Dailychallenge

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Another #PanicAttack

Panic attacks hurt. They sap your energy. They leave you feeling empty. And you can’t help but wonder if you’re broken. Panic attacks also make for awkward moments with family members that don’t understand - or don’t want to understand. When you’re constantly asked ‘what brought it on’ or ‘have you been doing what your therapist suggested’ you wanna scream.

Today’s attack triggered a seizure. I basically went through it on my own, though a family member was in the same room with me. The one thing that always helps during a seizure or anxiety/panic attack is the pressure of someone holding me. I didn’t have that today. Now, my emotions are all over the place and I feel angry and frustrated with this family member. And I don’t want to feel this way.

This is what “they” don’t tell you about panic attacks: they bring on some ugly emotions and thoughts that don’t help in the least. And, there’s no time to process the panic let alone the fight or flight reflex. When I get to this point, I become a recluse and rarely leave my hobbit hole. But tomorrow is a new day.... one I’m actually looking forward to, even though it’s Monday. #Anxiety #panic #Seizures #anger #frustration #Trying #Dailychallenge #struggle #newday

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Finding Me

It’s taken more than I ever expected to discover that I’m exactly what I’ve hoped to be. I’ve constantly asked myself “what’s important to me?” along with the question, “am I okay with myself as I am right now?” And the answers have come during some of my darkest moments, even during some of my more quieter moments. There’s room for growth and improvement, but I am finally more happy with myself as I am now then I was when I was pretending to be confident. Strange, huh? Strange that struggling with seizures, depression, ptsd and anxiety, has allowed me to actually come to know myself better.

I wrote this poem years ago, not fully understanding why these words came to mind... but I’m beginning to understand now. To be true to my inner most self, I needed to stop looking outward and I needed to stop looking for “peer” validation. We each have so much potential, and sometimes to reach that potential, we have to step away from peer acceptance that more often than not is conditional. Love yourself unconditionally, learn who you really are, and you’ll find what I did: A self-confidence that’s real. #findingyourself #Discover #struggle #PsychogenicNonepilepticSeizures #Anxiety #PTSD #Dailychallenge #NeverGiveUp