fearofflying

How do you, as a fearful flier, not become discouraged after seeing a tragedy happen? It is of course sad and upsetting anytime things like this happen. The loss of life, the grief, even for people you've never met, it is painful and tragic. It makes sense to have these responses to tragedy, whether related to flying or otherwise.

The Validation of Fear and Flying Anxiety Setbacks

While there's not a full explanation available yet of what caused the Air India crash, any time someone who is afraid of flying hears about something like this happening it can be incredibly discouraging and increase flying anxiety, or decrease normalization (I've written extensively on the concept of normalization and overcoming fear of flying. Check out the blog on my website if you would like to read more on this topic).

When an incident happens, one of the reasons it can be easy to be discouraged is because a plane incident serves as validation for your worst fears. People I work with sometimes say to me, "See? It can happen. I should be scared to fly. What if that was me?" The validation of the fear, and the sense of "what if", makes someone with flying phobia feel that it is now much more likely to happen to them than before.

It becomes compounded by the fact that when something like this happens, videos are popping up everywhere for days and weeks to cover the one incident. In terms of how we internalize this, it can actually be experienced by the mind and body as more than one incident because there are so many videos repeatedly driving the incident in, while at the same time not taking in much positive about flying to work against it.

Every time you view a video your mind and body can internalize it as another negative interaction with flying and further reverse your normalization meter—making it feel like the danger to flying is more normal than the safety of flying. Even if you "know" it's still largely safer to fly than drive, the validation of the fear and the repeated exposure to the one incident can start to make it "feel" more dangerous than it is.

Maintaining Normalization and Finding Perspective

It is much easier to locate coverage about negative incidents than positive ones when it comes to flying. Obviously, this is for good reason—why would people post every time planes take off and land without incident? The same day the Air India crash happened, if you watched one video for every single plane that took off and landed in the world, you would have gone through the whole entire day not being able to watch them all. And you would have likely become bored out of your mind after the first hour or two of watching these videos. However, while the Air India crash is still an awful incident, had you watched a hundred thousand-plus planes take off and land the same day, it would have likely created some internal perspective to place alongside the tragedy.

This is the reason that you can hear about fatal car crashes and then immediately after still get into your car and drive—or even hear about them while you're driving and still not suddenly become scared being in the car. Not only do you possibly feel more in control by driving than you might feel in the cabin of a plane, but you're likely so normalized to driving by doing it all the time and seeing other cars on the road not crashing all the time, that when you hear about fatal car crashes it likely doesn't discourage you from driving or dent the routine nature of it you've internalized over time.

Emotionally Managing Risk

The validation of your fear after an airplane incident becomes the biggest internal punch to have to contend with. In spite of the more publicized flying incidents recently, flying isn't really less safe, and isn't more likely to end in tragedy than before. But the validation of your fear after something like this really increases that feeling that you were right, and that your level of fear is valid and reasonable. (I've also noticed a great increase in the coverage of private plane flying incidents being unfairly treated as if it's on equal footing and lumped in with commercial airline flying. This makes people feel like airline passenger plane incidents are happening all the time which isn't helping matters for people with flying anxiety).

One of the many normalization exercises I developed for people to work on as part of overcoming fear of flying is called the Fear of Flying Mindset. This asks people to list all the things they do every day that have risk (this exercise, when done effectively, helps create perspective and normalization on risk). People are often surprised to learn how many things they do every single day that in their absolute worst moments can have tragic results.

But a big difference is, most of these things—such as eating, for one example—people don't tend to already fear. So if you hear of a person choking, you don't suddenly fear eating. Also because your daily interaction with eating without choking has normalized eating for you. You have internalized reasonable perspective. So even when an incident happens, it doesn't tend to put a dent in your ability to still interact with these things that also have risk in their worst possible moments.

Keeping Perspective

When you already experience flying anxiety, flying doesn't have this same perspective for you. Remember, the point of overcoming fear of flying has never been to convince yourself that there is no world in which bad things happen once in a great while. Overcoming fear of flying and flying anxiety is all about emotionally aligning yourself with the routine reality of flying. When you fear flying, it's very common to experience flying as much more risky and dangerous than it really is—almost like it's a 50/50 chance you'll be okay, which is one of the reasons people can feel like they just got lucky when they land.

When you see an incident like Air India happen, if you are afraid of flying already, it gives you reason to believe you were right about these odds, spiking your fear. But for those who are normalized to flying and have internalized a reasonable sense of the routine nature of it, it is likely to elicit feelings of sadness and upset for the loss and tragedy, but as far as fear goes, it's more aligned with hearing about car crashes before you get in your car. You may know once in a while stuff happens (a whole lot more with driving than flying), but emotionally you recognize the tragedy was the exception to the normal routine.

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This is a question I receive quite often from people, and it's actually not a simple answer. While sometimes it can provide some comfort to see videos of planes flying, or pilots talking about flying, and it can at times help normalize the experience a bit if the videos are benign enough, I find they can often be more harmful than helpful to people's fear of flying.

Not All Normalizing Experiences Are Created Equal

People sometimes hope they can provide themselves with some form of exposure therapy when watching airplane videos. However, exposure therapy has never been great for fear of flying for a number of reasons (some of those being limited access to exposure, graduated exposure, and repetition that you'd find with CBT). Fear of flying doesn't seem to follow the same rules as other phobias, and it has meant that traditional phobia treatments have never really done a great job with resolving people's flying anxiety. This is why I studied this phobia and came up with a different way of approaching this issue many years ago now that has worked well to help people overcome this issue.

