Join the Conversation on
673 people
0 stories
51 posts
  • Explore Our Newsletters
  • What's New in
    See full photo

    Random Innocuous Memories

    It’s been 16 months since my CPTSD diagnosis and one year since I started somatic experiencing. It’s been a wild ride. As I shake the trauma out of my body with a combination of meditation, journaling, and bodywork, memories return that take me off guard—not the scary ones. I expect traumatic events to reappear in more detail, and they do, but it’s the bland everyday memories that weird me out. Suddenly I’m seeing random moments in vivid detail. Watching Mork & Mindy in the early ‘80s with my little brother—the walls were bright orange, there was an orange bean bag chair by the stereo where we played 8-track tapes and vinyl records. I can smell the incense my stepdad burned. I feel the terrycloth jumpsuit I was wearing. It was yellow with blue trim.

    Then it jumps further back. Somewhere in the ‘70s, sitting on the ugly brown shag carpet in my grandparents’ living room, watching Doctor Who and Star Trek. The smell of cigarette smoke and the scotch my granddad loved. Our beagle puppy sits beside me. My uncle’s joking around with someone on the phone—the kind stuck to the wall with a long cord—anything you had to be said in front of everyone, so we all spoke in code when getting into mischief.

    Then they disappear.

    It’s unsettling sometimes when the memories are conjured up like this, even when they’re pleasant. I worry about all the years lost to dissociation and anxiety, all the wasted time spent worrying about whatever drama I was wrapped up in. This diagnosis didn’t exist back then. I tried to “learn to live with it,” as so many people told me.

    2023 is the 50th anniversary of the chaos that eventually led to my CPTSD diagnosis. I love somatic therapy, but I’m often surprised at how little, innocuous memories or sensations can throw me off my game. Anyone else out there who’s felt this?

    #CPTSD #PTSD #somatictherapy #Trauma #complextrauma

    1 reaction

    When therapy is too triggering

    I'm with a fairly new therapist, whom I like so far. But CPTSD symptoms are raging. I've been in therapy for years, processed a lot, but am in a fragile spot now. Trying to move on and heal, but then I'm dragged back again in my head. To all those feelings, flashbacks, nightmares. Is there anything that helps or any suggestions? I'm going to speak with my therapist about it and maybe for now focus on something else.

    I'm scared to go just because of the whiplash. But I need to talk with someone to stay afloat. The goal is to treat my complex trauma without going into a meltdown.

    Has anyone had trouble like this? #CPTSD #PTSD #complextrauma #Trauma #Abuse #Depression #Anxiety #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #Nightmares #neglect

    See full photo

    Hi, I’m new

    Hello, I’m Angela and new to the group. Just wanted to share my story. Five years and four months ago, my 26 year old first born son took his life. That changed my life drastically. It changed who I am. I now suffer from complex trauma, anxiety, ptsd, depression and many other things I can’t even describe. I feel very alone a good portion of time even though I like being alone. Mostly, I am here to learn. I want to learn coping skills, etc. I also love to help others if I’m able.
    #PTSD #Anxiety #complextrauma #Depression #Suicude #lossofchild #BereavedMothers #mothersofchildrenlosttosuicide
    #SuicideSurvivor #SuicideLoss #SuicideLossSurvivor


    Chronic pain and complex trauma support groups?

    I’m recovering from a recent physical and mental health crisis and am becoming more aware of the ways my complex trauma and fibromyalgia (recently diagnosed) relate to each other, both in terms of my trauma history becoming longer term somatic dysregulation and the ways this physical and emotional/mental dysregulation contribute to each other. I’m trying to find resources for this experience but I’m not finding much. I’m in therapy but could really use support or therapy group type of help so that I’m less isolated in my experience. I’m not always great at keeping up with online, text-only things so something with video meetings or local NYC meetings would be great. Any pointers in the right direction would be wonderful. Thank you for reading! #CPTSD #complextrauma #Fibromyalgia #ChronicPain #SomaticHealing #Trauma #traumahealing #supportgroup #SupportGroups


    A wish to see my trauma for what it is

    I have most likely been in survival mode my entire life without being aware of it.

