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Migraines, Life-Long (Suicidal) Depression, A Real Desire to be with my Lord and Saviour, More Debt than I can afford

Living with Life-Long Suicidal Depression since at least 4-years-old (mid 1970s); and Migraine Headaches that have been regular (at least 1 to 2 times a week [more weeks now are turning in to at least 2 days] since the mid 1990s) and many other health problems that are on and off weekly or monthly; Extra Debt that I was pressed in to; which can cause me to lose the house, SSDI so it is hard to earn extra money to get out of Debt; and with Life-Long Suicidal Depression, in addition to the Major Pains, I really have been desiring more to be able to go Home to be with my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

I would greatly appreciate any feed back.

#MentalHealth #Migraines #Depresion #SuicidalIdeation #Debt #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #BPD #Bipolar1 #BorderlinePersonalityDisorderBPD #BipolarDepression #BipolarIDisorder #BipolarDisorder #BipolarI #BipolarType1 #CheerMeOn #Bipolar1Disorder #BipolarDisorders #MigraineHeadaches #AutismSpectrumDisorder #AutismSpectrum #Autistic #SeparationAnxietyDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #IllnessAnxietyDisorder #SeparationAnxiety #AnxietyAttack #AdrenalInsufficiency #AnkylosingSpondylitis #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #DistractMe #Selfharm #PanicDisorder #PanicAttack #PanicAttacks #worry #highfunctioningautism #AttentionDeficitHyperactivityDisorder #DiabetesType2 #DiabetesII #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #IfYouFeelHopeless #suicidal

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Anyone struggle with social anxiety?

Was a good day today I helped out with something for a community event, putting posters around about a mental health support to raise awareness for people that need it in my town/city. But a bit of social anxiety having to interact and ask reception etc about being able to put it up. Etc I’m lucky I’m half extroverted half introverted but some situations still make my social anxiety :/ a little high. #SocialAnxiety #Anxiety #panic #worry #Silly #DoingMyBest

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📖Metacognitive beliefs -💭change mindset

Hi Mighties,

Hope your weekend is beginning or ending as well as it can be.

Just like to share with you a section in a book I'm currently reading: 'No Worries: A Guide to Managing Anxiety and Worry Using CBT'
🇦🇺Author: Sarah Edelman
Here is a page with challenging worry, overthinking from chapter 'Metacognitive beliefs'

Belief vs Rational Perspective

I struggle with worry, it is a something I always thought was a big part of how I function and control the world around me. It has been a blessing and curse. It is hard to focus on the bigger picture. When you are focussed on trivial things or contemplating whether you did or said something .

#Anxiety #Stress #worry #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #MightyBookClub

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Decision making induced physical illness #BPD #ADHD #worry #Anxiety #DecisionFatigue

For the first time at least that I have noticed I became physically ill against my will mostly due to stress. I can only assume because I don’t know if this is a BPD thing or ADHD thing (my therapist recently suggested I could be on the spectrum but I think it’s ADHD)

I was at work and began to tingle all over.

I became sick to my stomach queasy and nauseous and lightheaded. I had to double over and lean on a table while sitting. I called my supervisor and as soon as she came in and asked something (I can’t remember, it was yesterday) I immediately began to cry with no warning or control so she suggested do you need to use the bathroom and I did and just pretended to throw up because I was too embarrassed to say no I’m just crying uncontrollably. Then I went home on claims of being sick which I did feel but after I cried I felt a bit better…still not well my stomach was bothered but like it was much less intense once I left work. I don’t know if that means I need to leave my job which I’ve been considering this week. My decision making skills feel broken like out of order and not capable of being used effectively. I have never been aware of my physical body being affected so directly by stress but I don’t know why else that would happen. I feel so lost and confused and weird and defective.

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Life can be short, life can be fragile and fleeting, yet life is a blessing, and those whose lives are taken from us leave us memories that cannot die

I just heard some difficult news. A dear friend who I know has been struggling fighting serious health problems just told me they have a limited time left to live. It has reminded me how precious life is, how beautiful life is, how short lives can be, how fleeting our good health can be and how unfair life can be. As loved ones become ill and their health diminishes those of us close to them can feel helpless and just wish there was something we could do to lessen their pain, to alleviate their suffering, to concoct some sort of magic potion, a panacea to bring them back to good health and lengthen their lives back to that we once thought they had left.

