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It's OK not to be ok .... #MentalHealth #Depression #ChronicIllness #mentalhealthmatters #Bekind #Selfcare #Anxiety

It's OK not to be ok ....
When you know it's a struggle to get out of bed & just do daily tasks that's when you know it's creeping in again & getting bad.
Your definitely not the only .
Hopefully we can get the support from others on here & know we're not alone ♥️
#MentalHealth #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthawareness #Depression #ChronicIllness #chronicpain #Bekind #Selfcare #selflove #selfcarelounge

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Definitely my feelings #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #catheterlife #MentalHealthAwareness #mentalhealthmatters #MentalHealth

Ive not been on here in a while .Since march I have long term catheterised which has caused so many issues,non stop hospital stays which along the way now dealing with other problems.Mentally I am so drained I feel miserable that I'm not who I was 9 months ago,I can barely do anything.ive become basically house bound and most days the pain stops me even doing simple daily tasks.i feel like such a failure as a mum and as me in general .I hate seeing myself in the mirror now with cathter, more scars from the skin cancer biopsies,having to use walking aid due to the spinal issues & pain I just hate what I see and what i am now.But I'm so fed up feeling this way and I try so hard but each day between pain and everything going on my aims to try and feel better seem to just completely become non existent.....

I hope everyone is well ♥️
#ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #BladderPain #BladderProblems #catheterlife #Endometriosis #MentalHealth #MentalHealthAwareness #mentalhealthmatters #Anxiety #Depression #biopsies #SkinCancer #CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #AloneTogether #loveyourself #Selfcare #Melanoma #Bekind #loveyourself

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The uncomfortable, unwanted battle of your Trauma's.

Is it just me...or do other's feel the older they get, the worse it feels when your traumatic event's replay over and over. Like if you're triggered, it brings up the one.. but that one being triggered, triggers them all? So you're left in this LOUD and fast mess in your head. You see it all, you hear it all and you feel every single one, all over again? When this happens, it brings me into a very low state. I'd say this has been the hardest/longest depressive episode it's put me in. Even experienced new thing's it's had me struggling with that's unfamiliar territory for myself. The sleep deprived state I'm constantly in. The hopelessness consuming me more and more each day that goes by...a month feels like it's been crammed in a day. When you physically feel ill trying to make yourself eat a simple piece of bread because you feel that sick to your stomach by the way you're feeling...just the thought of showering feels like you've ran miles when you haven't even moved yet! Just getting out of bed to use the restroom is exhausting in itself. You crave to sleep just to escape it, yet you can't sleep.

Listen...this battle alone feels unbearable. But when I reach out to anyone outside my trauma therapists office (family/friends) I get shamed for even trying. I'm avoided, cut off, told to toughen up, told it could be worse, to be more grateful, you sound selfish or the famous one "I'll call you back" but no one does? So many can know I'm not doing well & won't even check in...ask if I'm doing alright or if they can simply listen to what I'm feeling. I understand it can make other's feel anxious, from what I'm told "you're giving me anxiety" "you're stressing me out" I do apologize, I do hide it 90% of the time. But when that 10% isn't doable to hide...i feel like i get punished. I get cut off..so the more silence I receive from other's, the louder my thoughts get. So now 1 triggered trauma.. triggered more traumas that triggered you to search for help/support, because you are overwhelmed, scared, hurt, lost, confused..but now you're feeling guilty, angry, unheard, abandoned and hopeless while you're stuck isolating yourself?

What does one do in a situation that's now lasted a month, making you feel like your traumatic memories are eating you alive inside with every feeling flooding in all at once until that numbness kicks in.. but it doesn't stick.. it repeats... turns into feeling like you suddenly can't breath...

The disappointment & sadness of trying to reach out but facing more judgment, more turned back's or my favorite "it'll pass" yes, it'll pass... but I'm not sure why..but while it's happening..I'm to do it alone? That feels like all I've known. Shouldn't I be use to it? Why would it feel harder to ignore?

