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Told my mom about moving in with my didn't go well | TW parents, guilt-tripping, gaslighting, swearing, one all cap text, suicide ideation











I've finally told my mom that after considering, I plan to move with my dad, and said that it had nothing against her. She was offended, she even said it, too. Continuously guilt-tripping me with words like "I do everything I can for you, and yet you still chose him over me."

I told her to stop guilt-tripping me and told her numerous times that it had nothing against her. She acted like she wasn't offended and understood my decision, but as someone with autism and whose mother has been mentally abusive for most of my life, I knew she was deep down. She denied that she was guilt-tripping, and has even accused me of guilt-tripping her when I said out loud that I then wanted to kill myself (out of stress, disbelief, and not wanting to deal with the pain anymore). Not to mention that I was just looking for ways to kill myself three days ago because of this stupid society. She even said something like "how can you get mad at me when everyone else in the world does that" when I mentioned that she used to fat-shame me, shame me for not taking showers at times and compared me to others, etc... she even denied that she even MOCKED me because she thought that I was offended, when really I couldn't hear her the first time, and I told her that, too!!

I don't fucking care if she started to talk in a more understanding matter and was no longer offended and acts like she actually cares about me (like she does every fucking time we have start an argument), I'm not forgiving her for saying those things. At this point, she doesn't deserve it. One of my queerplatonic partners (not friends, but not romantic) is now pissed.. well, every one of my partners are now pissed at her at this point, and are very glad that I chose to move in with my dad instead of staying with her. She has never changed when it comes to my dad. I'm honestly very disappointed that she even acted that way. I'm fucking 21 years old, a fucking adult who can make their own fucking decisions, and yet she still hasn't changed. 😞😡

I already don't like my (older) sister very much, either, because I always feel like she gaslights me whenever we get into conflict as well.

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #Anxiety #Family #FamilyAndFriends #GuiltTrip #SocialAnxiety #moving #SocialAnxietyDisorder #Disappointed #MentalHealth #WOW #Parent #Parents #mentalabuse #Abuse #Siblings #Gaslighting

13 reactions 3 comments

What Just Happened, and what do I do now?

