Bekind

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    A Vow of Silence | A challenge by Vanessa Van Edwards via Pinterest | #Selfcare #Selfesteem

    I have had two weeks that were like whirlwinds. My peace has been hijacked and I feel like I’m losing myself. So, I am super determined to reclaim my peace during my weekend. I’ve written four cards with common words that I often use for my kids to read. But other than that I won’t be using my vocal cords. My goal is to meditate, clear my mind and to drown out all the noise. Also I’ll be detoxing from social media, emails, and phone calls. I’ll report back one I’m complete because it will be a challenging 48hrs.

    Wish me luck.🖤🙏🏽

    #peace #Meditation #overthinking #MentalHealth #TheMighty #Bekind #MightyTogether

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    Let us always show love

    On a bus because I just want to move around and take photos today. The lady next to me picks up a call and a few seconds later gets loud and shaky. She says curse me of you want, you cannot come to my house and demand that I do this and that. I'm grown and married etc
    She breaks down and starts crying and she says on the phone, curse me or tell me I'm no longer your child because you want to control and I refuse and she hungs up.
    She cries and leans on my laps for a good minute.
    I hold her shoulder and just keep saying it's okay, it will be okay.

    I think I met a new friend who like us also needs healing. Her parents do not understand how abusive they are.

    My whole point is let's keep showing love to everyone, we never know who just needs a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk too.

    My @TheMighty worriers, let's colour this world no matter how broken we are or feel. We are what this world need.

    #TheMighty #Love #Kind #worriers #Bekind #ILoveYouAll

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    Been put on bed rest .... #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare

    So after a good few days with new excruciating pain in my side and back I went to hospital lastnight ,I have a severe kidney infection ,and dehydration after getting fluids etc I managed to talk them in to allowing me hone to rest as its the little ones birthday tomorrow, I have enough going on and I'm back I next week for few more skin cancer biopsies. So have even given antibiotics, hydration sachets , and more painkillers.if it doesn't improve in 48 hours I have to go back in .So I am on strict bed rest and to be honest I can barely move I'm doubled over In pain so couldn't do anything even if I wanted to.

    Feel so fed up ad it's just constant health issues ,my body is already weak and not strong enough to fight this infection which is why its worse.

    Just feel very overwhelmed with the things I already struggle with and now this.

    I am physically and mentally drained .

    #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Toxic #Abuse #youmatter #beyou #loveyourself #Bekind #Insomnia #SkinCancer #narcissist #AloneTogether #Endometriosis #Upallnight #CheckInWithMe #GeneralParenting #Parenting #PTSD

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    We should all have someone ...... #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #CheckInWithMe

    We all need someone that makes us smile , makes us feel a little lighter especially on our bad days ! To make our good days even better . To be that person that a simple message from them can instantly make you feel important and special.to be there when we fall down and sometimes can't see how we are going to manage to pick ourselves back up,to remind us that were worth it on the days we can't see any further than just hoping that days end.Wether it's a friend,family member,our child, a partner, someone on this we can relate to, reach out or even just have a simple message with but knowing we're there for each other.anyone who can make you feel not alone and make you see that little bit of light when there's nothing but darkness.That person who on your good days is there proud of you , cheering you on and happy for you.

    We should all love ourselves and be able to love who we are even on the darkest days and even when it seems impossible we just have to remind ourselves that we do matter. ♥️but if we need that someone I hope we can all have it and hopefully on this can feel in a safe place and be able to support each other.

    #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #CheckInWithMe #Insomnia #Upallnight #SkinCancer #Endometriosis #COVID19 #longcovid #loveyourself #GeneralParenting #Parenting #Bekind

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    Tonight's feelings .... #MentalHealth #CheckInWithMe #Selfcare #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD

    Really feeling it tonight , past week or so been dealing with a kidney infection which is absolutely draining me with the pain in my back and side even walking I'm struggling, really bad flu symptoms and all on top of my usual crappy most day symptoms I deal with !I just feel like past 6 weeks have been so hectic and now that it's slowed down and settled my body is just drained.i feel really really down and struggling because I'm just so fed up of the constant pain ,sickness, depression,anxiety attacks,insomnia mostly every night and nightmares or flashbacks when i do manage to fall asleep.im trying so hard to make this house a home for the kids and make it a positive space ,and make new memories, trying to keep ontop of daily house stuff,or making things in the house to keep me focused but I'm just struggling! Just feeling far too overwhelmed with it all right now....hopefully tomorrow is a better day 😊
    #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Toxic #Abuse #youmatter #beyou #loveyourself #Bekind #Insomnia #SkinCancer #Endometriosis #COVID19 #longcovid #CheckInWithMe

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    Compassion

    With all the negative things happening in my life I have began to loss hope that things will get better. Finding out I got kicked out of school because people had a vengeful motive for going to the President of the nursing department. Today finding out I need to get another Upper Endoscopy because of my swallowing issue form four years ago making a return. Also, my therapist telling me I don’t have a mental illness was a huge blow.

