Is it Dissociation? #MentalHealth #DissociationDisorders #ChronicDepression #Anxiety #Marriage #ToxicMarriage
My partner and I have been married for nearly two years. Have been together for longer than that. Any time I try to “fix” what I think is wrong, I always end up the bad guy. We had someone sit in for our family meeting to see if there were any things that needed mediation in case our communication was off or toxic. Turns out, I don’t understand a thing my partner is saying to me and I make the conversation go in circles. By the third explanation through, my brain shuts off but I still contribute to the conversation. I will only cry and “shut down” when certain words or situations are brought up that I don’t understand. Is this dissociation? Or Do I just not understand what is being asked of me? Normal and reasonable are words used quite often to describe the things needed of me, but I don’t understand the definitions of those in terms of relationships. I am told that I am adult who needs to come to my own conclusions and that I shouldn’t have to be coddled like a child. I don’t think I need to be, but I do need clarification. But once we get there, it’s like my words are no longer my own and I have ZERO control of what I say or do. It’s like I’m on Autopilot and watching myself through my own eyes. I have no choice in what comes out of my mouth or my actions after a certain point. I’m in therapy but I don’t know if this is something I need help with or if I’m just in the wrong and need to grow up. I’m nearly 28 years old.