I'M feeling the #sad tonight. With the time change has effected me. I'M still weaking up at the same time. I'm just wishing they could just have one time. I start feeling down during the night time #Depression I'M not looking forward to #Winter time and snow and ice.
I just realized on #monday i forgot about one of my afthernoon zoom groups. It just sliped my mind. I felt so bad. IT's not like me to forget. But hey it's okay it's life and that happends sometimes. No bug deal.
I feel like i only get DM from Trolls on this APP. From dudes who are looking for a wife or anyone really looking to cheat you out of money.
I didn't get uch sleep last night and i didn't eat much. I feel better once i was able to eat well. The weather was nice and mild. With no #snow Yes today felt like freaking spring. I'll take it any day.
Last night i was in a grumpy mood. Crying and just feeling sad. It's strange how your mood changes. #Depression
I got what i wanted for my birthday & got the take out i like. Chocolate cake. My birthdays are never really like ones people have in movies/TV shows. Just kind of quit. I guess i think of all the things i should be at in life at my age. That makes me sad. Then i remmeber it's okay that i not. Life isn't a rule/steps. Just follow your own path. LLife/things are better then before a little. I could feel down cuz i miss my mom to. #giref
I am not sure how to begin this.
So I have the holidays coming up, but as of lately, I have lacked a lot of holiday cheer due to a toxic family I visit just because I have a loving mother who's helped me out with so much so she's the only reason I come around during the holidays.
If my mother wasn't alive ,I wouldn't even bother visiting my toxic family who's filled with the toxins of marijuana, opiods, meth and zero accountability. It's affected me so much for years, and it's caused me to lose motivation to do anything I even like such as IT work, gym or even being with friend.
I even try to keep to myself , but I have a colleague named Stanley who likes to make a joke of it. it's gotten so bad that I would tell "Santa" that I don't want a lump of coal in my stocking , but a bottle of tasteless poison just so I can consume it amd then die in the river. he plays it off like he misunderstood my comment and it isn't funny. Before any of you comment, I already put him in his place by expressing simply "Look Stanley, you're a nice and funny man, but I'm going through the blues because I hate holidays and I'm just depressed okay?" and he seemed to accept that.
Do you find it weird that i would take a thing of poison instead of even a lump of coal in my stocking?
If I were to lose my mother to death, I will not have any more family to visit anymore thus making long distance travel utterly pointless. even then, I don't think friends I have would have room for me even though they claim they would. Even then, I would feel like a major burden to anyone on this planet :'( , I just wonder why I'm even alive...