I understand it's my Trauma's!! It's my battles. It's my mental illnesses!! But why is it so hard to be heard. Why can't a simple hug be offered? Why can't a listening ear be mutual? I'm a helper at heart. I love helping decode people's problem's. Heck...I'll drown myself with other's issue's and fix them before my own (working on that) but regardless of anything...I will always always listen. I will always answer. I will always check in. Why am I not worth the same? Why do I feel like suffering is all I know? How do I kick this dark place I'm in if I can't even find a slight bit of motivation? I didn't ask for this. I truly don't believe anyone does... but I feel like the one's that are suppose to be there are making it seem like I wanted to put myself in this problem. I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing... the meds, the therapy. Yes...I understand I need to try more coping mechanisms but sometimes when you hit that burnout... that it's self feels so difficult to even slightly focus on because the several thoughts and emotions are so active, that it's extremely difficult to be able to focus on them coping mechanisms. For me... it's like I should be trying to study in a crazy loud active concert or trying to eat the messiest food while on rollercoaster ride while trying not to get a single drop on your white shirt.

Sometimes people just want to feel like they matter. That their struggles are noticed and that a listening ear is available. Sometimes that's all someone needs is to be heard. To be loved, while they struggle to love themselves in that moment!!

Just a reminder, to be kind. To just listen. To put the judgment aside. Don't try and add more rubble onto the rubble someone is trying to climb out of already. Offer a helping hand instead. Cause some never make it out when the weight of it becomes to much to bare.

#MentalHealth #triggers #Bekind

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A smile can hide many things .... #MentalHealth #mentalhealthmatters #Anxiety #ChronicDepression #Depression #Selfcare #Parenting

Just because someone is smiling doesn't mean they're FINE .Just because someone you see that is unwell or has been dealing with any physical or mental health issues is smiling doesn't meant they're BETTER .It doesn't mean they're OK now or that they're not in pain .Usually alot of the time it's because they are used to dealing with their struggles and pain and are just trying to put on a smile and get on with it .You never know how much someone is really struggling so don't judge them .Don't just assume or make comments to them about their health being better or because they don't look sick if they're smiling or have managed to get dressed or go out .You've no idea how much it's taken them to even do that ....
And you never know just how much someone need syour kindness today ♥️

BE KIND ♡
YOU MATTER ♡
LOVE YOURSELF ♡

#MentalHealth #MentalHealthAwareness #mentalhealthmatters #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Melanoma #SkinCancer #Insomnia #longcovid #COVID19 #PTSD #Upallnight #CheckInWithMe #Bekind #loveyourself #GeneralParenting #Parenting #MomGuilt #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #BladderPain #BladderProblems #bladder #Endometriosis #AloneTogether

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Reality .... #MentalHealth #mentalhealthmatters #ChronicPain #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #CheckInWithMe

😂😂😂 this is definitely the reality when suffering with chronic pain , anxiety ,depression ,fatigue ,physical pain or just mentally struggling.
When you feel like you need a rest after just taking a shower because your so drained .....

It's the little things that seem so simple to others that can really take so much working upto actually doing & then struggling so much after doing it .

#MentalHealth #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #bladder #BladderProblems #Endometriosis #Catheter #Melanoma #Anxiety #mentalhealthmatters #Bekindtoyourself #loveyourself #Positivity #Bekind #longcovid #COVID19 #PTSD #Upallnight #CheckInWithMe #Depression #Parenting #GeneralParenting #Insomnia #ItsOkNotToBeOk #SkinCancer #AloneTogether #struggling #youmatter #Selfcare

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Upcoming summer break is causing me so much anxiety ......... #MentalHealth #mentalhealthmatters #Anxiety #Parenting #GeneralParenting

So tomorrow is the little ones last day at school before the 7/8 weeks summer break.
I had been hoping g that I'd have had some sort of surgery or treatment by now before this instead doff just being left like this for nearly 4 months now.I am feeling so anxious about trying to be mummy everyday over the break ,making it fun for them ,keeping them occupied and busy and making memories while mostly being housebound.If it's nice we can spend time in the garden and do things ther ebut even that I know I will struggle with ,so on the rubbish weather days when we're estuck at home while I'm in constant pain I am stressing about how I can make it fun for them ,be mummy , not ruin their break because I am in agony and supposed to be on bed rest !! I feel frustrated that I have been left like this and still waiting on appointments regarding teats and if can get the surgery etc. I go in next Wednesday for biopsies ,two for cysts they found on my thyroids so I'll have stitches and stuff too and probably not be feeling the greatest. So my anxiety is just so bad ,feeling so guilty that compare dto last year I can't do the things I always did with them plan trips,days away, swimming,fun activities etc as even doing simple things at home are such a struggle pain wise and then totally drain me ......
Really trying to think of lots of little ideas to do with them to make memories and make it as fun as I can for them but I am really stressing over it .
While also trying to make sure i have little moments of self care for myself to help with my anxiety & to try take those moments to do things for me to just recharge myself so i dont end up completely burntout.Having chronic pain ontop of other health issues while trying to be the old me and best mummy I can now is definitely challenging 😭😭😭