    Finally, the covid-experience has lead to me understanding that I 1) suffer from trauma and 2) was kept in isolation by a single caregiver during my childhood.

    This abuser was neglectful and controlling. They were also proctective of themselves against being seen as a failed parent. I have taken on their view of me being something they need to minimize and keep at a distance.

    I do not know when or how the abuse started.

    By the same age as my abuser were, I have come to see that their behavior just doesn't make sense.

    Most likely I have made myself validate their behavior out of survival instincts because I had nowhere to go and the truth was more painful than I could grasp.

    I also had very few reference points for what people were supposed to be like.

    I have defended the abuser against me.

    I have defended the abuser against outside society questioning their behavior towards me and the consequences of abuse seen in me.

    I have seen the abuser as helpless, to protect myself from seeing that they did have the choice to not be abusive.

    I have not been able to see or hold on to the idea of me needing to escape.

    I am now self-diagnosed, as I have very bad experience with medical health professional, with c-ptsd.

    With this post I am hoping for validation for my own experience. I am not a weak, strange or evil being. I do have the ability to connect with others. I have been a child.

    #CPTSD #complextrauma #StockholmSyndrome #ChildAbuse #Isolation #EmotionalNeglect #mindcontrol


    Re-learning how to play #CPTSD #complextrauma #PTSD #Anxiety #Depression #DissociativeIdentityDisorder

    Hi everyone. My therapist recently gave me a little homework to help me try to re-learn how to play and let my inner child out a little. It’s strange that playing seems like such a simple concept, but it’s actually really difficult. If I sit down with some arts and crafts, I just kind of stare at all the materials because I have no idea what to draw, paint, or make. It’s like I’ve lost any and all creative sense (not that I’m a very artistic person to begin with).

    What do you do to cultivate play and creativity and let your inner child out a bit?

    See full photo

    My girl🐾💜

    The last few weeks I've been in a dark place with depression and my anxiety picking up.
    Working through my trauma with my psychologist. Today has been a hard day with my appointment. So some self care hot shower and a few hours reading and cuddles from my little lady trixie. She just knows when I need some cuddles. #Depression #Anxiety #CPTSD #complextrauma #TherapyPet

    See full photo

    I feel like I always complain... so today I'll focus on what I'm grateful for. #grateful

    Today I am grateful to have a job. Not just a job, but one that I mostly enjoy and working for a company who genuinely cares for their employees.

    I am grateful for my loving husband who supports me when I feel weak, and carries me when I can't carry myself any longer. He encourages me everyday and I couldn't ask for anyone better for me.

    I am grateful for the sunshine. We haven't gotten a lot of it lately, but the times we do are extra special.

    I'm grateful for coffee. Thats all thats needing to be said on that one.

    I'm grateful for decent health. I have my slew of mental health issues and chronic pain, but I'm functioning. And for the most part am able to live fully each day (with a little help from medication).

    I am grateful for my pups. They are my world and such a bright light every day.

    I'm grateful for friends. The ones that are there to laugh with, to cry with, to love with.

    I'm grateful for the relationship I had with my aunt. She passed at the end of last year, and I miss her everyday. But I know that grief exists because we loved each other so deeply. We had the best relationship, that I'll cherish forever.

    I'm grateful to have been able to work through the Covid-19 pandemic, and to have been financially stable through it all.

    I'm grateful that even though Covid-19 canceled my wedding, I still got to marry my best friend.

    I'm grateful for new opportunities that are presenting themselves, and for moving to a new area that will bring new experiences. And gorgeous lakes (like pictured) to enjoy.

    And finally, I'm grateful for who I used to be. She was hurt, she was torn down, she was beaten, she was wronged, she endured way too much for someone so young... but she was strong. And because of her strength, I'm able to live the life I have now. I am strong. I am capable. And I've come so far.

    Today, I am grateful.