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    Is this to be expected with a new job?

    For background, I have nonverbal learning disability (disclosure went amazingly well), life-long anxiety, and depression that started at puberty (managed very well on medication) and was in therapy, but haven't been in almost 3 years; my last appointment was January 2020, and Covid hit in March, and I haven't felt the need to go back.

    I started my new job about 6 weeks ago, and suddenly, things I thought I had mostly worked through years ago, are being triggered like crazy. I've already cried twice and almost a 3rd time, which hasn't happened over "little" things since I started meds back in 2017 (with the rare exception around PMS, which is not a factor this time). One of those was a big thing, but the other wasn't, and today, a completely innocent comment from my favorite manager sent me spinning. I went on medication about a month before I was hired at my last job, which I had for almost 5 years, and the management styles were very different.

    I can't tell if this is a typical part of the adjustment period, increased stress, learning curve, new everything etc. if it means this job isn't a good fit, I just need to go back to therapy (which I probably should anyway), or if I need to consider a medication adjustment. I know only I can figure it out, but thoughts? #Disability #Depression #Anxiety #neurodivergence #Employment


    BPD + Employment

    In my opinion we work best when we are self employed. Meaning we work alone, now that does make us feel empty and lonely but that is when we're most productive. So being self employed Meaning we work for ourselves and we don't have employees working for us. Like a one man or one woman show. The lonely feeling we will get just turn on some music or watch TV while working that will curve the empty emotions a bit. #BPD #Employment

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    Does your employer know about your mental health diagnosis?

    This is a controversial topic, but one that has become increasingly important in today's climate. How do we navigate our mental health with our employers? Do we disclose our mental health conditions to potential employers? Will that impact an employers likelihood of hiring us?

    I don't have answers, just lots of questions. Have you openly discussed your mental health condition with your employer? If so, how did that go? If not, what is holding you back? Let's discuss!

    #MentalHealth #Work #Employment #PTSD #CPTSD


    THIS is a good manager!

    Despite today being our grand opening, I was able to talk to my general manager right when I got to work (see my last post for details.) He was in the break room when I punched in and asked how I was and I said, "Actually, when you have time, I need to talk to you about the end of my shift yesterday." and he said "I have time right now." So, I told him everything. If he knew about it, he played dumb and handled it amazingly well. He apologized for it happening, empathized, THANKED me for telling him, and suggesting how I would've preferred it to be dealt with, because it gives him specific things to coach them on. When I told him she had accused me of telling management I refused to do certain tasks, he was as confused as I was, and let me know that was not an issue he's had with me at all. He ended the conversation by making it very clear that my job is NOT in jeopardy, I'm doing great, and they all love me. I was also TAUGHT how to do the task that started the whole thing. This is what good management looks like. #Depression #Anxiety #Disability #Employment #CheckInWithMe


    not sure if I'm back (I'm mostly scared), or just a quick drop-in 😳

    So hi, again.

    I got the job (it was toxic/busy/anxiety-provoking as hell, which was why I never had the time or energy to be on here) - ended up leaving it end Sept (looong story but if you're on my DMs I might share more if you wanna know - suffice to say I think its a combi of toxic boss + environment misfit + my MH was just not having it) ... and then I realised I was going nowhere and decided to pick up a copywriting course (another source of my panic but in a different way)

    To be honest, I didn't intend to start right after I left, but they said the early Oct intake was the last for the year. I'd planned on a mid-Oct/early-Nov ideally, but I didn't have much choice.

    So its now Nov, and having spent like 1k USD for the copywriting class (I was supposed to claim it on some govt credit thing but they stopped the scheme since - proceeded regardless cus I need skillsz) with no income, 💸

    Tempted as I am, I haven't ditched off therapy ... yet ($115 USD 😳🙈) & am so crazy thankful for P - but then like, 💸 .. my mom was okay for paying for the one I had on Thurs though (thanks ma)

    I still haven't taken money per se from my parents, although I'm spending on their money for meals/groceries this week since they left money for it and are abroad at the moment (getting very close if I can't get a hols job tho) - the plan was to get a freelance/PT job for the festive season but I apparently can't even snag a PT F&B hourly job - I suspect I'm over-qualified compared to a undergrad student .. so wtf? (That's why I've stayed off here, my self esteem is beneath the pits)

    I had a psychiatrist appt in October, just after the whole deal - my psychiatrist is pretty chill abt things, but for context the bulk of her other patients are like, treatment-resistant schizophrenia type cases. So a socially anxious young adult with capacity to hold a job, naturally, wouldn't be something she defines as "un-okay" or "problematic" in the greater hierachy of the mental health system 🙃🤔 She's not fussed lol and quite pleased abt me doing copywriting class 🤔

    But I'm struggling to cope - with going back on Sertraline (yes I just dropped off cos self-care went out the window in that job) and its adjustments, with the inability to get a PT hols job, with all my questions about worth and deservingness in the face of dwindling finances and the lack of a job.