But there is often nothing we can say that will help as much as we would like, despite our wanting to make a difference there is nothing we can do to change things and turn fate around, nothing we can offer to help alleviate their pain and suffering and nothing we can offer their family and friends to help cushion the blow.

As I heard the news of my friend’s declining health I was deeply saddened. They are young and can appear so vibrant and healthy, so strong and spirited …but I have known the truth, known their days were numbered…however I thought they had years to live, instead they just told me it is months, even weeks or days.

I just want to give them a big, deep, comforting, loving hug … but alas, life has them hours away. Life that is so fleeting for them has us separated by space that a hug can’t travel. It's just a virtual hug that I can offer. It’s a lot, but sadly I feel like it’s not enough.

I can only send my love and support through words. Yet I know this can make a difference. I know from first hand experience that thoughts and prayers can travel through a phone call, cyberspace and through intention and belief…but it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. It just doesn’t seem fair. It seems like there is a void that cannot be filled.

So I will keep them in my thoughts and prayers. Those words can seem hollow and often insignificant because they are shared so often that they don’t seem to mean enough anymore… but I will think about them a lot, I will pray for them, I will send my blessings that they don’t suffer, that they are not in pain, that they can enjoy every moment left in their life, that their joy and spirit will give them strength to live their remaining life to its fullest as much as they can.

I will deeply mourn the loss of this friend, I will mourn the loss of a young life cut short, I will mourn someone I will not be able to hug… but I also know that they would want me to celebrate their life, celebrate the joy and exuberance they lived that life with, celebrate all the ways they touched others and made a difference in our lives. I will celebrate them, celebrate life … even if it can be short. I will celebrate their spirit and the memories that cannot be taken away. That part of their life is left with us all …forever!

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Disability #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #Selflove #Selfcare #PTSD #COVID19 #Migraine #Headache #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #Bipolar1Disorder #BipolarDepression #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #HIVAIDS #longtermsurvivor #RareDisease #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ADHD #Fibromyalgia #Cancer #IfYouFeelHopeless #Hope #relief #Joy #happy #TheMighty #MightyTogether #MightyMinute #mentalhealthwarrior #Grief #LossOfAParent #LossOfAChild #ChildLoss #Death #Mourning #sad #worry #Fear

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I just need some love today

Today was my first day back to work since my 15 day medical leave for anxiety.
During these 15 days I was derived to a few specialists to have tests done however I was unable find an appointment for them for this month as Neuro, Psych and other doctors have very busy schedules as you might know. The thing is that I was barely able to function at work today as I my supervisor emailed me mid work day and asked me for a meeting on Monday at the office.

Literally the worst thing they could have done to a non medicated anxious person.
#Anxiety #Depression #SocialAnxiety #worry #Agoraphobia

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Always share your feelings

I've promised myself multiple times in the past that I will talk about my problems before it's too late. Too late here means before it turns out into a new kind of anxiety, a new intrusive thought or whatever.
Aaand here I am with a totally new 'anxiety-pack'. Because when things went wrong, I felt like I usually feel - ok, somehow we will work things out again. Ok, we will find out aomething, and I felt hope. And without noticing it, anxiety came in and started to work in my mind. And days, or even weeks after the problem, OCD generates me intrusive thoughts, and I feel guilty if I don't fight them. But they doesn't really matter, because that's just the way stress comes up.
Because when the problem appears, I have to stay strong, to have hope and to let others have that hope, what is really a good thing - just after that, I should face the problem for myself too. I usually don't, and it turns out like this - unwanted intrusive thoughts and OCD.
I know it's wrong to ask 'What would have happen, if...?' , but now I still have to ask: what would have happened if I didn't try to be a hero, instead I would face the problem that time, and like a 'normal' person I would have cried or shouted, or anything. And I would have accept the anger and disappoint.
Well, I can't be sure what would have happen, but what I guess - I would have a healthy image of the whole situation, and after getting through it, I would try to find the solution. So maybe anger would come up normally, not a way of OCD.
What I'm trying to say is, that sometimes we might have to be mindful and focused when bad things happen. Sometimes we might just have to let them happen and than deal with then. Because if we ignore it, or try to make it seem better than it is, can lead us to see a false image of the problem, and when anxiety comes up, we just stand there asking why. I think that's why. Because wd have to be mindful always, not only the good times. Of course we don't have to enjoy bad things, and don't need to just stand there crying - but we need to have the ability to feel it, to let our feelings about it come up, because the feelings are there - even if we ignore them.
Be brave and live the moments - even the worse moments, because your mind needs to accept them.
And don't be afraid of talking about problems, or express feelings - that's an important part of healing. Even if only in a journal. But maybe after it, the feelings won't come up later in a form of anxiety. #Anxiety #OCD #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #worry #Stress #IntrusiveThoughts #Solution #Wondering

