latenights

So right now I Am sitting on the floor of my bathroom trying to no puke me guts out anymore. Sitting here for awhile I noticed I have not done a good job cleaning the bathroom lately cause I’m up close and personal with it today. While im hulled over no one knows. I sit here at 12:30 in the morning by myself dealing with this. I will most likely pass out here and stay till tomorrow’s here. Fun times. And people on a daily don’t believe what I have is real? Me on the floor now is quite real #reallife

I feel so lost and alone. I see/ talk to people around but it’s still like I’m invisible. They don’t see the way my voice shakes as I look away ashamed. They don’t notice that I’ve cried myself to sleep for almost the past week. They don’t know how I feel like everything’s my fault. I feel like the worlds against me... I get close to someone only to sabotage it.... Believing they think I’m doing all this shut for attention and bc “ I don’t have anything better to do” or maybe you think I do it because “it gives her a reason to give up on life” you don’t understand. It’s not easy for me. This battle I face everyday... I constantly think about how much easier your life would be with out me in it....

Working late tonight, and it’s super quiet... I have the worst headache ever and I can’t focus because I can hear every little sound weather it’s a crack in the floor when u walk or if a pin drops, I quickly turn my head and most of the time it’s nothing but I can something

But I want to so badly.
It takes all of my willpower to not pick up the blade.
I pick at the scars, try to let them not heal, so that I can run my hands over the scars to have some pleasure and satisfaction from that. Is picking at them considered self harm?
God I want to. I need to. The emotional release... it's almost too good to pass up.
I'm trying, for my girlfriend, for my friends, for myself. But I need to. My brain says that I need to. My heart hurts.

#Selfharm#Depression#Anxiety#PanicDisorder#Suicide#latenights #help #Cutting