Depression and its creeping phobias
I feel incredibly guilty. I planned to visit my bestie of 35 years in Connecticut this week to see him and his new house. We haven't seen each other in almost 3 years. The day came and I talked myself out of getting on the plane. This fear happens sometimes but lately it's all the time. Not sure how this phobia links to my depression, but the real issue is I lied to my friend because I just didn't want to explain my mental paralysis, especially when it sounds so irrational. I've flown all over the world. This was a short 2 hour flight. But I couldn't do it. Now I have a week at home to lie around and hate myself for it. My suitcase still sits at the front door. I'm riddled with shame.
Thanks for allowing me to be 100% honest. Sometimes even the ones closest to me forget I have these unpredictable internal meltdowns because I'm always putting on my best life-loving positive performance, to the degree that some people actually deny I have depression (like I'm wrong about myself).