struggling

Hello all,

I'm reaching out for prayer and support.

I am a lifelong christian, but I am going through a very difficult and uncertain period. I deal with depression, chronic pain and am unable to walk properly because of severe osteoarthritis in both knees. There are a number of other things, that I won't go into, but are making life quite overwhelming. I am in a very vulnerable place. I am asking God daily for His Strength, to help me heal and handle all that is going on.

I am quite isolated at this time, people tend to fall away when the suffering becomes great, you know ?
I love The Mighty and all the wonderful people here.

Hope all here are well.
Thank you so much

#Christian #chronic pain #Depression #struggling #Faith #Support #CPTSD #Trauma #alone

I found a song called "This is a Song not a Suicide Letter" by Rory and I can't stop listening to it. Not because I've actually done/gone through what the song talks about but because I so easily could. It talks about a girl who OD's but doesn't die and it's a message to her younger self that "this is not the end" and things do get better. I want to believe that.

I'm not actively suicidal, but man being not alive sounds so appealing right now.

The other day my therapist gently called me out on how I use sarcasm to not lie, but also not actually admit that I'm not okay. Like if I sarcastically say "I'm great" then of course my therapist knows I'm not, but I haven't actually said "I'm struggling." And I've just been thinking about that a lot and I sent her an email where I was actually honest without sarcasm and I told her I know I'm not okay, that I am really struggling no matter how much I want to pretend I'm not.

But like the weight of admitting that feels like it's going to crush me. I want to DO something about it, not just sit with it. Even though sitting with it is probably what I need to do at the moment. But it's so hard. I'm so tired of how hard life is.

#Suicide #Therapy #CheckInWithMe #SuicidalIdeation #beingreal #struggling #College #studentmentalhealth #MentalHealth #ihopethingsdogetbetter #Music #Emotionalsupport

I'm kind of in a funk at the moment. I think this may be my almost midlife crisis lol. I'm kidding, kind of. My birthday last week has hit me hard. I'm 31 and I'm just kind of feeling like I haven't done anything with my life. I have two ok jobs. Neither pay well. I'm bored out of my mind at my FT job.
I'm single, never been in a relationship, while 95% of my friends are married/ in long term relationships/ have kids.
And most of my friends seem to be doing great professionally: psychiatrist, cops, working for three letter agencies, military, etc.
I had such big dreams growing up and I just feel like I completely failed that kid. If I hadn't had all these medical problems/surgeries my plans wouldn't have had to change. And I just feel like I'm stuck and going nowhere.
I wish I had joined the military straight out of high school. I could be 11 years into a career.
Then I start thinking, well, get your ass in shape, hire a trainer, see if it's possible to still make that dream come true. Technically, I have just under three years til the cutoff. My doctors have always said that exercise could either significantly improve my health issues or even "cure" them.
I know. I'm talking crazy. I've lost my mind. There's no way in hell I could get into good enough shape. But in my craziness, I emailed three different trainers and have two consults this week and one next week.
I know that even if I go forward with this absolutely insane plan, my odds are slim to none. I just don’t think I’d be able to pass the medical screenings, but again, if I don’t try, I’ll just feel like I’ve forever failed that kid who dreamed these amazing dreams.
Please, no criticisms. #stuck #CheckInWithMe #struggling

#CheckInWithMe

Does anyone know a god way how to get across how you’re feeling and what you’re going through with quiet body? I find that the people who know I have bpd struggle to get it because my symptoms aren’t so outward and they’ve read about the typical bpd portrayals. Just wish there was a way to get across how much pain and torment it can be having this illness #quietbpd #BPD #struggling #MentalIllness

I try so hard to get out from under the many challenges of depression and other issues.
I'm on disability and am started to work part time. I'm in a private type of subsidized housing. My son who has multiple disabilities and now is blind is trying to become independent and move out. He is really struggling.
I don't know why, but my rent is being raised $50 per month. I'm barely making it financially now. I was badly scammed and had fraud and identity theft be ause I was so stressed out I didn't realize until too late that the people calling and pressuring me were a scam.
I have severe medical issues that require surgeries and I won't get paid for the time because I'm new and part time.
I have lost all my friends due to my depression and other illnesses. I have really failed in life. I'm a single mom and have tried hard but failed my son in many ways. I'm afraid we are going to end up homeless.
I hate the system. I got off it before and I wish I had never gotten back on but I ended up back in the hospital. I am angry at mental illness. I am angry people judge me so harshly. I'm angry at the trap the disability system puts me in.it is so hard to not be angry at myself because I haven't gotten better and succeeded.
I've been doing this for decades and I am old now, and feel worse in my depression, etc. than I ever felt. I honestly can't think clearly enough about how this is going to work out. I will try to talk to the property manager. The rent will probably go up more because I haven't reported I'm working. I feel like there is no way out and no way I'm going to make it, but that is my depression talking.
I'm sorry to be a downer. That is why I have no friends. No one wants to be around a depressed person. I'm supposed to be positive. #Depression #alone #struggling #Finances #single mom #Not making it