I personally feel the need to save every penny I have left over of the week or a month, but also needing to spend as much as I can because I didn't had this opportunity as a child. I don't know what to say really, I just think my impulses are sometimes to much to save all I want or to spend it above my needs.
I am 27 years old. My current situation in life is so weird at the moment. I don’t know what to do or what to think. My boyfriend (who is 25) works full time remotely. His pay is more than decent. I on the other hand have no job. Sort of. I work part time at a bookshop. Mostly on weekends. I was pressured into finding a job. I did. Now I’m being told to find a better, full time job with much better pay. I can tell that if I won’t, my boyfriend will leave me. So, in my mind, I don’t think I have the capability and mentality to underhold a full time job. I don’t think I have that strength. Even getting up early in the morning to work on the weekends is hard enough already. Also i forgot to mention, we live with his parents. His mom recently underwent a huge surgery and still recovering, his dad is kinda losing it. He also has depression and anxiety and being manic. Now being in the household with all this down, negative energy is really getting to me. It makes it hard for me. I am afraid my relationship is in jeapordy. I don’t know what to do. I am afraid. #gettingajob #findingajob #Lifeishard #Growingup #Life #Depression #Anxiety #underpressure #Pressure #afraid
I grew up a little bit rough around the edges. In the middle of our small city, a jeepney terminal across the street made catcalls normal, and nighttime violence like stabbing and gunning happen often enough that we just move to the next room and shrug it off.
It did not help that I grew up at a time when terrorists are active, and Red Alerts—imminent danger—made it difficult for us to be out at night. I saw someone got shot in front of me, and after being shaken up for a few minutes, my friends and I went on our way to continue partying.
I grew up rough around the edges, but that’s part of the environment I grew up in. Today, as an adult, I listen to my parents at the dinner table and realized that while they are good people, they are not always kind. Maybe it’s also because of the time they grew up and the environment they had.
My parents scold me when I fight back or act sassy around authority figures (like teachers). They tell me patience is a virtue. They are prayerful, but like many religious people, they choose the passages in the Bible that they feel they should follow. They are homophobic and racist, yet they tell me not to be judgmental.
My parents taught me to be nice to people. They didn’t teach me to be kind. Kindness is something I am still trying to learn. Like my initial thoughts don’t have to be the first thing that’s said, especially if it hurts people. Like keeping my mouth shut when commenting on something that nobody can change in the next five minutes. Like asking people how they’re doing and really listening.
Like doing something good without having to announce it to the world through social media. Like trying to suppress all my anger (and I have plenty of it) or letting it go in a healthier way.
I grew up rough around the edges, and few people tell me that I have a big heart or that I’m kind. I’m trying my best, but it’s hard. Kindness does not come easy, and it probably won’t ever be.
Looking back at my life, I can think of a million things that made me cry or made me sad. But I can also think of a billion things that made me laugh or smile. It is important to grab hold of the things that made you laugh and push them into everything you do, treating others kindly and making sure you take care of yourself.
When I was a bit younger I had no self respect, no awareness of the bigger picture- this caused me to spiral a lot. Say things I didn’t mean, do things I didn’t want to do, acted in a way I knew would come back to hurt me.
Self destruction, a peculiar thing.
I think back and I think, I had no , not one ounce, of self control. The inner child inside of me was silenced, and a powerful rage of hate engulfed my every inhibition and created something in itself.
I wasn’t my authentic self for years, focussed on things like image, approval, a constant need to feel like I was on top, truth is- when all you’re focussed on is that, you’ll never really be happy. If you’re too focussed on concepts created by society- a purely fundamental, objective, abstract comprehension of the world- you will not feel grounded.
You will not live in the moment and you will not be yourself.
You will experience things that confuse and hurt you and you don’t understand why.
This is because it’s a construct.
Once you try to dig deep, look at the world around you, nature, family, connection, emotion, love, THEN you will understand. Let go of all the demands you think you must co operate with, and watch yourself blossom into a free energy, built up of strength, self understanding and POWER.
Manifest your life, look at yourself and remind yourself what you’re made of. We’re all perfect, exuistly designed for individual greatness, like a flower.
You become something special when you believe you are something special.
I’ve kept busy today but having some sad thoughts/memories. I just feel like I’m in-between right now. Someone mentioned to me that I’ve changed a lot— like I don’t like the same things I used to. And that bothered me.
