I'm now convinced my sister 101% looks down on me based on income & qualifications. The worst part, I feel like she has the right to do so ...
Pic in post is sister's dishes, left for over an hour after cooking - sister does not have a diagnosed condition that impedes energy, she's just full of herself & lazy.
(1) Me - 30s, non-grad, highest qualification diploma, by virtue of qualification - doesn't earn as much as a grad
(2) Sister - I'm quite sure my sister is golden child lol. GCsister has a degree (don't ask, I just didn't have good enough grades to enter public uni back thennnn), earns a degree pay, which is easily twice the amount of a non-grad pay. In my opinion, having a degree and the system of meritocracy gives one the right to be superior/to look down on others, if the individual so chooses (you can choose not to look down on people if you're a decent human, but if you choose to be a dickhead and you're capable in achievement, you kinda have the right to be haha)
So we live with our parents (tldr, Asians and housing policies lol) who are abroad for the week - coming back tmr. I thought about this and wondered if I should consider my sister as patronising or condescending and then ... I realised ... like what if she is both.
Backstory, my dad and my sister had this hugeass conflict x years ago that resulted in her moving to my grandparents' place for 6 weeks. Since then she calls him by name lol 🙃. But since then, it has become even clearer than she looks down on (particularly him), but also me & mom - though perhaps less.
Example, earlier this week, she opened the fridge and was like -
GCsister: wow YOUR PARENTS bought drinks for you [indicating she is trying to distance herself from them, not her parents - but mine. She thinks we are the same breed of inferior]
Me: ok then - not your parents? You said so.
/ next day, she comes home /
GCsister takes a drink
Me: wait I thought you said it was MY parents who bought it for me.
GCsister: (patronizingly? condescendingly? both?) Say that again? What did I say, literally say? (grins teasingly like it's funny)
^ this is one example of the things she says, and it happens ... A LOT. I think it happens more when parents are not around cos we are forced more to communicate. But then like, also, when parents are around I try to avoid talking to Gsister as much as I can tbvh 🙃
So when our parents are not in town, she doesn't let me take down her laundry (we do laundry separately), and I don't have the right to tell her to wash her dishes immediately (it is fking gross - and for the record I DO TRY, I just get met with "can't I do it later"). So it literally is like, let's just say there was this one time earlier this week, I wanted to cook lunch but with all the pots in the sink, I ended up eating out.
I did laundry earlier, half a load because she did the other half. And because I can't take down HER laundry, I used a mobile clothes hanger thing (https://www.amazon.in/AMENSHREE-Plastic-Square-Drying-Clothes/dp/B08WH8Q8P6) because I needed some extra space - the alternative was erm, not hanging my clothes? gross.
This evening, she does her half-load (2nd time this week) of laundry, knocks into the mobile clothes hanger and proclaims it STUPID - not really directed at the hanger, I feel/more directed at ME. I firmly believe if she was the one using the hanger, and ran into the mess, she wouldn't have mumbled the same things.
I'll admit that I got very upset (I still insist that she was intentional in wanting to be patronising/condescending/picking on me), so I tried to retaliate by hitting her with the bamboo pole. 🙃 - not the best cause of action, but I feel like a part of me recognises that I needed to stand up for myself and while this wasn't very wise, I felt like words wasn't the way to go. Because it would open up opportunities to be met with condescending/patronising remarks.
The worst of all of this is that it ended with her saying like, "at least I pay rent" (she doesn't, lol. I don't know what you consider 'rent' but she contributes filial piety money when she is full-time employed. Which to be fair, I do too. & like, she just quit her job lol.) - That was intentional bullying because she knows I've been not in full-time employment for longer than I'd like. I mean, I don't know how you would see it but to me - it was very clear, it was a targeted, intentional, bullying. Like consolidating the person's biggest insecurities and intentionally, deliberately slinging it at them. So don't tell me she just said that in frustration or anger - no, I think it was targeted intentional bullying.
This is very reminiscent of bullying in .. 12th grade, I know what it is like because I was bullied in 12th grade (more than a decade later, I still attribute this in-part to not doing as well as I should have for A levels 🙃) In the same vein - it's like the victim will never 'win', cos - (1) you react and create an outburst = they can make fun of your reaction (2) if you don't react, they will continue until you react (bcos the point is to get your reaction) -- so this means like grin and bear it, get continually bullied, have your self-esteem eroded lol.
Note: I grey rock her when I can tbvh, like usually if she tries to start a convo I'm not the most keen in engaging so I don't actually prolong the convo. I guess this was different cause it was clearly like indirectly trying to provoke me and see how far I would react, you know? Rather than a general convo.
I don't even know what I'm trying to say, or what I'm looking for (comfort? assurance? validation? commiseration? I DONT KNOW?), but thank you for reading if you've read this far :-} I don't think I was fully right, but I'm also saying (1) there was definitely a trigger and (2) in this case I'm pretty sure it was intentional bullying. Yepppp.
But also, if this is how my own sister treats me/looks down on me - this is exactly why I don't really hang out with people when I don't have a job, today validates why. If even my sister can do this to me, what more unrelated people? I don't wanna risk another person asking if I can afford this/insinuating I am lazy for not working/belittling me for not having an income, etc etc etc.