Phobia

The short answer is: Yes.

The longer answer is: Yes, however resolving it doesn't generally happen the way people think it should.

Resolving Anticipatory Anxiety Takes a Different Approach

People often seek me out to work on overcoming fear of flying because they've heard from others or read about the way I work. Over many years of practice, I've interestingly had some people relay to me that they were told by other experts that it's not possible to overcome anticipatory anxiety.

It is of great curiosity to me that anyone who offers specialized help in fear of flying would believe that anticipatory anxiety can't be overcome. (Though, I will also say that it does validate the reason I created my approach many years ago. The way professionals, including other therapists, coaches, and even pilots and airlines have approached the issue over time has been largely inadequate.) I have consistently in my practice seen people come through the other end of anticipatory anxiety. I've also seen a large number of people who not only have become settled with flying, but who have actually become excited by flying and now look for opportunities to travel more -- excitedly anticipating their trips as they grow closer rather than fearing or dreading them. Anticipatory anxiety is not a hopeless issue. It just isn't resolved the way people tend to imagine it should be.

What Do Other Approaches Miss?

Exposure Therapy and Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

If you've read my articles previously, you've probably read about my approaches with normalization, underlying causes, emotional regulation, and passenger flying education as the big four components that are woven together to help overcome fear of flying. When it comes to anticipatory anxiety, there is a lot happening that greatly differs from one person to the next, based on their own experiences and histories, emotionally, relationally, contextually, and more. While *ideally* simply normalizing flying and doing the related exercises would take care of anticipatory anxiety, when there is more going on in the underlying causes area, normalization can actually become blocked. This means no matter how much you may fly, or how much you work on something like exposure therapy, it can't break through or ease your anxiety. (It's also not easily possible to do exposure therapy with flying because of the limits of access to planes and how this process would need to be handled). This is one of the reasons why cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) isn't as effective as one would hope for fear of flying, and especially not for anticipatory anxiety. Behavioral approaches can be helpful with certain elements of flying at times, but these tend to only goes so far.

Pilots and Airline Programs

Another approach that people often try is seeking out pilots or airline sponsored programs to try to overcome their anticipatory anxiety and dread leading up to flying. Ultimately, these kind of approaches generally aim to teach you about flying, hoping you'll learn why you shouldn't be scared of flying. The idea is that if you know how flying works, then you won't be scared anymore. While the intentions are good, when is the last time you've experienced anxiety or panic and it actually worked when someone responded with all the reasons you shouldn't be scared?

I know pilots are well-meaning and intending to help, but if you're looking for help with fear of flying, my first suggestion wouldn't be to go to a pilot. Pilots are experts in flying the plane and in aviation. They aren't experts mental health, emotional processes, or in the way deeper emotions tend to become activated (or calmed), and how complex it can be to help people find their way through tremendous fear, panic, and anxiety. While pilots have tremendous knowledge and ability in the world of flying planes and in aviation, it is very rare that *knowing* about how flying works calms panic and anxiety more than a little bit.

You may be wondering how I know that the above methods are generally less helpful. The answer is pretty simple: Many people over time come to me after trying all of these different approaches still feeling anxious about flying.

Anticipatory Anxiety Isn't Rationally-Based

Anticipatory anxiety doesn't function in the rational brain. When people are in rational mode, the brain is in a very different state than when in panic, fear, and anxiety mode. More knowledge isn't going to do much to relieve the panic state. Fear of flying tends to push people into an anxiety and panic state that can't be easily reasoned with once it's activated.

When you're scared, rational thought essentially shuts down. You're just looking for safety at this point as if you're in imminent danger. Anticipatory anxiety can feel for many people like something between a low-grade and a full on panic attack for periods of time leading up to a flight, feeling as if you're preparing to walk into danger (both in mind and in body). For many, this starts the moment the ticket is purchased and the commitment is made. Though many others may not start to feel it until a month or less before the flight.

Anticipatory anxiety, believe it or not, can also often be about more than only the flight. The flight can be the catalyst that brings all of the vulnerability forward -- and it can of course be about the flight, as well. However, I have seen a significant number of people who are calm and grounded during flights with little to no anxiety at all, even on turbulent flights, who are still terrified leading up to every flight anyway.

Overcoming Anticipatory Anxiety and Fear of Flying

Anticipatory anxiety brings added layers that are different for each person (which is why the way I work with this issue is so personalized in bringing the components together). If you're trying to overcome anticipatory anxiety by focusing solely on the flight itself, it's likely not going to help you feel much better if what's causing the anticipatory anxiety is stemming from deeper anxieties and vulnerabilities that are tapped into by the flight. Anticipatory anxiety lives and breathes in the stored emotions that builds from experiences over time. When faced with an environment like flying, where it can tap into people's greatest vulnerabilities, this is when anticipatory anxiety wakes up the sleeping demons.

