Deprssion

I was in school and was told that because I am disabled, I had to go to the gym. I was seated next to the actress Roseanne, who complained loudly about being singled out for being different. An actor from Criminal Minds was there, too. Not the one who plays my beloved J.J. which was fortunate considering what happened next.

A door close to where I was sitting burst open and a tall fat man stepped through, dressed in the manner of deeply rural, deeply conservative, deeply backward, and deeply hateful people everywhere. In the blink of an eye, he had a revolver in hand. I was the third person he shot, after Roseanne. Just before dying, I berated myself for not seeing it coming. In a prior dream, people who were different were herded into gymnasiums and shot.

I woke up before I died. Do people who die in dreams die in real life? That question remains unanswered.

#Deprssion #Trauma #Suicide #PTSD #MentalHealth #Disability

#ADHD #Autism #bpdworld #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #bpdworld #Deprssion #IrritableBowelSyndromeIBS #BipolarDisorder

Liked this song youtu.be/QMPROe9qDKQ #Deprssion #Anxiety #ADHD

So this will be long and if you take the time to read thank you for your time so 6 months ago I was standing In my kitchen and I got extremely dizzy couldn't breath chest pain felt weak and like my body was gonna shut down was shaking all over of course I freaked out and my wife who has had issues like this her whole life refused to take me to hospital that confused me because I was 100% convinced something was wrong it lasted all day on off took me about 3 days to feel okay again and one day I woke up I was fine went on with my normal life and then I was at a restaurant with my wife and her parents and bam happens again alot worse than before I demand that I go to hospital she refused to take me didn't go outside for a week after that but then I start getting them at work at least 2 times a week they messed with my job and home life plus when I wasn't having a panic attack I had random pains they would be in my stomach for a week and then next week my chest etc I now call them panic hangovers I finally go to doctor I got blood tests everything is fine they said you have anxiety I couldn't believe it I thought I had cancer a heart problem or something I was constantly checking my bp and my spo2 I felt nuts I lost my job because of my fear of going out but the wife didn't give up on me thank God I finally was referd to a therapist and psychologist and they gave me hydroxyzine and setraline hydroxyzine seems to help panic attacks unless they are major and I just took setraline today which I really don't want to take meds but I'm so exhausted of felling this way I've given in I still feel like something is wrong do to all the pain I feel daily but I'm trying meds and I hope they help because I feel useless at the moment my life has been completely turned upside down and I don't know what to do anymore it's tearing me apart and I'm scared to leave my bed I'm glad my wife has stuck with me she is very honest and brutal but she doesn't give up and told me to take as much time as I need to figure myself out ive started to watch my friends kids for some extra money but I want my life back thank God my wife got a promotion at work and we're not stressing over bills but I feel bad because she's always working so now I have this self hate and guilt I'm a mess 😞 just wanted to vent a bit if anyone has experienced similar things feel free to comment it would feel nice to know I'm not alone in this #AnxietyAttack #Deprssion #HealthAnxiety #PanicAttack #Anxiety

While I have 3 diagnosis, the dominant problem is major depressive disorder, resistant to treatment. I have been on every class of drugs there is, had shock treatment, had ketamine treatment, and still have not been able to live a life that is consistently normal. I have been divorced for 12 years. I very rarely date which is not by my choice. My kids are grown. I have one or two friends and one of them can be toxic at times. After nine months of being without work and being so depressed I couldn’t stand it, I finally found work late 2019. I love my job. UnFortunately it went remote in March of this year. So while I see people on the other side of my screen, I have no contact with anyone other than my sometimes toxic friend.
Recently I emailed my therapist and my doctor and told them that I did not want to continue with therapy, that I was basically giving up. I have found it very difficult to live in the conditions I’m in. I am very isolated and I am fearful of what will happen with lockdowns as winter rolls in. The response to my email that I got from my therapist was her suggestion that I go live in an institution on a permanent basis. My doctor wants to take me off all of my medications and “ reset”my body. I know that this would send me into the deep dark horrible pit that I spend every single day trying to avoid. I have an abnormal fear of abandonment and being alone, but she thinks I need to spend more time being alone so that I can discover what my “real” issues are. I have no idea what this means.
Prior to saying that I didn’t want to continue therapy both my doctor and my therapist were helping me to regain positive thinking and make positive changes in my life. They were very supportive and had said that they were not giving up on me. Now I feel like I’m either being punished or dumped. So my question is, what would you advise me to do?

What are your symptoms from PTSD?

I used to think my reoccurring thoughts were from God and it was from God for being a bad person.

When someone looks like a person where I got the PTSD, MY PTSD is set off.

I have only just begun to work on my PTSD. I hope it will lessen!!

When do you know that it’s time to go into treatment for your depression? I have reached out for help and gotten the same response and blown off. I just feel unable to handle these feelings. Filled with rage or crying. #Deprssion #Anxiety

Family # will always be there for you.
Always. Period. End of discussion.
Even if they aren’t related by blood.
If someone is not blood-related,
But they are always there for you.
They are your family.
Likewise,
If someone is blood-related
But they are not always there for you
They are not your family.
Every single person in your life has a phone
It is not that hard to send a text
It is not that hard to call and check in on someone.
Every single person has access to a mailbox.
Every single person that cares about you,
Could spare five minutes out of their week
And write you a letter just to check-in.
If they care, they will make time to show it.
Blood may be thicker than water
But blood can also be acidic.
Know your worth.

So I had what seem like a regular morning as I already had my walk in the Boulder mountains. I get text from my father saying “call me when you get up your brother is in the hospital!” And I quickly called him up finding out that the week before he was in a very bad car accident leading to this morning he’s in the hospital after having a stroke Last night. This day really sucked and it hurt as I kept thinking how in the world could this happen. He’s in stable condition but could use thoughts and prayers. Really hoping that tomorrow will be a better day without a lot of anxiety and depression settling in. #Anxiety #Deprssion