Within this approach, there are four major components that need to be addressed when working to overcome fear of flying and flying anxiety: normalization, underlying causes, emotional regulation, and passenger flying education. I've discussed these components in depth in many articles and interviews in the past (and a book will eventually be on the way). So I won't go into the latter three here.

Understanding Normalization

Creating normalization is a bit more complex than it sounds (and no, it's not the same as what's known as "exposure"). The idea behind a normalization-based approach is that you're trying to make the experience of flying feel indifferent (or even fun and exciting in some instances). Kind of like the indifference you may feel when you get in the car if you drive every day. You likely just don't think about it because you're so used to it.

In order to create normalization, the basic concept is that you have to be taking in (to your mind and body, consciously and unconsciously) more of the routine elements of flying than anything else. If you end up taking in more negative or anxiety inducing flying elements, even unknowingly, it can result in "reverse normalization" and actually set your normalization meter the other direction, leading to increased anxiety instead of calm. This reverse normalization happens when people are taking in more negative than positive, and for every person, how "negative" and "positive" flying elements are experienced depends on their own emotional history and current place. Some people will be impacted by elements that others are fine with.

A Video of a Calm Flight Can Still Be Triggering

It can be tempting to think that a helpful or benign flying video is watching a plane flight where no bad turbulence happens and everything runs smoothly. However, sometimes hearing certain sounds may be more triggering than expected, or seeing various airplane movements, seeing people moving around the plane a certain way, seeing the plane full of people, and more that shows up in videos can actually unexpectedly hit the reverse normalization button. While some might say, "Well, you have to get used to all this before flying, don't you?" There is some truth to this line of thinking. However, if what you're watching becomes unexpectedly too overwhelming or overstimulating for any reason it can actually create anything from panic attacks in response to a significant setback that doesn't easily resolve with repetition. I have had people show up to their sessions clearly impacted after they decided to watch live flight videos that they weren't ready to encounter.

Different Types of Airplane Videos and Reverse Normalization

There are a lot of different types of airplane videos online nowadays, more so than just videos of planes flying that passengers put online. There is also an ever-growing pool of pilot-made videos for the sake of teaching the public about planes and flying, and explaining incidents that come up. And while these maybe are intended to be helpful -- sometimes it is really unclear -- I would venture to say that many more videos lend to reverse normalization, as opposed to normalization. When you're afraid of flying, it is much easier to be stimulated the wrong way than the helpful way. The interaction between the fearful flier's brain and content that highlights things going wrong, or that shines a light on the exceptions to flying, or shows the mistakes (even if things turn out okay, in the end) only leaves most people who fear flying feeling less good about flying and more worried. Even if the pilots are explaining why you shouldn't be nervous, it is the interaction with the anxiety and flying that ratchets up the fear.

The Less Obstacles to the Fear of Flying Brain, The Better

In my approach, stemming from my work as a therapist, I created the normalization exercises I use when working with people specifically to be sure that what you're taking in is most likely to lend to normalization and not the opposite. And this never includes videos. There are times that people have brought videos into our sessions to watch with me so their reactions can be monitored and understood. But I would not specifically point people towards any videos you'd find online for the purposes of normalizing flying. There are too many variables that can work against you. In fact, it is really the opposite. I would normally tell people not to watch videos they find online (including flying news videos). It doesn't mean certain video have never helped people -- I'm sure some people will respond to this article and say how watching videos was helpful for them. But it isn't a reliable approach.

The mind of the fearful flier can be delicate when it comes to anxiety and flying and easily impacted the wrong direction. If you're wanting to overcome the fear, the less obstacles the better. This is why the more flying related content that pops up online these days, the more care is needed around what you're taking in.

It is also the case that if there is something in the underlying causes area that is blocking normalization from being internalized that trying to push too hard on the normalization button can actually increase flying anxiety as well. So if you're watching videos hoping it's going to desensitize you, but something underlying is in the way, it can actually increase the block and you may start to feel more anxious. (This is why overcoming fear of flying has always been complicated. The needs aren't the same from one person to the next and the process needs to adjust for the person, not the other way around).

Overcoming Fear of Flying, and Handling Videos

If you enjoy watching airplane videos, passenger videos, or pilot explanation videos, just keep in mind that while they certainly can be interesting, don't be surprised if you're noticing yourself wanting to fly less as you watch more of them. It doesn't really mean that flying has become notably more dangerous or higher risk (I know this is a hot topic right now), but it more likely means that you're experiencing reverse normalization if you're finding yourself backing away from flying or becoming more uncertain about it. This may be a sign it's time to put the videos aside or scroll past them in your feed for a while.

#fearofflying #Anxiety #Phobia #PanicAttacks #Claustrophobia #flyinganxiety

The short answer is: Yes.

The longer answer is: Yes, however resolving it doesn't generally happen the way people think it should.

Resolving Anticipatory Anxiety Takes a Different Approach

People often seek me out to work on overcoming fear of flying because they've heard from others or read about the way I work. Over many years of practice, I've interestingly had some people relay to me that they were told by other experts that it's not possible to overcome anticipatory anxiety.

It is of great curiosity to me that anyone who offers specialized help in fear of flying would believe that anticipatory anxiety can't be overcome. (Though, I will also say that it does validate the reason I created my approach many years ago. The way professionals, including other therapists, coaches, and even pilots and airlines have approached the issue over time has been largely inadequate.) I have consistently in my practice seen people come through the other end of anticipatory anxiety. I've also seen a large number of people who not only have become settled with flying, but who have actually become excited by flying and now look for opportunities to travel more -- excitedly anticipating their trips as they grow closer rather than fearing or dreading them. Anticipatory anxiety is not a hopeless issue. It just isn't resolved the way people tend to imagine it should be.

