Longday

I’ve had a crappy day

Hungry, angry, lonely, tired. But don’t worry, I’m on my work break and listening to PJ Harvey. Life goes on. Anyone else in a PJ kinda mood? #Longday #tired #Music

Tomorrow I gave a telehealth appointment With my neurologist at 7:30 AM. I have a pulmonary function test at a hospital an hour away at 11:45. That's expected to take 2+ hours. I'm not sure how I'm going to last that long. I usually drag myself out of bed between 10 and 11 AM. I spend most of the day sitting and resting between short (5-10 minutes) of energy. Going to bed earlier is not the issue. I have conditions that cause unbelievable amounts of fatigue. Put chronic, severe pain on top and I get rather cranky. It's going to be a very long day.

Today is just a day where I just wanna cry and let it all out but I can’t no one would understand.
#alone
#Tryingtobestrong #Longday

Well Had a good dinner not as angary tired cranky #Longday

After a long night of insomnia, I had a day of puttering planned, getting a start on my closet, maybe some laundry. (I moved into my partners home with his divorced parents🤥😠 and my disabled parents 🤪🤨after a fire in our rental) But no, I got dragged to Home Depot, (6 AM) then as we were heading to another hardware store I get a call. My friend spent the night in jail and she had a seizure while in there. I am deeply worried, but have to be her friend from afar for a bit, she is bottoming and its rather triggering. I feel like a bad friend. I made it home and I was pulled in every which way the second I walked in the door, and the washer/dryer are being used. So there goes that. Just to really push my hormonal anxiety over the edge my dad (disabled/bipolar/PTSD veteran) fully flips out during my mom's nap (mom's also chronically ill and in recent remission, she needs rest ) just because I was knocking on their bedroom door. So that explosion over nothing lead to me bawling my eyes out, snot flying and really letting myself cry. After the initial round of tears/ anxiety attack, I felt better. My face is salty and my eyes look really raw. I had a realizaothat not only do I need to take better care of myself but that letting myself cry felt good. #PMDD #random #Ramble #Longday

Another day or barely moving. Tears continuing, they never seem to stop. I can’t get a handle of myself and now I’m scared that this may lead me to do something. I’m tired of having zero confidence and pain. I overthink again and again - what did I do to end up like this. Was I a terrible friend ? A bad person. Why does everyone leave me and why doesn’t anyone want to care. I should have gone home for the holidays. Instead I am here alone - praying the pain will stop