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The duality of ASD & ADHD

My mama & I had a really intense conversation a few nights ago where I realized something about us both -- just as I have to come to terms with the duality of having both great strengths & weaknesses as a result of my diagnoses, she has to too. Parents see all the wonderful, powerful sides of you -- they want to believe you can do anything -- & they have seen how much you can accomplish. But then they also see how much you struggle & it's just... really hard to combine two views that seem so contradictory. It's an ongoing process of seeing myself as both independent & disabled but now I realized it's a process that involves all the people I love. #Autism #ADHD #Acceptance #Family #Moms


It's okay if you're not Super Mom...

Today I had a really bad flare (fibro) was so bad I could barely get out of bed. It was also the first day of school. I wasn't able to help my son get ready, or get up and take any photos of his first day of 4th grade. I laid in bed, curled up in pain, and listened as my husband helped him get ready, silently thanking him that he was able to be there for our son, and cursing myself that I was not. As I scrolled through social media (to distract myself from the pain) and saw all of the other mom's posts of their smiling children documenting their first days...I felt like an absolute failure. Sometimes I feel like I need to document every moment of his life, and if I don't, I'm a crappy Mom.

But you know what? I was able to give him a hug (even though it hurt), and wish him a fantastic first day. I did what I could, but I still felt like it wasn't nearly enough. I just feel like we have so much pressure to show the world we are perfect...and I need to get over it. I am NOT a perfect Mom. Most of the time, I wish I could be. I admittedly try to be. But I'm trying to be a little easier on myself these days; a little nicer to myself.

I just wanted to give a shout out to all of the parents out there that are struggling right now. It's okay that you're not perfect. Your kids don't want (or need) a "perfect" parent....they want and need YOU. Flaws and all. ❤ #fibroflare #notperfect #youareenough #Moms

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Why is it that it's too hard for other people when I ask for help? I'm struggling with my school work (I'm 16) and so I ask my mom for help and instead, she goes and blames my friends and tells me to stop talking to them until all of my school work is done. But then most of the days she has me out all day to do other things. I'm at an online school called Maidu Virtual Charter Academy so all of my school work needs to be done on my own time. She has me waking up at 9, starting my school work by 10. I get 3 days of school work, if I'm lucky. She wants me to stop talking to my support system, the people that get me through this horrible place I'm supposed to call home so that I'll do my work, but she's taking most of my time for her to do things, not caring how it affects me. I'm not allowed to stay home alone, she doesn't trust me. She blames my friends, my support system, my lifeline for my lack of work being done, for my asking for help. And in that conversation, she tells me that next week we're going out all day. How does this make sense? She gets mad at me for asking for help with this, seeing if I can do things differently, telling her that if I was at a public, in-person school, I wouldn't have this issue because I'd have teachers to help me and I would have hours 5 days a week to have the socialization I don't get right now. I have to wake up at 6 or 7 to do what she wants me to do, to take a day away from what I need to do. But I have to wait until 9 to wake up for what's important to me. I have from about 9:30am to around 3-4pm to do my school work. And about 3 days a week. When you're at the schools around here you start school at 8am and the day ends at 3pm, for 5 days a week. And she still fucking expects me to get everything done of her expectations! It's ridiculous! And then if I don't meet those expectations I'm a failure and she says (this is a direct quote) "This is why I'm not letting you have a job. You can't keep up with this, and this is literally your job right now!" I don't know what to do anymore, but I have the nonstop thought of dropping out. If I drop out then all of this stress is gone. But! If I drop out there's no way I'm getting into my dream college (NYU) and that just means I'm proving everybody around me right. My struggling with school work is automatically blamed on my friends. It's always been like that. Even when I was a child and going to a public in-person school. It's always the socialization that's the issue. I'm over this shit, but I can't do anything about it and that's the worse part. I have 2 options right now it seems like

1) Keep socializing but have my mother make me feel like a failure

2) Stop talking to my life support and end up in a psych place (again) and be a failure to my mother

I don't know what to do. Either way, I'm a fucking failure, and I hate that feeling. I'm sick of living here, but it would kill my mom if I told her that, let alone if I left. I love my mom more than anything, but this is getting real old real fast. Every time I struggle, with my mental health or with school doesn't matter, it's always my friends. If she would just listen to me...













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Surviving Anorexia 2021.... #AnorexiaNervosa #Moms fight

10 grade with a smile. After losing 7 babies, burying 3, 2 were twins; I almost lost my bestie in this world. My reason for being on this earth. I pulled her out of darkness with 0 clue to this diabolical monster bigger than my #CPTSD . Fighting my own triggers to save my kid from hell on earth. Today was a great day. I love you Monkey. 🐒.


Doctors, man. #Doctors #WeightLoss #quickthoughts #Moms

(Don’t want to say this on Facebook, cause MOMS. 😬 And I don’t feel like this is too triggering, but I only know my triggers, so 🤷🏼‍♀️ Talking about unconventional weight loss methods. Proceed at your own risk.)

I saw my Endocrinologist last week, and he asked me if I’d ever tried a weight loss drug - he named it, I just don’t remember what he called it. I said no, and he asked if I’d be interested in trying it.

I’m thinking to myself - I don’t need this noodling around in my brain, Dr. ****. But on the other hand - YOU’VE HAD THIS POWER THE WHOLE TIME?!

So I think he’s working on prescribing it for me. It’s a little bit radical I feel like, but at the same time, I feel like the PCOS, and chronic pain, and all of that, would start to ease up, if I could get some pounds off. So I’ll risk it.

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Day out with my toddler :)

Today in Birmingham the weather was super hot! Usually I’d have too much anxiety to go out and we would usually stay indoors and I end up feeling bad for my little one.

But today I planned a last minute day out with him to the Botanical Gardens and we had so much fun! We really needed to go out and bond properly. It was great watching him have so much fun enjoying the sun. It really cheered me up :)

So just sending positive vibes to everyone dealing with anxiety/depression that like me may be too afraid sometimes to enjoy life. Love you all. ❤️
#Moms #Sertaline #beatanxiety #Positivity

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Moms are the best #CheerMeOn #CheckInWithMe #Depression

Hi guys—
I was really upset yesterday and my mom (being the perfect awesome human that she is) helped make it better :). Shout out to moms everywhere 🥰❤️💕. #CheerMeOn #Depression #Breakups #COVID19 #CheckInWithMe #Family #Moms

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Mom's sacrifice

#Moms give everything and ask for nothing until it becomes too late . Don't wait until your load becomes too much to bear. It's ok to ask for #help. #MentalHealth


struggling with decisions

my sons father (idk what else to call him since I’m not sure what we are anymore) we’ve been off and on but living together for years and this whole year we hardly talk we never tell eachother we love eachother which I all honesty after a fight he told me he didn’t love me anymoreand wouldn’t marry me and it broke my heart so badly I’m not even in love with him anymore but I have no family and no where to go yet and I’m scared and just need some advice please #Moms #singlemoms