Half of my nutshell
Half of my nutshell
Too Many Rainy Days
I live in the Pacific Northwest of the United States, where it rains…A LOT. And when it’s not raining, oftentimes it’s still overcast and dark. The lack of sunshine negatively affects my mental and physical health, and the winters are always the worst time of year for me. I’ve tried a light box but it doesn’t help much. I don’t know if it would be worth moving to a sunnier climate someday. Does anyone have experience with this? Was it worth the stress of moving to an entirely new area?
The best I can do on bad days #CheerMeOn
I’ve been trying to give myself more credit on what I manage to accomplish on my lesser days. Today, for instance, my depression symptoms are running rapid, and rhe inconsistent weather patterns in northeastern US have been all over the place, not exactly helpful for my seasonal affective disorder. So today, it took me 2 hours to get out the bed, take my meds, and brush my teeth. 2 hours. However, I am trying to not fixate on the time and just ride myself credit for having done it. Physical and mental health issues are so draining sometimes. I don’t think we give ourselves enough credit for what we manage despite all we are constantly fighting. I have now started making some eggs for breakfast. I told myself I will be kind to myself, and take the day as it comes. Lower my expectations, and let move forward out the bed be a victory. #Depression #SeasonalAffectiveDisorder #SSRI
What Is This Little Guy’s Best Feature?
When You Pretend to be Part of the Furniture
Dear Winter, I Hate You.
I hate you. I hate that you steal the warmth which we need to feel comfortable walking and doing things outside. I hate that you are not sunny, and that you send clouds and rain to our doorsteps.
Winter, you are overly glamourised in the media, with images of chalets, hot chocolate and fondue steaming in front of a window where snow is evenly piled up. In reality, you leave us feeling depressed, depleted of necessary vitamins, isolated, and deflated.
Winter, you haven’t been kind to the people you are surrounding. We have to struggle to stay stable during your cold afternoons and freezing mornings. We have to use our strength to stay positive when we wade through the cold air outside our doors.
Winter, you steal my joy. You steal my sense of comfort and warmth. But you also make it hard for me to feel motivated and interested in my daily life. I look at you and feel lethargic. My interests vanish and I become next to a stone.
Winter, you bring with you eczema that creates rashes on my skin, making me feel dirty and ugly. I feel like a monster when I look at myself in the mirror and notice how the eczema has affected my scalp. How it has created red patches on my forehead. How it creates peeling skin.
Winter, you make it hard for me to spend time outside. It is often cold and even too dry to be outside. I find myself experiencing the most oily skin I have all year. It makes me feel like an oil factory, instead of a person. I find myself deeply disturbed by the oil that pools on my skin during the day, which increases overnight.
Winter, I don’t like your cold days and cold nights. I find it next to impossible to travel at night with you around. It feels like you steal a portion of my time, and energy which I have to fight to get back with money as well as space.
Dear winter, you can’t ever make me feel good about myself because you are the source of cold, dark weather which depletes my vitamin D, serotonin and forced me indoors more often than I enjoy sitting around.
How are you really doing as we leave the holidays behind?
End of year struggles #CheckInWithMe
I’m having a hard time. Holidays, ptsd and flashbacks, seasonal depression, covid anxiety, and just emptiness have me not enjoying my holiday break at all. I feel so unsettled, I can’t even enjoy being home. I can’t enjoy quality time with my spouse or even get excited for next year. I’m just so tired of feeling like this. It feels like suddenly medication and therapy aren’t working. Nothing is working. The feelings intensify and everything feels really bleak. Maybe it’s the holidays. Maybe it’s the darkness. Maybe it’s the cold. But I’m so unfulfilled I took down all my holiday decor. It just didn’t matter anymore. Nothing does. 😞 #Anxiety #PTSD #SeasonalAffectiveDisorder #Depression