If you are struggling with anticipatory anxiety, fear of flying, or anxiety in general, it is not hopeless.

#fearofflying #Anxiety #PanicAttacks #Phobia #phobias #Anticipatoryanxiety

People see these stories all the time: A flight returns to the airport because of an issue (generally more out of precaution than a full emergency), or flights diverting to a different airport for any variety of reasons (much more common than people realize), an unruly passenger on a plane causing problems, a go-around during landing, strong turbulence, and many more airplane stories in the media. It almost seems like anything that isn't a perfectly smooth flight can generate a scary flying story for people to click on.

How often, though, do these planes actually land safely and everything is really okay?

Normalization and "Reverse Normalization"

If you haven't read about my approach to helping people throughout the world overcome fear of flying, one of the elements I discuss involves the concept of normalization. Essentially, normalization is the idea of helping your mind and body be able to internalize and really experience flying as a normal and routine process -- similarly to how you may feel when driving your car. In your car, you may know there's risk (much more so than flying), but you likely feel calm and safe when approaching driving because your mind and body has internalized that sense of normalization.

On the flip side, the concept of "reverse normalization" is something I've addressed in a number of writings and interviews. Reverse normalization is what I call it when people internalize the sense of the danger of flying. Generally, this can happen when someone comes into contact with more negatives and dangers with flying than the safety of flying. In these moments, even if flying is still a safe mode of transportation, reverse normalization can make you feel like flying is actually more dangerous than safe -- and lead to the feeling of just "getting lucky" when your plane lands safely at its destination.

The Media's Relationship to Fear of Flying

In recent months, there have been a couple of incidents with flying which, of course, nobody likes or wants to see. When something bad happens, especially with flying, it often creates more anxiety. However, when you hear of a tragic car accident, you likely still get into your car and drive anyway afterward without second thought. When you've normalized something, hearing of a catastrophic and sad incident usually won't rattle the sense of general safety.

What becomes complicated and problematic for many people though is not only the media's response to a flying incident, but also the general presentation of flying throughout entertainment, such as TV and movies.

People often click on articles and videos about flying incidents, especially when they experience fear of flying. When feeling anxious about something, it can be instinctive to either seek to validate the fear, and/or seek proof of safety (and it can be both at once that people look for in these moments). This can cause people to click on any new reports of incidents that show up in the media.

What people may not realize, however, is the nature of many of these flying stories often aren't really newsworthy at all. And after something bad does happen, the number of stories covering benign incidents increases significantly.

When reading stories like these, the focus becomes about what could have gone wrong, rather than the fact that things turned out okay. These stories stoke people's fears and tends to heighten reverse normalization. We start to take in more and more negative incidents about flying, and that leads someone with flying anxiety to experience an increase in fear of flying rather than safety around flying.

Movies and TV Exacerbate Fear of Flying

Believe it or not, movies and TV shows contribute to flying phobia as well. There are so many movies and shows that incorporate something dangerous about flying. Simply viewing these scenes allows your brain to grasp another encounter of negative flying information. Not only does this add to reverse normalization, it actually often gives unrealistically simplistic information that can increase fear, as well.

Pilots will likely tell you that on the very rare occasion that something has gone wrong, it generally takes a lot going wrong all at once.

In movies and TV, writers and directors can create scenarios that makes catastrophic events out of issues that in real life likely wouldn't happen the way it happens in the movies. I can't count the number of times I've seen depictions of planes just falling out of the sky for no real reason in movies and TV. The ease with which things seem to go wrong in planes in the entertainment world actually adds to internalizing the concept that flying really is dangerous -- not only just taking in the negatives, but also taking in the idea that catastrophe is always just about to happen for any reason at all.

Ways to Manage What You Take In

Of course, as we've seen recently, sometimes (even if rarely) scary and upsetting things can happen. Overcoming fear of flying isn't about making guarantees or convincing people that there is zero risk, similar to driving. It's more about how to help you align your mind and body to the reality of flying. And for each person this process is a bit different (which is why I personalize my approach). When the alignment of realistic safety and perceived danger is thrown off, people develop or increase anxiety and fear.

It's okay if you occasionally are drawn into an airplane story or video. It's important to be mindful of it, though:

If the story involves a plane where everyone is safe and the plane landed, try to pay more attention to this part of the story.

