Aphantasia

#Aphantasia #Depression #BipolarDepression #PTSD im not sure what I'm writing here, or if it will make any sense, I know what lead me here was something called Aphantasia, i am soon to be 43 and had zero idea what I have was this. I believe it is acquired, i still dream, or should i say I have the worst most vivid nightmares ever. Occasionally i experience sudden images flash in my mind just like a flash going off with a photo, its gone as fast as it appeared but the physical impact can be shocking. I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 9, i wont go into the hows and whys of events from childhood to now but I will say there is not many traumas I haven't been through. It is a total misconception that people with Aphantasia are not as emotional, I'm an empath and feel everything a million times stronger to the point I have social anxiety and am agoraphobic. Ive been waiting years for therapy seems im so all over the place with overlapping issues they have zero clue where to start lol. I laugh but its crippling, emotionally, physically, i know im either ADHD or Bipolar or possibly both, also anxiety PTSD and depression. On the plus side, weirdly i have the most creative mind ever, i may not see things in my mind but I can still design, write, create a song, story, poem, my AI designs are like my visual diary, but then sometimes those creative highs vanish over cast with the thickest black gloopy sadness that sucks the life from me where i am irritable, yet cant do anything, a chaotic shambles of over lapping things in my head i need to do so I start one thing then half way through BOOM ill swap to the next and be distracted ny that when su....oh look squirrels!!!! ...you may get what I mean?...we have a zillion things started yet keep starting more then get overloaded. I love the docs answers for this stuff, take pills, take another, screw the fact its making you worse or numbing you, oh wait its not working ok up the dosage, no? ok stop taking it take this one and it goes on and on and on....I have no idea why Im writing this, or if anyone will understand, but im also very aware of the chaos it will scream...my name is Purr, im a 42yr old empathic mother and i guess this is my Chaotic journey...,

I'm not officially diagnosed with C-PTSD but am being treated with symptoms associated with C-PTSD. I was diagnosed with GAD and a mood disorder in 2014 after a mental health breakdown. I have struggled to find mechanisms to manage my illness and a couple of life events this year have seen me back under the care of my local community mental health team. They are now convinced my anxiety attacks are really emotional flashbacks. I'm on the waiting list for EMDR therapy. As somebody with aphantasia, it was interesting to read some other posts about aphantasia and flashbacks, in fact this is how I found this site in the 1st place. Anyway, hello.

Hi, my name is Bogmonster and I'm in the UK, maybe I should be using my real name but I've been on the recieving end of descrimination as I am sure many have. I was diagnosed with GAD and 'Affective Disorder' in 2014 after a mental health breakdown and a suicide atempt.
I've been struggling to manage my mental health since then, and have a set of management strategies that are not very good and scaleable. This last year had been tough, my father died in January and my sister died from alcohol abuse in June. I found myself back in need of professional help again. The mental health team are now treating me with symptoms associated with Complex-PTSD, namely 'emotional flashbacks'. Its only relatatively recently that I realized my 'anxiety attacks' were really emotional flashbacks. I ended up here as I also have Aphantasia and was researching flashbacks and Aphantasia.

I have really been struggling recently but thankfully I am now getting some help and I'm on a waiting list for EMDR therapy. Wishing everyone the best, BM.
#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD

I guess I am “cured” now. I am a “normal” person. My room is clean and organized with very little effort. I remember deadlines, pay my bills on time, and attentively listen when someone tells me a story. When I’m filling up my water bottle or putting my food in the microwave, that’s all I’m focused on. Apparently, this is how most people live their lives, and this medication is supposed to “fix” my problems.

I’ve always had an overactive mind and a vivid imagination, and I loved that about myself and my brain. I never wanted to get rid of that. However, it seems like corporate America and the adult world, in general, expect us to be attentive on demand and prioritize what they consider “important.” But who gets to decide what’s truly important? Your manager? Seriously? Do you really believe that the status update your teammate is sharing is more important than letting your mind wander and solve a long-standing problem for the team? Or, even better, using your imagination to picture a monkey surfing and dancing?

Our society undervalues creativity to the extent that we’re willing to suppress it with drugs to enhance productivity and profit for large corporations and the country.

The reason I was always considered “distracted” is that my mind’s eye was constantly entertained. It was like having a TV running in my mind, often picturing multiple things at once, very vividly—sometimes even more vivid than real life. Real life seemed somewhat boring in comparison, and that’s why I was frequently bored. My mind offered a more captivating world. I never quite understood why meditation encouraged closing your eyes to “avoid distractions.” My mind was far more distracting than anything in the room. Sadly, now it seems I may have lost that ability forever due to medication side effects.

I’ve had to subject my healthy mind and body to numerous psychiatric medications, each with horrendous side effects, just to become what society perceives as “normal.” These medications increased my blood pressure, heart rate, caused dizziness, lightheadedness, confusion, mental fog, memory loss, balance issues, and drowsiness. The worst effect was Aphantasia—the inability to visualize mental images voluntarily, no matter how hard I try.

I was meditating, envisioning a beautiful landscape in my mind’s eye: bright green trees with light filtering through, leaves gently falling. Suddenly, I saw a bright white light, and then darkness—a complete void. At first, I thought I had finally mastered meditation and cleared my mind entirely. But little did I know that I had developed a condition called Aphantasia.

