developmentaltraumadisorder

Tomorrow we take my middle child off to college and drop them off for their next great adventure. They’ll only be an hour drive down the interstate, but it feels like it’ll be a million miles away. My oldest is transitioning from dorm life for the last two years to living in a house with five friends. My wife and I have raised resilient, capable, ambitious children. Our family, including my youngest who is a junior in high school, is very close and loving. This is totally different than what I grew up with and I’m so very proud of these amazing kids and what we’ve built together. That’s what hurts so much, causes an ache in my chest and my soul, this unconditional love that we have for one another. I’m so excited for my middle child to go off and pursue their dreams and have experiences and live and experience life. My wounded younger part of self is terrified that they’re leaving and won’t want to come back. My rational adult self knows otherwise and recognizes this ache as the strongest love I’ve ever known, the strongest family bond I’ve ever known. I’m happy for them, and I’m sad, and I’m happy that I’m sad because it means that I love them and I know that I am loved in return. That I am a good father, something I didn’t have modeled for me, and that I’ve made a positive impact on all of their lives. Good luck, kiddo! Follow your dreams, find your passions, love your life! Love you lots!

#ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #developmentaltraumadisorder #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #CheckInWithMe #CheerMeOn

Being in a continuum of trauma after fleeing my home base city to one I knew noone in, was intended to Become a fresh start. You could say that. In future releases I will explain the sensational yet simultaneous inflictions of systematic violence that mirrored the exact violence placed upon me while on trial for getting out from under a man that had almost taken my life. Fast forward 3years duration of that trial in attempt to pick myself back up, again have been tossed around by a landlord in every capacity including lying to put me in jail saying i am violent and assault the 7"2 man that has now put me so far into dissociation...i couldn't obtain confidence in even walking let alone breathing without fear of this mans actions. And i was paying for them and still am. Known full well to system and small knit community we are situated in. I brought lawyers. His acts worsened. Started tribunal in court where at the 5th reading I was allowed to speak about my story...and of course branching off with fear of being silenced tried to grab at compartments unable from this severity of pushed and forced trauma by entities said to aide or prevent from this happening with knowedge and coping strategies.
In saying that...those who were there said they were proud of me but i cant remember what i said. I will no longer flight those who abuse me and this life lesson if doing exactly what im doing us, and i pray, what heals all of this in my 1st world free country of Canada.
I started gardening this week and can walk with a little confidence. But My experience tells me i wont be good enough to get it done in flow or order. And this is because every step of the way...every human in my life has stripped what i knew to be true about the real world and intentions of others. I truly had no idea walking forward wasn't good enough and in fact caused more damage than anyone has available to fit my unique needs. I paint my story and plan on giving voice to others in similar situations as me. Thanks for your support, stories, and resolves. Stay Mighty. And generously share that might to hold up a woman on the brink of make or break for all battered women in Canadian legal and medical history books.
#CheerMeOn #dissociativetrance #dissociativeamnesia #complextrauma #developmentaltraumadisorder #CPTSD #DomesticAbuseSurvivors #DissociationDisorders #apeekthroughmylookingglassbysarahj #blackshunicorn