What Do Other Approaches Miss?

Exposure Therapy and Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

If you've read my articles previously, you've probably read about my approaches with normalization, underlying causes, emotional regulation, and passenger flying education as the big four components that are woven together to help overcome fear of flying. When it comes to anticipatory anxiety, there is a lot happening that greatly differs from one person to the next, based on their own experiences and histories, emotionally, relationally, contextually, and more. While *ideally* simply normalizing flying and doing the related exercises would take care of anticipatory anxiety, when there is more going on in the underlying causes area, normalization can actually become blocked. This means no matter how much you may fly, or how much you work on something like exposure therapy, it can't break through or ease your anxiety. (It's also not easily possible to do exposure therapy with flying because of the limits of access to planes and how this process would need to be handled). This is one of the reasons why cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) isn't as effective as one would hope for fear of flying, and especially not for anticipatory anxiety. Behavioral approaches can be helpful with certain elements of flying at times, but these tend to only goes so far.

Pilots and Airline Programs

Another approach that people often try is seeking out pilots or airline sponsored programs to try to overcome their anticipatory anxiety and dread leading up to flying. Ultimately, these kind of approaches generally aim to teach you about flying, hoping you'll learn why you shouldn't be scared of flying. The idea is that if you know how flying works, then you won't be scared anymore. While the intentions are good, when is the last time you've experienced anxiety or panic and it actually worked when someone responded with all the reasons you shouldn't be scared?

I know pilots are well-meaning and intending to help, but if you're looking for help with fear of flying, my first suggestion wouldn't be to go to a pilot. Pilots are experts in flying the plane and in aviation. They aren't experts mental health, emotional processes, or in the way deeper emotions tend to become activated (or calmed), and how complex it can be to help people find their way through tremendous fear, panic, and anxiety. While pilots have tremendous knowledge and ability in the world of flying planes and in aviation, it is very rare that *knowing* about how flying works calms panic and anxiety more than a little bit.

You may be wondering how I know that the above methods are generally less helpful. The answer is pretty simple: Many people over time come to me after trying all of these different approaches still feeling anxious about flying.

Anticipatory Anxiety Isn't Rationally-Based

Anticipatory anxiety doesn't function in the rational brain. When people are in rational mode, the brain is in a very different state than when in panic, fear, and anxiety mode. More knowledge isn't going to do much to relieve the panic state. Fear of flying tends to push people into an anxiety and panic state that can't be easily reasoned with once it's activated.

When you're scared, rational thought essentially shuts down. You're just looking for safety at this point as if you're in imminent danger. Anticipatory anxiety can feel for many people like something between a low-grade and a full on panic attack for periods of time leading up to a flight, feeling as if you're preparing to walk into danger (both in mind and in body). For many, this starts the moment the ticket is purchased and the commitment is made. Though many others may not start to feel it until a month or less before the flight.

Anticipatory anxiety, believe it or not, can also often be about more than only the flight. The flight can be the catalyst that brings all of the vulnerability forward -- and it can of course be about the flight, as well. However, I have seen a significant number of people who are calm and grounded during flights with little to no anxiety at all, even on turbulent flights, who are still terrified leading up to every flight anyway.

Overcoming Anticipatory Anxiety and Fear of Flying

Anticipatory anxiety brings added layers that are different for each person (which is why the way I work with this issue is so personalized in bringing the components together). If you're trying to overcome anticipatory anxiety by focusing solely on the flight itself, it's likely not going to help you feel much better if what's causing the anticipatory anxiety is stemming from deeper anxieties and vulnerabilities that are tapped into by the flight. Anticipatory anxiety lives and breathes in the stored emotions that builds from experiences over time. When faced with an environment like flying, where it can tap into people's greatest vulnerabilities, this is when anticipatory anxiety wakes up the sleeping demons.

If you are struggling with anticipatory anxiety, fear of flying, or anxiety in general, it is not hopeless.

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People see these stories all the time: A flight returns to the airport because of an issue (generally more out of precaution than a full emergency), or flights diverting to a different airport for any variety of reasons (much more common than people realize), an unruly passenger on a plane causing problems, a go-around during landing, strong turbulence, and many more airplane stories in the media. It almost seems like anything that isn't a perfectly smooth flight can generate a scary flying story for people to click on.

How often, though, do these planes actually land safely and everything is really okay?

Normalization and "Reverse Normalization"

If you haven't read about my approach to helping people throughout the world overcome fear of flying, one of the elements I discuss involves the concept of normalization. Essentially, normalization is the idea of helping your mind and body be able to internalize and really experience flying as a normal and routine process -- similarly to how you may feel when driving your car. In your car, you may know there's risk (much more so than flying), but you likely feel calm and safe when approaching driving because your mind and body has internalized that sense of normalization.

On the flip side, the concept of "reverse normalization" is something I've addressed in a number of writings and interviews. Reverse normalization is what I call it when people internalize the sense of the danger of flying. Generally, this can happen when someone comes into contact with more negatives and dangers with flying than the safety of flying. In these moments, even if flying is still a safe mode of transportation, reverse normalization can make you feel like flying is actually more dangerous than safe -- and lead to the feeling of just "getting lucky" when your plane lands safely at its destination.

