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    I am a pain patient not an addict

    The blurred line between the two I guess is too broad of a space for doctors to understand I fall under pain patient.
    Today my hips hurt to go from gas to break and to hold either but obviously less with gas. So I call my hip surgeon leave message, they call back, get more info put me on hold, talk to doctor, comes back says he believes this to be a fibromyalgia flare?????!!!!!! I said great thanks for your time she said to go to comcare crisis if this is a mental emergency ER if a medical emergency. Ok thanks bye.
    I'm at my wits end with razor feeling inside my hips from bone spurs, tears, impengments, bone structure deformities (pitting in femur part of the hip joint, arthritis and bursitis. I know fibro flares and those don't include razor sensations inside the joint not anywhere else. But okay. A couple days ago the opportunity to self harm and next thing I know I've carved no point in forearm because my know it all 19 yr old is triggering me. I see no point to being here not necessarily to die, even if itd be nice not waking up in agony disappointed that I woke up. It's different than suicidal, convenience vs at own hand but there is a blurred broad line between those too.
    So, I need to go to the ER for pain, but I have ace bandage on my wrist they gonna ask when and if the take vitals or put iv in if that's what they do. Then they going to immediately stop treating the thing that caused me to sh in fist place...and then commit me to the psych hospital where all they have is Tylenol and ibuprofen and naproxen no muscle relaxers which I had a Charley horse spasms, as I often do and in any muscle in my body even my face, yesternight, yesterday I am strained sprained and am in pain there as well my hips. Oh bonus bursitis in both shoulders they pop and grind and feel like razors too but haven't got them checked yet kinda need to walk, but also need to be able to use my hands and arms which when doing things after awhile my hands will cramp and once done I can't grip nothing like muscle too exhausted. So what job can I do? I can't even sit long before spasming & having to go lay down on my heating padsssss I have 2 lost my 3rd one somewhere I lay on two covering entire back and upper part of hips where also muscles there hurt cuz you guessed it spasms. Usually I drape the weighted one over my pelvis when I have the third to lay on...cuz this one has vibrating cilindars inside and not the comfiest to lay on and no I don't use vibration cuz I feel it spoils my muscles to where they require it more and more until all I do is get up to get drink and food and toilet...go back lay down on it. So stopped using it like that and now I'm worse than ever.
    I'm getting a divorce soon as he too doesn't know what to do for me as does the Drs too they dont know what to do and if I come out and ask for pain meds I'll be a verified addict cuz that gap closes real quick if you specifically ask for certain meds.
    I go to the ER they are for emergencies well I feel my pain is an emergency but they seem annoyed with me seeking care there, and reluctantly treat my spasms and pain sending a prescription just enough to get in to see doctor unless it's Friday then just enough until Monday and getting in that day is impossible. So I am told to go to minor ER, they can't treat pain there, so also go back to ER and rinse and repeat get enough pain meds until appointment if I'm lucky. So 20 for Dr and minor ER 150 for ER copay wise. Can't afford it. Convenient that we can't work things out and getting divorce for other obvious reasons I will into with the last medical turned out emergency, and trust me his dismissive attitude towards my medical care is horrifying I walked around with my c4 hairline fractured for a week and a day and thinking after he took kids to school he would take me to er nope he had laundry to do so I drove myself. Was admitted and he had the nerve to bring up his mom needing my car when I was explaining how dangerous and life threatening it was because of where it is located on the part that is a small hole where the vein to the brain flows through and it could have caused a stroke. I told him figure it out cuz I'm being admitted for a serious condition for once. They usually give me a shot of haldol and send me home. If you don't know what that is look up on YouTube the haldol shuffle that sums it up quite well.
    So, add my 19 yr old and his condemning me for using my only source of relief 😮‍💨 I smoke pot. I can't justify paying the same price for the legal not as powerful so I have to smoke more of it to get relief which is also bad for my lungs which I had bronchitis still got my smokers cough I've had for years left and laryngitis is still strongly lost voice, but yelling over my 19 yr olds christian music and preaching videos, it's no wonder. He is what I like to call a toxic Christian his shove down your throat approach is not how I come to doing that Christian living that always brings up "test" if you make it through you got a "testament" how do you not make it through? Time marches on as if nothing happened and responsibilities remain the same the daily day to day task demands remain the same. So...make it through yeah...have a breakdown go into psych hospital....that's strong but now suddenly those supporters distance themselves because you required something they don't understand. And so the support system I thought and put down on my risk assessment and plan for dismissal, and now they suddenly are too busy for me...got the hint.
    I'm just damned if I do damned if I don't and I don't know what to do anymore. I really need to go to Mayo clinic. I assure you once my pain is managed then ADHD is addressed and I can focus on tasks and get things done instead of being a bumblebee working a little on everything and have nothing at the end of the day to show for it another reason divorce why isn't the dishes done? Because kids needed this when I started to do them then I needed a break before tackling the dishes again. Then start again and either I see another need needing done or kids again. Then another neeing done discovered and also started...kids...kids...I'm utterly exhausted why? You didn't get the one thing I asked you to do done. Bite lip go to computer and bury myself I don't do confrontations at all.
    My sister tells me to use my voice. But he has be making me feel lazy so it must be true spiral down father in depression.
    Anyways lots of life happened had a HLHS and Turner's syndrome baby who lives 19 hrs and 34 mins, had 2/3rd of hybrid surgery done on her heart when she crashed when they had to put the measuring wire back in her heart they got her back took her back to the floor she crashed again but couldn't bring her back. My hubs was a tourist all the way there and all the way back dragging me along to St Louis arch on the way back after losing my baby and experiencing engorgement sure take her in public where crying babies are everywhere. I finally told him how it made me feel and he said maybe he should of left me in the car?! That's his solution?! Me who gets post partum bad, sure leave me in the car...see I should of left a long time ago cuz this was 2008...he could read my journals if he doubts my claims. Figured he was so couldn't understand how he was continuing to make me think more and more poorly of myself.
    Get this, my now 19 yr old when in 1st grade told me I "would be living under a bridge if it weren't for" his dad. I'm like what?! Where did that come from? Did he come up with it on his own? I think it's more likely he over heard someone talking about me, so that doesn't sit well, and was added to the reel of stinkin thinkin I already have on repeat.
    Farther and farther I buried myself in my PC. I would get haircuts he liked he would buy me clothes and help pick glasses. He says I'm overly dependent on him well he made me this way! He don't like what I pick never has never will. That's fine. I'm done. #stayingstrong