    That hope though was restored today. The hope that there are good people that still see the good in me and care about me. It came from an unlike source, but not a truly surprising source. Let me give you a little background on the person. The person is a nurse at the local hospital, and I first meet her when she was a student. I have had other encounters with her over the years through transferring patients, she was my nurse when I got my second endoscopy and was my dad’s nurse in the endoscopy and then radiation oncology. She has always been super sweet and nice to me hence why it wasn’t a total surprise. The surprise came today when I took my dad to an appointment at the hospital and after he was checked out she came over with open arms and said I haven’t seen you in awhile and have be a big hug. Something she had never done before. Little did I know until after she asked my dad extensively about how I was going and if I was in school. Her hug was not because she hadn’t seen me awhile, her hug was instead a hug of compassion, worry, and genuine caring.

    This hug made my day better even though I thought it was just a hug because someone hadn’t seen me in a while. The true impact came after I found out the true meaning of the hug. This person went out of there way to give me a hug when others see me as a horrible person. This hug showed me a level of caring that I haven’t seen since my life started circling the drain. She will never know the impact her gestured had on me, but I hope to one day be able to tell her and I pray that life rewards her with many great things. The thing that is amazing about it is she could easily have done nothing, she didn’t have to show compassion toward me, she didn’t have to be caring or compassion toward me, I wasn’t her patient, and we don’t see each other on the regular. But she choose to act, to show compassion to someone going through a rough time. She is the true image of what a nurse is. She is truly ana amazing person that choose to act when it wasn’t required. I pray I get to one day tell her the impact her action had, but I fear I will never be given that opportunity.

    So, Jessica you are an amazing caring and compassionate person that choose not to see that negativity put out there by people trying to tell my story, you instead choose to make your own view of me, a positive view, a view that I am going through a rough patch and just need to know someone cares. So, to you I say thank you and tell you that you are one of the most caring people I have ever meet. I can never repay you or reward you for your action today, but you have forever changed my life. I have always thought you were nice and sweet, but today’s action permanently cemented that for me. I pray I get to tell you one day the positivity you have brought into my life with a simple hug. They say things happen for a reason, well today’s hug came a time where I have been mentally and emotionally beaten down to the point my life is metaphorically circling the drain.

    It is amazing how something as small as a hug can have such a huge impact. It amazing how going against the majority and showing compassion and caring toward someone can have a huge impact, an impact you may never know you are making. I have seen this only a select few times in the last 6 months. The first time came from Amanda that I used to work with that still talks to me despite facing ridicule from her coworkers and when her and her daughter got me a birthday present. The second time this happened was today with the hug. She could have easily viewed me how the rest of society views me, but she went against the majority and showed compassion toward me. I think about it and I wonder if with my social anxiety if I would have been able to do the same for another. But, after today and the impact it had on me, I know any future chance I will do the same thing that these two amazing woman have done for me.

    #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #Bipolar #MentalHealth #Suicide #Depression #Anxiety #compassion #Bekind

    bipolartater.com/compassion

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    It's all in your head (things I cannot say out loud part 1)

    I watched them watch TV shows and appreciate people for being honest. They fall in love with these characters and talk to me about them. These characters who have faults and traumas. Families like mine who miss understand what they think or how they behave. The best friend who understands this broken child but he still gets chosen as the best kid and they would love him or her to be their kid.
    But when I open up, I do not know what I am talking about. It is all in my head.
    If you are feeling the same way I am, please talk to me or other Mighties.
    I want to believe that we are all here for you!

    #InYourHead #TheMighty #Bekind #wearehereforyou

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    Being Present

    There has been a lot of talk about the idea and concept of being “present.” The idea of just being there for someone going through a struggle. The idea that even just sitting in silence with someone lets them know you are present for them and that you are there whenever they need someone to talk to. It’s a simple idea yet so many people fail to do it for those closest to them going through a struggle. It could be the shift in society that views more of a reliance on your own problems than those of others. Being present it someone that can have an amazing impact on someone else’s life. Yet why do so many people fail to do it for those they care about.

