cutting

#Anxiety #Selfharm #suicidal #done #Depression #Cutting #Dope #Drugs #pivitolpictures #Rage #MentalHealth #coping

I think we see pictures in our minds that make us accept where we are at and make it so that we do not do further damage.The Mentally Healthy are different, they keep their head up in bad seas and position themselves for the the waves to come. They foresee when a life event is shaping up to be something that can negatively impact their world. Then they use their intuition and lessons from a lifetime of lessons from infancy and personal experience to guard and protect their minds.

We don't do that. The situation hits us and we don't know what to do. So flight fight kicks in and here we go on a ride that won't end well.

We drop our heads and look at our feet and react from that defeated place. Eventually we calm down and move on, but I don't want it to last so long. I don't like losing my mind over something I have no control over.

I for one, don't have a picture of how I can be both in bad seas and have my head up planning a way out, so I am reaching out.

I know that a lot of us practice self harm to cope. At some point there is a picture that you are able to accept that lets you accept your lot in this life, mutilated body parts actively bleeding and all. Thats real life for some of us and I think there is a picture that comes up at the end of an episode that lets them move on.

You don't have to be as messed up as we are to weigh in. If you get it, show us the way of early catastrophe management.

I don't think that this turning point picture I am imagining makes one happy or anything like that, but it's a picture that is enough that we don't make things worse.

If I don't have a picture then I feel very exposed, unprotected, weak, and hide all that behind explosive anger. Righteous, but unbound. I regret my last episode. It was pure RAGE and while it was justified, it was not smart & I hate that feeling. Life got me, I just flew off the handle. Smart people don't do that. Mentally healthy people react in a way that suits the situation without making things worse. I want that and, as of today, I think it starts with the picture.

I want options. In this last event I saw what i have seen for years, a blank canvas. I am scared and don't know where to go with that so I came out swinging. Well, life swings back and I am not the best fighter if I am being totally honest. So here I type, literally searching the minds of the web for insight to create this picture my mind is seemingly incapable of making to date.

You can not show this shit to FaceBook - So here I am asking my fellow MENTAL HEALTH patients for a word picture or an image of what you see when you are in a bad way and your mind finally comes through for you.

Thanks.

PS - I would love if it if you read this and did not know what picture helped you transition from the bad space to the next level up. It's there for at least some of us so share your story of you have to go back there and figure it out. Even if it takes weeks it's worth the journey.

It’s been a while since I posted on here. So many things have happened with my health it’s shitty as fuck my ribs are inflamed headaches are crazy had my 11th spinal tap and now they say I may not have the weird disease they’re confused about my condition.
I want to scream out to the world I started cutting last year I love my body and I’ve done in inconspicuous places and I tried to stop. But my PTSD has been triggered time and time again I just got engaged on Friday and by Sunday I was cutting and I did it again tonight. I did it on my inner thighs so nobody can see it’s like the stretch marks from giving birth to my children. I need to stop this I’ve spoken to my psychiatrist and we’re working on this but it does give somebody’s and then I feel horrible afterwards this is just crazy! I have a degree in clinical psych I’ve done all these papers I can diagnose and I’m so fucked up in the head it’s been five years dealing with these illnesses and now new things coming up when do I catch a break? It could be worse but I’m breaking down I feel defeated I don’t know what to do that’s all I can say for now as my head pound my ribs are swollen and I’m trying to fall asleep. Lord do universe please help me I try to do so much good but I can’t do it for myself I’m not stupid I’m not dumb although I feel it sometimes I’ve been OK but I’m just spiraling….. That’s all I can really say for now my thyroid is Out of wack my glands are swollen so it’s hard to talk just give me a break that’s all I need

Last week I cut for first time in three years. Prior to 3 years I had 10yrs. Cut twice.
This is me telling on myself. I cut days ago and I want to cut again. My anxiety is off the charts. Have read several studies and been at several mental health sites. All say high anxiety and stress not dealt with can cause selfharm. More so if theres a history. My doc. Is making me go through this process which I honestly get. However I'm suffering greatly in the process. We have my bipolar and severe depression in a very awesome place. Been years since I've been here with them. All that's left is my anxiety. So far nothing has worked. It's hard. Been doing this process for months. It was very weird how quickly I went to it last week. Was very surprised and still am. Also, my selfharm took a very odd turn last week. I have some fear about it. I'm not comfortable talking about it in a open forum. Hopefully I get past it or I'm screwed. Dont remember if messaging is here. But if anyone whom has or even is self harming mine is open. Especially if yours got dark, pleasurable. Or any other weird thing. I dont see myself talking to my doctor about this weird turn. I can and I trust him. There is just alot of crap behind it. I'd rather find someone here or elsewhere first. That's just part of my preferred process. For me its always worked.
#Selfharm #Cutting

I'm 42 years old. Why the f**k do I still have urges to cut myself?!?!?! I gave in recently. Abiut an hour or so later I regretted it and felt like a fool! I cut in places most won't see.
#Selfharm #Cutting #AdultSelfHarm #AdultCutting #Bipolar #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #Depression #bipolarmania #Mania #ADHD #AdultADHD

I feel like I’m drowning and everyone around me sees it but all they do is remind me that I know how to swim. But they don’t acknowledge the chaos I’m swimming through or that a person can’t keep swimming forever.