Don't watch turbulence videos. These often increase fears of turbulence more so than helping. Even if at times they can be helpful, it really depends on your own fear of flying and where you are in your emotional process if these will help or hurt.

If you see a plane issue in a show or movie, allow yourself to question how much is a written story you're watching rather than a real incident.

General aviation (people flying private planes), and commercial aviation (airlines) are very different. The media is constantly reporting general aviation incidents as national news. General aviation incidents happen much more often because there are far less restrictions and rules about airplane maintenance, as well as who is qualified to fly a private plane, versus who can pilot an airline with passengers. When you see private plane incidents, try to keep in mind that they are quite different and almost apples to oranges with the world of airline flying.

Overcoming Fear of Flying

The takeaway is really to try to not automatically buy into the fear with what you see in the media and entertainment. I see people regularly for flying anxiety in my practice and while there are other elements to overcoming fear of flying in my approach not discussed here, being able to manage and undo reverse normalization is one part that most people need help with as they work through their flying anxiety. People do overcome this issue, even when it feels impossible.

#fearofflying #flyinganxiety #flyingphobia #Phobia #phobias #Anxiety #MentalHealth

I was quoted in the Wall Street Journal this week in an article discussing flying anxiety from the recent incidents in D.C. and Philly over the last week or so. In the article, I mentioned how following stories in the media has a way of "reversing normalization" about flying. What does this mean?

First, it is always unnerving and sad whenever accidents happen. And for people who are already afraid of flying, and for others as well, it has a way of increasing anxiety, and even serving to validate fears about flying and traveling. When something happens, it becomes very easy to say, "Look, I was right to be afraid." Of course, increased anxiety makes sense when there is a tragedy -- whether in a plane or anywhere else. It can be very hard to keep perspective when the worst case scenario and the thing you may fear most is happening to witness in the present.

However, one of the significant parts of managing and overcoming fear of flying isn't to become convinced that nothing could ever happen. Pretending the risk is zero doesn't help, because you know better. It's more about how to help your body and brain normalize and align with the realistic risk -- not the perceived risk, which feels much higher for most people. What I refer to as "normalization" of flying is one big part of internally aligning with reality.

How "Normalization" Helps

Every day we are normalized to risky situations. This means we have internalized the risk and the context of situations to the point that allows us to feel safe doing things that have risk to them. As I've discussed in past articles, people drive every day of the week without having panic attacks before they get into their cars, even though driving is much more risky than flying. Same thing with eating meals, showering, walking down the street, or any other activities that can end badly in a catastrophic moment. We know there is risk, but because of normalization in the brain and body, you're able to engage in these scenarios without any thought, even with no guarantees available.

Part of the experience of normalization is helping your mind and body to fully understand something as routine. This means that you are experiencing flying (and driving, etc.) from a perspective that you are engaging more with the safety than the lack of safety. For example, if you were to follow how many planes take off and land every single day, you'd never have time for anything else in your life. In this scenario, you'd be constantly engaging with the safety of flying. One or two incidents in twenty years time would certainly be sad at any time, and it might be jarring, understandably. But when you're normalized to an experience and the realistic risk level of it, it tends to not change that internal meter too much, even if it knocks it around temporarily. This is why you can hear about terrible car accidents and then still get in the car right after anyway.

"Reverse Normalization" and Its Impact on Fear of Flying

"Reverse normalization," however, is what I call it when the opposite experience happens. If you are reading or watching videos about accidents and scary airplane moments more than you are taking in the safety and routine nature of flying, then you're going to internally start to respond as if flying is actually much more dangerous than it is.

A significant issue that I've seen over time working with people on flying phobia is how affected people become when they see articles about flights diverting to different airports, or doing "go arounds" during landing, or when a passenger creates havoc in the cabin, etc. When something out of the ordinary shows up, even if safety was never really at risk, and these stories find their way to the public, it increases reverse normalization, and people become more afraid. The sensationalizing of accidents when they happen drastically increases this, and often leads to more scary airplane stories for a while after. It can make people feel like the danger is actually more real or the risk is greater than it really is.

Keeping Perspective and Calming Fears

When tragedies like this happen, the first step in managing anxiety is to do the best you can in these moments to maintain a sense of perspective. The reality is that the risk isn't actually any greater than it was before. However, it is incredibly jarring when it does happen. Keep in mind also that one of the reasons it's so jarring when it happens (aside from how tragic and upsetting it is) is because of how rare it actually is. The fact that these incidents are *not* normalized actually demonstrates just how rare it is, and therefore the increased anxiety and fear in these moments makes sense.

