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Our source of strength

A sweet reminder. Downloaded from thelittleCatholic .com (spaces so as not to include the link!) #strength #Love #chronic #ChronicIllness #MentalHealth #Motivation #Inspiration #Addiction

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Grief…continues

My aunt lost her battle with cancer last week. I got a chance to see her the week before (I live in a different state). She was so happy to see me and my mom. I got to say goodbye. Glad I was able to be with her for a little bit.
The waves of sorrow ebb and flow. Having a rough time since I started working on the materials for the services. Just feeling a heaviness. Fortunately, it’s not a 24/7 thing. I’ve been focusing on helping my cousin. I can only imagine how overwhelmed she is right now.
I trust God will keep us during this season, as God has done before. We continue to push through. #Grief #BPD #Depression #suckyholidays #strength #peace

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Sometimes we need to tell ourselves to keep our patience and trust “the process” to improve.

#strength

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Every Day, Lately

Yesterday, I shared how my mornings go. Today I will elaborate on why "Every Morning" is so very exhausting.

I've been in the mental hospital more times than I would like to admit. However before that, I went to college majoring in biology and neuroscience. I wanted to understand my chronic issues and "fix me".

Unfortunately, I did not find for what I was looking. Going through several different specialists, I found some diagnosis (treatment resistant depression, generalized anxiety disorder, a circadian rhythm disorder, sleep apnea mixed in with a bit of obsessive compulsive disorder and perfectionism).

I never found a medication or medication combination that revolutionized my life. I found many coping mechanisms that helped like medication, a proper diet, journaling, blue light therapy, talk therapy, yoga, dance, deep breathing techniques, transcranial magnetic stimulation therapy (TMS), acupuncture, Chinese herbs, teas and lately, homeopathy.

However, as I alluded to earlier life happens and you are left flat broke (literally), unable to pay for most of these services. For example, due to my mental health, I had to leave graduate school and move in with my parents. My business failed, and at this point no one will hire me. My ex-husband left because he couldn't support us (along with a mental breakdown of his own). So, I am left alone, depressed, anxious, unemployed, living with my parents, picking up the pieces fighting the strong urge to just give up. Did I mention I my mornings are actually afternoons? (More on that later.)

Yes, this is officially a "Cry Me a River" post. However, that's why I joined this platform. I officially have no one to really talk to or in my case 'vent'. However, I think that is why we are all here. Am I right? Let's get all of our problems out in the open and support each other?

Well, I definitely hope that is the case because most 'normal people' look at me, when they hear my story and say, "I am praying for you". They also say, "I am sending you good vibes".

That's all very nice and appreciated but I am sincerely looking for the support and strength to keep going. I want to keep finding the good things in life, the joy, the wonder, the excitement, anything that makes my life worth living. I don't want to give into the perpetual desire to clock out of the human race. (Not that there is any guarantee things will be better on the other side, just saying.)

As Angelica Hudson says to Drew Barrymore in "Ever After" (It's a really sweet movie by the way.) "No matter how bad things may get, they can always get worse."

It's up to me to make it better and that's a hard concept to swallow. It's just me against this crazy spinning rock. :/

#Support #Depression #Anxiety #ChronicIllness #Community #Support #venting #circadianrhythmdisorder #Journaling #TMS #Acupuncture #chineseherbs #homeopathy #financiallystruggling #unemployed #Divorce #Burnout #Loneliness #Hope #strength #NeverGiveUp #onwardandupward #togetherwecan

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finding strength in my peace and silence

I'm doing better thanks to the peace I can find within. It's been two weeks I've been able to carry on like this and I feel blessed.

#peace #BPD #SocialAnxiety #Anxiety #native #silence #strength

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🙂 To anyone that needs to hear this today 😉

Whether this saying resonates with yourself or someone close to you please remember, you have what it takes to tackle life.

I offer this saying to a special friend of mine whom has confided in me during a very difficult and emotional time. 💙 #Grief #Friendship #strength .

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A #mighty #ThankYou !!!

To all who prayed for me after my urgent request, I think, in early April, thank you sooooo very much! Believe it or not, I had 15 false accusations waged against me by a local government agency due to the words of one employee! Here’s the scoop:

Due to my Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), I was on a medical leave unexpectedly longer than originally planned. My employer approved medical leave resulted in an unexpected and illegal termination. And because of the termination, I had to apply for short-term benefits. That agency viewed me as fraudulent based on an employee’s suggestion and my employer’s denial of my medical leave.

Long story short, to clear my name, and qualify for short-term benefits, I eventually learned I submitted ninety plus pages of written documents and images showing I did indeed have an injury AND was on an approved medical leave from work. In spite of all of the paperwork, I was then subjected to multiple sessions before a justice to testify against the false claim held MYSELF. I basically served as my own attorney. Lord! But no fear 😧 s involved in this because the Lord simply allowed me to share the truth! Oh my, the entire month was extremely trying. And because of those accusations, I nearly lost my apartment because during the entire month of May, as I was unexpectedly dedicated to settling that matter, I had only $180.00s to my name! Yes, pray for my poor credit card debt!

Anyway, you #mighty folks, your prayers resulted in the Lord miraculously and surprisingly covering my rental fees and clearing the false accusations. Also, and more importantly, your prayers provided me the strength to continue to confront this very demeaning situation rather than succumbing to an absolute depressed state, which I was in when I first requested prayer in April. My TBI PTSD nearly tipped me over the edge, literally. So I thank you all sooo VERY MUCH!!!❤️

#Prayer & #power over #Depression & #Anxiety = #TheMighty #strength from our Ever-present #savior , #Jesus & #TheHolySpirit : #thelord !

Photo Credit: Google Search Isaiah 41:10: wesellphotos.

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Thought Process

🌷 #happythoughts .

I have been feeling #good today. It feels weird to be naturally #happy in moments where you think that there could be something to take it away soon. However, I learned that I am not going to let that #Happen to me. I will not let anyone #StealMyJoy today. 🌞 I know that I am #Blessed even in the #darktimes .

Everything is going to be OK when the storm passes. It may feel #scary right now, but it will pass through. There may be an aftermath, but take heart that you will not be alone in this.

I Am Here For You.

#BipolarDisorder #AnxietyDisorder
#PanicAttacks
#PanicDisorder
#distortedthinking
#Depression
#strength
#movingforward
#workinghard
#DealingWithGrief

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