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The first half of my day was good... Then it went downhill fast

This morning I felt good. My tummy didn't hurt, and neither did my back or hips. I didn't have a migraine either. I drank a bottle of adaptogenic coffee and then made a pot of regular coffee. I felt upbeat and kinda happy.

Then it all came crashing down.

Now my tummy and my back hurts. I'm shaky and nauseous. I've got a dull ache in my head. My hips are throbbing. I'm feeling very down and sad for no apparent reason. This really sucks.

I drank a second bottle of coffee and now I'm sipping on some Gatorade. My eyes feel awful. I'm exhausted. I ate a sandwich for lunch. I've been fighting the urge to vomit.

#CheckInWithMe #Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth #struggling

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Any tips for accepting your Anxiety?

Sometimes I get nice breaks from anxiety and everything is smooth sailing ⛵️ but other times it comes back and is a constant nuisance wether it’s physical symptoms or just mental and that voice in my head trying to sabotage me. Any tips for when you find anxiety makes you feel dumb and silly for struggling with it? Sometimes it can be the smallest of things and it makes you feel shame vulnerable and stigma. #Anxiety #help #struggling #Support #ideas #coping #Shame #Stigma #mighty #TheMighty #MightyTogether

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I have a tendency to place unjust blame on myself which then leads a pervasive sense of shame. Which in turn leads to me incorrectly believing that everyone is mad at me for everything. If someone slightly changes their tone of voice for example I often think they're annoyed or even angry with me. Usually I'm wrong though. Before I realize I'm wrong I often go into an anxiety attack brought on by having my PTSD triggered or I go emotionally numb. I shut people out, even when they want to help. I become distrustful and figure that if I just keep to myself then I don't have to risk being hurt again. This vicious cycle has been occupying my life currently. I've been working really hard to tell myself that not everything bad that happens is my fault, or that not everyone is mad at me. When I think someone is mad at me I almost revert to a younger state of mind. I lock myself away because I learned early on that if I just complied then everything would be relatively okay. Even when I froze and fawned while being sexually assaulted, I had the same mindset. This mindset has followed me around for most of my life. The sexual abuse I went through as a child combined with the emotional abuse created a pervasive sense of shame and endless guilt. I typically focus on the sexual abuse because it's what is most recent in my memory. However I want to try unpacking the emotional abuse too. It sounds weird to say that I was emotionally abused as well. What does that even mean? I suppose this vicious cycle of self-hate, self-blame, anxiety and endless guilt stems from both forms of abuse. I was wondering how I could begin unpacking it. I just wish I could handle the situation better rather than having it occupy my life. I guess the first step is even realizing it happened, then naming it. I just wish it wasn't so intense sometimes.

#PTSD #ChildhoodSexualAbuse #SexualAssault #EmotionalAbuse #Trauma #Healing #struggling #NeedSupport

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Behind the Smile hides a Sea of Secrets

#imagine your #Life as a #different person. Imagine that you do not have a #MentalHealth condition that affects your everyday life. Think about it. Would you really be #happier by being Not You? I do not think so.

#everybody has #Problems , this is a phrase we hear a lot. It seems to minimize your own issues and make it seem as though someone else's means more #severe than your own concerns.

We are #luckier than most but not as lucky as some. That's another phrase an ex boyfriend once told me. I believe it. I may be #struggling to make #sense of things, but it will not make me #stop #Trying to do the right thing.

What are your #Thoughts ?

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I just wanna scream

#scream is something that would feel #good right now... But will it #help ?? I have been #struggling a lot and it has not been the #best #Feeling ever. Tonight I went over my recent #Events of #Life and thought that perhaps I had fell behind somehow.

I am #Trying to see what is #True !

What can I do to feel better about this #Job life? (And trying to find something more meaningful).

Please #helpme

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The Struggle Is Not in my Mind

Ever since I was hired at my current job in February of 2023, I have been trying to find new work. It has been an #extreme #struggle for me to find #Work . I feel like I am drowning in a sea of applications for jobs. Some of them go noticed some of them go unnoticed and are #Forgotten .

I have been #working hard to try to find the perfect job for me. I have bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder, and often suffer with panic attacks. I often have agoraphobia, the fear of going out places and leaving my house. Unfortunately this is a part of my life that I have had to do with for a while.

I have struggled because financially things are so expensive in our #Economy . I feel like ever since the pandemic of 2020 everybody decided to raise their prices once everybody started to go back into work and normal life. Why?

I wanted to know what kind of situations you were facing. Are you a person who is #struggling to find a job too?

Please let me know that I'm #notalone

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Do You Have Experience?

#joblife can be a nightmare when trying to find the right one. Unfortunately, many jobs exist that do not exist in the first place. I have applied for jobs recently, which I have not heard back from.

I also applied for jobs that I have been interviewed for and was told that they wanted to hire me and that I was the best candidate... but then later told that they found someone with a more robust skillset.

Just today - I received a message on Indeed that offered me to come in for an interview! YAY! Exciting right? Then, I was told they sent it to me by mistake and that I was not selected for a job interview. How can you make such a tragic mistake to someone desperately looking for quality work?

I applied for retail jobs and was told I needed to give full availability, but they do not guarantee hours. That means I would need to have several retail jobs to juggle to maintain consistent income, but that means they also want full availability.

I believe many things must be said about this. I reach out to any of you who are #Jobhunting or #struggling to make sense of things.

Are you #depressed ?

Are you #tired ?

Are you #sick of it?

Are you #Trying ?

Do not give up.#sharewithme your story.#Depression #BipolarDisorder #ADHD #Anxiety #MentalHealth #PanicAttacks #PanicDisorder

7 reactions 1 comment

On my mind

Most Of today, i felt sad and lonely because i dont have anyone outside of therapy i can trust to be there when my mental health is being weird. Between the disassociation and emotions fluctating extremely throughout the day, it's hard to tell what i feel a certain way.

For instance, i'd react to a trivial thing like a customer being upset with me at work As an entirely earthshattering Moment. I'm not kidding, receiving feedback from management about a complaint made me cry too long. It was catastrophic.

I also have severe abandonment issues, so i worry about losing my friends constantly. And when they're not able to give me the attention i need because they're dealing with their own stuff, i get teary-eyed. And i feel more isolated.

I don't know how to fix this. Depression is the last thing i need right now. Working through trauma can be difficult, so i get overwhelmed and exhausted easily. I just feel so alone. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorderBPD #Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth #struggling

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I don't know why I'm struggling and stressed

Nothing is particularly wrong, I'm not having a flare up of my disorders or illnesses. I'm just not feeling good. I can't tell if it is emotional or physical that is wrong. I wanted to go to the gay leather bar tonight but don't have transportation. I'm supposed to be going to a picnic tomorrow. And I've got plans for next week Wednesday. But I'm stressed out. I've been thinking about the con I'm going to at the end of the month and about how I have to order an Uber for 7am that day. I'm pretty sure that's what it is. But I pre booked the Uber. And most of the clothes I'm bringing is here... Except the pants. I have to bleach my hair soon. So much to do before the con. Ugh.

#Stressedout #struggling #CheckInWithMe

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Working on this one 🥺😢🌸🌈❤️

Tough times lately either really good days or really bad days and it’s tough fighting your head and body everyday

Finding a balance each day

Appreciate any positive vibes or prayers etc my way! :( and I’ll do the same for you! #Anxiety #struggling #Gooddays #Baddays #Selflove #tough #IntrusiveThoughts #racingthoughts #Trying #triggers #Shame #PTSD #MightyTogether #Tryinghard #tough #sucks #sad #Hope #Depression #SocialAnxiety #BPD #MentalHealth

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