losingcontrol

I felt myself losing control again. So I found a song that resonated with me emotionally and I found myself pacing around the apartment. I finally went to my room because I knew that I was going to breakdown at some point. At the most driven part of the song, I fell the the floor and allowed myself to cry and scream as loudly as I could at that moment. For me, there is so sadness without feeling anger at the same time. I cried out of sadness because of the emotional pain, I screamed out of anger because it felt like everything and everyone who has ever hurt me started squeezing my soul. Which lead to me throwing my headphones across the room. I’ve calmed down, but I still feel hurt and hate in my heart. #MentalHealth #Depression #losingcontrol

I’m in a really bad situation inside my head that I can’t seem to run from. I want time away from everything and everyone and you’d think this pandemic would be the perfect time ... honestly it’s the worst, I feel like it has highetened my anxiety and depression. I feel as if I have no one, I try speaking to GOD but I need something more than just a few words.. I need help I’m losing touch with reality... I have no support system and honestly I’m crumbling ... I have so much feeling and emotions inside I’m just rambling... I need help and everyone just keeps brushing me off saying I’m fine ... what do I have to do to show people I’m not making this up? How do I find happiness in such misery ..?

I’m in a really bad situation inside my head that I can’t seem to run from. I want time away from everything and everyone and you’d think this pandemic would be the perfect time ... honestly it’s the worst, I feel like it has highetened my anxiety and depression. I feel as if I have no one, I try speaking to GOD but I need something more than just a few words.. I need help I’m losing touch with reality... I have no support system and honestly I’m crumbling ... I have so much feeling and emotions inside I’m just rambling... I need help and everyone just keeps brushing me off saying I’m fine ... what do I have to do to show people I’m not making this up? How do I find happiness in such misery ..?

I’m in a really bad situation inside my head that I can’t seem to run from. I want time away from everything and everyone and you’d think this pandemic would be the perfect time ... honestly it’s the worst, I feel like it has highetened my anxiety and depression. I feel as if I have no one, I try speaking to GOD but I need something more than just a few words.. I need help I’m losing touch with reality... I have no support system and honestly I’m crumbling ... I have so much feeling and emotions inside I’m just rambling... I need help and everyone just keeps brushing me off saying I’m fine ... what do I have to do to show people I’m not making this up? How do I find happiness in such misery ..?

It seems like all I know how to do is cry. That’s all I’ve been doing any chance I get I cry. I’m heartbroken because my best friend/ the love of my life is slowly pulling away in preparation for her leaving and starting her new life else where. I’m feeling alone because I don’t really talk to many people except them. I don’t know what I want to do with my life anymore and it feels like I’m running out time. It feels like I’m losing all my chances to figure anything out as the days go by. I just got a job but I already want to quit due to how miserable I’ve been feeling. Life just isn’t working out for me. I just want to curl up in a ball with my best friend and never leave. But life had to move on and that’s all people tell you is life is hard and it goes on. I don’t know what to do anymore :( #heartbreak #tears #sad #depressed #losingcontrol #lost #alone #scared #Anxiety

Im not doing well.
I am sick and the medication they have given me makes me manic.
I have been unable to sleep more than 2-4 hours for 12 days.
I feel like I am going crazy.
My emotions are a rollercoaster I can’t predict.
I want to cut, just to feel some control.
But i’m a year and 3 months clean and I don’t want to mess that up.
I am tired of messing things up.
I need help.

#Mania #help #BipolarDisorder #losingcontrol #triggerwarning #Selfharm

For so many years I lost control in every confrontation at work. Tears, arguments, panic attacks.  Finally diagnosed at 55 with BPD II.  Got medication.  My life at work has been so much better.  I have even received compliments about the difference.  
In the process of trying to change some of my meds. Don't know if that contributed to this. I got caught off guard by an unexpected verbal attack and lost it.  From past experiences everyone will discount any wrong-doing by the person starting the confrontation cause I m just "a nut job".
These unhinged moments exhaust me and put me in a bad place. I can't shake the embarrassment. #worry #Work #bipolarlife