    My MH is shit, not having a job is making my social anxiety worse, and low-key depression is real because I just feel so useless and undeserving of things. & a waste of resources and space.

    #CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #Employment #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #AvoidantPersonalityDisorder #Depression [?]


    If this continues, I'm out

    I knew work couldn't be going as well as they claimed, and it's not. Tomorrow is our grand opening, so everybody was on edge all day. I knew this and tried not to let it get to me, but by the end, I was on the verge of tears.

    I told the manager when she asked me to do something that I had NOT been trained, but could figure it out, it seemed pretty straight forward. Apparently, it's harder than I thought because I messed it up. I ended up doing it again at the end of my shift (because I thought I knew what I was doing), and the coordinator (think junior manager/key holder) corrected me, gave me vague directions adding "We'll have to stay late tonight to fix it." and walks away. She comes back and tells me "These things I pulled out are wrong." Apparently at that point I gave her "attitude," but nothing is mentioned to me, I probably rolled my eyes and didn't realize she saw. Finally, on my way to punch out, on the verge of tears, I get pulled into the office with this coordinator and a manager, told I gave her "attitude" after she corrected me multiple times (it was once), and that more than what she had pulled out was wrong. Was also told that I had at some point told a manager that "I won't do certain tasks." And I cried.

    Those words have NEVER come out of my mouth, don't know where the hell they got that from. She made me apologize to the coordinator (because I'm not an adult who would know when that was necessary), clarified that I'm not in trouble, but made it sound like if the system were up and running, I would've been written up for this, and I left. 15 minutes late with my ride waiting outside with no idea where I was.

    I've said from the beginning that I was hesitant to stay and then they pulled THIS. They might be trying to weed people out. But, this was the WORST day to do this to people (apparently everybody is getting talked to), the timing was horrible, I was blindsided, and I was outnumbered. Not to mention, I don't know where half of their accusations even came from. I'm going to talk to the general manager about it soon (tomorrow is grand opening, so maybe Sunday) because I do NOT appreciate the way this was handled in the least, and if this is an indication of how it will be from now on, I will not stay. They don't pay enough. #Disability #Anxiety #Depression #Employment #CheckInWithMe


    Definitely not imagining it

    Yet another full shift being babysat by a manager. And I'm the only one. He can tell me it's fine and I'm fine all day long. And he has been. I'm not buying it. In 34 years I've been through enough to know better. I'm on the verge of crying or quitting. #CheckInWithMe #Depression #Anxiety #Disability #Employment


    Internalized Ableism at Work

    Probably other areas too; but since I started my new job less than two weeks ago, that's where I've noticed it.

    The task I had originally been assigned to was FINALLY done yesterday, so I ended up helping the manager I have disclosed to, sort all the things, which isn't hard, but obviously I had to be taught, and work with his organizational system.

    When I disclosed, I explained to him, that as long as I had a task, and management was sure I was doing it right, they could walk away. It's when I don't know what needs done, that I'll wander around confused.

    I told him after a few hours that I felt bad because I felt like he had to "babysit" me. This is the second time it's come up since I started, but the first time was with someone else. Apparently, I imagined this. He said he didn't feel that way at all, that I was doing fine and that obviously, I had to be taught something I've never done before.

    But, knowing the disability is there, I'm always wondering if it's taking me longer than it "should" and making managers think I'm less capable/annoying because I "constantly" (my word) need to be given direction. Having grown up undiagnosed, I try to be as low-maintenance as possible with things, and feel guilty when they have a billion other things to do and they're stuck working with me instead. Especially when I see other groups of people working without a manager right there, not needing to ask as many questions etc.

    This is ENTIRELY self-imposed, every person I've worked with has been great so far, I'm not saying "babysit" like I feel condescended to, but that I feel like I'm taking time away they could be using for other things. #Disability #Employment #Anxiety #Depression #Shame