There's more to overcoming fear of flying that I'm not discussing in this article (I've written extensively on this on my blog if you wish to see more). However, if you're finding yourself stressed over the last couple of weeks about flying, try to remember that the risk isn't suddenly greater. If you see scary airplane stories in the media -- if everyone lands safely, maybe question if what you're reading needed to be published in the first place. If you see repeated stories about the recent accidents (which may be the case for a while), either try to ignore it, or if you must read it, try to keep perspective that it's still the one incident you're reading about. The tricky part with the brain is that each time you engage with the same incident, each engagement counts in the brain as another negative incident anyway.

#fearofflying #flyinganxiety #Anxiety #phobias

First I’d like to thank the people who tried to contact me 🫶 but at the moment, it’s too hard for me to start conversations here. I’m sorry 😢.

A lot has happened during the last weeks, but it would be too much to explain…

So quickly:

- I managed to get a lot of administrative stuff done in January (I have an administrative phobia) and I’m so proud. 💪

- I went to see a ski race in the mountains and it was just perfect. 🤩 🎿⛷️

- I started using the app Forest, and it helps me a lot. 🌲🌳🌲🌳🌲

- I read a book and a manga (about Paralympic sport) and started another book. 📚

- I tried a “No Buy” in January, and it made me think a lot about my impulsivity. 💭💭💭

- I saw a movie which touched me a lot and made me feel really angry. It’s called “A missing part”, by Guillaume Senez, with Romain Duris. 🌸🏯🍣🎋

- I still have a crush on my friend who lives in another country, in one of the most polluted cities in Europe. 😢 I don’t know if he feels the same, and at the moment he has a lot of things to do and I don’t want him to have to worry about that. 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️

- A cousin from Atlanta told me he would have a room for me if I come to visit, but I’d rather meet Mr Crush again. (In his country or mine)

- Almost 3 years. 🌻And I’m so worried about the future. 😢

Take care 🫂
Thank you for reading my post 🫶

#Borderline #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorderBPD

There are many different reasons that people fear flying and experience forms of flying anxiety. It isn't a one size fits all phobia, even though the struggle with flying from the outside can often appear somewhat similar. What goes on underneath for each person however is actually quite different for everybody. Many who fear flying are not actually afraid of the plane crashing, for example. Many do trust that the plane will make it to the destination, but it actually becomes very scary to be in a vulnerable environment where they have no sense of control, and not be able to get up and leave when they feel scared.

Feeling trapped when flying can be terrifying. If you're in turbulence, of taking off, or even just cruising mid-flight, it can be the most vulnerable space for some people to be in. If you feel fear and anxiety ramp up when turbulence is happening, you can't do anything to stop the turbulence, and you also can't just leave the plane and come back in twenty minutes. It's a powerless feeling. When you're good at being in control of your environment in your daily life, and in ultimate control of your own body, it can be very difficult to sit in the plane and not be able to control the environment or leave it when you need. You just have to sit in it. In many ways, flying is a space where people have to learn how to hold their vulnerability while staying in it at the same time.

Fear of Being Trapped Happens for Different Reasons

For each person, however, it's different why being trapped causes such distress. For example, some fear being trapped because they're worried they're going to need medical attention and they're not going to have access to what is needed. Others may fear being trapped when flying because their anxiety and panic may become so big that they don't quite know how they'll react. Will they jump up and scream? Will they run up and down the aisle? Others fear being trapped because when they have a lot of people around them they feel enclosed, stuck, and like they can't breathe. And so on.

It's also very hard for many people to be in a space where they feel they may not be able to hide their fear and panic, and it will be noticed by others. The shame can be so great about being noticed that you're struggling, and the idea that you're not able to hold it all together, especially when it feels like you should be able to hold everything together. Every minute having to try to sit on the emotions can feel like an intense pressure and losing battle. Especially if you've grown up feeling there's never been much room for your emotional needs to be attended to, it may feel like you're supposed to hide the emotions, or hold it all together when you're feeling scared. This pressure in a plane, when the vulnerability can be the most intense, feels so overwhelming for people that every minute is filled with anxiety and dread, just wanting to get off the plane again so you can breathe again. There are other reasons that being trapped can be such an unnerving feeling when flying, but these are just some of the reasons that show up most often.

Trapped Within Your Own Skin

In many ways, a fear of being trapped when flying isn't necessarily just about being trapped within the airplane, it can often actually be a fear of being trapped within oneself, and all of the emotions that may feel they're going to become bigger than your body can hold. It's really hard to feel such big emotions and feel like there's nowhere left within you to put them all. This is where anxiety in flying can become more of a panicked feeling. Like there's no space left to breathe and you're becoming trapped.

