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    Is There Any Help Out There? Please!

    I am 47 years old and have yet to enjoy much of anything in this life. I have CPTSD, Anxiety, Depression, and all coated with psychosis. I have had these my entire life due to childhood sexual abuse and neglect. Then about 6 years ago I went through a series of extremely traumatic events all at the same time. It was too much. I broke. I started seeking treatment about 5 years ago. The national suicide hotline gave me the name of a place for people with no insurance. I am sitting here 5 years later, worse than when I started. I have never seen the same doctor more than once. The medication system they have leaves me without my meds about a week before I get the refill just enough time to be rushed with every suicidal thought there is. Don't get me wrong, my caseworker is so sweet and she's been the only consistency in my treatment. I appreciate that!! She didn't mean it when she said it, but last week she says, "I'll talk to you next month and pretend I have solutions I really don't have.". It disheartened my soul. I can't tell you the number of times I called their nurses hotline telling them I didn't feel ok. Telling them I was scared. Something was terribly wrong, and never a call back at all. I'm so lucky to have a husband that is so sweet, patient, and understanding or I would be dead. 100%. In addition to all of the chaos I deal with in my head, I am a full time caregiver to my mom who has early onset Alzheimers I have a front row ticket watching my mom slowly die. Everyone has long since forgot her. My brother robbed her blind and left her with nothing to care for herself. I made a promise to her I would never leave her. My husband and I are literally all she has. She's living her worst nightmare and I can do nothing to help. She can't even communicate with me anymore. I have to read her body language just to try to guess what she needs. I have phobias that leave me paralyzed for hours at times. My husband juggles work and trying to care for us. We are blessed he loves us and is so awesome. As my mom declines, so do I. I hear locusts 24/7. It was very low when I was a child. I focused on them the summer my sexual abuse began. I hear them so loud now that I am beyond desperate to make them stop. When you add that to all the chaos around me, I'm not sure how I'm still here at all. I have been swaying around that line for a very long time. I have my associates degree in radiology. I put myself through school with 2 kids and no help. All the while battling my mental health. I have worked on 2 presidents campaigns and always strived to make my children proud of who I was. I have a huge heart and have so much I want to do in this world, but I don't want to get out of bed. If someone could see the desperation I feel daily and could help me with treatment, I can repay them. Make payments, something but I can't even get most to even answer the phone. I need to get better so I can help my mom with this last stage of her life. I want so badly to feel life. Feel something other than despair. I have been through things you only see in the movies, most wouldn't have made it this far, yet I'm still here fighting to be a normal person. I'm no one special, but I feel after all the abuse I've endured and pain I've carried for others, I deserve to get better. I'm not asking for sympathy. Others have been thru so much more than me, I'm just begging for help. Is there anyone out there?


    Change negative self talk to positive self talk

    Part 1 of 4 Imagine two individuals sitting in stop-and-go traffic at rush hour.

    One perceives himself as trapped, and says such things to himself as “I can’t stand this,” “I’ve got to get out of here,” and “Why did I ever get myself into this commute?” What he feels is #Anxiety , anger, and frustration.

    The other perceives the situation as an opportunity to lie back, relax, and listen to music.

    He says, “I might as well just relax and adjust to the pace of the traffic” or “I can unwind by doing some deep breathing.”

    What he feels is a sense of calm and acceptance.

    In both cases, the situation is exactly the same, but the feelings in response to that situation are vastly different because of each individual’s internal monologue, or self-talk.

    self talk counseling

    self talk counseling

    The truth is that it’s what we say to ourselves in response to any particular situation that mainly determines our mood and feelings.

    Often we say it so quickly and automatically that we don’t even notice, and so we get

    the impression that the external situation “makes” us feel the way we do.

    But it’s really our interpretations and thoughts about what is happening that form the basis of our feelings.

    This sequence can be represented as a timeline:

    In short, you are largely responsible for how you feel (barring physiological determinants, such as illness). This is a profound and very important truth—one that sometimes takes a long time to fully grasp.

    It’s often much easier to blame the way you feel on something or someone outside yourself than to take responsibility for your reactions. Yet it is through your willingness to accept that responsibility that you begin to take charge and have mastery over your life.

    The realization that you are mostly responsible for how you feel is empowering once you fully accept it. It’s one of the most important keys to living a happier, more effective, and #Anxiety -free life.

    #Anxiety and Self-Talk

    People who suffer from #phobias , #PanicAttacks , and general #Anxiety are especially prone to engage in negative self-talk.