    Two weeks ago, I started a new group therapy for grief. Going into the first session, I was nervous because I was not going into grieving death, I was going in grieving the lose of friendships, employment, the pre-grieving of losing nursing school and my lifestyle. Two weeks later, I realized I am in fact grieving death, the death of my dog that I got during my first mental health struggles, so I had something to live for. If it wasn’t for that dog, I would be dead and I would have achieved so much the last nine years despite everyone telling me I wouldn’t be able to do anything with my life. Boy, do I miss that dog and wish I could go pick him out again and start out mental health journey together again. Also going to my first meeting of the new group I was in a depressed mood, as I had just read a hurtful comment on my blog, I was ready to give up all blogging which I did with only two posts. But, that first session, as each person shared their grief, death of loved ones, I realized what it meant to be present, I was there for these people sharing their stories of lose. I was able to give encouraging words and insight. It was truly amazing. The day after our second meeting, I had court and that morning the one group member messaged me and told me she was thinking of me. Once again someone just being present. IT was touching and extremely nice and caring. This however my bipolar brain into motion with thoughts of being "present."

    My bipolar brain made realize that while I was present for these people, I was not truly present for them. How could I truly be fully present for someone else when I was and am still not currently fully present in my own life. Everyday to me feels like the expression of just being a warm body. A warm body in my day in all aspects. Most days I could not tell you what went on a day or two later, this is not because of a lack of short term or long-term memory. This is instead the result of me being complete numb and just not present. I don’t know if it is just the shock of the horrible situation, I have gotten myself into with my mental health and legal struggle or if it is just simple something else. My bipolar brain does make me think, if I made such a huge impact on the group members without fully being present like I could if I was present in my own life, what could I do for them and others suffering from mental health or grief if I was truly present in my own life too. I don’t know what it will look like or take for me to no longer being a warm body in my life and to be present, but I hope to figure it out soon. I look forward to it though because it will present the next chapter in my life in helping others and getting to the life I am meant to live.

    So, my thought is while it is a great gesture to be present in someone else’s life to help them in their struggles, we must not forget to be present in our own lives.

    #MentalHealth #bepresent #Bekind #BipolarDisorder #Depression #anixiety

    bipolartater.com/being-present

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    Bed time .... #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD #Selfcare

    So today was my little ones birthday sleepover party , after a very crazy fun filled day of games, glitter tattoos,dancing, face masks and pamper time and movie night it's eventually bed time.(hoping they all sleep 😂)

    Seeing how happy she was after past few weeks and being able to give her a special little day with her friends really made all the stress past few days sorting it all worth it.

    Love that were in a new house where they feel safe now and we can make loads of new memories while feeling comfortable is such a relief .

    Hope everyone is having a good day/night ♥️

    #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #COVID19 #longcovid #loveyourself #GeneralParenting #Parenting #CheckInWithMe #Insomnia #Upallnight #SkinCancer #Endometriosis #Bekind

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    It's going to be a LONG day ..... #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #CheckInWithMe

    Not really slept the past few nights with little ones having nightmares, and then myself having sleep paralysis or the most vivid dreams when I have fell asleep .Having a sleepover party for my daughter and her friends tonight it's 2.30 am and they're coming at 1pm and I have so much to get done today before they come .I've been in bed since about 10pm and yet still can't manage to fall asleep.
    I took my tablets and thought they'd help tonight to get me some rest and a few hours with less pain and hopefully manage to get a sleep as today and tonight is going to be so busy and constant and after everything especially just last month I wanted to make it extra special for Harpers Birthday and have a great day and night and not end up crabbit or moody because I'm overtired and sore.I am wide awake,in pain ,anxiety really bad and thinking about stuff that I really have no need to be stressing over.(can't do anything about any of the things)

    I even built up new bunkbeds I'd got for their room as they're sharing now because we're in the temporary accommodation and it gives them more space in their room,so I thought I would definitely get a sleep after that .....

    I just wish my head would just stop or atleast slow down enough to get some rest ........

    Going to be up probably all night then need to sort the party and everything for later then have the girls all staying for sleepover .definitely going to have to stock up on energy cans for today !!!!

    #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Toxic #Abuse #youmatter #beyou #loveyourself #Bekind #Insomnia #SkinCancer #Endometriosis #COVID19 #longcovid #CheckInWithMe #Parenting #GeneralParenting