I feel anything but “fixed”; I feel destroyed. A crucial part of me has been torn away without warning. I had no idea that medication could do something like this to me.

I am fed up with being put in a box. I want to shatter that box with all my power. I am angry and exhausted from the world’s attempts to mold me into something I’m not. I am unique and will not conform to others’ expectations. This struggle leaves me drained.

Okay, so now we all agree that it was stupid to force left-handed kids to write with their right hand, right? Sure, they could do it, but it was an unpleasant experience for the child and the teachers. We learned to accommodate and make our classrooms and the world more inclusive by inventing left-handed desks and scissors. It might have been inconvenient for some, but it was healthier and more inclusive. The same applies to ADHD individuals. We are essentially the “left-handed” kids when it comes to how our brains work, and we are constantly forced to conform and act “right-handed,” causing an incredible amount of pain and exhaustion.

Hi, my name is Katherine Kane. I literally discovered the community about 60 seconds ago, so I'll hold off on announcing my intentions or plans. But I will volunteer that I've been working on a multi-media project about the intersection of chronic illness and the bureaucracy of being 'on benefits' or otherwise in need of public support systems.

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #Fibromyalgia #PTSD #ADHD #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #Aphantasia #Bursitis #DiabetesType2 #PolycysticOvarySyndromePCOS #Arthritis

Hello, my name is Alexandra! I’m new to The Mighty. I'm a public health academic, currently training to be a certified doula and want to have a career in medicine. I'm a survivor of DV, sexual assault & police brutality, a recovered alcoholic and bulimic, who is diagnosed with c-PTSD, Major depression, generalized anxiety, ADHD, & Body dysmorphia. I also have aphantasia from an injury in early childhood. I'm currently struggling with my physical & mental health a lot and trying to cope with chronic pain and my recent diagnosis of c-PTSD. I'm joining this community to connect to other survivors of trauma and those who struggle with their health. . #MightyTogether #cptsd #ptsd #traumarecovery #livingwithdepressionandanxiety #recoveredalcoholic #recoveredbulimic #aphantasia #adhd #neurodivergent #bodydysmorphic #doula #lgbtq+

I have lots of things wrong with me. I have Scoliosis. I have Aphantasia. I have overactive nerves. I am hypermobile. Unfotunently, this story can only have 1800 characters.

I had Scoliosis. I had a 50-degree curve in my spine. Last August, I had spinal fusion surgery. I was diagnosed at 7 years old. At that time, I only had a 15-degree curve, so the doctor told my family not to worry. Fast forward 7 years. My back hurts like hell. My family takes me back to the doctor and two x-rays later, I have a 40-degree curve. I was fitted for a brace to wear at night. I would wake up in the middle of the night with muscle spasms and had to take it off. If you have never had a muscle spasm, it feels like there is a knife stabbing you from under your skin. I couldn’t wear it. Fast forward 6 months. My family takes me back to the doctor, and 2 x-rays later, I have a 50-degree curve. They said I was at “the point of no return”. They couldn’t stop the curve, and they couldn’t bring it back. If I didn’t want to be confined to a bed by 40, I had to have the surgery. I had my surgery on August 7th. I was in the hospital for 4 days. The first time I tried to sit, I puked. The first time I tried to stand, I puked. The first time I tried to walk, you guessed it, I puked. After I was finally able to walk stairs, I was discharged. I had to do arm exercises at home because my range of motion was terrible.

Now it is 8 months later. I can do everything that I could before my surgery. (Aside from getting up from laying on the floor. I still need help with that.) I am in much less pain and am feeling a lot better. I am hoping to write more about my other conditions sometime soon. Thank you for reading this.

In school, you are assumed to be typical. Able to picture in your brain, record memories, neurotypical, everything. And what happens when people don't see the difference?

I'm four time Neurodivergent. The autism is official and about to become even more so. The others however are not. I was diagnosed officially with narcolepsy last year and somehow on medication for it, the depression seems to be gone as well. I was deemed NT and put on medication for anxiety. Get this, I'm also pretty sure I'm ADHD, and aphantasia and sdam. It's a memory trait where you don't remember in the first place. The brain is unable to encode anything you think or feel resulting in a lack of eisodic memory.
This includes no mental time travel so they are saying I'm an anxious NT with general anxiety. I finally discovered the word for my memory trait and it's likely a buffer against developing anxiety. I think i have a somewhat usual level of anxiety maybe in certain situations but I am unable to go through scenario after scenario of what if because it's a lot harder when your brain can't recall the past to predict the future. I'm relieved I don't have anxiety after all, but now it's to get the brain scans so people understand what I mean when I say I literally don't have memory. So many assumptions about me are wrong and I guess it's up to me and Christ to set them straight through help finding people willing to listen.

Have you heard of aphantasia or severely deficient atuobiographical memory before this? Aphantasia has been around for years and finally given a name. I have total Aphantasia of all five senses whereas most people mostly just miss mental image and still have others.

SDAM was only proven in 2015 with three healthy controls who are doing very well in their fields.

Strange how many ways the mind works! And how it makes up for it in other ways.