Hello all. I don't even know where to begin. I have been in an abusive relationship throughout most of my life. Codependency, emotional and mental abuse from my parents, sister, friends, school teachers, and most employers. I have also been in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship with my wife for almost 10 years. It will be on the 11th. We had decided to take a, much needed, break from each other for 1 month while she went to visit her brother in another state. I had recently been denied social security disability, so I was going to use the time to try to figure out how to get work. I was not expecting the slew of emotions that flooded in after they left. They being my wife and two little boys. I had been trying to get on disability without a job for the past 4 years, as was required of me by my disability attorneys. They told me it would “better my chances of getting on disability if I didn’t have a job”. In the meantime, my parents were having to pay for our lives, out of pocket while we waited for absolutely nothing to come out of this whole exhausting, and traumatizing process for years on end. Well, this created one heck of an employment gap which I’m still dealing with today. It had been so long since I just had free time to do what I really wanted or needed to do that I didn’t know what to do with it. I was just frozen and dysfunctional. This was supposed to be a freeing time for me to have the quiet and space to get some R&R, and employment of some kind. While my wife and boys were away, I never felt truly free enough to enjoy the time and space I had to myself as I really needed to. I just kept stopping myself most of the time saying internally, “No, I shouldn’t do that or move that. They’ll be home after a while and she’ll get upset about it”. In order to break things up a little bit, while I waited for them to come home, I went on a much-needed vacation to a state I loved being in and thought it would be a good investment into myself so I could come back refreshed and better than when I left. Well, a few things went majorly wrong which made it very, very stressful so that didn't help much at all. I came back more stressed than when I left! I was left with about two weeks to find and get work before they came back which made that part even more hyper stressful than it was before I went on my trip! Y'all are probably wondering, if I am having money trouble and don't have much of it then why in on earth did I decide to go on a trip? The answer is that it had been almost three years since I actually went on a trip. And that trip before was a complete disaster! I took my family on that one and I was constantly trying to function while in fight or flight mode the whole time. We ended up having a pretty major fight/argument and that tainted the trip. I didn't see it at the time but I was falling apart at the seams. Anyway, it seems I'm unintentionally writing a book here so I'll get to the point. A little over a month ago, my wife and I had a Pretty major fight in front of the kids(poor things). This in turn lead to my wife wanting to get a divorce and kids leaving me and moving to her brother's house in another state. The good news is neither one of us has to endure each other 's abuse of one another anymore, but the bad news is my family is several 100 miles away from me and the only way I can see them is through FaceTime. We were abrasive and abusive to each other, two different for one another. We both gave it our all to the point of losing ourselves in the midst of it. Right now, as I'm writing this, I feel emotionally raw and still in shock from what happened. Earlier in our marriage my wife vowed to me that she would never leave me no matter what. I guess she was unable to keep her word under these circumstances. I don't want to paint either one of us out to be a demon, because that's not my goal here, but I do want to say that I wasn't the only one being abusive. I am autistic and my wife's actions caused a chain reaction to occur that was pretty out of control for me. She came home in a bad mood, tired, unappreciative, emotionally-cold, and outright mean. Two days before she came home, she told me that they were in the “planning phases” Of coming home. Within the next few minutes while on that same phone call, she told me that they'll be home in two days. I was wanting to make our home a very nice, clean, and inviting place for her to come home to. Totally stress free. I thought I would have more time to get the house ready but I was kind of lied to about the time frame which made me very stressed out. With the time I had I worked my **** off to get things ready for her and the boys. I had a very long list, for me, of things that need to be done. So I raced to get those things done as fast as I humanly possibly could. After she got home, she showed no appreciation for all the hard work I put in to creating a nice place for her and the boys to come home to. This is where the major fight originated from. She had the look of disgust on her face while looking at a nice, clean, and orderly home. Her and the boys trashed the house within minutes of arriving. I don't know this for sure but, I believe she was upset because I wasn't able to get a job while she was away. Even though, I had worked very hard at jobs in the past and it made no difference to her. I still got thrown under the bus and disrespected for no apparent reason. I feel so messed up from the fallout of all of this that I don't know who I am, I don't know how to act, and I don't know what to do because it is excruciatingly difficult to get and keep a job as an autistic person. This was one of the biggest reasons I needed to apply for disability in the first place, is because of my autism! I now live in an overly large home, for just me, after moving to the country so my boys will have room to run and play, and just be boys. My neighbors who were at first friendly are now very cold and distant towards me. To the point that they will go inside their homes if I'm outside in my yard. I'm not a bad person. I don't mean anybody any harm at all. I don't have a criminal record. So that part makes it more difficult to live here. From what I gather about people around here is: if you don't have lucrative work then you don't mean anything to them which I think is very shallow and childish of them. I hope I'm wrong, but it sure seems that way from my point of view. We moved 1 1/2 hours from our previous location. I'm now in a somewhat remote part of the state without much, if any, support system to help me through this. I have found it very difficult to make friends here. There seems to be an unwritten mentality that if they don't know you then you're not safe to be around or talk to. They seem majorly over afraid of everybody and everything. I can relate to a certain extent considering what happened within the last couple of years but at some point I would think people would choose to be human again. I don't know if it's like this and other parts of the country but they, although seemingly nice, can be very standoffish. I could go on but I don't wanna write a novel so I'll leave it at this. Sorry this is so lengthy. I haven't been on the Mighty in a very long time.#Autism #Narcassistic #EmotionalAbuse #mentalabuse #Depression #Undiagnosed #CPTSD

4 reactions

Why do I keep having these stressful dreams? | TW mental abuse, family

I don’t get it. Why do I still have these freaking dreams when my mom is mentally abusive and I end up getting into an argument with her?

