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    Any body else hate the holidays in general?

    Thanks to a mashup of past events and depression. And having a highly dysfunctional family that used to meet up every thanksgiving and Christmas. I get low and just meh.... #Depression #Holidays #holidayblahs


    Maybe It’s Not The Most Womderful Time Of The Year

    #Anxiety #mymightystory #Parenting #MentalIllness

    Each year, I watch the Thanksgiving Parade with my children. I watch their excitement as we kick off the beginning of the holiday season. I love how much joy they have as they put up the Christmas tree. Their eyes light up as each of our elves magically appears. I love their innocence, their unbridled passion for the Christmas season and their countdown for Christmas morning.

    My 5 year old asked me this week why he had to wait for Christmas? He just wanted it to be here already?!? I love that my 3 children are preparing Christmas lists and asking about when we’ll bake cookies and visit Santa. And to make things even more exciting for them, my younger two have December birthdays, 1 day apart and 2 weeks before Christmas!

    All of these things make my heart sing for my children. But this is the toughest time of the year for me emotionally. I struggle to get through October, November and December. My father passed in October of 1995 and since then, it has been difficult to enjoy the holidays.

    I know I’m not alone. I know there are so many of you, mamas, that are really working hard to make the season magical for your family, for your children. But there is a a part of you that is struggling. I see you. I feel you. I hear you.

    I know I need to heal this part of my life. I need to make peace with the fact that my father left this earth way too early. He wasn’t here for my college graduation, my graduate school graduation, my wedding, the birth of my three babies. I wish he were here to comfort me when I need a little encouragement because I have big decisions to make and I need him to hear me out. I want to hear what he is thinking back. I just want to look into his eyes again. His big, warm, brown eyes that he has given to my daughter.

    It’s a tough season for some and we each have our reason why. Be aware of your sadness, grief, or anxiety as it creeps up on you. Acknowledge it. Tell it you see it. It sure beats running away from it or covering your eyes. Hold its hand. Embrace it.

    As for today, I choose to be present in the moment with my children, my husband. Just one day at a time. I will be kind to myself by taking a few things off of my to do list. Maybe a few less “have to’s” will give me the emotional and physical energy to enjoy this season, even if only a little bit at a time. #Grief #SeasonalAffectiveDisorder #Sadness #Sadness #Loneliness #holidayblahs #holidayblues #Depression


    Holiday blues #holidayblahs

    Almosyt Thanksgiving and I am cultivating my gameplay. Trying to be proactive because my anxiety, depression and bipolar are in full swing. My aunt is hosting family but has also invited some of her friends. I just don’t feel like socializing. Barely with family and definitely not with strangers. Thinking I’m going to let my ex have our kids this holiday and give them a chance to be with family they don’t get to see much. Maybe I will stay home and eat steak!! Don’t care for turkey anyway lol!