Autophobia

Yesterday was my psychiatrist's appointment and I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder . I was waiting for this cause my situation was getting out of control. I met him and told him how things are getting messy and worse again. How all those things are coming back which I used to face 6 months ago. Hiding and locking myself, irritation , sudden bad feeling, having no energy, random auicidal thoughts and all. I was even scared to come out from my room. I didn’t wanna cause I was scared and Somehow I developed autophobia. Before coming there, the whole night I was sitting cause I didn’t just wanna come out from my room. It was scary. Then, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I knew my situation was bad. Didn’t expect it would be this bad. I am somehow scared cause never in my life i have faced something like this. Believe me I am actually very scared. I am not doing okay. Also, my final exams are coming in two months. And, I am in such a bad situation that I can't even tell that how much I am suffering.. I am really confused.. My doctor also kinda told me to take a break this year. But, I didn’t. I wanna give it. Though I am scared and suffering very badly. Everyday, my situation is getting bad. My doctor was kind enough to give me the chance to meet him everytime I have any emergency cause I told him about my suicide attempts. He said my problem has increased but I know that it did badly.. Dealing with my major depression is getting tough for me.. And I am scared.. #Depression #MentalHealth #Anxiety #SuicidalIdeation #MajorDepressiveDisorder

Depression is killing me. Yeah, everyday with a new form. No matter how hard I try, it’s just getting worse. The worst you can say. Depression and anxiety are affecting my life the way i never thought. Literally in everything and every part of my life. I am trying my best to cope up with it but i can't. I have my psychiatrist's appointment in three days which i badly need cause i think i need changes in my medicines as my situation is getting worse. I am at my home right now. I feel like i want to hide myself from everything and lock myself. Socializing or talking to someone is a big no for me right now. This was the exact same feeling i used to have when i got into this. One thing, i recently noticed that i developed autophobia. I mean i am too afraid to go out. To go to my place where i used to stay. I don’t wanna go. And i feel that place is spacious enough and i would suffocate. Also i have to go to my college for some work and i always have a bad experience whichnis also triggering my anxiety. I don’t wanna go. It’s just if i go there, i will alone and i will suffocate there. I don’t want to go. I am afraid of being alone. How i am supposed to make my family understand that i am not in that state to be alone.. I don’t want to be alone.. I am just so afraid.. I don’t wanna go. I feel if I go there, i am just goona suffocate myself and also might harm myself.. I really don’t know what to do.. #Depression #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Autophobia

I’m 18 now, and I can’t stop thinking about how this life went by so fast. I know I’ve got a lot to look ahead in, but for other people, that’s not the case. My dogs are now old and any day could be their day to cross the rainbow bridge. My parents are old too, and maybe when I found a life of my own, I know I’ll never see them as often. And of course, they’re going to die someday too, and then I’ll be all by myself.

It’s making me cry just thinking about it. I miss the times I spent with my parents when I was younger. We had so much fun then. But we grew, got older, and changed. Now I’m scared. I’m not ready for such a big responsibility yet. I’m not ready to grow up. I’m not ready to let go of everyone I love and care about. #Anxiety #nighttimeanxiety #Growingup #CheckInWithMe #CheerMeOn #Autophobia