She’s not even like this anymore. She’s not even overly jealous of me and my dad anymore, she’s improved so much and I love her now. Is it because I still live with her, or because she’s been toxic to me most of my life, or because of my youngest nephew (a kid) being on summer break and can get me overstimulated (especially when conflicts due to him being loud and active can come up)? Am I cursed to having these dreams for the rest of my life???

It’s so annoying… it makes me sad because she’s not even like this anymore… she’s fine…

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #SocialAnxiety #Anxiety #mentalabuse #Family #dreams #StressDream #Abuse #Trauma

4 reactions 5 comments

Can’t get out of this cycle #CheckInWithMe

I’ve had a rough couple of months. I got denied disability benefits twice and two lawyers I consulted with claim I don’t have a chance of winning an appeal because of my age (I’m in my 30s) and because I’m not severely disabled. I’m also getting discharged from an intensive outpatient program (IOP) next month and I keep asking them for more time because I’m still getting triggered by my family. In addition to my family, my abusive dad is still trying to find ways to get me to care about him and it’s messing with my mental health. I’m so sick of being caught in this endless cycle #Autism #ADHD
#mentalabuse #PTSD #SocialAnxiety #Depression

11 reactions 4 comments

Hi everyone, happy new year y’all. I hope each one of you we’ll find happiness and strength in this year. And hopefully, it will be good for all of us.
Sadly, it hadn’t started well for me.
I want to leave my bf. I’ve been wanting that for a very long time. I feel caged, emotionally abused, belittled, manipulated, always makes me look like I’m a psycho for voicing what bothers me or for setting boundaries. Always turns things around to make me look bad.
That’s what happened over the weekend.
My cousins came with his wife for a visit, from Poland. So me and my sister drove to my moms house to greet them, and then, they were going to my sisters house, where I was invited with my bf as well.
While we were there still at my moms house, my bf decided to visit few bars, along with my sisters husband. Her husband kept sending me pictures to piss me off. But I didn’t react. Then, we came to my sisters house, they were already there.
They talked about how fun it was to be in the bar, that some lady gave my bf her number. I was already a bit tense. But I tried to put up a good face.
It was late already, and I already talked with my bf through the messages that were not staying long, because I didn’t feel well that day. But he continued to drink, and whenever I asked him to leave, he mocked me. He played sweet and nice in front of my family, while ignoring my well being and me wanting to leave. He kept asking, why do I look at him like I’m angry, knowing well that I am and what’s the reason. I was already super mad, when he and my sisters husband started talking about my brother. And my bf said some really mean things about him. I cut off that conversation and went to smoke. I texted him that once he finishes his drink (it was almost done) we’re leaving, and he said okay. But when I came back, he already had another full drink in his hand, and laughed at me for being angry about it. I got so angry, I felt my chest tightened. I wanted to cry and he knew that, but he kept mocking me and everyone thought he’s funny and I’m being moody and mean.
I couldn’t take it anymore, so I left without him. I asked if he’s leaving with me, but he said no. But he started messaging me to leave his car alone, that I can walk, that I don’t know how to behave, and that my family thinks so too, that I’m crazy, and he has had enough.
I feel so beyond disgusted by his behavior. Especially, that it’s not the first time he ignores my well being. And manipulates me into thinking I’ve done something wrong. The way he twists things around to make me look bad. He acts like I’m the bad guy, while he was pushing it too far all night.
I don’t want to be with him. I didn’t want to for a whole know, but I dragged.
My options are very limited, because I don’t have a car and a place to live. Living with my sister isn’t an option because I’ve already tried. He husband was okay towards me, but behind my back it was obvious he was so bothered by that he started to make things up to turn my sister against me.
I don’t have much money saved, and I don’t have a social. I don’t know where to start. But I’m mentally tired, and can’t take it anymore.
Yesterday, he asked me if I have nothing to say about my behavior. Of course, my behavior, not his. When I said no, he said I made him look bad, I was telling at him, and that he’s tired of it, so I can start looking for a place to live or he’ll move out .
I was so hurt that night, so angry, I cut myself. It was a distraction from the internal pain he caused me.
Please, give me some rational advice and not anything out of my reach. Thank you! #Toxic #Selfharm #Depression #mentalabuse #PanicAttacks

