Bpdmommy

After 1 year of feeling like my BPD symptoms had gone, they're back. Constantly searching for that youtube video that will be able to explain everything, wanting my partner to understand. But no1 will ever truly know. Last night another old symptom returned... my head is sore from punching myself when the internal pain was just too much. If it wasn't for my kids, I would have left this world a long time ago. My kids make it harder at times but they also make me strong.

I have no family support; we are all 3 currently in therapy; looking for kindred spirited single parents; exhausted most of the time; learning to manage my own BPD, struggle with raising kids on my own...

Just looking for different things to help my bpd. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #Depression

It’s 6 am now and I just got my little one back to sleep after a 3 hour battle. Most other moms probably don’t have tears streaming down their face, most other moms probably aren’t over flowing with guilt, but most other moms aren’t like me. Most other moms don’t have BPD. Most other moms don’t have severe chronic depression. Most other moms are normal.

For 3 hours it was just a toddler awake for no real reason, something that happens to almost everyone. He’s human right?! But there I was getting irritated with a toddler for not sleeping and I couldn’t hide it from him. He could feel it in my actions and he could hear it in my voice. So now I sit here cradling him in my arms, rocking him as he sleeps, with tears streaming down my face. I can’t help but feel so guilty for having these feelings. I’m human too though right?!

I wonder how many times I’m gonna have to apologize to my 5 year old today for losing my patience over things as simple as spilt milk. I wonder how many times I’m going to have to come up with an excuse as to why mommy’s crying again. I wonder how badly my illness is going to affect him in life.

No body loves and takes care of my children better then I do and it shows. I have my good and bay days. Even though I’ll try my hardest, today most likely isn’t gonna be a good day. And that’s okay.

To the other moms overflowing with guilt, apologizing for the 10th time after losing their patience, having a bad day, it’s okay. I know that nobody loves deeper then you.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #MentalIllness #BorderlinePersonalityDisorderBPD #Bpdmommy #ParentingWithMentalIllness

I am 32 and was diagnosed with BPD when I was in my early 20’s and again in my late 20’s (29) when I found my coping strategy’s were no longer effective enough and I needed something more and decided professional help is what I needed. I went to a mental health crisis center where I knew I would get the help I needed without the long wait list that always came when I had a referral from my doctor. I had a couple appointments and talked about what was going on with me and received another diagnosis of BPD among the usual depression, anxiety problems.
I have read so many articles and such about how us parents with damage our children and our children should be considered high risk when living with a parent with , we neglect our children and have a negative impact on their lives, it deeply saddens me that I can not find anything positive.
I AM NOT A STIGMA, MY DISEASE DOES NOT DEFINE WHO I AM AS A PARENT OR MY ABILITY TO PARENT MY CHILDREN PROPERLY!
I love my children with everything I have in me, I make sure they know I love them, I tell them about 50 times a day, every chance I get. I validate their emotions and help them navigate different ways to deal with difficult emotions like anger and frustration.
I am so very patient with my children even when they are misbehaving and pushing my every button I know when I need a “time out” to gather myself. I have NEVER yelled at my children and my oldest is 10 in June 2018. I have used my “Mom Voice” (as I call it) when needed when they are misbehaving but I never yell. I believe yelling scares children, it still makes me uncomfortable and brings on anxiety when others yell, when it has absolutely nothing to do with me.
I’m their mother, they shouldn’t be afraid of me.
My children know they can rely on me, I have been to every school performance my oldest has had, even ones she’s not involved in just because she wanted me to be there.
My patience, compassion and understanding has a great impact on my children. They are also very companionate, caring, driven little ladies. My children are beyond smart, I spend lots of time with my children and make sure that their needs are always met. I live on a fixed income but my children have never needed anything. They have always been number one and always will be.
Yes, it’s hard being a mother with , but I do what I can to make sure my children never suffer due to my mental illnesses. I have the ability to compose myself for my children and be the mother they need me to be. I do break down, and I have bad days but my children never see it. They don’t see that side of me and I would never let them. I can control myself until I’m alone, once I get my children off to bed, I will curl up in bed and silently cry myself to sleep.
My children are my motivation I honestly don’t know where My life would be without them. I was in a bad place in life before I got pregnant with my oldest and she was my motivation to be the best me I can be. -finished below

Hi all. I don’t really know much about myself but I’m a 31 year old single mom of 2 boys aged 7 and 3. I suffered with mental health since the age of 16 with doctors undecided if I had bipolar or manic depression finally got diagnosed with BPD when my eldest son was about 3-4. I sit everyday racked with guilt that I am damaging my children’s mental health then seeing me up and down. I have no value for my life I never have but the last 2-3 years after the father of my youngest disowned my eldest and made my worse I made the decision to live and value my life for my children’s sake. I will not ever have my babies think they weren’t enough for me to keep fighting to see them grow and I can’t leave them I’m a cold world alone. I find it so hard to do normal mom things like pretend play, making up stories or just going out with them I also have difficulties with anxiety and depression every idea I have is wrapped in catastrophising and black and white thinking. I am on a steps skills course to help understand my filters and emotions but alone with two children makes it so hard to recap what I learn throughout the week. I hardly read about any single moms or dads dealing with BPD and never post anything anywhere I don’t use social media because I’m too sensitive and can be a big trigger. I know I have to stay strong and in faith. God bless you all 🙏🏾😩❤️ #BorderlinePersonalityDisorderBPD #BPD parent #Bpdmommy #BPDFam