Basically, it doesn't just feel unsafe inside the plane, it may feel unsafe even within your own skin.

Sitting With Yourself Differently, and Overcoming Fear of Flying

While it's important to learn how to sit in an environment where you don't have control (over the plane, or the people, etc.), there actually is still room to create control within yourself and your own body. But it's not always in the way people are used to creating control in themselves. People often create control by controlling the outside space. It is common to not know how to be with or handle emotions and discomforts on the inside, when the outside is out of your control. Alongside normalization and other elements of the personalized fear of flying therapy approach I created many years ago, part of overcoming fear of flying and being trapped is learning how to listen to yourself, understand yourself, and sit with yourself in a way that can help you feel more safe and calm, even if the environment is uncertain.

#fearofflying #Phobia #phobias #Anxiety #PanicAttacks #PanicDisorder #Claustrophobia

There are four main components involved in overcoming fear of flying: normalization, underlying issues, emotional regulation, and passenger flying education. Each one addresses a separate and relevant pathway that feeds fear of flying. I won't go into all four in this post. However, for each person, it varies what's presently needed. It all depends on where you are emotionally, your own history, and your own experiences. It isn't step-by-step, as much as it is understanding where your needs are in order to help you feel comfortable to fly.

Normalization and Decreasing Flying Phobia

Normalization is an important element of being able to resolve flying anxiety. The concept of normalization is to be able to emotionally experience the normalcy and routine nature of something so your brain and emotions don't react like there's a catastrophe about to happen. Even if there is technically some variable risk in many parts of life, we are able to do things every day that have risk in them because we experience them as normalized. We know that driving has a much, much greater statistical risk attached to it than flying. However, it's easy for many people who fear flying to still get into their cars every day and drive multiple times per day because it's so normalized that the brain doesn't react to it as a threat. You may know there's risk, but emotionally it's become an every day routine that you can trust.

With flying phobia, most people who have a fear of flying have not been able to normalize the experience in this way. This can be for a few reasons. Therapists for cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) would tell you that you just need exposure. But I'll tell you now that traditional CBT does not tend to work well for fear of flying. First of all, it's not possible to provide people enough appropriate exposure with flying unless you can fly regularly (on a weekly basis at least), or get past security in an airport without flying. However, even if you could in theory make this happen, many people come to me who do fly regularly for work and still feel anxious about flying every time they travel. Every time they land they feel they've just gotten lucky and it's a sigh of relief. Exposure on its own doesn't create normalization.

Blocked Normalization

When people aren't able to internalize normalization, it's usually because there is something underlying that is blocking it. Getting to the underlying issues reinforcing your fear of flying is another main component of overcoming this phobia. For everybody, it is different what's happening underneath the surface that is feeding the fear, but it's imperative that what's bolstering your flying anxiety is understood and worked through so you can make room for the normalization. The underlying component is the part of the process that brings the rest together. Removing the underlying blocks while working on the normalization opens the space to internalize normalization, which ultimately allows you to feel more like you're just getting in the car to go from one place to another, rather than a daunting feeling of dread or fear of catastrophe that can appear with getting on an airplane (or can keep you from getting on the plane).

Reverse Normalization

Another part of what reinforces fear of flying for people is the idea of reverse normalization. This is when you are exposed to more negative images and stories about flying than positive, and it leads you to understand flying as dangerous. The images that people often have in their minds of the scary things they imagine can happen, or things they see on tv or in the movies, or even stories in the media that call up these scary images is part of this. This leads to blocking and even undoing normalization. So part of achieving normalization is helping you to be able to let go of the images you may carry about flying while bringing in positive engagement with flying.

Fear of Flying is Emotional -- Not Logical

When flying is normalized, you're able to experience it in your body and emotionally as routine. It's worth knowing that flying phobia is rooted in emotions. You may know statistics, you may know everything about how flying works, you may have all the logical reasons that you'll be okay. But when you fear flying, your body may react before you even have the chance to slow it down. The emotions and body cannot align with what you logically know. This is why people can go into a flight equipped with logic, but then still find themselves afraid anyway.

When the attention is given to what you need emotionally, normalization to flying becomes possible. I have seen people come to either feel indifferent about flying -- where they fly and it's a just a mode of transportation -- to actually enjoying flying and wanting to do it more, even when they used to cancel flights and not get on the plane because it was once so scary. It is possible to overcome this fear.

#fearofflying #flyingphobia #flyinganxiety #Anxiety #Phobia #phobias

Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures