I have been looking to make sense of recent events. I have been struggling with so many questions these days; most of you who know me know this. Those of you who don’t know me know that there has been a series of events that have shaken me over the years. Not much shakes my belief in who I am. I don’t take too much serious about life. I believe in what is right in front of me. Anything I cant feel, smell or taste doesn’t matter much, in my opinion. If you are not here, you are not one of mine, and you are not necessary.
I have never connected with people on the outside of who I think are my inner circle. Especially not with those I see on screens. I enjoy them, that’s the purpose. I’m all in, in the moment, and then I’m back in the real world because we don’t have the luxury to linger. We have real shit to deal with, and that looks nothing like the movies.
Some would say that that’s not an accurate statement in my case, but I would argue that Marvel is an absolute real universe that exists, and you cant change my mind about it. You wanna try? I Can Do This All Day.
To my original point, being the realist that I am, when I heard of Chadwick Boseman’s passing, it shattered me beyond my own belief. You would think that this was as a mere Marvel Comics “fan” who is raising two boys to be the same. Well, one is kind of a deviant and prefers DC, but not all our kids can be perfect like us, am I right?
I don’t mourn strangers in this way. I understand death comes to us all. Every living thing has to leave this world. His death has made no difference in my life, just as his life made no difference in mine. These are not cruel words; this is how I have always viewed those who are not a part of my life in an immediate way. I have faced enough to know that grieving the dead should be exclusively for the ones who lose the person; it’s not our business to cry for those we didn’t know. Strange logic, for sure. How else would you know its mine.
Every time I speak of him I surprise everyone because no one understands why I have such a strong connection with this person that no longer lives among us and never did live amongst me and mine. I couldn’t understand it either. It makes no sense. But it hurts. It hurts to the point that I try to avoid social media and other places where I might find his face. It’s too painful to look at; that’s a strange reaction from someone who has buried a son and a nephew. Actually I should just say two sons and countless other loved ones whose faces are etched in the depths of my heart from where there is no escape for them or me. Nevertheless it’s this stranger’s face that tugs at my heart, it’s not just one thing about him though, it’s his life, his words, his story.
His story. That’s where it is.
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