SeperationAnxiety

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Uncontrolled crying episodes

Does anyone else have crying episodes? Anything big or small can set it off..sometimes it even happens with no known reason; it is annoying and exhausting. Wish I could go a whole day without crying at all.

Ex..the other day I had a crying episode simply because the cake I was eating was all gone. Then I cried even harder because I felt upset towards myself for wanting more.

#BodyDysmorphicDisorder
#ClinicalDepression
#CPTSD
#SocialAnxiety
#SeperationAnxiety
#PanicDisorder
#ADHD
#EatingDisorders
#SelfHarmRecovering
#SuicideSurvivor

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#CPTSD #BodyDysmorphicDisorder #SocialAnxiety #SeperationAnxiety #SuicideSurvivor #SelfHarmRecovering #PanicDisorder

If i talk about my mental issues or past expierences, the other person is nice and shows interest in being a suportive friend and of course I am just as kind and supportive in return. But when my face is seen...i am told that "you are too pretty to be feeling that way about yourself" along with "you're making things up and exaggerating situations for attention".

It hurts to not be taken seriously; I simply need help and am reaching out for it. Even back when I was in school, teachers have scolded me in front of the class saying that "you look too normal to be this stupid" and should "act normal and solve the questions as easily as everyone else" and to "stop making up stories for attention" so many others just assume that my life is easy and had it all handed to me because of how I look. But it is quite the opposite of what they think.

... even recently been accused by someone very close to me of faking a panic attack for attention..why would anyone want to fake something like that? I am not a twisted person feeding off of pity; I am broken real badly and am unable to heal on my own. I just want to heal from my past and be comfortable in my own in, does it really have to be this hard to be heard? I've tried everything I can on my own. It's impossible to heal alone.

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Seperation anxiety from my dogs

#SeperationAnxiety #Dogs #BPD #addictions

I have no idea if this has anything to do with my BPD but without a doubt it is intertwined with my co-occuring addictions. I am addicted to my nurturing my two dogs. To being their caregiver, their number one, their favourite person, their Mama. They are attached to me like velcro and it was the same with my late dog Henry, (RIP sweet boy) where no one else mattered but me. It was such a beautiful feeling to be loved so intensely and unconditionally. I know some people are thinking "Duh", quite obviously every animal is (usually) ok obsessed with their owner- but I know that they love me as much as they do, because no one could possibly love them as much as I do. Their happiness means everything to me, so I believe my separation anxiety stems from the emotional upset it causes me knowing they are sad in my absence. I hate the thought of them frantically searching for me, thinking I've left them, or waiting and waiting for my return. So many people don't understand what I go through when they say, "No dogs." These are my children. My babies. My emotional support. I'm on my way to a BBQ with my bf and a few others, where the dogs could easily have come without it causing any issue but it's just easier for everyone to assume they should be left behind. *Sigh* I wrote this because I was trying to fight off my tears and safe face around everyone else. It helped but it still sucks. It's very difficult for me to shake off this mood I'm in now. And THAT I know is my BPD 😉

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Why is it too hard to look at the mirror? Usually close to 10 seconds is the longest i can look at myself before starting to cry or rage...it's exhausting.

#CPTSD
#BodyDysmorphicDisorder
#SocialAnxiety
#SeperationAnxiety
#SelfHarmRecovering
#EatingDisorders
#PanicDisorder
#ClinicalDepression
#SuicideSurvivor

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This heavy feeling that I am absent from myself..this intense longing to know and feel myself as whole is too overwhelming and unbearable. My depression is so very persistent and dark. I always dread looking at the mirror...i have worn this same outfit for 3 days now and i just can not keep myself up. I try to push myself a little more each day so I can maintain a healthy routine. But my tiredness and sore body is hard to stay on top of.

My stomach aches, my head pulses, my muscles ache, can not stay focoused, always tense and on edge, sometimes it's even hard to breath, i have sleeping problems because of nightmares and i get bad migraines..i don't have a sex drive and I have many unexplained health issues, my menstrual cycle is insanely abnormal, i often get painfully loud urges inside my mind to harm myself, i have bad chest pain, and the kind of strength it takes me to get myself out of bed is literally crippling.. sometimes i fall to the floor just by getting out of bed. I get startled too easily and i cry too often, too many negative voices inside my head..and of course there's much more than just all this going on..it is too much. I need a break from myself.

It is the same everyday, it never stops. It hurts. I need help.

#CPTSD
#BodyDysmorphicDisorder #ClinicalDepression
#SocialAnxiety #SeperationAnxiety #SuicideSurvivor #EatingDisorders
#PanicDisorder
#EtcEtc

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#painthroughart #ArtTherapy

Someone made a post asking if anyone who draws/paints their pain, if they can show it and describe the mood behind it. If any of you want to join in, then you can use this hashtag.
#painthroughart

Here is one of mine. I drew this picture in attempt of puting a visual on my mental pain/illnesses and as a slight view into my mind. I did it in attempt of finding my inner child and to work on healing.
I feel as if my mental pain and mental illnesses and mental issues are not a part of who i am..kind of like my mind has a mind of it's own, so i gave it a name.

This is Vhie. It has multiple personalities/emotions and multiple identities. It is naive, aggressive and immoral. It torments me continuously threwout the day. Everyday.

It knows everything about me and my past and it will do havoc at any cost to keep me screaming for a way out.

It harasses me with such brutal force to cause me severe mental pain and to the point where it causes physical pain as well..
No matter how much self love i give myself, Vhie is always louder. Vhie is too loud. I am terrified of Vhie. It shows no mercy, no compassion towards my inner self. It never stops being loud.

I would do almost anything to have even a few minutes of a silent mind. I want to be stronger than Vhie. But it has taken over many years ago. It refuses to let me go.

#ClinicalDepression
#SocialAnxiety
#SeperationAnxiety
#CPTSD
#EatingDisorders
#SuicideSurvivor
#Selfharm
#BodyDysmorphicDisorder
#Schizophernic ?Undiagnosed
#UnexplainedAutisticSymptoms ?

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