The Media's Relationship to Fear of Flying

In recent months, there have been a couple of incidents with flying which, of course, nobody likes or wants to see. When something bad happens, especially with flying, it often creates more anxiety. However, when you hear of a tragic car accident, you likely still get into your car and drive anyway afterward without second thought. When you've normalized something, hearing of a catastrophic and sad incident usually won't rattle the sense of general safety.

What becomes complicated and problematic for many people though is not only the media's response to a flying incident, but also the general presentation of flying throughout entertainment, such as TV and movies.

People often click on articles and videos about flying incidents, especially when they experience fear of flying. When feeling anxious about something, it can be instinctive to either seek to validate the fear, and/or seek proof of safety (and it can be both at once that people look for in these moments). This can cause people to click on any new reports of incidents that show up in the media.

What people may not realize, however, is the nature of many of these flying stories often aren't really newsworthy at all. And after something bad does happen, the number of stories covering benign incidents increases significantly.

When reading stories like these, the focus becomes about what could have gone wrong, rather than the fact that things turned out okay. These stories stoke people's fears and tends to heighten reverse normalization. We start to take in more and more negative incidents about flying, and that leads someone with flying anxiety to experience an increase in fear of flying rather than safety around flying.

Movies and TV Exacerbate Fear of Flying

Believe it or not, movies and TV shows contribute to flying phobia as well. There are so many movies and shows that incorporate something dangerous about flying. Simply viewing these scenes allows your brain to grasp another encounter of negative flying information. Not only does this add to reverse normalization, it actually often gives unrealistically simplistic information that can increase fear, as well.

Pilots will likely tell you that on the very rare occasion that something has gone wrong, it generally takes a lot going wrong all at once.

In movies and TV, writers and directors can create scenarios that makes catastrophic events out of issues that in real life likely wouldn't happen the way it happens in the movies. I can't count the number of times I've seen depictions of planes just falling out of the sky for no real reason in movies and TV. The ease with which things seem to go wrong in planes in the entertainment world actually adds to internalizing the concept that flying really is dangerous -- not only just taking in the negatives, but also taking in the idea that catastrophe is always just about to happen for any reason at all.

Ways to Manage What You Take In

Of course, as we've seen recently, sometimes (even if rarely) scary and upsetting things can happen. Overcoming fear of flying isn't about making guarantees or convincing people that there is zero risk, similar to driving. It's more about how to help you align your mind and body to the reality of flying. And for each person this process is a bit different (which is why I personalize my approach). When the alignment of realistic safety and perceived danger is thrown off, people develop or increase anxiety and fear.

It's okay if you occasionally are drawn into an airplane story or video. It's important to be mindful of it, though:

If the story involves a plane where everyone is safe and the plane landed, try to pay more attention to this part of the story.

Don't watch turbulence videos. These often increase fears of turbulence more so than helping. Even if at times they can be helpful, it really depends on your own fear of flying and where you are in your emotional process if these will help or hurt.

If you see a plane issue in a show or movie, allow yourself to question how much is a written story you're watching rather than a real incident.

General aviation (people flying private planes), and commercial aviation (airlines) are very different. The media is constantly reporting general aviation incidents as national news. General aviation incidents happen much more often because there are far less restrictions and rules about airplane maintenance, as well as who is qualified to fly a private plane, versus who can pilot an airline with passengers. When you see private plane incidents, try to keep in mind that they are quite different and almost apples to oranges with the world of airline flying.

Overcoming Fear of Flying

The takeaway is really to try to not automatically buy into the fear with what you see in the media and entertainment. I see people regularly for flying anxiety in my practice and while there are other elements to overcoming fear of flying in my approach not discussed here, being able to manage and undo reverse normalization is one part that most people need help with as they work through their flying anxiety. People do overcome this issue, even when it feels impossible.

#fearofflying #flyinganxiety #flyingphobia #Phobia #phobias #Anxiety #MentalHealth

I was quoted in the Wall Street Journal this week in an article discussing flying anxiety from the recent incidents in D.C. and Philly over the last week or so. In the article, I mentioned how following stories in the media has a way of "reversing normalization" about flying. What does this mean?

First, it is always unnerving and sad whenever accidents happen. And for people who are already afraid of flying, and for others as well, it has a way of increasing anxiety, and even serving to validate fears about flying and traveling. When something happens, it becomes very easy to say, "Look, I was right to be afraid." Of course, increased anxiety makes sense when there is a tragedy -- whether in a plane or anywhere else. It can be very hard to keep perspective when the worst case scenario and the thing you may fear most is happening to witness in the present.

However, one of the significant parts of managing and overcoming fear of flying isn't to become convinced that nothing could ever happen. Pretending the risk is zero doesn't help, because you know better. It's more about how to help your body and brain normalize and align with the realistic risk -- not the perceived risk, which feels much higher for most people. What I refer to as "normalization" of flying is one big part of internally aligning with reality.

How "Normalization" Helps

Every day we are normalized to risky situations. This means we have internalized the risk and the context of situations to the point that allows us to feel safe doing things that have risk to them. As I've discussed in past articles, people drive every day of the week without having panic attacks before they get into their cars, even though driving is much more risky than flying. Same thing with eating meals, showering, walking down the street, or any other activities that can end badly in a catastrophic moment. We know there is risk, but because of normalization in the brain and body, you're able to engage in these scenarios without any thought, even with no guarantees available.

Part of the experience of normalization is helping your mind and body to fully understand something as routine. This means that you are experiencing flying (and driving, etc.) from a perspective that you are engaging more with the safety than the lack of safety. For example, if you were to follow how many planes take off and land every single day, you'd never have time for anything else in your life. In this scenario, you'd be constantly engaging with the safety of flying. One or two incidents in twenty years time would certainly be sad at any time, and it might be jarring, understandably. But when you're normalized to an experience and the realistic risk level of it, it tends to not change that internal meter too much, even if it knocks it around temporarily. This is why you can hear about terrible car accidents and then still get in the car right after anyway.

