deression

Looking for some thoughts on how others would approach this situation before I say or do something I can't take back. I've thought about sending a text thanking them (I'm way too angry to call) but also want to express how they've hurt me and made me feel alone. and it is not ok to disregard my feelings. Any thoughts on how I can better handle it?

#deression #anger

You can read up on all the issues I deal with (or try to deal with) on the previous posts I've made. But basically I feel almost completely alone within my family. There are friend's families that I usually spend time with during holidays but its not the same. I feel better knowing my friend's family thinks about me enough to want me to visit with them, I can't help but still feel like an outsider (sort of like that weird old guy that doesn't have anywhere or one to go so someone decides they will do their good deed. I dread this time of year like so many of us and it doesn't help that I feel abandoned by my own blood family.

For the past year or so, I have been trying to get control of my demons (depression, anger, anxiety, ptsd), I think the whole quarantine thing really did a number on me and now I'm still out of sorts but now I get explosively angry in a matter of seconds and the most stupid things. Sometimes its as simple as receiving an email asking a question that could have been googled in less time than it took to write and send the email) OR as complex as not hearing from any of my family on my 45th birthday, OR when my souldog passed away (closest thing I've had to a child or family of own). OR on Thanksgiving. OR even just to check-in and make sure I'm still alive. OR when they visit from out-of-state, I wont get a call or text until after a day or so of them being at my sisters and then I get an invitation to visit.

However, today I received a package out of the blue. Turns out my mother and her husband sent a package from OmahaSteaks (not bad right?). Well, all it did was set me off unhinged. I threw the box across the room, broke a few of the smaller boxes, then had to make room in the freezer and now its full so I cant put my regular groceries in there. Took a while to calm down enough to stop breaking stuff but the anger is still there.

All I wanted was to feel like part of my family and not anyone's elses for a while. But I'm on the outside. I think the thing that hurts the most and its no secret I struggle with this stuff, but it feels like there has been little or minimal effort on their part. I'm tired of always being left out, or having to provoke an invite. Last phone call mother made was in spring 2018 and sister texted when the soulpup passed away, but that's pretty much been all the contact with them in over a year.

I hate the holidays. makes me feel even more alone.

Hope everyone is doing well. Been kinda conflicted lately and now just lonely. I dont really have it in me to make art. But I've always been that way. Feeling kinda blue today 💙 #deression

#deression runs in my family is group therapy available?

Of course, all facets of borderline personality disorder are debilitating. But some symptoms are worse and stronger than others. I’m curious to know which ones are the hardest for individual people to deal with. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #deression #Anxiety

#deression #lonely #Loss