#MentalHealth #mentalhealthmatters #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Melanoma #SkinCancer #Insomnia #longcovid #COVID19 #PTSD #Upallnight #CheckInWithMe #Bekind #loveyourself #GeneralParenting #Parenting #MomGuilt #Positivity

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Reality ........ #MentalHealth #mentalhealthmatters #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness

I have so many health issues and symptoms going on at the moment I don't know whether I'm coming or going !!! I have had Meds increased and also on new medication and trying to take some vitamins on top too to try help with some symptoms and issues .

I feel like I am a million different versions of myself daily as if it's not one symptom playing up it's another and at this point I feel like I've lost all control & awareness of it all some days .......

#MentalHealth #mentalhealthmatters #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Melanoma #SkinCancer #Insomnia #longcovid #COVID19 #PTSD #Upallnight #CheckInWithMe #Positivity #Bekind #catheterlife #Catheter #loveyourself #Parenting #GeneralParenting

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Really struggling with this .... #MentalHealth #mentalhealthmatters #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness

I am really struggling with getting used to the NEW me ! The reality if chronic pain & illness & struggling with the fact I am no longer rthe person I was before. I am no longer able to make plans in advance as I really do not know which way I will be when I wake up.Between the constant pain ,the fatigue,anxiety,restlessness,feeling overwhelmed, frustrated and trying to just get through a day it's just impossible. I no longer put pressure on myself for being unable to do this or feel guilty as I have enough going on without constantly putting myself down over things I CANT control.I am struggling at times though feeling frustrated that when I do things even someday just walking around the house or garden a little more I make my pain so much worse and with having this infection now over 3 months someday walking is just unbearable!!

I am struggling but I will keep trying and trying to be kind to myself and proud of myself if all I did was make it through another day 👌😊

#MentalHealth #mentalhealthmatters #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Melanoma #SkinCancer #Insomnia #longcovid #COVID19 #PTSD #Upallnight #CheckInWithMe #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #InterstitialCystitis #Endo #Positivity #Bekind #Bekindtoyourself #Catheter

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Absolutely drained ...... #MentalHealth #CheckInWithMe #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #ChronicPain

So 12 weeks of having long term catheter, 11 weeks of having an infection which is now kidney infection, being in pain every single day and even walking is so sore and ends up making more issues with the Catheter either causing it to block,retain ,bleeding ,and just absolutely so painful!! Being told to just take morphene every 2 hours daily on top of 8 other medications, while being in pain everyday ,struggling even with walking all daily tasks ,its crazy to have to need this medication to just try and get through a day .I am so mentally & physically drained with it all my urgent app to discuss about catheter isn't until mid June so have to deal with this for like another 3/4 weeks 😭🙈

I feel like all I do is complain and I'm totally loosing all positivity and strength I had !!

#ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Endometriosis #Insomnia #SkinCancer #ChronicDepression #MentalHealth #CheckInWithMe #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #PTSD #Positivity #Bekind #loveyourself #GeneralParenting #Parenting

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What a difference a year can make.... #ChronicPain #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #PTSD #MentalHealth

A year ago I was away with friends and ended up going out into the water even though didn't exactly have the swimwear !!too and shorts done it , I loved being able to do things like this and that's really what I miss justnow being able to go away for days go big walks ,go running , just getting away and enjoying the peace and surroundings ! Hopefully once all the catheter issues are sorted I'll be able to do things like this again!

#ChronicPain #Anxiety #PTSD #Depression #Selfcare #ChronicDepression #MentalHealth #CheckInWithMe #Insomnia #Upallnight #SkinCancer #Endometriosis #COVID19 #longcovid #loveyourself #Bekind #AloneTogether #Positivity

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