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Don't #worry Your Sweet Self

#Hello my friends. It's me again. Here is a photo of my emotional support baby girl, Tali. She was named after an NCIS show character. She always comes to the rescue when I start to cry. Somehow, she just detects when an emotional episode is about to occur. She maybe detects something in my breathing, or some other cue.

When I #cry she gives me #puppykisses . I seem to need her more and more these days.

Do you have an #Emotionalsupport animal?

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Worst Mental Health Day I’ve Had in Ages

Hello all, it’s been a hot minute since I’ve been on here. I’ve officially had the worst mental health day I’ve had in ages today, and it all began yesterday evening.

My best friend told me last night that it might be best if she and I not talk for a while. Her husband was angry with her, and told me it was probably a good idea if we wait until she gets things sorted out at home. (NOTE: I have never made a pass at her, and she, her husband, and I are all good friends, but typically it’s she and I who hang out together the most, though we’re always honest and sincere with each other and him if we do something, such as go to the movies together. He trusts me enough to know that I won’t take advantage of her.) I said okay, but then I started to worry, and all the typical worst case scenarios filled my head about the sudden state of our friendship. Things only got worse when I discovered that she unfriended me on Facebook, and her husband completely blocked me.

We had talked earlier this week about grabbing dinner together (all 3 of us hanging out and watching a movie), but for some reason yesterday he snapped and got angry with her. So here I am respecting her wishes and not texting her or anything, but instead waiting for the time when she feels like things have settled down before she texts me again.

However, my anxiety has been sky high with worst case scenarios, because a similar thing happened with another close friend of mine who ghosted me after being friends with me since he and I were in High School, and I’m terrified that this is going to happen again and I’m going to lose my best friend.

I had a panic attack in the middle of the night last night because of it, and haven’t been able to shake this constant worry and fear, and anxiety. I’ve felt uneasy all day and have just felt like crying. #BipolarDisorder #Anxiety #PanicAttacks #badmentalhealthday #worry


A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes

Hello my friends. Yes... It is me again.

Today i had quit my job that I was hired at about a week ago. I barely could make it through my day yesterday evening. It was quite awful because of the fact that I had stayed late, and did not get to go to sleep until closer to midnight. I struggled because I had to take #Medicine for my #Insomnia . I know how much I have been struggling for years with this disorder. The job started out kind of fun, but was lacking proper training. I realized that most employees were new, and kind of just thrown into the mix of store operations. One of the managers had a #personality clash with me. She came off very harsh, and snippy which made me so #nervous . I was #Crying about it, and could not seem to get myself out of that #worry .

I read somewhere that those who have #BipolarDisorder also have a connection with #Insomnia . Some may have reason to believe that it has to deal with a wandering mind due to a hypomanic episode. Yet, I think they fail to understand that it is not always the reason why.

I have a serious case of #DeathAnxiety that does not seem to go away. It has gotten better since my father had passed away, as I feel a little more comfortable with the facts that this happens to us all. However, I am still struggling. Each day that passes is another day completed of my life and I do not know when God will call me home. There is this weird feeling that I get in my chest that creates this #Weird thought process. I feel this hallowed out sensation in my chest, and I also experience a feeling like I need to whine or cry or yell "I do not want to die." Sometimes I call out for my #Dad who is no longer with me. Therefore, I noiced I have reached out to my #mom a whole lot. I #cherish the time that I have to live.

If you have made it this far through this message, I thank you.
I really would love a #reply .