    #Anxiety can be generated on the spur of the moment by repeatedly making statements to yourself that begin with the two words “what if.” Any #Anxiety you experience in anticipation of confronting a difficult situation is manufactured out of your own “what-if statements” to yourself. When you decide to avoid a situation altogether, it is probably because of the scary questions you’ve asked yourself: “What if I panic?” “What if I can’t handle it?” “What will other people think if they see me anxious?”

    Just noticing when you fall into “what-if thinking” is the first step toward gaining control over negative self-talk. The real change occurs when you begin to counter and replace negative “what-if statements” with positive, self- supportive statements that reinforce your ability to cope. For example, you might say, “So what,” “These are just thoughts,” “This is just scare-talk,” “I can handle this,” or “I can breathe, let go, and relax.”

    I want you to consider some basic facts about self-talk. Following these facts is a discussion of the different types of self-defeating inner monologues.

    .Types of Negative Self-Talk

    Not all negative self-talk is the same. Human beings are not only diverse but complex, with multifaceted personalities. These facets are sometimes referred to as “subpersonalities.” Our different subpersonalities each play their own distinct role and possess their own voice in the complex workings of consciousness, memory, and dreams.

    Below I’ve outlined four of the more common subpersonality types that tend to be prominent in people who are prone to #Anxiety : the Worrier, the Critic, the Victim, and the Perfectionist.* Since the strength of these inner voices varies for different people, you might find it useful to rank them from strongest to weakest in yourself.

    The Worrier (promotes #Anxiety )

    Characteristics: This usually is the strongest subpersonality in people who are prone to #Anxiety . The Worrier creates #Anxiety by imagining the worst-case scenario.

    It scares you with fantasies of disaster or catastrophe when you imagine confronting something you fear. It also aggravates panic by reacting to the first physical symptoms of a


    Change negative self talk to positive self talk

    Part 4 of 4 ive, supportive mental habits. Bear in mind that the acquisition of positive mental habits takes the same persistence and practice required for learning new behaviors


    The Physical Effects of Anxiety

    Part 2 of 2 rs in a social context.
    #PTSD : Traumas are caused by traumatic events such as witnessing killings, a natural disaster, a physical assault, or even a violent crime scene. This is characterized by flashbacks to the events, #Insomnia , anger, and paranoia.
    #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder : In this disorder, people feel the intense desire to perform some particular rituals over and over again. They become obsessed with these rituals which could range from hand-washing to a need for symmetry.
    #phobias#phobias are the irrational fear of some object, situation, or animal. This fear could lead the people who are prone to them to do things that would make them avoid these encounters, even if it interferes with their everyday lives.
    Panic Disorders: This is characterized by a sense of doom and uncontrollable terror. Symptoms include rapid heartbeat rate, sweating, nausea, chest pain, and other fatal effects.
    Effects of #Anxiety on the Body Systems: As you had previously read, something as abstract as #Anxiety can have physical effects. Some effects include a lack of sleep, social isolation, #Nightmares , etc. Here, the effects of #Anxiety will be elaborated on the systems of the body.
    Respiratory System: The change in breathing is probably the first notice of #Anxiety . Breathing becomes rapid and shallow. This is worse for asthmatic patients. Hence, it is advisable to try to do some controlled breathing during #Anxiety attacks.
    Digestive and Excretory Systems: Nausea, vomiting, and stomach aches can result from #Anxiety . In some other people, it is diarrhea or the loss of appetite.
    Central nervous system: The rush of blood to the brain releases stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol and causes accompanying symptoms like dizziness, headaches, and #Depression . Overexposure to stress hormones for a long time has terrible effects on health.
    Immune System: During the build-up of blood pressure in the brain and the release of hormones, one’s immune system could encounter a brief boost. But, when this happens for a long time, it could lead to the numbness of the immune system and vulnerability to diseases and infections.
    Cardiovascular System: #Hypertension , #Hypertension are common effects of #Anxiety attacks. If there is a prior presence of #CardiovascularDisease , #Anxiety leads to an increase in the risk of coronary events.


    #Anxiety has made people lose certain opportunities. But it has also made others prepare well, so much that they gained opportunities. The effects of #Anxiety depend on how this condition is utilized. A proper diagnosis with of the kind of #Anxiety disorder is necessary to be able to treat it. Treatment for this condition may involve medication, counseling, or both in combination. Diagnostic laboratory services can offer solutions to treat this condition.