12 reactions 10 comments
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Here I am. Invited by the founder, reluctant yet holding on to a small piece of hope to meet and engage genuinly with real humans wherever you are. I was an active younger woman, now permanently disabled and fighting to not lose my Tigger mindset in my Eeyore body. I have few friends and emigrated to a new country 19 years ago, that is I am from the USA and live in Sweden. I am a writer, a mother of a young adult transitioning from m2f and have had very unhealthy relatonships with my biological parents both as a child and as an adult. I have extreme anxiety, am an empath, I have been feeling others emotions and trying to help them since I was a very litte child. I love animals, have two bunnies and I am mostly writing on my blog or laying on the sofa by the fire or in bed with a netflix film. I am sad that I still can't get passed the hurdles which may lead me to a healthier self image. I don't really know how to begin, so I will end.#Lonliness #Anxiety #ChronicPainSyndrome #Depression #physicalabuse #mentalabuse #SexualAbuse #holidayblues

95 reactions 28 comments


Today is housekeeping day. I'm still sick, but we'll enough to go out so they can do their work. However, I'm worried about a lot of things.

One of them is the dust that'll spread when my boyfriend moves things. We haven't had them clean the last two housekeeping days because he was too sick the first one, and I was too sick and he was too tired the second one. So, more dust has gathered than usual. My boyfriend isn't bothered by dust, but I am. He also puts things back in ways I ask him not to, and I'm pretty sure he just doesn't care anymore. When he buys stuff for me, hell toss them on the bed without paying much attention to where I point, plus if I get sodas, tossing them as he does shakes them up.

I dread coming back tonight, because I know things will be in places I'm not ok with.

I don't even have a question. I guess I just wanted to vent. This it ant all I'm worried about, not by a long shot, but it's all I want to share in this post. So tired of having to deal with this.




Today I feel like I'm struggling to keep myself above the surface.
Feeling alone and tired of fighting to make life better.
#CPTSD #mentalabuse #AbusiveRelationship


Why Are People So Cruel? #Abuse #EmotionalAbuse #mentalabuse #Judgement #MentalHealthStigma #Stigma

This was a comment to a post I put in a Facebook group for abuse victims. I don't post my whole story because it's looooooong, there are a huge number of details, and I don't feel like typing all of that everytime I need support. Besides, no one ever really understands. I get judged, blamed, and it's all turned on me. I don't understand this, especially in groups for people suffering from abuse. I'm in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship and can't leave. I mentioned I needed to see my cats, which aren't with me, because we're stuck in a motel, to explain why she mentions my cats. More about the situation with my cats, and the whole situation, is in some of my previous posts here. I have OCD, panic disorder, and depression, plus physical disabilities. I'm not lazy. I've cleaned, cooked, and done other household chores in the house we lived in and apartments before that. I've gotten worse, both mentally and physically. She doesn't know me, but she immediately seemed accusatory. My boyfriend had told me Saturday he was going to do laundry, but later claimed he said he'd do it when he got around to it. He told me he'd do it that day. He has money to do it: I don't. He did laundry yesterday. I got upset when I came back Saturday to find he hadn't, because I had no shirts left, had planned to go out, and I was going to visit my cats. Here's her latest comment, which is highly misinformed and hostile:

You have to visit your cats. Are you kidding? You claim he was supposed to do laundry. Nobody does laundry. All you have to do is put the clothes in the washing machine and the machine does the work. Then all you have to do is put the wet laundry in the dryer and the machine does the work. Then all you have to do is take the dry clothes out of the dryer and either fold your clothes or hang them up. Seems to me you're extremely lazy and come up with excuses.