"Reverse Normalization" and Its Impact on Fear of Flying

"Reverse normalization," however, is what I call it when the opposite experience happens. If you are reading or watching videos about accidents and scary airplane moments more than you are taking in the safety and routine nature of flying, then you're going to internally start to respond as if flying is actually much more dangerous than it is.

A significant issue that I've seen over time working with people on flying phobia is how affected people become when they see articles about flights diverting to different airports, or doing "go arounds" during landing, or when a passenger creates havoc in the cabin, etc. When something out of the ordinary shows up, even if safety was never really at risk, and these stories find their way to the public, it increases reverse normalization, and people become more afraid. The sensationalizing of accidents when they happen drastically increases this, and often leads to more scary airplane stories for a while after. It can make people feel like the danger is actually more real or the risk is greater than it really is.

Keeping Perspective and Calming Fears

When tragedies like this happen, the first step in managing anxiety is to do the best you can in these moments to maintain a sense of perspective. The reality is that the risk isn't actually any greater than it was before. However, it is incredibly jarring when it does happen. Keep in mind also that one of the reasons it's so jarring when it happens (aside from how tragic and upsetting it is) is because of how rare it actually is. The fact that these incidents are *not* normalized actually demonstrates just how rare it is, and therefore the increased anxiety and fear in these moments makes sense.

There's more to overcoming fear of flying that I'm not discussing in this article (I've written extensively on this on my blog if you wish to see more). However, if you're finding yourself stressed over the last couple of weeks about flying, try to remember that the risk isn't suddenly greater. If you see scary airplane stories in the media -- if everyone lands safely, maybe question if what you're reading needed to be published in the first place. If you see repeated stories about the recent accidents (which may be the case for a while), either try to ignore it, or if you must read it, try to keep perspective that it's still the one incident you're reading about. The tricky part with the brain is that each time you engage with the same incident, each engagement counts in the brain as another negative incident anyway.

#fearofflying #flyinganxiety #Anxiety #phobias

There are many different reasons that people fear flying and experience forms of flying anxiety. It isn't a one size fits all phobia, even though the struggle with flying from the outside can often appear somewhat similar. What goes on underneath for each person however is actually quite different for everybody. Many who fear flying are not actually afraid of the plane crashing, for example. Many do trust that the plane will make it to the destination, but it actually becomes very scary to be in a vulnerable environment where they have no sense of control, and not be able to get up and leave when they feel scared.

Feeling trapped when flying can be terrifying. If you're in turbulence, of taking off, or even just cruising mid-flight, it can be the most vulnerable space for some people to be in. If you feel fear and anxiety ramp up when turbulence is happening, you can't do anything to stop the turbulence, and you also can't just leave the plane and come back in twenty minutes. It's a powerless feeling. When you're good at being in control of your environment in your daily life, and in ultimate control of your own body, it can be very difficult to sit in the plane and not be able to control the environment or leave it when you need. You just have to sit in it. In many ways, flying is a space where people have to learn how to hold their vulnerability while staying in it at the same time.

Fear of Being Trapped Happens for Different Reasons

For each person, however, it's different why being trapped causes such distress. For example, some fear being trapped because they're worried they're going to need medical attention and they're not going to have access to what is needed. Others may fear being trapped when flying because their anxiety and panic may become so big that they don't quite know how they'll react. Will they jump up and scream? Will they run up and down the aisle? Others fear being trapped because when they have a lot of people around them they feel enclosed, stuck, and like they can't breathe. And so on.

It's also very hard for many people to be in a space where they feel they may not be able to hide their fear and panic, and it will be noticed by others. The shame can be so great about being noticed that you're struggling, and the idea that you're not able to hold it all together, especially when it feels like you should be able to hold everything together. Every minute having to try to sit on the emotions can feel like an intense pressure and losing battle. Especially if you've grown up feeling there's never been much room for your emotional needs to be attended to, it may feel like you're supposed to hide the emotions, or hold it all together when you're feeling scared. This pressure in a plane, when the vulnerability can be the most intense, feels so overwhelming for people that every minute is filled with anxiety and dread, just wanting to get off the plane again so you can breathe again. There are other reasons that being trapped can be such an unnerving feeling when flying, but these are just some of the reasons that show up most often.

Trapped Within Your Own Skin

In many ways, a fear of being trapped when flying isn't necessarily just about being trapped within the airplane, it can often actually be a fear of being trapped within oneself, and all of the emotions that may feel they're going to become bigger than your body can hold. It's really hard to feel such big emotions and feel like there's nowhere left within you to put them all. This is where anxiety in flying can become more of a panicked feeling. Like there's no space left to breathe and you're becoming trapped.

Basically, it doesn't just feel unsafe inside the plane, it may feel unsafe even within your own skin.

Sitting With Yourself Differently, and Overcoming Fear of Flying

While it's important to learn how to sit in an environment where you don't have control (over the plane, or the people, etc.), there actually is still room to create control within yourself and your own body. But it's not always in the way people are used to creating control in themselves. People often create control by controlling the outside space. It is common to not know how to be with or handle emotions and discomforts on the inside, when the outside is out of your control. Alongside normalization and other elements of the personalized fear of flying therapy approach I created many years ago, part of overcoming fear of flying and being trapped is learning how to listen to yourself, understand yourself, and sit with yourself in a way that can help you feel more safe and calm, even if the environment is uncertain.

