Failures

I'm lying here in bed next to my partner who is blissfully #Snoring so loud the neighbors can hear and I can't #shutmybrainoff and #Sleep . All of my #Parenting #Failures for the day are running through my head full speed ahead. Being a #specialneedsmom is not for the weak, but I do not feel strong or competent. Every day is one fuck up after the next. Balanci6his #ADHD #Anxiety #Depression #OppositionalDefiantDisorder and #PTSD is a delicate balance in a #Child especially one with #Trauma . I may never get it right, but I'll die trying.

At first I thought I had a good exam but when I came out of the exam hall everyone was like how bad the paper went, and then I realised that that means mine went bad too. And I’m not sure how it went. But whenever I’ve said it went good I’ve scored bad and whenever I’ve said it went bad I’ve scored bad regardless.
This exam is my first year mbbs bcq exam. Now my parents are investing too much on me and I can’t disappoint them. Because they expect a lot even when they say they don’t and even if they don’t I will be disappoint in myself all over again, I want to make them and myself proud of me

So I sat to review everything and I had my friend with me and turns out all my notes were useless because I didn’t know anything. Like I felt so dumb because I was freaking out on every question she asked me and I didn’t have an answer to it. I just feel so dumb and stupid at the moment. I’m trying so hard, so hard but failure is my destiny.
#frustration #Anxiety #Stress #Worried #Trying so hard #Failures