mentalabuse

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    Hi everyone, happy new year y’all. I hope each one of you we’ll find happiness and strength in this year. And hopefully, it will be good for all of us.
    Sadly, it hadn’t started well for me.
    I want to leave my bf. I’ve been wanting that for a very long time. I feel caged, emotionally abused, belittled, manipulated, always makes me look like I’m a psycho for voicing what bothers me or for setting boundaries. Always turns things around to make me look bad.
    That’s what happened over the weekend.
    My cousins came with his wife for a visit, from Poland. So me and my sister drove to my moms house to greet them, and then, they were going to my sisters house, where I was invited with my bf as well.
    While we were there still at my moms house, my bf decided to visit few bars, along with my sisters husband. Her husband kept sending me pictures to piss me off. But I didn’t react. Then, we came to my sisters house, they were already there.
    They talked about how fun it was to be in the bar, that some lady gave my bf her number. I was already a bit tense. But I tried to put up a good face.
    It was late already, and I already talked with my bf through the messages that were not staying long, because I didn’t feel well that day. But he continued to drink, and whenever I asked him to leave, he mocked me. He played sweet and nice in front of my family, while ignoring my well being and me wanting to leave. He kept asking, why do I look at him like I’m angry, knowing well that I am and what’s the reason. I was already super mad, when he and my sisters husband started talking about my brother. And my bf said some really mean things about him. I cut off that conversation and went to smoke. I texted him that once he finishes his drink (it was almost done) we’re leaving, and he said okay. But when I came back, he already had another full drink in his hand, and laughed at me for being angry about it. I got so angry, I felt my chest tightened. I wanted to cry and he knew that, but he kept mocking me and everyone thought he’s funny and I’m being moody and mean.
    I couldn’t take it anymore, so I left without him. I asked if he’s leaving with me, but he said no. But he started messaging me to leave his car alone, that I can walk, that I don’t know how to behave, and that my family thinks so too, that I’m crazy, and he has had enough.
    I feel so beyond disgusted by his behavior. Especially, that it’s not the first time he ignores my well being. And manipulates me into thinking I’ve done something wrong. The way he twists things around to make me look bad. He acts like I’m the bad guy, while he was pushing it too far all night.
    I don’t want to be with him. I didn’t want to for a whole know, but I dragged.
    My options are very limited, because I don’t have a car and a place to live. Living with my sister isn’t an option because I’ve already tried. He husband was okay towards me, but behind my back it was obvious he was so bothered by that he started to make things up to turn my sister against me.
    I don’t have much money saved, and I don’t have a social. I don’t know where to start. But I’m mentally tired, and can’t take it anymore.
    Yesterday, he asked me if I have nothing to say about my behavior. Of course, my behavior, not his. When I said no, he said I made him look bad, I was telling at him, and that he’s tired of it, so I can start looking for a place to live or he’ll move out .
    I was so hurt that night, so angry, I cut myself. It was a distraction from the internal pain he caused me.
    Please, give me some rational advice and not anything out of my reach. Thank you! #Toxic #Selfharm #Depression #mentalabuse #PanicAttacks

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    New

    Here I am. Invited by the founder, reluctant yet holding on to a small piece of hope to meet and engage genuinly with real humans wherever you are. I was an active younger woman, now permanently disabled and fighting to not lose my Tigger mindset in my Eeyore body. I have few friends and emigrated to a new country 19 years ago, that is I am from the USA and live in Sweden. I am a writer, a mother of a young adult transitioning from m2f and have had very unhealthy relatonships with my biological parents both as a child and as an adult. I have extreme anxiety, am an empath, I have been feeling others emotions and trying to help them since I was a very litte child. I love animals, have two bunnies and I am mostly writing on my blog or laying on the sofa by the fire or in bed with a netflix film. I am sad that I still can't get passed the hurdles which may lead me to a healthier self image. I don't really know how to begin, so I will end.#Lonliness #Anxiety #ChronicPainSyndrome #Depression #physicalabuse #mentalabuse #SexualAbuse #holidayblues

    95 reactions 28 comments
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    Worried

    Today is housekeeping day. I'm still sick, but we'll enough to go out so they can do their work. However, I'm worried about a lot of things.

    One of them is the dust that'll spread when my boyfriend moves things. We haven't had them clean the last two housekeeping days because he was too sick the first one, and I was too sick and he was too tired the second one. So, more dust has gathered than usual. My boyfriend isn't bothered by dust, but I am. He also puts things back in ways I ask him not to, and I'm pretty sure he just doesn't care anymore. When he buys stuff for me, hell toss them on the bed without paying much attention to where I point, plus if I get sodas, tossing them as he does shakes them up.

    I dread coming back tonight, because I know things will be in places I'm not ok with.

    I don't even have a question. I guess I just wanted to vent. This it ant all I'm worried about, not by a long shot, but it's all I want to share in this post. So tired of having to deal with this.