#fearofflying #Phobia #phobias #Anxiety #PanicAttacks #PanicDisorder #Claustrophobia

There are four main components involved in overcoming fear of flying: normalization, underlying issues, emotional regulation, and passenger flying education. Each one addresses a separate and relevant pathway that feeds fear of flying. I won't go into all four in this post. However, for each person, it varies what's presently needed. It all depends on where you are emotionally, your own history, and your own experiences. It isn't step-by-step, as much as it is understanding where your needs are in order to help you feel comfortable to fly.

Normalization and Decreasing Flying Phobia

Normalization is an important element of being able to resolve flying anxiety. The concept of normalization is to be able to emotionally experience the normalcy and routine nature of something so your brain and emotions don't react like there's a catastrophe about to happen. Even if there is technically some variable risk in many parts of life, we are able to do things every day that have risk in them because we experience them as normalized. We know that driving has a much, much greater statistical risk attached to it than flying. However, it's easy for many people who fear flying to still get into their cars every day and drive multiple times per day because it's so normalized that the brain doesn't react to it as a threat. You may know there's risk, but emotionally it's become an every day routine that you can trust.

With flying phobia, most people who have a fear of flying have not been able to normalize the experience in this way. This can be for a few reasons. Therapists for cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) would tell you that you just need exposure. But I'll tell you now that traditional CBT does not tend to work well for fear of flying. First of all, it's not possible to provide people enough appropriate exposure with flying unless you can fly regularly (on a weekly basis at least), or get past security in an airport without flying. However, even if you could in theory make this happen, many people come to me who do fly regularly for work and still feel anxious about flying every time they travel. Every time they land they feel they've just gotten lucky and it's a sigh of relief. Exposure on its own doesn't create normalization.

Blocked Normalization

When people aren't able to internalize normalization, it's usually because there is something underlying that is blocking it. Getting to the underlying issues reinforcing your fear of flying is another main component of overcoming this phobia. For everybody, it is different what's happening underneath the surface that is feeding the fear, but it's imperative that what's bolstering your flying anxiety is understood and worked through so you can make room for the normalization. The underlying component is the part of the process that brings the rest together. Removing the underlying blocks while working on the normalization opens the space to internalize normalization, which ultimately allows you to feel more like you're just getting in the car to go from one place to another, rather than a daunting feeling of dread or fear of catastrophe that can appear with getting on an airplane (or can keep you from getting on the plane).

Reverse Normalization

Another part of what reinforces fear of flying for people is the idea of reverse normalization. This is when you are exposed to more negative images and stories about flying than positive, and it leads you to understand flying as dangerous. The images that people often have in their minds of the scary things they imagine can happen, or things they see on tv or in the movies, or even stories in the media that call up these scary images is part of this. This leads to blocking and even undoing normalization. So part of achieving normalization is helping you to be able to let go of the images you may carry about flying while bringing in positive engagement with flying.

Fear of Flying is Emotional -- Not Logical

When flying is normalized, you're able to experience it in your body and emotionally as routine. It's worth knowing that flying phobia is rooted in emotions. You may know statistics, you may know everything about how flying works, you may have all the logical reasons that you'll be okay. But when you fear flying, your body may react before you even have the chance to slow it down. The emotions and body cannot align with what you logically know. This is why people can go into a flight equipped with logic, but then still find themselves afraid anyway.

When the attention is given to what you need emotionally, normalization to flying becomes possible. I have seen people come to either feel indifferent about flying -- where they fly and it's a just a mode of transportation -- to actually enjoying flying and wanting to do it more, even when they used to cancel flights and not get on the plane because it was once so scary. It is possible to overcome this fear.

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I have helped people overcome fear of flying for many years with the personalized approach I developed in my practice. There are a few phases of flying that tend to cause the most anxiety for people. Turbulence is one of the phases that seems to be scary nearly across the board for people who struggle with flying phobia. Occasionally, I do see people who are okay with turbulence, but still struggle with other parts of flying. However, turbulence is something that holds such a feeling of dread and creates panic of certain catastrophe for many.

Different Types of Fear of Turbulence

There are a number of reasons that turbulence can be so unsettling for people, and it often varies from person to person. Sometimes anxiety can come up when not understanding or knowing what is going on. However, it's worth noting that even when people understand it , it often isn't enough to stop the anxiety. Usually turbulence fears can really stir up deeper feelings beyond just not understanding. As I've written about previously, fear of flying is more of a "back of the brain" issue based on emotional responses. You can know all of the statistics in your favor, and you may know that turbulence is not a problem for airplanes. But no matter how much you know in the "front of your brain", the emotional part of you in your mind and body can't seem to align with what you mentally may know.

Anticipation of Turbulence

There are actually different aspects of turbulence that creates worry for people. It isn't just turbulence or no turbulence. For many people, the anticipation of turbulence has them on edge throughout cruise. You may be cruising gently for the majority of the flight, but you can't relax and you may even be paralyzed, waiting for that moment where it's all going to fall apart and the shoe is going to drop. For people in this area, you can't enjoy the moments where things are going fine because there is always a crisis about to happen, at any unknown moment.

Once turbulence starts, there may actually be a moment of slight gratification -- that you've been waiting for this to happen all along and you finally can stop wondering when it's going to happen. However, that gratification is quickly replaced by the anxiety of the unknown of how bad it's going to get.