I feel like I’m broken. I’m not me anymore. I’m not motivated by my dreams of my future career anymore and it’s getting so much harder to keep living. I know to my core that my death would shatter my family, but for the first time that knowledge doesn’t always feel like enough of a reason to stay and that terrified me. I’ve also self-harmed five times in the last month when it had been years since I gave in to those urges. And I’m loosing sight of why it matters. What’s a few more cuts, a few more scars no one will see? Why does it matter so much to my friends, to my therapist? I don’t get it. I fight the urges because I know it’s what I should do; it’s what’s expected of me. But I don’t want to fight anymore. I’m too tired to care and besides, it’s not like I have much to offer the world anyway. I’m slipping away and I’m afraid someday I’ll fall deeper then I ever imagined with no way out.

#SuicidalIdeation #Cutting #Selfharm #Depression #CollegeMentalHealth #IAmNotOkay #Anxiety #CheckInWithMe

Y’all, today wasn’t good. I cut for the first time in five years… so many things happened that led to it. But I can’t help feeling ashamed and like I failed. Failed at using my resources, failed at being a good friend/sister because I did something I know will hurt/disappoint those I love and feeling like I failed myself. Though I don’t care about that last one as much as the first two. Last week near the end of my session I was able to tell my therapist I had been thinking about SH a lot and she tried to quickly set up a crisis plan but we were able to get very specific and I didn’t use what she had suggested anyway. But now I have new wounds and a very uncomfortable conversation ahead of me… I’m dreading it so much. I’m so tempted to make some excuse to cancel my session like citing too much homework or something (I’m a full time college student). How do I tell her? Also, how do I live with myself now? I KNOW better, but I didn’t do better.

#Selfharm #Cutting #Relapse #Therapy #DBT #Therapist #Depression #Anxiety #ADHD #CollegeMentalHealth

I wrote a book about my life and I used to have a blog. 🥴 I used to tell people that community is important, but I don't believe it any more. People treat you weird. I am tired of having one sided relationships because they don't think I have anything to give and even when I express it trying to be transparent, I get a proverbial pat on the head like a puppy. So today, I say forget it. I'm over it.
#Depression #Cutting #Insomnia #tired #venting

Don’t get me wrong I’m still suicidal and wanna die. But the past couple days have been so different. I’ve been more productive in 4 days than I have been in a year. It’s crazy. I’m losing a bunch of weight. Washing my face. Showering. Even brushed my teeth. Laundry. Cleaning. Shopping. And I’m close to getting my license and car. I’m trying to pull off a big facade I’m referring to as “summer of fun” because I’m kms after summer. So trying to make this summer a positive last 3 months. But wow didnt think I would actually pull it off until the past 4 days happened. And it’s weird I have no idea where the energy and positivity came from. And I barely have any schizophrenic symptoms. Well not the noticeable ones anyway. Dissociation is a bit better & Adhd finally feels “manageable”. All I’ve done different health wise was smoking a different marijuana strain (on accident too lol) and drinking cucumber water. Obviously only one of those could be a game changer lol. But it’s so weird. I have had lows though. Right now I’m having a low and really wanna cut myself and cry, pretty depressed. But it’s been mostly highs. Maybe I shouldn’t question it and just roll with it. I’m not trying to jinx it or anything. Just thought it was weird lol. Unfortunately whatever it is isnt strong enough to numb my thoughts.

#Hypomania #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #dissociativedisorders #SchizophreniaSpectrumPsychoticDisorders #Depression #BipolarDepression #Suicide #SuicidalThoughts #SuicidalIdeation #BipolarDisorder #DissociationDisorders #CheckInWithMe #Cutting #Selfharm #empty #lonely #ADHD

I been self harming myself sense I was 5. A year ago I started a Christian DBT Counceling. It really has been changing my life. I used to cut almost weekly. But I have been clean now for over 6 months.
But the last few weeks have been been so hard to fight my addiction.
I don’t think I can fight much longer. Cutting is a release from all the pain in my life, and helps me feel in control of me.
Cutting is a way of being pain free for a little bit, but after awhile all the pain of life comes back and I feel even worse cause I harmed Gods temple. And I have to try to hide it cause it destroys my friends and family emotionally when they find out, and that kills me inside to hurt them.
PLEASE HELP!!!! I really think I am gonna relapse cause I really want that temporary peace. HELP #Selfharm #Cutting #selfmutilation #Addiction