Latest
Why is it that it's too hard for other people when I ask for help? I'm struggling with my school work (I'm 16) and so I ask my mom for help and instead, she goes and blames my friends and tells me to stop talking to them until all of my school work is done. But then most of the days she has me out all day to do other things. I'm at an online school called Maidu Virtual Charter Academy so all of my school work needs to be done on my own time. She has me waking up at 9, starting my school work by 10. I get 3 days of school work, if I'm lucky. She wants me to stop talking to my support system, the people that get me through this horrible place I'm supposed to call home so that I'll do my work, but she's taking most of my time for her to do things, not caring how it affects me. I'm not allowed to stay home alone, she doesn't trust me. She blames my friends, my support system, my lifeline for my lack of work being done, for my asking for help. And in that conversation, she tells me that next week we're going out all day. How does this make sense? She gets mad at me for asking for help with this, seeing if I can do things differently, telling her that if I was at a public, in-person school, I wouldn't have this issue because I'd have teachers to help me and I would have hours 5 days a week to have the socialization I don't get right now. I have to wake up at 6 or 7 to do what she wants me to do, to take a day away from what I need to do. But I have to wait until 9 to wake up for what's important to me. I have from about 9:30am to around 3-4pm to do my school work. And about 3 days a week. When you're at the schools around here you start school at 8am and the day ends at 3pm, for 5 days a week. And she still fucking expects me to get everything done of her expectations! It's ridiculous! And then if I don't meet those expectations I'm a failure and she says (this is a direct quote) "This is why I'm not letting you have a job. You can't keep up with this, and this is literally your job right now!" I don't know what to do anymore, but I have the nonstop thought of dropping out. If I drop out then all of this stress is gone. But! If I drop out there's no way I'm getting into my dream college (NYU) and that just means I'm proving everybody around me right. My struggling with school work is automatically blamed on my friends. It's always been like that. Even when I was a child and going to a public in-person school. It's always the socialization that's the issue. I'm over this shit, but I can't do anything about it and that's the worse part. I have 2 options right now it seems like
1) Keep socializing but have my mother make me feel like a failure
2) Stop talking to my life support and end up in a psych place (again) and be a failure to my mother
I don't know what to do. Either way, I'm a fucking failure, and I hate that feeling. I'm sick of living here, but it would kill my mom if I told her that, let alone if I left. I love my mom more than anything, but this is getting real old real fast. Every time I struggle, with my mental health or with school doesn't matter, it's always my friends. If she would just listen to me...