Loss of Control

For other people, they may be fine in a calm and smooth flight, but the moment turbulence shows up they begin to feel fearful. As long as things are in control, they are calm and feel in control. But the moment bumps happen, they've now lost the feeling of control in the situation. You can't will the turbulence to stop, and you can't just leave the plane, either. This loss of control becomes experienced as an intense vulnerability for some -- one that they can usually avoid in life since there are usually ways to control their way away from the vulnerability in most situations. People in this category struggle to sit in the space of having to sit and wait for the situation to improve no matter how rough it gets.

People in this area tend to experience turbulence as more all-or-nothing. Either there is turbulence or there isn't -- in control or out of control. It's like an on-off switch of flying anxiety, and once the turbulence goes away, it's a sigh of relief because the feeling of control has returned.

Unpredictable Turbulence and the Unknown

Then there are other experiences of turbulence where it isn't so all-or-nothing, or anticipatory. For example, some do okay with certain patterns of turbulence. There might be a noticeable pattern of airplane movement that they can pick up on. Such as, the plane dips a little every ten seconds or so, and then bumps to the side a few seconds later before bumping back up a bit. This pattern repeats in a way that can become predictable. When there is a sense of predictability, this is a form of knowing and control and this can be okay with some people even though it's bumpy.

However, once the flying and turbulence pattern becomes unpredictable, this is when the anxiety comes back in. When the bumps become varied and you don't know which way the plane is going to move, or how much drop or movement will happen each time, it starts to feel like the worst is going to happen at any moment. Anything unpredictable or unknown becomes terrifying. Maybe it will drop too far, or maybe it will get bigger and stronger until it can't recover. For people in this area, the lack of predictability and being in the unknown is the most difficult part.

Difficulty With Trust

And then there is the element of trust for others. For people in this group, it's less about the sensations or the control. The moment the turbulence starts they fear that the pilots don't know what they're doing, or that they're not paying enough attention. Or, what happens if the turbulence gets so bad that the pilots become overwhelmed? While we can call this another form of lack of control as well, to some extent, for people in this area, the worry with turbulence is less about the turbulence itself and more about the lack of trust in people and the systems in place. It feels like no one or anything will be able to handle all of the pressure and stress. It's a scary, vulnerable, and out of control feeling to know that you are relying on people who you're maybe not sure can come through in the roughest moments.

In each aspect of turbulence discussed above, there are different reasons that people struggle in each of these areas. It's also common that people may experience more than one or all of the above types of turbulence fear, rather than just being in one category.

Overcoming Fear of Turbulence

People can and do overcome fears of turbulence, as well as fear of flying. I see people come through these fears all the time, even when they feel it's hopeless to improve. It is possible to sit with turbulence without having to be so overwhelmed with fear. It starts with understanding you and your own personal experience.

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When I work with people on overcoming their fear of flying, there is almost a collective wish that it would always be a quick concrete solution. Of course, that's normal. Who doesn't want to be in-and-out for any issue that can involve debilitating anxiety and significantly limits your life? However, in reality, when it comes to flying anxiety, there are almost always varying elements and layers to the issue. And, for each person, what fuels the fear and anxiety around flying tends to be different from the person next to you. (You can each be afraid of turbulence, but for each person, where this stems from, what it means, and what it needs is often different).

Trust Issues Look For Catastrophe

Trust issues can have a heavy hand in fear of flying. When you have a hard time trusting, there is often the worry of what will happen if you were to allow yourself to be vulnerable. For example, you may not easily trust in relationships out of worry you will be hurt, left, taken advantage of, cheated on, etc. You may not trust the people fixing your car, providing you dental work, or anyone outside of yourself, even. Or, one of the most crippling forms of trust anxiety with flying -- the idea that humans are imperfect and limited as a species, and therefore something must be likely to go wrong. It may be almost automatic for some to see exactly how they are going to suffer, lose, or worse when allowing themselves to trust, or rely on others, or be vulnerable. This is a significant issue with fear of flying.

Trust Issues Often Start At Home

It's important to keep in mind that there are generally reasons for fear around trust. Most people who struggle with trust have either had distrust modeled for them from a young age, or they have been hurt before, or a combination of both. When it comes to fear of flying, trust issues often embedded from childhood can have a way of catching up and wreaking havoc. (Depending on the circumstances, they can also develop later on in ways that can impact fear of flying, as well). This can be especially difficult if you grew up in a home that didn't tend to feel safe on a regular basis -- where there was chaos, abuse, emotional shaming, or a sense of having to walk on eggshells for an emotionally volatile parent or sibling, or otherwise.

Either way, trust issues are complex. Because there likely have been times where trusting didn't work out, as a child or later on. You or someone else may have experienced deep pain from one experience or a collection of them. Some may even experience ongoing pain. Trust issues aren't all fantasy or paranoia. It becomes difficult though when you emotionally feel that the chances of catastrophe weigh equally (or greater) to the chance of being safe in certain situations. It is very possible that one's trust meter can be negatively skewed due to these past experiences -- and unnecessarily increasing your flying anxiety (or relationship anxiety, or otherwise), as a result.

The Plane Becomes The Momentary Home, Internally

When it has been baked in through critical stages of your life that the people you are relying on don't always feel capable of keeping you safe, it can be very hard to go into a vulnerable environment and be able to feel safe. Especially if you are in a position of being completely out of control of the situation, which is often how flying is experienced. When you don't know who's flying the plane, or if you can trust who's building and maintaining the plane, or if they really have your best interest in mind, fear becomes the next response, especially if you can't do anything but sit in your seat and wait. It can feel like you're just waiting for the shoe to drop and everything to fall apart.

