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    Can’t I have a full week of morning and afternoon quiet? | TW Family, one swear, one moment of ableism #venting

    This is starting to get on my nerves.

    Can’t I just have a full week of quiet when my nephews are at school? Like how it’s - supposed - to be?? My youngest nephew had a fever and had to stay home for three days, so it doesn’t count, I’m disregarding that (please nobody mention the other virus name, it’s a trigger to me). But why are they always home on a Friday now??

    But if next week doesn’t happen, I’m going to go crazy. I just wanted a - full - week of more quiet time, Monday to Friday. And it hasn’t happened since the middle of last month, and it freaking irritates me. And no, there’s absolutely nothing my sister can do about it. I just have to wish to move out of here faster. This is freaking bothering me. Why does this have to happen????

    I’m so sick of listening to that same YouTuber in the living room background who I don’t even fucking like (because they said the r slur twice one time, and yes I know that you can still enjoy the content without supporting the creator or their actions/beliefs, it exists. That’s my oldest nephew’s situation. But ugh, I couldn’t even do that).

    I just want to walk out of my room without worrying to put on headphones every single time. Can’t that just happen more often?!

    #Autism #Anxiety #sad #Family #School #ijustwantedsomequiettime #fml #overstimulated

    2 reactions

    Great start to the morning.……. /very sarcastic/ neg| TW school, swearing, mention of past suicidal thoughts, a mention of ableism, a few all caps

    I'm so mad. The vent I made didn't get uploaded. I've spent so much time writing it, I can't believe
    it didn't upload. It pains me to have to write all of this again.

    Firstly, I was sad about another vent post
    because it didn't get any reactions. So I deleted
    it. It's funny how I say to myself that I don't care
    if I don't get any reactions, yet get said when it
    actually doesn't get any. I'm sorry for feeling this

    Now onto school trauma. I'm 20 and I don't think
    that I'll ever finish high school. Not even through
    online. I dropped out junior year. They don't
    even give a crap about mental health, anyway.
    Plus, I'm non-binary, not a girl or boy, and not
    many schools, let alone online schools, even have gender neutral options or are even truly that inclusive towards everyone. It's annoying!

    I've cried way too many times. I've gotten
    suicidal way too many times as well. Especially in
    high school. Everytime the teacher gotten upset
    with the class or whenever I've gotten unfair
    demerits, I wanted out. Those "zero excuses", "watch your character", and those picture comparisons boards of "be sad and dwell on it or
    be happy and do something about it" felt mocking to me and felt like I was in prison. There
    was absolutely nothing I could do about it except taking off days, not to mention that I was only allowed to take up to 22 to not FAIL. Not to
    mention that trying to get the best grades and
    being recognized was a trap fallen by myself as

    I've gotten a 3-hour detention once for forgetting my gym shows. Gym Shoes! And
    everytime I didn't finish my homework (because
    of being depressed and having no motivation to
    do anything from school), it was 45 minutes
    after school just to finish homework, and a 45
    minute bus drive home. And yes, I was suicidal
    those times, too.

    I was on the 504 program this whole time (I have
    autism and anxiety), and I received two unfair
    demerits for being late returning back to class
    because SOME FOLKS used my stuff without my
    fucking permission and I was trying to find them.
    My "counselor" said to me "you know it's rude to
    not talk when someone's talking to you?" I was
    already crying in one of the bathroom stalls. I
    have fucking social anxiety and autism!! She
    knew that!!! Don't. Ever. Force. Me. To. Talk!

    Gym class was the absolute worst. So bad that I
    was allowed to no longer go there. So bad that I
    brokedown when I heard that I had to go down
    there for studying for a PE test. Then
    I was taken off for the rest of the day and the
    next day. However... that one substitute teacher
    that the school even had the fucking audacity to
    hire again was the worst. He was power-hungry
    and everytime one of us doesn't follow a rule or
    gets upset with him, he makes all of us do
    exercises or would add minutes to an excercise.
    You had no idea how much that made me boil.

    Not to mention that because I failed one of the
    three tests in PE (running a whole mile) in
    freshmen year, I had to go to a horrid bootcamp
    for 5 days. Fours days with that same horrible
    substitute teacher that 1, and I'm pretty sure
    every other student there, absolutely despised. He even threatened us to go through some
    exercises for not knowing some answers to
    movie questions!! Who does that?!?!

    My parents were not happy about anything my
    high school had to offer, either, especially the
    bootcamp. And I got a freaking A in PE but I
    guess the tests were more important 😑. Middle
    school was shit, too, though pretty less strict. It
    was mainly the classmates acting up and the
    teacher raising their voice for me. And some

    I really want to warn everyone about these
    schools. I do not recommend these schools at all,
    especially if you're neurodivergent. These
    schools caused me so much stress and trauma
    that I don't even want to finish it. Not even online. And I'm 20 now. I was literally crying
    earlier writing this because of the pain that it
    has caused me over the years.

