There will always be a someone, or situations that will always try and test or question your progress and no I don’t mean in a sense of helping you stay accountable, because part of keeping your mental health in tact is holding yourself accountable and others I’m referring to the judgment part I wish that part Of me could be forgotten the me I was I don’t even know or identify with;
She’s pretty much gone there’s still a small but very define part of her I’m working on keeping and that’s the part Of me that despite of my BPD I’ve managed to keep my heart wide open without wishing anyone harm And in the process new self explorations will develop and with each one a better version Yea I’m Slow at it; and just in case you don’t know, this isn’t a race There is always more to write in my Book of Life And I’m the only one writing it #Bpdstrong#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
Why can't I have a normal hang put sesh with my family without BPD screwing it up for me. I always get my feelings hurt or habe the wrong thought or reaction to something. Then I cant get off the paranoia track. Then shame bc I https://know.its an episode and I cant exert enough control over my body to not cry. Then the whole temp of the room shifts. Nobody can seem to just ignore me until I bring it around so I end up habing to leave and wanting to #isolate all over again. It just makes me want to give up hope that I will ever be aware enough or control enough of my own body/brain. let alone habe steady relationships. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #itnevergetseasier#TheMighty#Bpdstrong
For a very long time I’ve been fighting to stay alive if only for my boys. My 19yr old son just lost his best friend of 10yrs to suicide. What I saw him go through reinforced that I need to keep on fighting so he never has to experience that pain because of his own mother. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder#SuicidePrevention
“Week 37: Music // Share one song every day that relates to how you're feeling.”
Tuesday - ‘Doomed’ by Moses Sumney
A few years ago, my brain turned off my emotions, ASPD style. It had happened once in my life before, during a time of extreme emotional stress, when all the hyper-emotions of BPD were too threatening, too much.
This past year I’ve been slowly turning the feelings back on, like a faucet, one intentional drop at a time, each drip reverberating hard against the hollow sink, huge.
I know that without the feelings, without the vulnerability, life is nothing. But fuck, this hurts.
I have been recently diagnosed with BPD and not so recently diagnosed with C-PTSD. My relationships have been turbulent. My image of self shifts between goddess and hobgoblin with really no in between. I run from things when they get scary, I ghost before I get ghosted...but here’s the thing. I found a job that overwhelms me, but I love. I found a potential suitor who is super healthy for me, even despite all my paranoia that he will break me into 1,000 pieces. I’m altogether blessed even with all I have gone through and put myself through. It’s time for me to define my life and to stop letting BPD do it. After all, after 10 years there is an 80% remission rate with BPD under treatment. Being better is not an option at this point— it is THE option. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder#CPTSD#MentalHealth#PTSD#Teachers
I am 32 and was diagnosed with BPD when I was in my early 20’s and again in my late 20’s (29) when I found my coping strategy’s were no longer effective enough and I needed something more and decided professional help is what I needed. I went to a mental health crisis center where I knew I would get the help I needed without the long wait list that always came when I had a referral from my doctor. I had a couple appointments and talked about what was going on with me and received another diagnosis of BPD among the usual depression, anxiety problems. I have read so many articles and such about how us parents with damage our children and our children should be considered high risk when living with a parent with , we neglect our children and have a negative impact on their lives, it deeply saddens me that I can not find anything positive. I AM NOT A STIGMA, MY DISEASE DOES NOT DEFINE WHO I AM AS A PARENT OR MY ABILITY TO PARENT MY CHILDREN PROPERLY! I love my children with everything I have in me, I make sure they know I love them, I tell them about 50 times a day, every chance I get. I validate their emotions and help them navigate different ways to deal with difficult emotions like anger and frustration. I am so very patient with my children even when they are misbehaving and pushing my every button I know when I need a “time out” to gather myself. I have NEVER yelled at my children and my oldest is 10 in June 2018. I have used my “Mom Voice” (as I call it) when needed when they are misbehaving but I never yell. I believe yelling scares children, it still makes me uncomfortable and brings on anxiety when others yell, when it has absolutely nothing to do with me. I’m their mother, they shouldn’t be afraid of me. My children know they can rely on me, I have been to every school performance my oldest has had, even ones she’s not involved in just because she wanted me to be there. My patience, compassion and understanding has a great impact on my children. They are also very companionate, caring, driven little ladies. My children are beyond smart, I spend lots of time with my children and make sure that their needs are always met. I live on a fixed income but my children have never needed anything. They have always been number one and always will be. Yes, it’s hard being a mother with , but I do what I can to make sure my children never suffer due to my mental illnesses. I have the ability to compose myself for my children and be the mother they need me to be. I do break down, and I have bad days but my children never see it. They don’t see that side of me and I would never let them. I can control myself until I’m alone, once I get my children off to bed, I will curl up in bed and silently cry myself to sleep. My children are my motivation I honestly don’t know where My life would be without them. I was in a bad place in life before I got pregnant with my oldest and she was my motivation to be the best me I can be. -finished below
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