childhood abuse

How do I address dating or any form of intimacy if a single kiss causes a flashback that triggers panic?
#SexualAbuse #ChildhoodAbuse #Bipolar #MentalHealth #lonely

Im thinking that my DNA is paired wrong …. The helix 🧬 goes the other way - this is fact because it wasn’t one person that did those things it happened again and again - even as an adult I went back for more and I hate myself . I want to get rid . I used to bathe in bleach but nothing works #ChildhoodAbuse #PTSD #SexualAbuse #recoveryishard #Hatemyself #Migraine #EatingDisorders #SuicidalThoughts #Selfharm

Can’t do this - overthinking is too much today.. desperate to live in the moment whilst on holiday… no calories mentioned in menus… feeling dreadful but know I’m lucky … trying not to disassociate…. #CPTSD #ChildhoodAbuse #Shame #Hatemyself

#Adenomyosis #BipolarDisorder #ChildhoodAbuse #CPTSD #PolycysticOvarySyndrome #PsoriaticArthritis #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #Support #FamilyAndFriends #Anxiety #Depression #Loneliness

As a trauma survivor I'm always told that forgiveness is necessary for healing, and yet others say that it isn't necessary. As a practicing Catholic, I know what the church says but when you have complicated relationships with your family then I think that makes forgiveness a little more difficult. I have no relationship currently with my family ever since I spoke up about the abuse I was enduring. They seemed to turn on me and I am still healing those wounds. I used to feel completely let down and invalidated.

I felt defeated and unimportant. I thought that speaking up would make things better. It did the opposite. Other than no longer being abused, I struggle to see the positives. Sure I have a loving fiancé that has been with me every step of my healing journey but somedays that just isn't good enough. I have written numerous letters of forgiveness to my abusers but always discarded them. I felt they either weren't genuine or I wasn't ready. However I have been able to forgive myself for not knowing certain things then that I know now. Yet I struggle to forgive my abusers. It makes it harder because the abusers are family members.

What are your takes on forgiveness? I do want to reach a place of healing and maybe forgiveness one day. I want heal so much that I cannot get triggered. Though having #PTSD makes that a little hard. I feel like if I forgive then I can move on. I know forgiveness is a personal choice but I just wanted some opinions. Ultimately I may follow Catholic doctrine and forgive my enemies but right now I am not there.

#SexualAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #ChildhoodAbuse #Trauma #BipolarDisorder #PTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Family #Toxic #Healing #Writing #Forgiveness #Catholic

This last year I've been through a whole mess of things and it's not over with yet...I wish I had a magic wand to fix it but know that's not possible. My self esteem was at an all time high and I had a lot going for me then boom me and my husband started to split, he was off the chain and indulging in all sorts of things, not to mention started seeing someone that was related to my boss, my supposed "best friend" and because of that with a combination of domestic violence and the list goes on...I've been going through it and add 2 teenagers to the mix....life has been one hell of a shit show. I haven't felt this low in a long time and haven't had a good day in atleast a month....I do have days that r better then some but far and few lately...my bed is my best friend and I'm just so lonely, sad, and have a lot of suicidal ideation... I'm doing the things talk therapy, meds, and even anger management it seems to help but then pops in my 40yrs of pushed down childhood trauma that I have never really dealt with, which I know is a good thing so I can heal but idk how much more I can take and I'm trying to keep myself together the best I can for my kiddos as well.....ugh! Please Pray for me and my family. #Anxiety #BipolarDepression #ChildhoodAbuse #ADHD #PTSD

I often wondered if the outside world was as bad as the life I was living. I didn’t disclose the abuse until after it started. I was silenced by shame and fear. Now I am ready to share my horror with the world. The monster I dealt with didn’t live under the bed or in the closet. He walked around, worked, acted as a family man. So much so I trusted him and now looking back, I wonder what made me trust him. I was a child when the #SexualAbuse started. I was molested on a daily or near daily basis. My body didn’t feel like my own. I felt awkward, dirty, confused, and used. The molestation continued for years. I kept it a secret mostly because I wasn’t sure if my experiences qualified as abuse. I wasn’t being beaten or starved so I didn’t classify being touched inappropriately as abusive. By the time I was sexually assaulted by that monster I had grown used to the abuse. Though the #SexualAssault made me fear for my life there was something familiar about it. Like all the other times I was abused. Not to mention the onslaught of #EmotionalAbuse I was subjected to by another monster. I was psychologically torn down. I began to accept the abuse and believe all their lies. I believed I wasn’t good enough, that I deserved the abuse, that I was a bad person and that sex was a bad thing and yet my worth depended on it. After leaving the abusive situation in 2019 my life went further downhill. Financial losses, no relationship with the family, self harm and a suicide attempt. I was later diagnosed with #PTSD which changed things. But after I met my now fiancé things changed for the better. My life is more stable, healthier and while I am doing intensive therapy to work out the trauma, I can say each day gets better. I have found someone that loves me despite the trauma and a family I can call my own. So while I may struggle with the effects of being abused, I can say healing is possible. It just takes time.

I encourage you to share your story if you feel comfortable. This post has been truly liberating. Thank you for allowing me to post here. My voice and your voice have power! I will no longer be ruled by fear and shame. That belongs on the monsters that abused me. I appreciate the feedback.

#ChildhoodAbuse

I often wondered if the outside world was as bad as the life I was living. I didn't disclose the abuse until after it started. I was silenced by shame and fear. Now, I am ready to share my horror with the world. The monster that I dealt with didn't live under the bed or hide in the closet. He walked around, worked, acted as a family man. So much so that I trusted him and now looking back, I wonder what made me trust him. I was a child when the #SexualAbuse started. I was molested on a daily or near daily basis. My body didn't feel like my own. I felt awkward, dirty, confused and used. The molestation continued for years. I kept it a secret mostly because I wasn't sure if my experiences qualified as abuse. I wasn't being beaten or starved so I didn't classify being touched inappropriately as abuse. By the time I was sexually assaulted by that monster I had grown used to the abuse. I was used to being used and discarded. Though the #SexualAssault made me fear for my life, there was something about it that seemed familiar like all the other times I was being abused. Not to mention the onslaught of #EmotionalAbuse I was subjected to by another monster. I was psychologically torn down. I began to accept the abuse and believe all their lies. I believed that I wasn't good enough, that I deserved what was happening, that I was a bad person, that sex was a bad thing but yet my worth depended on it. After leaving the abusive situation in 2019, my life went further downhill. Financial losses, no relationship with the family, self-harm and a suicide attempt. I was later diagnosed with #PTSD and that changed things. But after I met my now fiancé, things changed for the better. My life is more stable, healthier and while I am still doing intensive therapy and working out the trauma, I can say that each day gets better. I have found someone that loves me despite the trauma. I have a family I can call my own. So while I may struggle with the effects of being abused, I can say that healing is possible. It just takes time.

I encourage you to share your story (if you feel comfortable). This post has been truly liberating. Thank you for allowing me to post here. My voice and your voice matters! I will no longer be ruled by fear and shame. That belongs to the monsters that decided to abuse me. I appreciate all the feedback.

We are strong together!

#ChildhoodAbuse