    #HighSchool #School #Anxiety #Autism #SocialAnxiety #generalizedanxiety #Trauma #SchoolTrauma #anger #sad #SchoolPleaseListenToThis #MentalHealth #venting #Vent

    13 reactions 6 comments

    School trauma, and something ridiculous one of my high school P.E. teacher said | TW ableism, one swear #venting

    What a great way to start the freaking morning. Remembering the very strict high school that I absolutely hate and the reason why I dropped out - trauma and stupidity.

    I remember being in P.E. and… we’ll just call her Ms. A. I was on the 504 program (because I have autism), and Ms. A said something to everyone in the class about knee push-ups and to not do them because “you’re not disabled”.

    Um, excuse me? Knee push-ups are not exclusive to physically disabled folk. Knee push-ups are an actual excercise that help with strength. Also, not every physically disabled folk can do a push-up or even knee push-ups. I’m not that stupid. Not to mention that some neurodivergent folk may also have trouble doing full push-ups, especially because of sensory issues. And some overweight individuals, such as I, may also find knee push-ups helpful, too. So knee push-ups help. It’s an actual fucking exercise. She thought she was helping, but seriously??

    And even though I hate my autism being labeled as a disorder or disability, I guess it didn’t apply to me because of that 504 program. But still. That was such a ridiculously stupid comment to make and one of the reasons I hated that school. Why was Ms. A even qualified to be a P.E. teacher?? She should’ve known that already! I do really, really wish to say what exact high school it is right now, but I won’t.

    #Autism #neurodivergent #Disability #Ableism #Trauma #HighSchool #SchoolTrauma #uneducated #why #School

    11 reactions 2 comments

    I hate math D: :( gives me headaches / anxiety

    Trying to finish my high school diploma at 23 because I couldn’t in my teens I was only a few courses away from graduating, but had high family conflict and my mental health was very bad I have a few courses left to graduate math 11 being one of them, wish me luck!
    Doing online school but such bad communication between the teacher/ person that enrolled me and now apparently they expect you to do a whole chapter in 2 weeks

    Or they kick you out. It’s already hard enough to learn math and more so if u struggle with anxiety. But wish me luck hope we can come to an agreement, and if not I’ll do my very best to finish up so I can finally graduate.

    #math #School #Anxiety #Headache #sucks #Vent #confusing

    13 reactions 6 comments

    This is a two-parter

    How did you get your FP out of your head and out of your heart without replacing them?

    Also, for anyone in school with BPD, either past or present,did you receive any special accommodations? If so, what? I know I need them but I have no idea what.

    #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #FavoritePerson #School #College

    4 reactions 3 comments

    Why is it so hard for me to make eye contact with other people what is a good remedy for this?

    It's okay to not make eye contact. Eye contact feels overwhelming and scary to many autistics, and you shouldn't have to force yourself into a deeply uncomfortable situation in order to accommodate the whims of non-autistic's rigid expectations. Your teacher is wrong. Try looking at the teacher's shirt, chin, or nose, which your teacher may interpret as eye contact. Then talk to an adult you trust about how your teacher is upsetting you and derailing the lesson to insist that you make eye contact. State the simple facts, and how you feel about them. Your teacher is not doing the job very well, and maybe someone can have a talk with the teacher about this behavior.#ASD #School

    1 reaction

    University, the future, hopelessness

    I have 12 days before my first exam and I am not prepared at all. The unpreparedness has been hanging over me for the entire semester, I hate studying and I do not know what I will do in the future. My boyfriend said "Last year I told you it'd get better, you would be more focused, etc. But I am actually quite surprised that it didn't". All while he is trying to help me, I think he has no clue about how mental health works, and I did not choose to be bad at my studies or feel so sad all the time. He analyses stuff that do not require analysis. I think being sad in front of him is a big mistake. It is just frustrating despite the fact that I did not expect him to understand me. I think everything just got worse when I started sharing my problems with him. He doesn't understand me at all. #Boyfriend #Relationships #relationship #School #studentlife #study #studies #Education #Anxiety #future #Career #MentalHealth #despair #Sadness


    Why does it feel like everything is pointless even though my brain knows exactly what is the purpose of most things in life

    I often think of severely disabled people that have accomplished more than me, who have a much more positive outlook on life unlike me, who it seems deserve to live more than me, like I'm a waste. My university degree costs more than I am worth and I am steadily failing it. Nothing makes sense, and I can't talk about it to anyone, very small things discourage me and I don't do anything for the rest of the day. Why am I like this. #Depression #School #studentlife #Happiness #sense #pointoflife #senseoflife #makesnosense #Life #goals #Motivation #apathy

    6 reactions 10 comments