It’s been 16 years since I started down this road. I am now 36-years-old. I was abused for as early on as I can remember until I was 20-years-old.
I decided to join this forum since I feel alone in many capacities. Mainly in what I have witnessed and experienced as a child. I did try to charge the main person responsible but I ended up being badgered by the police (this was 15 or 16 years ago) and I have tried to talk about everything that still haunts me to counsellors but my worst experiences were not believed by them.
It’s very devastating to have a hard life that you can’t talk about. It would be nice if my childhood had been somewhat palatable but alas that is not my story.
I still suffer from the weight of a past that the world seems to be unable to accept. The lack of acceptance of my experiences has made me feel terribly lonely, crazy sometimes and hurt by the world at large. Wishing to find a friendly environment where I can share with people at least those feelings.
I had a enjoyable day with my baby girl and my boyfriend on his day off. We went to the shop and bought some junk food (biscuits and a cake). I played on the PC for first time in ages and my boyfriend made us a tasty roast dinner.
Fast forward to when I was getting out of the shower, I slipped and fell (dislocating my middle finger). I had to go to hospital in another town and the journeys in the taxis cost us €72 in total.
I'm home now and I realise that I've forgotten to take my antidepressants today but that's not what's worrying me. My boyfriend works five days a week and is away for 11 hours each of those days...
How am I going to able to look after our four month daughter on my own when he's away? I have no one here other than my boyfriend, my immediate family were my abusers, my boyfriend's family lives in a different country and my friends don't live anywhere near me.
#CheckInWithMe #Depression #Anxiety #feelingisolated #dislocations
I was recently diagnosed with bipolar 2. I've been trying to reconcile myself to this reality, but I'm really having a hard time. My depression has been quite evident for years, and I've come to terms with that. My PTSD I've also been OK with.
Part of me feels like i should be quarentined and kept from regular society (I know this is false thinking, but it's still how I feel). Maybe it's because I suffered in childhood from my dad's bipolar rage and I'm afraid of all the people I could hurt?
It's also harder to feel hopeful for the future. At least I can (and have) healed from a lot of my PTSD. And I know that depression can go into remission and never or rarely resurface, so there was hope for that. But bipolar disorder is different....it feels like a life sentence. I'm tired of fighting for stability.....what if I live another 40 years? It's exhausting to think about all the ups and downs and the struggle and the fight for the years to come.....