This is why trust issues can often lead to panic in flying. If something doesn't go as smoothly as hoped -- turbulence, a flight delay, seat change, an uncooperative passenger, etc. -- it can start to feel like things are getting ready to break down. You start to see all of your worst fears and catastrophes playing out in your mind, and they feel very real.

You Can Let Go Of Trust Issues, While Staying Safe

Trust is only one of a number of possibilities that can make flying difficult for people. When wanting to overcome your fear of flying, it's important that you take the time to learn and come through what's feeding your own fear. No one can convince you that flying is safe when you're scared. Fear doesn't hear reason.

This is why I work from a deeper, more comprehensive and personalized approach to flying anxiety, that centers on you. It is also the reason that when I work with people, people often leave not only feeling better about flying, but also feeling less anxious, more grounded, and more trusting throughout their lives in general, even outside of flying. It is possible to move forward from this fear and open the world for yourself. Reach out if you'd like to discuss your situation or learn about how I can help you through this issue.

#fearofflying #flyinganxiety #phobias #Phobia #Trust #Anxiety #PanicAttacks

If you are afraid of flying, then you likely have experienced the all-consuming anticipatory anxiety that can arise anytime you're approaching a flight. Or, you may avoid traveling altogether because the fear of sitting trapped in a plane for hours is so overwhelming. While some people's worry focuses on the idea of the ultimate catastrophe, many people who fear flying actually can be even more paralyzed by the idea of the fear itself.

There are a number of reasons that people come to me to help them overcome their fear of flying. One of these reasons is that I approach flying anxiety in a different way than other therapists do, and differently than the numerous videos or other gimmicks advertised online (which are mostly not produced by mental health professionals). If you have tried some of these approaches, you'll find that many don't work well for this complicated phobia. A large number of people tend to come to me after trying those other options, at a point when they feel almost hopeless.

It's worth noting that many of the gimmicks you'll see advertised tend to be a one-size-fits-all, where it is implied that everyone's fear of flying is the same, and just needs the same one approach to conquer it. They may have a video to watch, or exercises to learn, or otherwise. If you come across courses and videos sold by pilots online -- and there are quite a few of these out there -- remember that pilots are very knowledgeable and skilled at flying planes and knowing aviation, which is their specialty. However, they aren't experts in deep emotional processes or what is really driving someone's flying anxiety. While courses or videos that explain flying can be mildly helpful for some people on a rational level, rational-based approaches are generally not greatly helpful for flying phobia, because fear of flying is embedded in deeper emotional processes.

Fear of Flying is Emotional

Fear of flying has varying underlying causes for it, and the actual experiences of the anxiety and fear tend to manifest or present differently from one person to the next. Therefore, a flexible approach and the ability to understand you and your experience on a deeper level is necessary in order to help you overcome it. One major difference between how I approach this issue and how it seems most others approach, is that I enter this fear through the emotional process. When people try to do a one-size-fits-all, or teach you a class, they're coming at it from the front of the brain, so to speak -- the more consciously rational process, which is only available to a person when they are emotionally grounded.

However, when not emotionally grounded, or heavily emotionally activated (in anxiety, panic, or similar), the rational may as well not exist. The deeper emotional processes in the back of the brain are what have developed, sustained, and strengthened your fear of flying. This is the space where it lives, and what takes over when the fears show up. These deeper emotional processes from person to person are entirely unique, based on their own lives, histories, experiences, emotional patterns, etc.

People often want fear of flying to be simple. They wish for someone to give them a couple of tips or techniques and hope that somehow they'll suddenly be flying comfortably. However, finding comfort in an environment that calls for people to have to patiently sit in some of their deepest vulnerabilities and fears is much more complicated than this.

Anticipatory Anxiety and Fear of the Fear

Many people who fear flying struggle deeply with anticipatory anxiety -- the intense dread and anxiety that can show up in the days, weeks, or months leading up to a flight. When it comes to anticipatory anxiety, for some this can be the one of the most uncomfortable places to sit. The fear of the flight and the unknown of how it will go or, more so, how they will actually feel during it. For some, the fear of how terrifying and all-consuming the emotional discomfort will be is what they actually fear the most. The worry that they won't be able to calm themselves (and no one will be able to calm them), and feel like they are losing control, and even worse, that they have no choice but to just sit with it for hours until the plane lands.

In these moments, knowledge and the rational tends to slip away. The front of the brain loses its ability to have control and the back of the brain takes over almost completely. It can be such a powerful takeover that even learned exercises can be forgotten or impossible to access in the moment. This surge in anxiety can be so uncomfortable, and feel so terrifying that, often, this can become the anticipated fear. The fear of having to experience this out-of-control discomfort and fear at all. Even if someone knows in their mind that the flight itself will be okay, when the body can't hear or access this, then it feels on every level like they won't be okay.

What does this mean?

Overall, flying anxiety is an emotional process. It needs to be treated by getting to understand you and your process personally, and knowing how to respond in needed ways to this. Purchasing a pre-recorded, blanket-approach video or program doesn't do this. It doesn't get to know your process, or help you in a way you are needing. Flying anxiety runs deep, and people are often surprised to find that depth of the fear isn't always as much about flying itself than they realize at first (which is part of the reason that the over-focus on how flying works doesn't tend to work so well, even if it can create a temporary sense of control).

While there is more to the complexity of the process than can be articulated in one article, it is important to know that you can overcome fear of flying. Whether you've had it as long as you can remember, or if it's a recent development, there is hope. It just has to be the right approach that is attuned to you and what you need.

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