    #Anxiety
    #ocd
    #obsessivecompulsivedisorder
    #depression
    #panicdisorder
    #hoarder
    #hoarding
    #ptsd
    #cptsd
    #disability
    #abuse
    #emotionalabuse
    #mentalabuse

    Post

    Struggles

    Today I feel like I'm struggling to keep myself above the surface.
    Feeling alone and tired of fighting to make life better.
    #CPTSD #mentalabuse #AbusiveRelationship

    6 comments
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    Why Are People So Cruel? #Abuse #EmotionalAbuse #mentalabuse #Judgement #MentalHealthStigma #Stigma

    This was a comment to a post I put in a Facebook group for abuse victims. I don't post my whole story because it's looooooong, there are a huge number of details, and I don't feel like typing all of that everytime I need support. Besides, no one ever really understands. I get judged, blamed, and it's all turned on me. I don't understand this, especially in groups for people suffering from abuse. I'm in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship and can't leave. I mentioned I needed to see my cats, which aren't with me, because we're stuck in a motel, to explain why she mentions my cats. More about the situation with my cats, and the whole situation, is in some of my previous posts here. I have OCD, panic disorder, and depression, plus physical disabilities. I'm not lazy. I've cleaned, cooked, and done other household chores in the house we lived in and apartments before that. I've gotten worse, both mentally and physically. She doesn't know me, but she immediately seemed accusatory. My boyfriend had told me Saturday he was going to do laundry, but later claimed he said he'd do it when he got around to it. He told me he'd do it that day. He has money to do it: I don't. He did laundry yesterday. I got upset when I came back Saturday to find he hadn't, because I had no shirts left, had planned to go out, and I was going to visit my cats. Here's her latest comment, which is highly misinformed and hostile:

    You have to visit your cats. Are you kidding? You claim he was supposed to do laundry. Nobody does laundry. All you have to do is put the clothes in the washing machine and the machine does the work. Then all you have to do is put the wet laundry in the dryer and the machine does the work. Then all you have to do is take the dry clothes out of the dryer and either fold your clothes or hang them up. Seems to me you're extremely lazy and come up with excuses.

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    I Want to Scream! #OCD #Depression #PanicDisorder #Anxiety #menopause #EmotionalAbuse #mentalabuse #Stress

    I'm angry, bitter, and miserable. I haven't been out in 6 days, but I have to go out today because it's housekeeping day. I was supposed to take my car in Tuesday night or Wednesday morning, but I didn't have the energy to do last-minute cleaning (I told Mike last week, but you can figure it out), and I'm taking my phone in for repairs today, even though I'm scared because I can't use my phone for directions, and I still have to clean the dust from my car. It's going to take a much more intensive cleaning when I have to take the car in. I don't even feel like getting into my issues with Mike, but I do want to talk about this: When I need the air conditioner, he doesn't want to turn it up (and he gets into this BS with me over what I mean by turning the air conditioning up--I mean I want it cooler! What's to understand? 🤬), and when I'm hot, he's chilly. But when *I'm* chilly--all these years we've been together--he tells me to put on more layers. When he's chilly and I tell him to put on more layers or cover up with the blanket, he doesn't really say anything and ignores me. I can't sleep well for multiple reasons, one of them being I'm too hot. What I especially don't get is, I sometimes ask him to turn up the air conditioning before he leaves for work or goes out (he won't be going to his office today, but will be out because it's housekeeping day), but he still doesn't. Why? I'm in menopause and I get hot! I get hot and sweaty just using the bathroom! I'm a fat pig and I can't get any peace!

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    I Don't Want to Go Back #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Anxiety #Depression #Abuse #Boyfriend #EmotionalAbuse #mentalabuse

    I got out early today because I can't stand being around my boyfriend and I feel awful in the motel room. I'm tired because I haven't had much sleep. When he goes out, he tells me about his friends buying him beers, even though he knows I'm always alone and wish I had friends. I feel like screaming sometimes, because it's neverending. I'm constantly alone, except when I'm with him. And I don't want to lie on that bed I've peed on so many times. I keep trying to look for resources, but I get anxious because of forms, places I can't live, organizations I can't accept help from, people who don't understand, etc. I need to get out of this situation and into a better, happier one with a house, my cats, and my stuff! I'm going crazy!

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    How Do I Get Out? #Abuse #EmotionalAbuse #mentalabuse #Anxiety #PanicDisorder #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder

    I'm leaving a lot out because this is long already, but I'm feeling really anxious and just have to get this out.

    My boyfriend wants me to keep track of everything I buy with his money (I have to rely on him for things because my SSDI doesn't cover my mental and physical health needs), and he'd like it if I told him everything I buy with my own money, too (not happening). He's getting more and more controlling. My anxiety is so bad. My heart beats kind of fast sometimes.

    I know how my urinary urge incontinence is, bathroom needs, ocd, being out of shape (I know I need to do more exercise, and I have been doing a little, but not enough), etc. Plus, I don't know how to live on my own. I need my cats!

    I'm sorry if I'm rambling, but it's the anxiety.

    I've got to get out, but I'm scared of ending up in a place where I'll lose my stuff and feel "not ok" because of my OCD, not manage my money well and end up homeless, not be able to follow rules they might set up, have to be chained to a therapist or something where others have control over me, or I have to live under certain conditions, they'll expect me to give up my cats and/or my stuff, and more. I'm scared. So scared. I wish I had the money to know I wouldn't have to worry about anything. I know, everybody does, except those already in that position. I want my freedom. I'm afraid of what my boyfriend will do. I'm afraid he's lying to me about my storage unit. He says he's up-to-date on the payments, but I got a text that a late fee was just added. I've asked him to take a picture (or better, pictures) when he goes. Why won't he take a picture(s) for me?

    I have no friends or family, no support. I have a psychiatrist and I'm on meds. I've had many therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors, etc., over the years. I don't trust anyone, which I learned young, and I've found there are a lot of people in the mental health field who just don't get it. They expect each of us to fit in their box, and I don't.

    12 comments