Confussed

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#taboo

recently this popped up on my dashboard, and made me pause. While a taboo subject, that mainstream media hasn’t helped. I’m not here to change your mind, believe what you want about the furry fandom. although, my suit has been such a benefit to me in more ways that I could explain. if I could. this fandom has also been good to me pushing me from my comfort zone, I have friends, confidence and more self esteem than I’ve had in years. however, this also made me think of a good friend I had back in college whom disowned me without even asking why I enjoyed this ‘hobby’ or even telling me they were uncomfortable or no longer speaking to me until over a year later.

I find their reaction childish and learning of all this still hurts. clearly they were never a friend, is something so flimsy can destroy what he had.

#lost #Depression #Friends #lostfriendship #Confussed

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Ovary Removal and Perimenopause


#Hormones #stressed #sad #Confussed
I had my right ovary removed in July , it twisted and became infected so I had no other choice. Since the surgery I have noticed a defiant change in my moods, my thought process, I seem to always be on edge. Most days I wake up feeling sad and anxious, I have night sweats and I don't sleep more than a few hours at a time, I become confused very easily and I can't seem to focus, this is not the person that I know myself to be, I am usually very happy, very focused on being alive not just living, but it seems now that I force myself to accomplish very small tasks. It is taking a toll on my relationship, and my over all mental health. I tried to discuss the issue with my dr and she said it sounds like I might be in perimenopause, but gave no advice on what I can do to help manage the toll that this is taking on my life, she more or less told me to deal, and left the room. Seriously needing advice on what I can do to help calm my overactive brain and get my life back.

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Black cloud

I had a serious breakdown Sunday night. My life is changing and it’s hard for me. I know it’s cognitive behavior cycle. My default is depression, my brain is more comfortable being depressed. And I’m more comfortable scraping by in life. But now it seems that money is no longer a problem. I’m so desperate to feel okay, to feel happy. Being desperate in depression is description less. And why would anyone understand? Money is good right? I am blank and sad and dark. #Depression #Confussed #Sadness