    7 reactions 2 comments

    I'm new here!

    Hi, my name is Katherine Kane. I literally discovered the community about 60 seconds ago, so I'll hold off on announcing my intentions or plans. But I will volunteer that I've been working on a multi-media project about the intersection of chronic illness and the bureaucracy of being 'on benefits' or otherwise in need of public support systems.

    #MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #Fibromyalgia #PTSD #ADHD #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #Aphantasia #Bursitis #DiabetesType2 #PolycysticOvarySyndromePCOS #Arthritis

    12 reactions 6 comments

    I’m new here!

    Hi, my name is Gollygosh. I'm here because I’ve had severe pain in my left hip and QL muscle that has sent me to emergency twice but I’m yet to find a cause or solution.

    #MightyTogether #MyofascialPainSyndrome #Bursitis


    I’m new here!

    Hi, my name is uniqcaprcn. I want to connect with people so they know they are not alone, and pass along tricks and trades I use and research as well as been though myself.

    #MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #Migraine #Fibromyalgia #PTSD #ehlers-DanlosSyndrome #ChronicIllness #Bursitis #MentalHealth #ChronicInflammatoryResponseSyndrome


    Anyone got tips for dealing with hip bursitis?

    I’m 27 and my first big flare up of bursitis in my right hip started four days ago. I’ve been dealing with relatively mild pain from it for a while now (relatively mild compared to my other chronic pain— my good days for my general everyday pain are a 5/10 on the pain scale) but on Friday I woke up from a really deep sleep and if I wasn’t so used to pain, I would have screamed it hurt so much to even minutely shift anything connected to my hip, nevermind turn over or stand up. I haven’t felt that level of pain since I woke up from an osteotomy surgery on both feet before they had the chance to start me on a morphine we drip or anything.
    It’s been four days now, and it continues to hurt more than anything other than that surgery experience. I am someone who is used to pain: they can’t use x-rays to diagnose broken or fractured metatarsal bones anymore because the bones are just litered in old breaks, I’ve got pretty major muscle degeneration all in my legs, meaning those muscles are quite weak and painful to use, along with my neurological system going haywire and leading to a lot of neuropathic pain, the tendons in most of my major joints are messed up and painful…
    All this to say, I’m used to pain. I’ve been in pain since I was 8 years old, in disabling levels of pain since I was 15 or so. I’m used to it. I don’t cry from pain any longer, sometimes because I’m frustrated with my body and the pain it’s in, but not from the pain itself, you know? This pain has brought tears to my eyes, just because of how much it hurts.
    I’ve been icing it a lot, been taking ibuprofen, tried doing some of the stretches I looked up online but it just hurts too much. Sometimes it’ll give me some relief while I’m doing it, but ten minutes after I’m done the pain will be back even worse than before. All I can do is lie in my bed. Please, if anyone has any suggestions, let me know. Also, I’m Canadian, so if this is a “go see your GP or whatever other doctor” situation, just say that, I’m lucky that my place of birth gives me the luxury of not worrying if I can afford healthcare

