A girl trying to live
This story is about a girl
A girl who was used and abused.
A girl who had to grow up fast, to find a way to survive.
A girl trying to live in a world she doesn’t belong to.
A girl trying to find a place in a world, that is cruel.
A girl who’s trying hard to win a battle.
But the villain in this story is, herself.
Maybe It’s Not The Most Womderful Time Of The Year
Each year, I watch the Thanksgiving Parade with my children. I watch their excitement as we kick off the beginning of the holiday season. I love how much joy they have as they put up the Christmas tree. Their eyes light up as each of our elves magically appears. I love their innocence, their unbridled passion for the Christmas season and their countdown for Christmas morning.
My 5 year old asked me this week why he had to wait for Christmas? He just wanted it to be here already?!? I love that my 3 children are preparing Christmas lists and asking about when we’ll bake cookies and visit Santa. And to make things even more exciting for them, my younger two have December birthdays, 1 day apart and 2 weeks before Christmas!
All of these things make my heart sing for my children. But this is the toughest time of the year for me emotionally. I struggle to get through October, November and December. My father passed in October of 1995 and since then, it has been difficult to enjoy the holidays.
I know I’m not alone. I know there are so many of you, mamas, that are really working hard to make the season magical for your family, for your children. But there is a a part of you that is struggling. I see you. I feel you. I hear you.
I know I need to heal this part of my life. I need to make peace with the fact that my father left this earth way too early. He wasn’t here for my college graduation, my graduate school graduation, my wedding, the birth of my three babies. I wish he were here to comfort me when I need a little encouragement because I have big decisions to make and I need him to hear me out. I want to hear what he is thinking back. I just want to look into his eyes again. His big, warm, brown eyes that he has given to my daughter.
It’s a tough season for some and we each have our reason why. Be aware of your sadness, grief, or anxiety as it creeps up on you. Acknowledge it. Tell it you see it. It sure beats running away from it or covering your eyes. Hold its hand. Embrace it.
As for today, I choose to be present in the moment with my children, my husband. Just one day at a time. I will be kind to myself by taking a few things off of my to do list. Maybe a few less “have to’s” will give me the emotional and physical energy to enjoy this season, even if only a little bit at a time. #Grief #SeasonalAffectiveDisorder #Sadness #Sadness #Loneliness #holidayblahs #holidayblues #Depression
The holidays are approaching and my distress is rising. It’s tough to please everyone and this year, I’m making a vow to myself that I will see everyone as I can. I want the holidays to be fun but I carry sad memories from around the holidays. It’s a lonely time of the year. I know I can’t get caught up in the multitude of images around this season. The perfectly set tables, the happy families. Every person had their story and their circumstances.
For the past few days, my head is spinning with my to do lists. Everything is written so I’m not committing anything to memory. But the sheer number of things to get done is immense. I can’t keep up. Not sure if it’s the time of the year or just the vastness of my to do’s. And then the guilt. Oh, the guilt. I feel guilty that my attention is not more with my kids. Guilt can be a mean feeling for a mom, a working mom. I know the fall, especially with so little sunlight, is rough. Really rough. I’m tired and wired over here. Anybody else having this experience?
Good Monday Morning! It’s the beginning of the week and usually, I wake up feeling anxious about all the ‘stuff’ I need to get done and all the ‘places’ I (and my children) need to be. I have my daily calendar where I write EVERYTHING for myself and my family. It helps keep me organized but it feels overwhelming at times to see it all.
What do you do to get a handle on your week and keep things manageable? How do you work smarter (and not necessarily harder)? Where do you take your short cuts?
Lately, I've been noticing that when I'm anxious, my kids become agitated. I thought I was able to put my own feelings aside when parenting, but unfortunately, my kids sense it. As a highly sensitive person and having highly sensitive kids, I realize I have to ground myself so that I can be emotionally available to them. This is forcing me to scan my mind and body before I interact with my kids. It's not easy, but for their sake, I will try. #Parenting