struggling

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Choice

I haven’t been doing so well lately, in my previous post I said that I thought I had a better relationship with the pain. When the nerve pain flares up or there is any medium plus change in where the pain is located I lose it. The doctors and the physical therapist tell me that this pain and these flare ups are just the normal part of rehabilitation of the sciatic nerve, and I know it’s true. But, I spend all day everyday thinking about it and I know that’s not normal. When I try to sleep I sometimes think I’m in a good place and then wake up an hour or two later with rising anxiety and I sit with general anxiety all day which I know isn’t good for my health. It might be time to try something different, I don’t know whether to try gabapentin or Zoloft. My therapist says Gabapentin and my family says Zoloft.
#struggling #BackPain #MentalHealth

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First I was shaky and then I had a panic attack

My caregiver is busy with work but I messaged her to tell her I had one. I ripped off the tips of my nails again. I've been very shaky for 2 hours. I don't think it's related to my BG. I don't have any test strips though so I don't know for sure. But I'm pretty sure I have high BG. I took a sumatriptan and 2 Excedrin migraine about 10 minutes ago cuz my skull is pounding. I feel really yucky. Like I might barf. I'm gonna take a zofran. I just wish my caregiver would take a moment to check on me. I feel very alone.

#PanicAttacks #Anxiety #struggling

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A Little Bit of Happy

Sometimes I have to remind myself of what it means to be #happy and to understand what it means when I feel #sad - these extremes! I am finding it #difficult to find a job, keep a job, and #Grow within the #Job and develop a #Career .

Are you #struggling too?

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#jobless Again

Hello Everyone. The past two jobs I recently had are #gone now. I feel like I cannot keep a #Job more than 6 months to a year these days. I am #embarassed beyond belief. A lot of times these events that lead up to my #termination of employment are because of the stupid events that happen. These past two jobs and why I left were actually not my #fault this time. Well, maybe. One of them said I was unable to #learn the material in such a short amount of time. The other is that I was acting #emotional in the workplace. This time.. I wasn't!

Now... I am #struggling I could really use some #encouragement

Please #help me.

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Today's chore

Just this week I added a chore to Friday. I'm supposed to break down some boxes. I gotta be honest I don't want to do shit today. I feel really yucky and I'm so tired. But at the same time I want flutter to be proud of me. So it's a struggle. I'm starting to get a migraine again too. I can probably sit in the kitchen where the boxes are and just smoosh them down. There's gotta be about 20 boxes. *Sigh*

#struggling

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I can't do this #struggling #MentalHealth #Anxiety #BipolarDepression

I'm really struggling. I'm in a severely emotionally abusive relationship and he has known about my mental health struggles since we first met. Now he uses them against me. I'm at the end of my rope. I have nowhere to escape to, no finances due to becoming disabled and he's literally driving me to snap. He has the whole neighborhood believing I'm crazy because he would purposely antagonize me to the point of a panic attack, then would sit and watch me spiral out of control then went and pretended that he has been this amazing and supportive man, that I'm abusing him and mistreating him. Today I was told I need help that I'm completely nuts, wacko, wack job, psycho, disturbed, completely screwed up in the head... I've literally given up everything and sacrificed everything for this man. I have bent over backwards, and it's been a complete nightmare. He knows I have nowhere else to go, I can't get an appointment with my psychiatrist because I already owe them and can't pay, and lost my insurance. I don't know what to do

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Anxiety feels so isolating

Even though you know a lot of people struggle it makes you feel like you’re the only one :( who feels abnormal. Anyone else feel like this? Hard to accept being an anxious person I hate it.

#Anxiety #isolating #sad #Upset #struggling #Trying

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The first half of my day was good... Then it went downhill fast

This morning I felt good. My tummy didn't hurt, and neither did my back or hips. I didn't have a migraine either. I drank a bottle of adaptogenic coffee and then made a pot of regular coffee. I felt upbeat and kinda happy.

Then it all came crashing down.

Now my tummy and my back hurts. I'm shaky and nauseous. I've got a dull ache in my head. My hips are throbbing. I'm feeling very down and sad for no apparent reason. This really sucks.

I drank a second bottle of coffee and now I'm sipping on some Gatorade. My eyes feel awful. I'm exhausted. I ate a sandwich for lunch. I've been fighting the urge to vomit.

#CheckInWithMe #Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth #struggling

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Any tips for accepting your Anxiety?

Sometimes I get nice breaks from anxiety and everything is smooth sailing ⛵️ but other times it comes back and is a constant nuisance wether it’s physical symptoms or just mental and that voice in my head trying to sabotage me. Any tips for when you find anxiety makes you feel dumb and silly for struggling with it? Sometimes it can be the smallest of things and it makes you feel shame vulnerable and stigma. #Anxiety #help #struggling #Support #ideas #coping #Shame #Stigma #mighty #TheMighty #MightyTogether

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I have a tendency to place unjust blame on myself which then leads a pervasive sense of shame. Which in turn leads to me incorrectly believing that everyone is mad at me for everything. If someone slightly changes their tone of voice for example I often think they're annoyed or even angry with me. Usually I'm wrong though. Before I realize I'm wrong I often go into an anxiety attack brought on by having my PTSD triggered or I go emotionally numb. I shut people out, even when they want to help. I become distrustful and figure that if I just keep to myself then I don't have to risk being hurt again. This vicious cycle has been occupying my life currently. I've been working really hard to tell myself that not everything bad that happens is my fault, or that not everyone is mad at me. When I think someone is mad at me I almost revert to a younger state of mind. I lock myself away because I learned early on that if I just complied then everything would be relatively okay. Even when I froze and fawned while being sexually assaulted, I had the same mindset. This mindset has followed me around for most of my life. The sexual abuse I went through as a child combined with the emotional abuse created a pervasive sense of shame and endless guilt. I typically focus on the sexual abuse because it's what is most recent in my memory. However I want to try unpacking the emotional abuse too. It sounds weird to say that I was emotionally abused as well. What does that even mean? I suppose this vicious cycle of self-hate, self-blame, anxiety and endless guilt stems from both forms of abuse. I was wondering how I could begin unpacking it. I just wish I could handle the situation better rather than having it occupy my life. I guess the first step is even realizing it happened, then naming it. I just wish it wasn't so intense sometimes.

#PTSD #ChildhoodSexualAbuse #SexualAssault #EmotionalAbuse #Trauma #Healing #struggling #NeedSupport

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