    This Chapter

    My husband and I have been married for two and a half years. When we were first dating, I was going through bipolar episodes but we didn’t know that’s what it was at the time. We got engaged and got married. Eventually I got on medication after my first major episode and at that time we had been married 4 months. This was right when Covid hit. Ever since getting out of the hospital 2 yrs ago, I haven’t wanted to go anywhere without my husband- except for the last month or so I’ve made little steps like doing more things independently.i haven’t worked in 2 yrs so I’m not providing. I just feel like the worst wife ever because of my anxieties, phobias, and challenges. Like I’m a kid in an adult body or something….I do not feel as valuable as I once did. I’m extremely insecure and I always seem to need to ask a question while feeling dumb. I wish I was confident and sophisticated and really smart. I wish I wasn’t clumsy and moody all the time.

    # Separation Anxiety # Bipolar Disorder # phobias
    # shame # guilt # Mental Health challenges


    Voices and Missing time

    I just had a Psychiatric Assessment and started with a new therapist. I have a bunch of anxiety related conditions, OCD, Phobias, and Complex PTSD and more to be decided. I hear this constant annoying music playing in the distant and occasional voices. They want to know if it is my voice I hear or other people and when it started. Trying to answer their questions has started me realizing that I have missing not forgotten a lot of time in my memories. I don't do emotion, l don't share, I don't trust well. So writing this is very ... uncomfortable. I am at a loss of what to do and what it all means.


    I'm new here!

    as a child was exposed to verbal and emotional abuse, not knowing what had happened. spent 40 years trying to figure life out, later was exposed to others trauma and ptsd was born again with crazy consequences, anger confusion flash backs, hallucinations, 40 years of mega phobias , boom its complex ptsd , now I know what's going on , it's time to heal. and restructure mylife




    What I wish people knew about my fight with mental illnesses

    What I wish people knew about my fight with mental illnesses:

    I struggle with depression, multiple anxiety disorders, phobias, and more. I have dealt with a lot of misunderstanding and judgement from family and friends around my battles with mental illness. These are some of the things I wish they knew:

    1. I am trying.

    I have often found that if I don’t seem to be making blatantly visible progress in the eyes of observers that some people (especially my family) see me as not trying hard enough. I’ve recently gotten out of a long-term psychiatric hospital, and I have this fear that if I am not functional right now, that my family will see that time spent as a fail. That I am a failure. But I wish they knew that I’m truly trying and this is the best I can do right now.

    2. It isn’t linear.

    Progress isn’t linear. In fact, it is probably the opposite. Often times it’s one step forward, two steps back. And other times, it is this zig-zagging line that goes up and down and spins around in loops like a really messed up rollercoaster. There are moments where it doesn’t look like I’m making progress, times when it seems I’m just regressing, which leads me to the next point.

    3. I will regress.

    Given that progress is anything but linear, I can say with certainty that I will regress. And sometimes my regression is actually a sign that I am digging deep into my past, my childhood, my traumas, my abandonments, etc. It often means I am making progress, it just hurts a lot. And there are also times where I will regress and it simply means just that. This battle isn’t black and white. I wish it was, but things are anything but simple.

    4. Treatment is really difficult.

    Therapy is hard work. Treatment can be painful. We go in there and open up the rawest parts of ourselves. We dig deep into what brought us to therapy. We feel our feelings. We stop avoiding. And all of this is worth it.

    5. I’m in pain a lot of the time.

    Living a life with mental illnesses is so painful. I feel intense emotions every single day. I cry a lot. Sometimes I want to scream the emotional pain becomes so bad. I hide this part really well. And that can get #lonely.

    6. I’m a survivor. Even though I sometimes doubt it myself.

    I will get through this (whatever that looks like). And I will worry about if I am strong enough to fight this battle. I have gotten through a lot in life already. But it is extremely difficult and there are a lot of moments where I doubt if I’m strong enough to survive certain waves of emotion or crises that arise and need reminders that I am and help to get through it. But I will get through this.

    7. Please don’t judge me. Things are complicated.

    I have endured a lot of judgment from family members (and others) who have thought I wasn’t doing enough, that I was choosing to be this mentally ill, that I wanted to be in this much pain, that if I just wanted to I could choose to get better immediately.

    8. It may take a while and I may never be “completely’ better.

    My goal isn’t to get 100% better. I just want to get functional enough that I can have a life worth living. And this may take a while. I work slowly. And I recognize that requires a lot of patience of those around me.

    9. I’m worth it.

    I struggle with this one myself. But at the end fo the day, I try to remind myself that I’m worth fighting for. I’m worth waiting for. I’m worth having patience. I’m worth trying to understand what I’m going through. I’m worth fighting for.