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Yesterday was my psychiatrist's appointment and I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder . I was waiting for this cause my situation was getting out of control. I met him and told him how things are getting messy and worse again. How all those things are coming back which I used to face 6 months ago. Hiding and locking myself, irritation , sudden bad feeling, having no energy, random auicidal thoughts and all. I was even scared to come out from my room. I didn’t wanna cause I was scared and Somehow I developed autophobia. Before coming there, the whole night I was sitting cause I didn’t just wanna come out from my room. It was scary. Then, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I knew my situation was bad. Didn’t expect it would be this bad. I am somehow scared cause never in my life i have faced something like this. Believe me I am actually very scared. I am not doing okay. Also, my final exams are coming in two months. And, I am in such a bad situation that I can't even tell that how much I am suffering.. I am really confused.. My doctor also kinda told me to take a break this year. But, I didn’t. I wanna give it. Though I am scared and suffering very badly. Everyday, my situation is getting bad. My doctor was kind enough to give me the chance to meet him everytime I have any emergency cause I told him about my suicide attempts. He said my problem has increased but I know that it did badly.. Dealing with my major depression is getting tough for me.. And I am scared.. #Depression #MentalHealth #Anxiety #SuicidalIdeation #MajorDepressiveDisorder

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Depression is killing me. Yeah, everyday with a new form. No matter how hard I try, it’s just getting worse. The worst you can say. Depression and anxiety are affecting my life the way i never thought. Literally in everything and every part of my life. I am trying my best to cope up with it but i can't. I have my psychiatrist's appointment in three days which i badly need cause i think i need changes in my medicines as my situation is getting worse. I am at my home right now. I feel like i want to hide myself from everything and lock myself. Socializing or talking to someone is a big no for me right now. This was the exact same feeling i used to have when i got into this. One thing, i recently noticed that i developed autophobia. I mean i am too afraid to go out. To go to my place where i used to stay. I don’t wanna go. And i feel that place is spacious enough and i would suffocate. Also i have to go to my college for some work and i always have a bad experience whichnis also triggering my anxiety. I don’t wanna go. It’s just if i go there, i will alone and i will suffocate there. I don’t want to go. I am afraid of being alone. How i am supposed to make my family understand that i am not in that state to be alone.. I don’t want to be alone.. I am just so afraid.. I don’t wanna go. I feel if I go there, i am just goona suffocate myself and also might harm myself.. I really don’t know what to do.. #Depression #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Autophobia

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Gutted for my friend.

My friend is stuck in a loveless & probably emotionally abusive marriage, but she's too terrified to leave. Not for the obvious "are you worried he'll become dangerous" reason. No, this reason seems insurmountable to me, so god knows what it must feel like to her. Due to a horrific childhood, she has autophobia, which is a fear of being alone. Not even for long periods, apparently. Can be as little as an hour??
She walked out on him one time, & things got as dark as they can possibly go. I just feel heartbroken at her situation. I told her she needs to talk to someone professional, as you do. You know the old "Ask for help" thing. But this is the kicker - round here there isn't any help. So my brain has been screaming that at me since she told me at the almost savage brutality of life for some people. Anyway, I knew you lot on The Mighty would understand. #ChildhoodAbuse #Trauma #EmotionalAbuse #MentalHealth


autophobia is ruining my life

I've experienced severe anxiety all my life as well as depression, skin picking and hairpulling disorders, as well as BPD. But the one that's really gotten bad that i'm seeing now as an adult and the one i've most avoided is that i'm insanely afraid of being alone in public places. It's such a scary one to even talk about because facing it seems impossible. I can't imagine going on a car ride outside of my city alone. It seems like I could never have a family even if I wanted one because having a child would require me to take them places i'm afraid to go. Even going on a walk by mysef makes me so scared and I have never really done it. Whenever I am left alone in public like waiting for someone to pick me up after a doctor appointment I am frantic needing to call someone on my phone to feel as though im not alone. I feel like a child, i feel dependent on everyone, i feel weak and insane. I don't know where this fear developed--if maybe it's a BPD thing like needing someone to validate my existence--but I hate it. I will never be able to reach my goals and feel like a strong woman if I can't overcome it. And it also really sucks that I don't know of anyone who suffers feom this as well so I really feel like a freak. And I know others think of me that way either by babying me or telling me to grow up and "just do it". They don't understand that i'm on the edge of a mental breakdown and literally feel as though I might hurt someone else because i get so paranoid when I am alone that I feel I am under attack. I wish I knew where the hell this came from. Sorry for rambling. I've never really talked about it before.

#Autophobia #AnxietyDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder


I’m 18 now, and I can’t stop thinking about how this life went by so fast. I know I’ve got a lot to look ahead in, but for other people, that’s not the case. My dogs are now old and any day could be their day to cross the rainbow bridge. My parents are old too, and maybe when I found a life of my own, I know I’ll never see them as often. And of course, they’re going to die someday too, and then I’ll be all by myself.

It’s making me cry just thinking about it. I miss the times I spent with my parents when I was younger. We had so much fun then. But we grew, got older, and changed. Now I’m scared. I’m not ready for such a big responsibility yet. I’m not ready to grow up. I’m not ready to let go of everyone I love and care about. #Anxiety #nighttimeanxiety #Growingup #CheckInWithMe #CheerMeOn #Autophobia