bipolarlife

Got out of bed and showered today, 2nd time in 3 days. This is the most I’ve accomplished in at least 1 year. It just takes so much out of me. Afterward I have to lay down for a bit. Seems like I have spurts of feeling good then I get back into bed. Had a discussion with my husband yesterday about driving and found myself having to explain anxiety and needing to go at my own pace. Once again it’s something I’m doing on purpose. I’m watching my grandson today so wish me luck on keeping up and staying awake. You all are a blessing hugs❤️
#bipolarlife #Anxiety #tiredallthetime

Today I felt different than yesterday and the days before. I woke up feeling more confident within myself. I looked in the mirror and told myself how much I’ve changed. I’ve grown. I’ve survived. This is my warrior shield, I am my worrier shield if you will. I have to create creative ways for my mind and imagination part to feel connected somehow. The comparisons help me. Anyways, lately I have been feeling a little less confident. Maybe it’s because my job requires me to get dirty and sweaty and not express myself in anyway. I wear loose scrubs and a somewhat baggy shirt on me. I don’t ever feel confident when I’m at work and that is where I am 40+ hours of the week. Today, I did my makeup a little different, I put some nice clothes and jewelry and I felt so different...I felt happier to be myself and wear what made me happy and comfortable that day. I sometimes get so lost in my job that requires so much mental and physical strength to get through, and I come out crying and frustrated with myself because I’m neglecting my own self..I know I’m so many ways I could be confident but I’ve never seen it in me. Today, I went into my job to get some papers and my co-workers were like “wow, you look so good when you aren’t at work!” Or “wow, you look different when your not in your work clothes!” It made me remind myself that these people don’t even see that side of me ever. As little as I do myself.... #Confidenceneeded #Tryingtocope #Tryingtobehere

Bipolar. Mom of 3. Social worker. Daughter. Wife. And let’s discuss “wife.” Wife had a breakdown 3 years ago, adulteress added to list of labels. Husband stayed and “stood there through it all.” While also, temporally taking custody of my kids away. Yes, you did. Now I’m stronger, balanced, managing my multiple labels and doing well, for the most part. Coming to terms that you are no longer who I want to spend my life with. Through it all, they (kids) were on your “side,” and now 2 of the 3, will chose you, I know this. Heartbreaking. So I stay, stay in a life I’m unhappy with, just to be with my children who would not chose me anyway. Confident I can live a happier life on my own, without you but not without them. So I stay, until when, for how much longer I don’t know, but what do I do? #bipolarmom #Bipolarwife #bipolarlife