadvice #SuicidalThoughts #Depression #Anxiety #ToxicMarriage

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    My life is giving my trauma, Trauma

    toxic is when they cant let you go, but they cant treat you right either.. #ToxicMarriage #EmotionalAbuse

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    What if she is right

    That would make me a monster

    #ToxicMarriage

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    I'm just convent

    I want to know what everyone thinks and please be honest, I'm not going to be mad cause I am probably thinking same thing Well in 2019 me and this guy started hanging out nothing sexual at 1st. He was so sweet and caring always did what he could just to make me smile. He went out of his way when I didn't ask. I have horrible self esteem especially since I have touretts "just muscle jerks I can't control" Well he knee it bothered me bad, but he would say things like "it's cute" or "can't even tell" bla bla bla. Well within Fee days we started dating and 3 months later he talked me into marriage " I never thought or wanted get/be married" Well I thought life couldn't get any better. Then the day came. His friend was selling his car Well husband asked me if I'd get it for him since he didn't have any money. Well I told him I'd have to check see how much money I had, well I went and checked & didn't have that much so were in the car he keep saying How are you broke & telling me I was lying. Well he pulled car over and started going off on me. I was confused cause this was something that he didn't do he was amazing. Wow I was in a big surprise nxt thing I knew he punched me so hard that his one punch made both my eyes black swollen shut for about a month. Why I stayed I don't know. Well he apologized and keep telling me he was sorry and he didn't mean to do it,I'll nvr happen again. Skip forward to now he's in jail for beating me up for the 2nd time less than 2 months. Well He calls and writes & tell me how much he loves me followed by "can you put money on my books & order me a pac (a special order that comes with food so inmats don't have to eat that nasty jail food) But the days he don't need anything or I can't do anything cause I'm broke he is so mean and calls me every name in the book. I can't stand him treating me like that so I give in and do what he wants. This is a newer ending cycle. I want to leave cause I'm sick and tired of gettin treated this way, but I love him so much and I know somewhere in there is a sweet amazing man that I miss and want back, but I also know I don't have money like I used to. All because of him he literally took what he could and broke me. So is it just me or do ya thin he only wants whats what I'm convent
    #AbusiveRelationship #ToxicMarriage #worthl #DomesticAbuse

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    SAHM that could really use a friend!

    When I married my husband 10yrs ago I lost all of my friends…ALL of them!! And since I have a made fly by night friends within the church but I can’t be open with them because of my husbands title in the church so I’m all alone. My kids have become my only friends since my mom, my only aunt and both of my brothers have died in the past 4 years I have no friends. Anyone wanna be friends?? Hit me up!! Thanks! #needmomfriends #ToxicMarriage

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    1 step forward, I lost count moving backwards

    I had a great day Tuesday, then Wednesday hit, and although my husband was off work, I made the day work for me. He is one of my triggers. I walked away from him without letting him bait me. Wednesday night I started with an elevated heart rate and woke up with the same during the night and again Thursday morning. I called my doctor who sent me to the emergency room. Having a previous life threatening experience with #DVT and bilateral #pe , I was a bit concerned when the chest pain and shortness of breath started. I was told all tests were normal, D-dimer, heart enzymes, cbc, ekg, etcetera but...on Friday when I received the official results, the cardiologist stated the ekg was abnormal! My doctor scheduled me for a follow up Monday morning. Forward to Sunday and it was odd that my sister and her husband weren't in church. After church, I got the text. #Stroke . My BIL had a stroke on the way to church. He is also my boss and sole owner of the business I work for. The estate for the other owner has not settled yet from 16 months ago. I am still devastated and broken from his loss as he was like a father to me after losing my own. I am still not back to work from my #si , #MDD , #Anxiety not to mention concurrent #ToxicMarriage , #Migraine , #Hypothyroid , #Hypertension , #PTSD , #DiabetesType2 . Is there ever going to be an end to the steps backward?

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    Family Ties

    Yesterday, I was thinking about my parent’s marriage and realizing that in some ways it is toxic. My mom tries to be the mediator a lot of the time, trying to make some kind of peace for the time being. Then there’s the step father who displays a narcissistic personality. She says he’s on the way to recovery for whatever he was dealing with that got him in trouble, but I find it hard to believe that because in the past, for every time he says he’s going to do better, he does for a while and then go s back to the same behavior or worse than before. I’ve come to realize something though. Whenever things are “good” between them, I feel invisible. Through the duration of my teen years, I’ve felt invisible largely because my younger brother was getting punished for bad behavior which resulted in a lot of sit downs. Most of that time, I was either in my room or I would leave the house because I knew it was going to be a big blow up. That is until it got physical and I was told that I could leave anymore. This is where the inner child I think is most hurt: the idea that my one sole parent seems to be choosing other people over me. It may be the reason why I’m very independent. I don’t feel I can really rely on anyone because I’ve been made to pick up the pieces where they fall in certain situations. I also feel that need to save my mom at times. Many times in life, I’ve felt like I had to carry some form of responsibility for other people, therefore, neglecting myself and my needs. I explained this to my therapist and we got into setting boundaries which is something that was/is hard for me to do. I crave separation from certain people, but I could never express it. I crave independence from my mom, but I don’t have the means at the moment. Looking at their marriage makes me not want to even consider a close relationship with anyone. As much as I would like for that to happen, I really don’t want to fall into the same pattern of my mom and grandma who have both got into marriages that have recked them in some way. I really wish that someone told me a long time ago that I had my own inner power, it probably would have saved me from a lot of things. I think my inner child is more vocal than before and needs me more than ever. #MentalHealth #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Familytroubles #ToxicMarriage #innerchild