strength

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I WON THE POETRY CONTEST 🎉🎉

I'm feeling so accomplished. I've never won anything in my entire life. So to win this, along with getting my poem published is huge for me. I'm turning my tragic story into a world of hope and inspiration. I'm finding my place in the world. I'm finally accomplishing my goal and my mission in life. I hope and pray by telling my story to the world that it's made a positive and significant difference to many lives around the world.

Coming from someone like myself, I have never believed in myself, nor did anyone in my childhood and teenage years. It was a very lonely feeling. I never knew my place in the world. But I didn't allow that to stop me. I kept pushing and pushing. I never gave up. And now look at me. I'm getting my story and all my hard work noticed, along with getting my poetry published and I won a poetry contest. So with that said, no matter what you've been through in life, never allow your past to define who you are. Keep believing in yourself! Don't allow what everyone else thinks of you to deter you from accomplishing your hopes and dreams in life!! Get your story out there and use it to impact lives all around the world.

I now know why God allowed such horrific things to happen to me. He knew and believed I would have the strength and courage to use my story as a way to help others, to be an inspiration to many around the world. He chose me. Yes granted what happened to me felt like I was living in hell but I rose above it, I used it for good. I always fall back on Romans 8:28 when I question why God allowed such horrific acts to fall upon me and defile my character and destroy my spirit. But when I read Romans 8:28, it makes complete sense. It says "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

#Poetry #MentalHealth #Abuse #Survivor #strength #mystory

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Our source of strength

A sweet reminder. Downloaded from thelittleCatholic .com (spaces so as not to include the link!) #strength #Love #chronic #ChronicIllness #MentalHealth #Motivation #Inspiration #Addiction

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Grief…continues

My aunt lost her battle with cancer last week. I got a chance to see her the week before (I live in a different state). She was so happy to see me and my mom. I got to say goodbye. Glad I was able to be with her for a little bit.
The waves of sorrow ebb and flow. Having a rough time since I started working on the materials for the services. Just feeling a heaviness. Fortunately, it’s not a 24/7 thing. I’ve been focusing on helping my cousin. I can only imagine how overwhelmed she is right now.
I trust God will keep us during this season, as God has done before. We continue to push through. #Grief #BPD #Depression #suckyholidays #strength #peace

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Sometimes we need to tell ourselves to keep our patience and trust “the process” to improve.

#strength

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Every Day, Lately

Yesterday, I shared how my mornings go. Today I will elaborate on why "Every Morning" is so very exhausting.

I've been in the mental hospital more times than I would like to admit. However before that, I went to college majoring in biology and neuroscience. I wanted to understand my chronic issues and "fix me".

Unfortunately, I did not find for what I was looking. Going through several different specialists, I found some diagnosis (treatment resistant depression, generalized anxiety disorder, a circadian rhythm disorder, sleep apnea mixed in with a bit of obsessive compulsive disorder and perfectionism).

I never found a medication or medication combination that revolutionized my life. I found many coping mechanisms that helped like medication, a proper diet, journaling, blue light therapy, talk therapy, yoga, dance, deep breathing techniques, transcranial magnetic stimulation therapy (TMS), acupuncture, Chinese herbs, teas and lately, homeopathy.

However, as I alluded to earlier life happens and you are left flat broke (literally), unable to pay for most of these services. For example, due to my mental health, I had to leave graduate school and move in with my parents. My business failed, and at this point no one will hire me. My ex-husband left because he couldn't support us (along with a mental breakdown of his own). So, I am left alone, depressed, anxious, unemployed, living with my parents, picking up the pieces fighting the strong urge to just give up. Did I mention I my mornings are actually afternoons? (More on that later.)

Yes, this is officially a "Cry Me a River" post. However, that's why I joined this platform. I officially have no one to really talk to or in my case 'vent'. However, I think that is why we are all here. Am I right? Let's get all of our problems out in the open and support each other?

Well, I definitely hope that is the case because most 'normal people' look at me, when they hear my story and say, "I am praying for you". They also say, "I am sending you good vibes".

That's all very nice and appreciated but I am sincerely looking for the support and strength to keep going. I want to keep finding the good things in life, the joy, the wonder, the excitement, anything that makes my life worth living. I don't want to give into the perpetual desire to clock out of the human race. (Not that there is any guarantee things will be better on the other side, just saying.)

As Angelica Hudson says to Drew Barrymore in "Ever After" (It's a really sweet movie by the way.) "No matter how bad things may get, they can always get worse."

It's up to me to make it better and that's a hard concept to swallow. It's just me against this crazy spinning rock. :/

#Support #Depression #Anxiety #ChronicIllness #Community #Support #venting #circadianrhythmdisorder #Journaling #TMS #Acupuncture #chineseherbs #homeopathy #financiallystruggling #unemployed #Divorce #Burnout #Loneliness #Hope #strength #NeverGiveUp #onwardandupward #togetherwecan

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finding strength in my peace and silence

I'm doing better thanks to the peace I can find within. It's been two weeks I've been able to carry on like this and I feel blessed.

#peace #BPD #SocialAnxiety #Anxiety #native #silence #strength

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🙂 To anyone that needs to hear this today 😉

Whether this saying resonates with yourself or someone close to you please remember, you have what it takes to tackle life.

I offer this saying to a special friend of mine whom has confided in me during a very difficult and emotional time. 💙 #Grief #Friendship #strength .

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