I said hey, that’s me being my own person, you know? I feel like that’s making me feel guilty for being me. Maybe I don’t love being around people quite as much as I used to. But that’s fine.
People are allowed to change and grow up and find themselves. I’m allowed to change and find myself.
Especially this past year- I’ve been proud of that. I want to hold on to that and know that I am where I am meant to be. Does that make sense? #CheckInWithMe #Depression #Anxiety #Breakups #Sadness #beingme #Growingup
Growing up in a household where the only speaking tone is yelling, I now as an adult assume that everybody are automatically angry and hate me. #Growingup #Anxiety
I’m almost done with my associates and I feel so lost right now. Do I continue on for my bachelors? Do I stay at my job? Do I move out? Move away? Travel the world?
There’s so many options and I feel just... stuck
What should I do?
#Anxiety #Depression #lost #help #Growingup
I’m 18 now, and I can’t stop thinking about how this life went by so fast. I know I’ve got a lot to look ahead in, but for other people, that’s not the case. My dogs are now old and any day could be their day to cross the rainbow bridge. My parents are old too, and maybe when I found a life of my own, I know I’ll never see them as often. And of course, they’re going to die someday too, and then I’ll be all by myself.
It’s making me cry just thinking about it. I miss the times I spent with my parents when I was younger. We had so much fun then. But we grew, got older, and changed. Now I’m scared. I’m not ready for such a big responsibility yet. I’m not ready to grow up. I’m not ready to let go of everyone I love and care about. #Anxiety #nighttimeanxiety #Growingup #CheckInWithMe #CheerMeOn #Autophobia
Since turning 18 and starting college, I feel like the way I’m treated has changed some. It’s good in certain ways, like having privileges and higher levels of trust, but it’s not always good. People assume you have your stuff together. My parents assume it’s okay to leave me alone for a week in the house. They assume I can do a full trip to the grocery store alone and buy a week’s worth of food without chucking in junk food or impulse buys.
I may technically be an adult, and I may have finished my first year of college, but it doesn’t mean I don’t still need adults. I still need my parents. I’m not ready to handle everything on my own yet. I still need you to cuddle me and tell me it’s okay to not have it figured out. I still need you around on the weekends to spend time with you. Just because I spend most of the year at school, it doesn’t mean that I don’t miss you.
Does anyone else feel this way? Shoutout to anyone else who feels young when they’re supposed to feel like an adult. I’m still a kid, and that’s okay. #Anxiety #Growingup #Adulting
Dear,,
I know its been hard, but not the hard you expected. You feel confused and all lost thinking its only you. You stare at the world wondering how they’ve survived, how they handle those feelings over and over and over, but dear, there’s a hidden part about growing up that no one has ever told you..
There are times where you’d be left with incomplete pictures. You’ll try to make sense of the nonsense, as you’ve always learned to do when in confusion, but dear, some answers are meant to stay blank. You’ll feel and not understand and you’ll comprehend but not heal, you’ll walk forward but stay still and you’ll stay still and wander far away with your dreams. There are contradictions that will blow your mind and disappointments that’ll shatter your heart. And you’ll let go. Let go of promises and dreams, let go of people and fears and you’ll do it over and over until you learn how to live lightly without getting attached,
Dear, there are grey days that will make you feel as cold as ice, yet melt with the slightest breeze of warm air, and here comes the hardest part. You’ll get shocked with your vulnerability. loneliness does scare you and people can easily drain you. Love does make you blind and the truth does hurt,
there are days where you’ll feel ashamed of how your dream of being a superhero to save the world has now turned into saving yourself. But, no one told you that the monsters aren’t really under your bed but lies beneath your skin,
But, thats okay. You learn that its okay when you grasp the idea that there’s always something missing and something found. Its okay as you learn that you’re not alone. Each person has a story to tell, dark chapters that sometimes, even the closest ones have no clue about their existence. You’ll change and evolve, you’ll heal, over and over,
But hey, promise me one thing,
Stay human. When the world tells you to shut down, don’t give up. Keep holding on the part that dreams, the part that finds joy in the little things. You’re weak yet strong enough to handle every hardship you face. You’re vulnerable yet wise enough to embrace your dark days. You’ll face your fears and grow flowers with your tears. You’re going to go through it, because its not the end, with every fresh new breath you grasp into your lungs you’ll hope, hope for the best and hope for a better tomorrow, and the last thing? Keep this part hidden. Let your story be a happy one.
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