    1 reaction 2 comments

    Feeling overwhelmed and fragile.

    Hello, I am new here, and happened to find the link to this group when I need it most.

    I have been suffering for years with on and off pain in different parts of my body. Going back 16 years, I had Achilles tendonitis in both feet for around 2 years. I had medication, Sulfasalazine for around 2 years and then the condition just seemed to go away. In the years that followed, I had lower back pain, and pain in my upper back and my shoulders which were just treated with physiotherapy. Added to this, I had chronic bursitis in both shoulders, chronic insomnia, headaches, also IBS. I have recently got diagnosed with fibromyalgia, mild ankylosing spondylitis, long term bowel inflammation, and I heard that my Achilles tendonitis is here for the long term, and my heal spur is here to stay. On top of all that I was diagnosed with BPD, anxiety, and depression. My doctor has not taken me seriously for the past 12 months and told me all my physical problems are between my ears and connected to my BPD. The mental health unit fired me because I could not submit to the 12 months of DBT they were offering. My new mental health worker is sure I have ADHD, I’m now going through the steps for a diagnosis, I always worked full time, but for the past 10 months, I have been working just half time. My company now want to reduce my salary for the hours that I am sick and want to assess if I am capable of ever returning to my work full time. If not, they can reduce my contract to half-time, and then I will have to be assessed by the disability service to see if I am sick enough to get disability payments, to help top up my half-time salary. It will be harder living on less income, but I know I cannot work more than 3 to 4 hours a day. The pain is just too much. The worry that the disability payments department will not accept me is making me worry and my overall condition worse. Sorry for going on for so long, but this has all just come to a head. On and off I get suicidal tendencies, when I think something bad is going to happen, or when the pain gets too much or when I feel no one is taking my pain and depression seriously. I was on feverin for the depression, but after 2 years, I felt it was just not helping me at all. I went to my doctor ( a different doctor in the same practice) I asked her for something different for the pain because the naproxen and paracetamol don't help at all. I told her that I was having suicidal feelings. She has taken me seriously and will contact my mental health worker, and look into other pain medication. I am just so petrified that I will not be granted disability for the hours that I don't work.

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    Just to introduce myself. I am a coloured pencil artist. I mainly draw nature. I’m also disabled. With a host of physical and some MH disabilities.

    This is my Crimson Sunbird picture #Nature #Art #colouredpencils

    #GiantCellArteritis #cerebralaterialvenousmalformation #Bipolar #Fibro #Osteoporosis #spondylitis #disbetes #IgAdeficiency #cognitiveimpairment #IBS #Asthma #COPD #ChronicPain #Bursitis #spinalwedgefractures

    If I didn’t have my art I’d be lost! I’m mainly housebound and my art is my lifeline!

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    The Vows you make #forbetterorworse #insicknessandinhealth

    When my husband and I married 9 years ago we took those vows without hesitation and with joy. He had full knowledge of my fibromyalgia and degenerative disc disease but at that time I was still functioning pretty well on a daily basis. Since then I have had both shoulders repaired TWICE! I had two torn tendons repaired in my right hip and all the bursitis cleaned out of it and could not walk for 3 weeks. I had 2 back surgeries, first for a spinal pain stimulator implant and then two titanium spacers at L3/4 and L4/5. Next month I will have another back surgery to replace the old stimulator. The icing on the cake is I have ADVANCED DRY MACULAR DEGENERATION which means I am basically leagaly blind. I’m no longer allowed to drive in my state. My point is while I think my husband fully meant his vows on that day 9 short years ago I think his patience is wearing thin. Now we have been through health scares with him too. He went through a cancer scare last year and treatment but Praise God he is all clear! It just seems like evertime I open my mouth he snaps at me lately. We really have NO INTIMACY anymore and while I THINK he loves me I’ve just really started to question if he LIKES me or likes being around me. I feel like I’ve become an obligation and a burden.
    I have ABSOLUTELY NO ONE TO TALK TO!#solonley

