Autophobia

My friend is stuck in a loveless & probably emotionally abusive marriage, but she's too terrified to leave. Not for the obvious "are you worried he'll become dangerous" reason. No, this reason seems insurmountable to me, so god knows what it must feel like to her. Due to a horrific childhood, she has autophobia, which is a fear of being alone. Not even for long periods, apparently. Can be as little as an hour??
She walked out on him one time, & things got as dark as they can possibly go. I just feel heartbroken at her situation. I told her she needs to talk to someone professional, as you do. You know the old "Ask for help" thing. But this is the kicker - round here there isn't any help. So my brain has been screaming that at me since she told me at the almost savage brutality of life for some people. Anyway, I knew you lot on The Mighty would understand. #ChildhoodAbuse #Trauma #EmotionalAbuse #MentalHealth

I've experienced severe anxiety all my life as well as depression, skin picking and hairpulling disorders, as well as BPD. But the one that's really gotten bad that i'm seeing now as an adult and the one i've most avoided is that i'm insanely afraid of being alone in public places. It's such a scary one to even talk about because facing it seems impossible. I can't imagine going on a car ride outside of my city alone. It seems like I could never have a family even if I wanted one because having a child would require me to take them places i'm afraid to go. Even going on a walk by mysef makes me so scared and I have never really done it. Whenever I am left alone in public like waiting for someone to pick me up after a doctor appointment I am frantic needing to call someone on my phone to feel as though im not alone. I feel like a child, i feel dependent on everyone, i feel weak and insane. I don't know where this fear developed--if maybe it's a BPD thing like needing someone to validate my existence--but I hate it. I will never be able to reach my goals and feel like a strong woman if I can't overcome it. And it also really sucks that I don't know of anyone who suffers feom this as well so I really feel like a freak. And I know others think of me that way either by babying me or telling me to grow up and "just do it". They don't understand that i'm on the edge of a mental breakdown and literally feel as though I might hurt someone else because i get so paranoid when I am alone that I feel I am under attack. I wish I knew where the hell this came from. Sorry for rambling. I've never really talked about it before.

#Autophobia #AnxietyDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder