This heavy feeling that I am absent from myself..this intense longing to know and feel myself as whole is too overwhelming and unbearable. My depression is so very persistent and dark. I always dread looking at the mirror...i have worn this same outfit for 3 days now and i just can not keep myself up. I try to push myself a little more each day so I can maintain a healthy routine. But my tiredness and sore body is hard to stay on top of.
My stomach aches, my head pulses, my muscles ache, can not stay focoused, always tense and on edge, sometimes it's even hard to breath, i have sleeping problems because of nightmares and i get bad migraines..i don't have a sex drive and I have many unexplained health issues, my menstrual cycle is insanely abnormal, i often get painfully loud urges inside my mind to harm myself, i have bad chest pain, and the kind of strength it takes me to get myself out of bed is literally crippling.. sometimes i fall to the floor just by getting out of bed. I get startled too easily and i cry too often, too many negative voices inside my head..and of course there's much more than just all this going on..it is too much. I need a break from myself.
It is the same everyday, it never stops. It hurts. I need help.
#SocialAnxiety #SeperationAnxiety #SuicideSurvivor #EatingDisorders