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    Advice needed after rheumatology evaluation please

    Ten months after first asking my primary doctor for a rheumatology referral, I finally had an appointment with one yesterday. It didn’t go as well as I had hoped. I have a lot of different symptoms and pain in every area of my body. I have seen a neurologist, gastroenterologist, and orthopedist. I do have tendon tears that are causing pain, but it doesn’t account for most of my symptoms. My ortho and physical therapist think there might be a systemic tendon issue. My doctors ruled out many things with lots of tests. They only want to cover up symptoms, so I was persistent for an answer and finally got a referral to a rheumatologist. Unfortunately, he was pretty dismissive. He said he read my medical records from my primary care, he asked me questions, and he gave me a physical exam. He asked if I had a prostate exam (I am a transgender man) and didn’t know most of my current diagnoses. I also realized later that he didn’t ask me about my cognitive symptoms or check anything but the areas I already know there are tears and push on a few of my vertebrae. I asked about pain management because I am allergic to corn and derivatives which are in most pharmaceuticals. He didn’t know anything about compounding medications or herbal supplements. He recommended physical therapy and to “figure out what works for you.” At the end of the appointment he said he was ordering 4 blood tests. Repeating the 2 inflammatory markers my doctor has tested a few times and were normal, a different RA test, and one to check for muscle degeneration. He said that if those come back normal than I don’t need to follow up with him. He said to follow up with my ortho because my pain is likely due to injuries and micro traumas. And to see an endocrinologist, even though I already had a lot of hormones checked with my primary and doctor who prescribes my testosterone. And to continue with the heart monitor I’m wearing this week and the cardiologist because I could have postural tachycardia. I was nervous and felt pressured to say that plan was fine.

    I got the blood work results via the lab’s app today and they were all normal. I am so upset. The doctor said someone would call me with the results. I am not a doctor, but I know there are other tests, blood and otherwise, that can be done to further investigate my symptoms. I’ve been researching my symptoms and connective tissue diseases for over a year. I feel like most medical professionals don’t care enough to dig deep into what’s going on and just pass me off to others or give me meds for symptoms.

    I don’t know what to do. Do I tell the person who calls from the doctor’s that I want to follow up anyway and ask the rheumatologist for more testing? Do I go back to the ortho and have him check all of my joints, back, neck, hands and feet? Do I ask my primary for another referral to a different rheumatologist, when she didn’t even want to refer me in the first place? The original referral said “low suspicion of rheumatic cause, patient requested eval.” I don’t know.

    I am just so exhausted, feel defeated, and want to give up.

    #Undiagnosed #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #CPTSD #Depression #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Anxiety #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #AvoidantPersonalityDisorder #SuicidalIdeation #CarpalTunnelSyndrome #TriggerFinger #Bursitis #Tendinitis #rotatorcufftears #labraltears #sciatica #Migraine #IrritableBowelSyndromeIBS #SleepApnea #Asthma #GastroesophagealRefluxDisease #Allergies #Folliculitis

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    Life’s Like That! #Leukaemia #AterialvenousMalformation #GiantCellArteritis #ChronicPain #Isolation #heartbreak

    My niece died last Monday night. She had been fighting Leukaemia. One minute she seemed to be okay. The next, on end of life care! And boom! She is dead! It happened so quickly in the end!
    I am a coloured pencil artist. When her brother, my nephew died, I drew! I kinda zoned out and was drawing and listening to music. I can’t draw at the moment. I have been diagnosed with bursitis in my right shoulder. I have to rest it or I’ll make it worse!
    I want to support my sister, brother in law, my surviving niece, my deceased nieces husband and children! My sisters grandkids! I can’t even support myself!!
    I have several disabilities and disorders. They’ve been coming thick and fast since I turned forty! I spend most of my time drawing. I have no friends. They all disappeared when I was diagnosed with bipolar! Fairweathered friends! That’s all they turned out to be in the end! I just feel so alone!
    I thought I’d show you some of my artwork. After depressing everyone with my post. I thought I’d put something uplifting on! My niece liked my art. She didn’t say a lot. She was very much like her dad in that respect! 🫶

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