iknow

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    As per my #Therapist request

    I have an amazing therapist. Do i like what she has to say all of the time? Absolutely not. Thats only part of what makes her great because shes honestand understands me really well. Thats incredibly important when seeking a therapist. Thats also why, although i dont want to do this, I'm still honoring her request for me to #Justbe with my thoughts and feelings. So, without further adieu, here we go...

    ....

    ....anytime now....

    😑

    All i can truly think about right now is how i have ao much to work on. I know that everything happens in due time. However, just like any other human, i too experience irrational impatience. Imagine for me if you will that you know how to cook. You have done it before and and know every step. You can even walk someone else through the process of the recepie, but when you step into the kitchen, the only ingredients you have for dinner are half a pound of corn starch, pepper, and a banana. ....the hell are you supposed to do with that?

    Thats how i feel. #ifeel like i have the knowledge, but the lemons life gave me are really killing the #vibes that i know i should be able to roll with. I know thats a lot of #Pressure to put on yourself. #iknow . It still doesnt stop being #frustrating .

    when you feel like youre stuck in a box with the best and worst versions of yourself and they are having their own personal fight club?

    #Anxiety #Paranoia #PTSD #Epilepsy #iknowitgetsbetter #ithasto

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    #52SmallThings

    These are only two items, but I am so unspeakably grateful for these two my week is covered.

    1) I stepped barefoot onto Doodsie's soiled pottypad. Not until stepping did I realize was soiled with poopy. My gratitude? Stepped with HEEL of foot and not balls and TOES of foot! #winning

    2) Had brought broom and wastecan to bed to sweep up. In so doing I knocked a 200+ bottle of Gabapentin, lid askew, to the ground, and pills poured out into a five foot radius everywhere. Why am I grateful? I had a brand new, never used sweep broom and pan set. #iknow #seriously .